so, if i ever thought that life could suddenly take a 180 degree turn at any given point...

i obviously haven't taken calc 2, because i do believe that there is an equation in that course for the direction that the events in my life have taken. it's some 3-d equation, like an 180 degree turn on top of another 180 degree turn, but in another dimension.

holy fucking shit. look what school does to my brain. i'm all like PHYSICS AND EQUATIONS AND EMPIRICAL MEASUREMENTS.

i hate physics, by the way. i'm pretty convinced that it's because of how my brain works. it's all like "variable x equals variable q times the inverse tangent of the angle of blahblahblahabahalaablaaaaah." ohmyfuckinggod. i can't stand it. there's like 35 different v's, several different u's, a couple different l's and j's... like WTF are you asking me to find? i just love how the questions are stated too. like: "find the magnitude of the girl's acceleration." i really would like to use that phrase in casual conversation. like, be hanging out and smoking a cig with some people in the attic, and just get up and announce "brb guys, gotta find the magnitude of my acceleration" and then like barrel down the stairs, hypothetically feverishly jamming random variables into some calculator that materializes magically from within the surroundings. maybe i'll carry a calculator on me at all times for this purpose. actually, this sounds pretty legit. *note to self*

anyway, it's fucking ridiculous because i'm in like super intro baaasic physics and i'm like "ohmyfuckinggod this shit is making the two hemispheres of my brain play twister inside my skull", but i'm in organic chem right now at the same time, and all i have EVER heard from anyone with experience in that class at my school is shit like "holy hell, that class bent me over backwards and sodomized my GPA." but, like, i don't know what the fuck is wrong with me, because i guess this is abnormal and bewildering (at least to most students i've admitted this to), but i FUCKING LOVE THE SHIT OUT OF ORGANIC CHEMISTRY. i find it soooo fucking interesting. like, just being able to understand on a variety of different levels how we operate and survive as an abnormally endowed collection of inorganic particles that seek solely to attract themselves to the conditions that are most agreeable with "equilibrium." that's what everything and everyone is subconsciously and inevitably attracted toward. that's why life can be so triumphant and so defeating in such a small time frame. or a large time frame. as long as it all equals out in the end. everything gravitates toward the neutral. of course, many molecules in our bodies are reacting constantly from one state of extremity to another, typically encountering a neutral point in between, if not at some later point.

ok. i have to say as a disclaimer at this point: i'm drunk as fuck. i'm pretty sure you've only read this far into my blog if you are either a.) also drunk or similarly inebriated, or b.) having moderate-severe ADD
anyway, i shall continue.

this basic examination of the very simplistic fabrics that constitute our entire being can, i have enough suspicion to believe, be applied in a macrocosmical way toward our conscious lives. if, on our most basic atomic level, we can be reduced to a series of spasmodic but more-or-less equivalent +'s and -'s, then how, at a more complex level, are we separated from the same equilibrical (that's not a word) tendencies that are exhibited by our basic building blocks? i mean, all we are is a vast, complex network of protons and electrons operating in variable numbers and conditions. i've often heard the "consciousness and/or reason" argument, but what do those characteristics arise from? to me, sensically, just a complex arrangement of these protons and electrons into a perpetually-improving state of organization which continuously broadens our ability to understand the world outside of ourselves. following that logic, we are, in summation, a constantly fluctuating collection of positives and negatives in varying degrees and strengths. there is such an innumerable amount of the interactions between these positives and negatives, however, that we could never even begin to categorize a single event as either positive or negative. every single thing that happens has elements of both, depending on the perspective from which you approach it. it's all neutral in the end.

oy. i'm getting all philosophic-romantic.



i was all like "ohh, i was rambling" with that last paragraph. but then i realized i'm not really saying anything of legitimate, concentrated substance throughout this whole blog. baaaha. i like booze.



so anyway. i'm moving out of my co-op next year into a bigger, badder co-op with a way more chilled-out crowd. i'm probably going to Japan for Spring break. i wouldn't be surprised if, in 6 months, i come back to this blog and laugh hysterically about how confused my future plans were at this point.
i have no fucking idea what im doing.
but.
i don't mind.
not one bit.


i haven't been able to put down my guitar for about two weeks.
i'm gonna go back to that.