PICS
OOOOOOOOOOWWWWWW! my stupid neck hurts! I've been gymping around my place for the last two days making old man noises and rubbing myself with linament... hotness. Why must pain killers/muscle relaxers cause severe nausea? It's balls I say!
That's just enough whining...
So I'm totally freaking stoked cause I may have found a new photographer! This is exciting because of my three sets only one didn't require me to travel hours from my home in the name of porn. Also, this is someone who I see/am capable of communicating with pretty much at will so details can be discussed ad nauseum as per my OCD to ensure there are no fuck ups. Thankfully the drama bomb was diffused. Drama bomb? you ask... well, it's all related yet again to the extreme weeness of my town. Now all that's left is for my neck to stop spazzing out so I can go to yoga, get my ass ready for its close up and take some dirty pictures. Yipee!
Oh, and someone buy me this? anyone? please?
**Edited for the sake of clarity** my neck is fucked up primarily because of severe tension, mostly work related. Derby would kick serious ass and be fun, therefore help alleviate my poopy stress... it's a theory...
*Ahem* shoe size US 10, my feet are big just like the rest of me!... that was subtle right?
That's just enough whining...
So I'm totally freaking stoked cause I may have found a new photographer! This is exciting because of my three sets only one didn't require me to travel hours from my home in the name of porn. Also, this is someone who I see/am capable of communicating with pretty much at will so details can be discussed ad nauseum as per my OCD to ensure there are no fuck ups. Thankfully the drama bomb was diffused. Drama bomb? you ask... well, it's all related yet again to the extreme weeness of my town. Now all that's left is for my neck to stop spazzing out so I can go to yoga, get my ass ready for its close up and take some dirty pictures. Yipee!
Oh, and someone buy me this? anyone? please?
**Edited for the sake of clarity** my neck is fucked up primarily because of severe tension, mostly work related. Derby would kick serious ass and be fun, therefore help alleviate my poopy stress... it's a theory...
*Ahem* shoe size US 10, my feet are big just like the rest of me!... that was subtle right?
I'm a whore!!!
Now that I have your attention, isn't that photo amazing?!?! I still can't believe that's me... until I look at my hips/thighs and see the winter weight I was still carrying... (yes these are the thoughts that go through my brain... I am a woman, it's a disease with no cure)...
So... it's been a solid month of healthy living for the old whore aka me... it's kinda freakin me out! Vegetables, yoga, not getting blindingly drunk, sleeping, blackstrap molasses, pomegranate juice... EGADS! I think I'll celebrate by going dancing tonight... and possibly drinking till I can't see
Tomorrow will be a fest of all things girly-nail painting, pedicures, facials, gay ass movies like "The Notebook", sangria, melted brie and so on. Don't judge me!!! I've never done anything remotely like this before. As a child I was too busy crawling through swamps and poking at bugs to play with dolls or wear bows and shit and well... Ryan Gosling's hot so we can always just watch it on mute.
So I only got half the usual front page time as "usual" so go show my set some love.
And to continue the me as whore theme, help make my hopeful set go live some time in the near future.
Okay, my vagina hurts from all this whoring so I guess I'll take a break,
Take it easy you bastards!
Now that I have your attention, isn't that photo amazing?!?! I still can't believe that's me... until I look at my hips/thighs and see the winter weight I was still carrying... (yes these are the thoughts that go through my brain... I am a woman, it's a disease with no cure)...
So... it's been a solid month of healthy living for the old whore aka me... it's kinda freakin me out! Vegetables, yoga, not getting blindingly drunk, sleeping, blackstrap molasses, pomegranate juice... EGADS! I think I'll celebrate by going dancing tonight... and possibly drinking till I can't see
Tomorrow will be a fest of all things girly-nail painting, pedicures, facials, gay ass movies like "The Notebook", sangria, melted brie and so on. Don't judge me!!! I've never done anything remotely like this before. As a child I was too busy crawling through swamps and poking at bugs to play with dolls or wear bows and shit and well... Ryan Gosling's hot so we can always just watch it on mute.
So I only got half the usual front page time as "usual" so go show my set some love.
And to continue the me as whore theme, help make my hopeful set go live some time in the near future.
Okay, my vagina hurts from all this whoring so I guess I'll take a break,
Take it easy you bastards!
Post shoot silliness with my girls...
... 'cause really, how often does one have access to the services of a professional pornographer?
**Side Note** Any girls out there looking for an SG photographer I highly recomend Shazzy this lady really knows what she's doin'!
... 'cause really, how often does one have access to the services of a professional pornographer?
**Side Note** Any girls out there looking for an SG photographer I highly recomend Shazzy this lady really knows what she's doin'!
WOOOOOOOOO DOGGY!!! Y'all know how to make a girl feel wanted. Thank you so much for the incredibly positive feed back on my newly posted set. For the record, that set was part of one of the most perfectly amazingly fun times of my life. I'm so glad I could commemorate it with pornography to share with you all.
