IPOD
RADIO
PICS
I am officially moved into my new apartment. it looks like this:
pretty boring and crappy. I need more posters
me earlier today....
What kind of hair should I get next?
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pretty boring and crappy. I need more posters
me earlier today....
What kind of hair should I get next?
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
New video guys 
9 Crimes by Damien Rice
Movies I've seen recently:
wilby wonderful - 3.5/5
capturing the friedmans - 3.7/5
day of the dead - 2.5/5
orgazmo - 3.0/5
king of california - 3.8/5
blue velvet - 3.7/5
He sent me another email. I wasn't going to read it. I shouldn't have read it. The only goal he has in sending those emails is to make himself feel better by making me feel like shit.
There's just SO MUCH he thinks he understands. And I want to call him out on these things, but I also don't want to drag it out. Plus, he won't hear it because he doesn't want to.
Sure, some things he writes are true.
I've made selfish decisions.
I've made mistakes.
But for him to deny that we are at different points in our lives is bullshit. For him to say that I didn't have resentment toward him is bullshit. He is the victim--he was absolutely perfect and didn't do anything wrong. And I know he's only getting this idea reinforced by his friends and family--because that's what they are for, right? To tell you that she was awful and that you were perfect. But they really don't have a fucking clue what went on in our relationship. They are hearing one side of it all. And if that's how he has to deal with it, then fine. But I'm done.
I had a weird dream last night. I was back in my old church for some reason. I felt really awkward and out of place--which is how I suppose I would feel if I really was in a church again. There was this impromptu confession in which all of the people who were my age had to walk up to Father Pat and confess something. I kept trying to think of something to say. The girl in front of me said, "I'm a liar." Then he blessed her and it was my turn. Everyone was listening to me and I felt really uncomfortable. I said, with quite a bit of confidence, "I have no faith." He just smiled at me and I went to sit back down.
oh and i took new pics like a week ago:
ALSO!
I've recently been voted as the new owner of the Indie Films group. So if you aren't already a member, join it now!
indie films group
9 Crimes by Damien Rice
Movies I've seen recently:
wilby wonderful - 3.5/5
capturing the friedmans - 3.7/5
day of the dead - 2.5/5
orgazmo - 3.0/5
king of california - 3.8/5
blue velvet - 3.7/5
He sent me another email. I wasn't going to read it. I shouldn't have read it. The only goal he has in sending those emails is to make himself feel better by making me feel like shit.
There's just SO MUCH he thinks he understands. And I want to call him out on these things, but I also don't want to drag it out. Plus, he won't hear it because he doesn't want to.
Sure, some things he writes are true.
I've made selfish decisions.
I've made mistakes.
But for him to deny that we are at different points in our lives is bullshit. For him to say that I didn't have resentment toward him is bullshit. He is the victim--he was absolutely perfect and didn't do anything wrong. And I know he's only getting this idea reinforced by his friends and family--because that's what they are for, right? To tell you that she was awful and that you were perfect. But they really don't have a fucking clue what went on in our relationship. They are hearing one side of it all. And if that's how he has to deal with it, then fine. But I'm done.
I had a weird dream last night. I was back in my old church for some reason. I felt really awkward and out of place--which is how I suppose I would feel if I really was in a church again. There was this impromptu confession in which all of the people who were my age had to walk up to Father Pat and confess something. I kept trying to think of something to say. The girl in front of me said, "I'm a liar." Then he blessed her and it was my turn. Everyone was listening to me and I felt really uncomfortable. I said, with quite a bit of confidence, "I have no faith." He just smiled at me and I went to sit back down.
oh and i took new pics like a week ago:
ALSO!
I've recently been voted as the new owner of the Indie Films group. So if you aren't already a member, join it now!
indie films group
I refuse to feel guilty for loving him.
I refuse to believe I am a horrible person.
It's true, I never give myself fully to a person. Who does other than my ex? It's dangerous. That doesn't mean you can't love a person.
If it makes it easier for him to believe that I never loved him, then fine. He can believe that if he so chooses.
And it's true--maybe I was undeserving of him. Maybe I could never be with a man who devotes his entire existence to me.
I got a request from Madchester to cover Azure Ray's "Displaced"...I really can't stop listening to it. So I leave you with the lyrics and will post a video soon.
---------------------------------------------
It's just a simple line
I can still hear it all of the time
If i can just hold on tonight
I know that nothing
Nothing survives
Nothing survives
I think i'm turned around
I'm looking up
Not looking down
And when i'm standing still
Watching you run
Watching you fall
Fall into me
Am i making something worthwhile out of this place
Am i making something worthwhile out of this chase
I am displaced
I am displaced
And she's my friend of all friends
She's still here when everyone's gone
She doesn't have to say a thing
We'll just keep laughing all night long
All night long
Am i making something worthwhile out of this place
Am i making something worthwhile out of this chase
I am displaced
I am displaced
It's just a simple line
I can still hear it all of the time
If i can just hold on tonight
I know that no one
No one survives
No one survives.
