PICS
If you know me at all, youll know that this year has been an epic one for me. I wont bore you with things you can read in my previous blogs, but to summarise, I realised that while I may have thought I was in control of my life, I was only ever making excuses, and the path Ive taken over the last 12 months has resulted in me having the life I want. For the first time ever, I have an amazing group of friends, relationships I have enough confidence in to be able to emotionally invest, and the confidence and sense of self worth to realise I myself am worth investing in.
I have grown up, and figured out that what happened in the past should stay there, and to let that affect the way you live the rest of yr life is not progress, especially if it was events beyond yr control. I no longer waste time dwelling on the things I cant change. Instead of making excuses, I have become pro-active, and if my peers could tell you one thing about me, itd be that I get things done. I make things happen.
So now I find myself in a situation way, way out of my comfort zone. I cant make a decision. I dont know whats going to happen. Everything is changing. Everything is up in the air. Every cell in my body is screaming at me to take the reins but these are not my choices to make.
After all these years of not caring, of being able to switch my emotions on and off, of thinking nothing of running away and starting again, I finally...settled down. Not necessarily geographically, but I put down roots and they are being ripped out against my will. Regardless of what happens, nothing is going to be the same, and I need to have faith in the people around me that they will make this easy for me. I can try all I like, but it goes both ways.
I know that whatever happens, I will make the best of it, and there are definite positives on the horizon, but its not what I want, and thats what this all boils down to. Im happy right now. Will I be happy in my new life? Yes, probably, because Ive become very adept at making myself happy. But it wont be the same. Friends are not interchangeable. I know that now.
I just want MY life, the one I built. I dont want to have to take a new one and make it my own. I dont want to start again.
Im scared.
And I miss apostrophes.
x
DEC 31, 2008 06:22 AM
where did all the apostrophes go? 
change is scary but also exciting. 2009 will be your year. xox
DEC 31, 2008 06:52 AM
DEC 31, 2008 06:55 AM
Good luck with everything, lovely. Sky is right - change is scary and exciting but it also helps us grow even more.
At least that's what I'm telling myself as I try to deal with having moved 6000 miles across the pacific for the 2nd time in 2 years 
And yeah, that the hell is with the apostrophes on this site right now?
I hope 2009 is fantastic for you xx
DEC 31, 2008 07:02 AM
DEC 31, 2008 07:14 AM
DEC 31, 2008 07:21 AM
I have faith that you will be absolutely fine. Things are never normally as bad as they seem or that you think they will be and you have come out the other side of bad things already this year and become a better, happier person for it.
I don't know what it is thats happening to you, but it will only make you stronger again, as your other situations have, and who knows, it may get even better
And i miss apostrophes too. We need to meet up again xxx
DEC 31, 2008 08:09 AM
Don't be scared babe, you know I gotcha back 
You'rea mega awesome superstar, I'm sure this will be your year! I did try to pop in and see you yesterday at work, obviously that didn't work. We should go drinkies in new year for sure! xxx 
DEC 31, 2008 08:28 AM
DEC 31, 2008 08:38 AM
you have foundations, i promise 2009 will be brilliant and any part i can play in helping it go that way i will. that's what friends are for xx
JAN 01, 2009 04:21 PM
JAN 03, 2009 02:34 PM
JAN 04, 2009 05:23 AM
JAN 06, 2009 04:34 PM
more pics to disco 'plis