Hugs and kisses to all your pink parts
Hugs and kisses to all your pink parts
So I had another rediculous dream last night. It started out with the recurring suicidal fish scenario. Ya see, when I was 15 I got some tropical fish for this huge aquarium I'd inherited from somewhere or other but I didn't know about water conditioner to neutralize the chlorine so I slowly killed them but not befoe they went completely insane. Everytime I'd move around in my room too quickley they'd freak out and zip around the tank and occasionally hurl themselves out onto my floor... this was a little stressful for me too as I'd have to chase around after them as they flopped about and throw them back into the water. And I should point out that I was doing some drugs around this time... including mushrooms and acid so... ya... I don't exactly know where I was going with this story but my dream somehow morphed into a work/everybody vomitting everywhere thing and I woke up this morning exhausted and a little freaked out.
I think I'll be needing a cocktail this evening.
Work is killing me... baby, if you need some help just let me know... I'll be on your doorstep within 10-15 hours.
You guys should check out this group it's the SG sets in hopeful's section group, not to sound bitchy... or, hell to be bitchy I like to think it's a step above the hopeful's section... ya know, no ugos... I'm a bitch, I know.
Later alligators!
I think I'll be needing a cocktail this evening.
Work is killing me... baby, if you need some help just let me know... I'll be on your doorstep within 10-15 hours.
You guys should check out this group it's the SG sets in hopeful's section group, not to sound bitchy... or, hell to be bitchy I like to think it's a step above the hopeful's section... ya know, no ugos... I'm a bitch, I know.
Later alligators!
BALLS!!! That's what I'm sayin'. Why? Because life just took a steaming dump on me... okay, maybe that's a slight exageration. It's more like life farted in my general direction to be totally honest but that's still really, really not cool.
So I, like many other poor unfortunate bastards in my general region of north america woke up to a sea of swirling frozen white shit. The past 3-4 months have taught me conclusively that it's pointless to attempt bussing in to work until at least 30 minutes after it has stopped snowing. Long story short, no work for me today. Normally this would be cause for celebration however I'm currently trying to save for a vacation and was hoping to go out of town this weekend. This missed day plus last weeks "personal day" melt down mean things are going to be a little tighter than expected next pay check
Oh well, this is good. My mom's been doing that sad mom guilt thing every time I talk to her lately cause I haven't been over for a visit in almost a month ( that'll be a free and decent alternative to going out dancing with a buch of hot, crazy girls... right?). Besides she always makes something delicious for dinner (and desert) and insists I take food home with me (like tubs of yoghourt and boxes of crackers, apples, cans of soup... groceries basically) so that's like a double score, food and mom off back.
And really I've been having a lovely day. Cup of coffee, washed some dishes, did my laundry, gonna work out a little and have a glass of wine... clean out the freezer (can you tell I love to clean?) maybe mop the floor. Okay, forgive me I have no idea why I started out complaining... oh yah, money
So I, like many other poor unfortunate bastards in my general region of north america woke up to a sea of swirling frozen white shit. The past 3-4 months have taught me conclusively that it's pointless to attempt bussing in to work until at least 30 minutes after it has stopped snowing. Long story short, no work for me today. Normally this would be cause for celebration however I'm currently trying to save for a vacation and was hoping to go out of town this weekend. This missed day plus last weeks "personal day" melt down mean things are going to be a little tighter than expected next pay check
Oh well, this is good. My mom's been doing that sad mom guilt thing every time I talk to her lately cause I haven't been over for a visit in almost a month ( that'll be a free and decent alternative to going out dancing with a buch of hot, crazy girls... right?). Besides she always makes something delicious for dinner (and desert) and insists I take food home with me (like tubs of yoghourt and boxes of crackers, apples, cans of soup... groceries basically) so that's like a double score, food and mom off back.
And really I've been having a lovely day. Cup of coffee, washed some dishes, did my laundry, gonna work out a little and have a glass of wine... clean out the freezer (can you tell I love to clean?) maybe mop the floor. Okay, forgive me I have no idea why I started out complaining... oh yah, money
So, what did you do with your weekend? I just had a whopper!
First on friday I went out dancing. Just me and three other very white girls with very black hair of varying heights and lengths. I did not drink. I had a coke and a bottle of water, at last call I had half a beer that ended up making me want to barf. Who knew exhaustion, hunger, exertion, dehydration and beer all mixed together produce nausea? Okay so I'm a freakin moron, what's your point? Ended up staying up till around 5AM talking about boys.
Saturday, I woke up in time to do some laundry and then start getting ready to go out again. Otis Clay performed at my local with the full band, synchronized back up singers the whole schmear. I was expecting an entertaining if somewhat reserved evening so I dressed up all purdy with stupid high shoes and big boufanty hair cause, well why not? But I did not sit down the entire time he was on stage, I and all my friend danced our asses off. Otis is a real performer, soulful and moving... he made a few people cry. I can't attest to their emotional stability but still, he's that good. By the end of the night us girls were quite literally crippled. Again, I didn't get shit faced! Three drinks all night, I'm so proud of me. (And a couple other people who are also doing VERY well at remaining sober *nudge, nudge*)
Which brings us to today. Now of course I had to wake up early to watch Coronation Street, which I had to listen to on near mute so as not to awaken the passed out ogre-mom on my couch. Back to bed for a nap which was ended by a phone call the gist of which being that I had to get up and ready to be picked up for breakfast in 30 minutes. Now on a good day that wouldn't be too bad however my hair was doing an Amy Winehouse/80's rocker thing and I smelled like a hobo. So I washed myself in the sink like a hooker tied my hair back in a bandana and tumbled out my door. Delicious eggs, coffee and baby cuddling were had by all. What to do now?