EDIT: here's the video!
I refuse to believe I am a horrible person.
It's true, I never give myself fully to a person. Who does other than my ex? It's dangerous. That doesn't mean you can't love a person.
If it makes it easier for him to believe that I never loved him, then fine. He can believe that if he so chooses.
And it's true--maybe I was undeserving of him. Maybe I could never be with a man who devotes his entire existence to me.
I got a request from Madchester to cover Azure Ray's "Displaced"...I really can't stop listening to it. So I leave you with the lyrics and will post a video soon.
---------------------------------------------
It's just a simple line
I can still hear it all of the time
If i can just hold on tonight
I know that nothing
Nothing survives
Nothing survives
I think i'm turned around
I'm looking up
Not looking down
And when i'm standing still
Watching you run
Watching you fall
Fall into me
Am i making something worthwhile out of this place
Am i making something worthwhile out of this chase
I am displaced
I am displaced
And she's my friend of all friends
She's still here when everyone's gone
She doesn't have to say a thing
We'll just keep laughing all night long
All night long
Am i making something worthwhile out of this place
Am i making something worthwhile out of this chase
I am displaced
I am displaced
It's just a simple line
I can still hear it all of the time
If i can just hold on tonight
I know that no one
No one survives
No one survives.
EDIT: here's the video!
New Youtube video--Death Cab cover:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=245vi-QsKxs
Sorry my friends got in the way a bit and made me laugh
All I do is watch movies.
Go to Kroger.
Eat sushi.
And spend every second of the day on my laptop.
And I love it.
Movies I've watched recently for the first time:
*Currently watching* = Disco Pigs
- Teeth
- The Tracey Fragments
- The Stepbrothers
- Secretary
- Event Horizon
- THE DARK KNIGHT
- Jacob's Ladder
- Cashback
- Videodrome
- The 400 Blows
- Persepolis
http://youtube.com/watch?v=245vi-QsKxs
Sorry my friends got in the way a bit and made me laugh
All I do is watch movies.
Go to Kroger.
Eat sushi.
And spend every second of the day on my laptop.
And I love it.
Movies I've watched recently for the first time:
*Currently watching* = Disco Pigs
- Teeth
- The Tracey Fragments
- The Stepbrothers
- Secretary
- Event Horizon
- THE DARK KNIGHT
- Jacob's Ladder
- Cashback
- Videodrome
- The 400 Blows
- Persepolis
New videos!
I recorded two MIssy Higgins songs yesterday. But I only put one of them on SG so the other is on my Youtube page Hope you like them!
I'm totally going bowling tonight.
Hopefully I will shoot a new set soon.
don't forget to check out my store: happy sushi
I recorded two MIssy Higgins songs yesterday. But I only put one of them on SG so the other is on my Youtube page
Hope you like them!I'm totally going bowling tonight.
Hopefully I will shoot a new set soon.
don't forget to check out my store: happy sushi
Check out my new Etsy store!
Happy Sushi
Go take a look at my latest creations
EDIT:
at 12:25am, July 12th
I'M DRUNK.
And kind of sad.
And happy.
And horny.
And stupid.
And waiting.
And lonely.
And scared.
And pathetic.
Happy Sushi
Go take a look at my latest creations
EDIT:
at 12:25am, July 12th
I'M DRUNK.
And kind of sad.
And happy.
And horny.
And stupid.
And waiting.
And lonely.
And scared.
And pathetic.
I promised a certain someone that I would write a descriptive, lengthy blog, truly explaining how I am feeling right now. I have decided that I am not doing this for this person as much as I am doing it for myself.
For the past several weeks my life has been a whirlwind of extreme changes, realizations and new beginnings. Without the assistance of marijuana, I have been forced, at least for the last week, to face reality. I have been told that to a certain extent, it helps to bury your feelings, in order to get through an extremely emotional and stressful time. Last night, while driving back to my father's from Andy and Shawn's, I wanted to cry, but could not. I don't know if this is because of the pills--I know I'm capable of crying--I did it a good amount while I was with Nick. Maybe that's it though--maybe I'm all out of tears--I have no idea. It's not that I did not feel sad, because I did. I just couldn't cry. It can get frustrating sometimes.
I am a pro when it comes to burying feelings. I learned to do it exceptionally well at a young age, so it's no wonder that I still do it. Yesterday, Nick showed up at my dad's before I left for work. He wanted me to help him move some of his stuff up to Akron--he needed me to drive my SUV there and back because he had ran out of room in the U-Haul and his car. I said no and consequently was berated for being irresponsible. This was my responsibility, my fault, he couldn't believe I wouldn't do this one thing for him. I told him to leave, and so he left angry. I don't know how I managed to stay calm throughout the whole thing. I know he's trying to get to my head and I just knew it wouldn't be a good idea AT ALL to drive up there. Part of me felt like an awful person though.
What I currently have with Shawn is something completely natural. I feel comfortable and happy with him. But spending practically every waking moment with someone for a year and a half, well, you begin to feel as though they are a part of you. I can't help but feel empty at times because Nick is no longer here. I suppose the important thing is that I know this is the right decision.
I think that's enough spilling my guts for now.
If you haven't already, watch Zombie Strippers. It is hilarious.
"Convince me you're human. And make it ontological."
For the past several weeks my life has been a whirlwind of extreme changes, realizations and new beginnings. Without the assistance of marijuana, I have been forced, at least for the last week, to face reality. I have been told that to a certain extent, it helps to bury your feelings, in order to get through an extremely emotional and stressful time. Last night, while driving back to my father's from Andy and Shawn's, I wanted to cry, but could not. I don't know if this is because of the pills--I know I'm capable of crying--I did it a good amount while I was with Nick. Maybe that's it though--maybe I'm all out of tears--I have no idea. It's not that I did not feel sad, because I did. I just couldn't cry. It can get frustrating sometimes.
I am a pro when it comes to burying feelings. I learned to do it exceptionally well at a young age, so it's no wonder that I still do it. Yesterday, Nick showed up at my dad's before I left for work. He wanted me to help him move some of his stuff up to Akron--he needed me to drive my SUV there and back because he had ran out of room in the U-Haul and his car. I said no and consequently was berated for being irresponsible. This was my responsibility, my fault, he couldn't believe I wouldn't do this one thing for him. I told him to leave, and so he left angry. I don't know how I managed to stay calm throughout the whole thing. I know he's trying to get to my head and I just knew it wouldn't be a good idea AT ALL to drive up there. Part of me felt like an awful person though.
What I currently have with Shawn is something completely natural. I feel comfortable and happy with him. But spending practically every waking moment with someone for a year and a half, well, you begin to feel as though they are a part of you. I can't help but feel empty at times because Nick is no longer here. I suppose the important thing is that I know this is the right decision.
I think that's enough spilling my guts for now.
If you haven't already, watch Zombie Strippers. It is hilarious.
"Convince me you're human. And make it ontological."
New band name.
New band myspace.
Add it: http://www.myspace.com/theschillingsmusic
I have a hangover.
I'm officially out of weed.
This bums me out...a lot.
I'm supposed to check out an apartment I'm interested in today.
It really makes you feel like you are going crazy when you are extremely happy and remorseful at the same time.
I had coffee with Keely a couple days ago. I love that girl.
My new "single" status has got one of my ex-boyfriends emailing me and telling me how great I am and how he still wants to be with me.
What the motherfuck is going on with the world?
Also this:
New band myspace.
Add it: http://www.myspace.com/theschillingsmusic
I have a hangover.
I'm officially out of weed.
This bums me out...a lot.
I'm supposed to check out an apartment I'm interested in today.
It really makes you feel like you are going crazy when you are extremely happy and remorseful at the same time.
I had coffee with Keely a couple days ago. I love that girl.
My new "single" status has got one of my ex-boyfriends emailing me and telling me how great I am and how he still wants to be with me.
What the motherfuck is going on with the world?
Also this:
Greetings.
I've been in another world for the past several weeks. Two days ago I officially told him it was over. He is leaving town in less than a week.
It is incredibly terrifying having to make a decision that impacts your life tremendously. I know this is what I have to do though.
Well it's been a long time, long time now
Since I've seen you smile
And I'll gamble away my fright
And I'll gamble away my time
And in a year, a year or so
This will slip into the sea
Well it's been a long time, long time now
Since I've seen you smile
Nobody raise your voices
Just another night to mourn to
Nobody raise your voices
Just another night to mourn to
I've been in another world for the past several weeks. Two days ago I officially told him it was over. He is leaving town in less than a week.
It is incredibly terrifying having to make a decision that impacts your life tremendously. I know this is what I have to do though.
Well it's been a long time, long time now
Since I've seen you smile
And I'll gamble away my fright
And I'll gamble away my time
And in a year, a year or so
This will slip into the sea
Well it's been a long time, long time now
Since I've seen you smile
Nobody raise your voices
Just another night to mourn to
Nobody raise your voices
Just another night to mourn to
OCTOBER 2008