So as I've mentioned in a prior blog a roller derby league is just starting out in my area and I want in on it. A certain friend of mine was fairly certain she knew where the practices are being held so I twisted another friends arm into driving us to check it out and sign up and whatever. After jump starting the car we were on our way. After 20-30 minutes of driving out to the middle of nowhere sharing a tall of something (backseat only) we discovered that in fact no, this is not where the league practices... this appears to be a children's day program of some kind. Onward to yet another small farming community in the boonies. After another 30 minutes of driving listening to Neil Diamond at full blast crammed into the backseat with two other people and a snow rake (what the hell is a snow rake?) and a minor motor vehicle collision we realize this is not going to happen. So what do we do? Stop at a bar for a few drinks and some shuffle board. That's right, not a single pinball machine or arcade game in the place just shuffle board...??? Yah, so then I went home and had a bath.
Tomorrow Henry Rollins, wednesday? movie night, friday rollerskating... man my social calendar is just crammed! And yet, no penis... *sigh*
First on friday I went out dancing. Just me and three other very white girls with very black hair of varying heights and lengths. I did not drink. I had a coke and a bottle of water, at last call I had half a beer that ended up making me want to barf. Who knew exhaustion, hunger, exertion, dehydration and beer all mixed together produce nausea? Okay so I'm a freakin moron, what's your point? Ended up staying up till around 5AM talking about boys.
Saturday, I woke up in time to do some laundry and then start getting ready to go out again. Otis Clay performed at my local with the full band, synchronized back up singers the whole schmear. I was expecting an entertaining if somewhat reserved evening so I dressed up all purdy with stupid high shoes and big boufanty hair cause, well why not? But I did not sit down the entire time he was on stage, I and all my friend danced our asses off. Otis is a real performer, soulful and moving... he made a few people cry. I can't attest to their emotional stability but still, he's that good. By the end of the night us girls were quite literally crippled. Again, I didn't get shit faced! Three drinks all night, I'm so proud of me. (And a couple other people who are also doing VERY well at remaining sober *nudge, nudge*)
Which brings us to today. Now of course I had to wake up early to watch Coronation Street, which I had to listen to on near mute so as not to awaken the passed out ogre-mom on my couch. Back to bed for a nap which was ended by a phone call the gist of which being that I had to get up and ready to be picked up for breakfast in 30 minutes. Now on a good day that wouldn't be too bad however my hair was doing an Amy Winehouse/80's rocker thing and I smelled like a hobo. So I washed myself in the sink like a hooker tied my hair back in a bandana and tumbled out my door. Delicious eggs, coffee and baby cuddling were had by all. What to do now?
So as I've mentioned in a prior blog a roller derby league is just starting out in my area and I want in on it. A certain friend of mine was fairly certain she knew where the practices are being held so I twisted another friends arm into driving us to check it out and sign up and whatever. After jump starting the car we were on our way. After 20-30 minutes of driving out to the middle of nowhere sharing a tall of something (backseat only) we discovered that in fact no, this is not where the league practices... this appears to be a children's day program of some kind. Onward to yet another small farming community in the boonies. After another 30 minutes of driving listening to Neil Diamond at full blast crammed into the backseat with two other people and a snow rake (what the hell is a snow rake?) and a minor motor vehicle collision we realize this is not going to happen. So what do we do? Stop at a bar for a few drinks and some shuffle board. That's right, not a single pinball machine or arcade game in the place just shuffle board...??? Yah, so then I went home and had a bath.
Tomorrow Henry Rollins, wednesday? movie night, friday rollerskating... man my social calendar is just crammed! And yet, no penis... *sigh*
So I went out last night and didn't drink... and lived! Who knew it was possible? Now as it turns out this was the wise choice as everyone in the bar was the biggest freak ever! Hipsters and farmers come to the 'big city' for a night on the town. What is with hipsters? Is there a factory somewhere devoted solely to the mass production of scrawny badly dressed fuckers? Why do they do hallucinogenic amphetamines and go to a bar? Don't they know I get pissed off when inconsiderate assclowns bash into me without appologizing? When I put my hand on your back and say 'excuse me' it means MOVE! If I have to do that three times and you don't, I WILL knock you over and I WILL NOT appologize so spare me the stink eye you miserable cunt.
Anyhoo, I've found my name. I shall hence forth be known as Mauly Maid! It speaks to my two loves, beatings and cleaning. Thanx for the suggestions and help... it's deceptively hard to think up a nick name for yourself... especially after thousands of people have already taken any of the remotely obvious ones.
Well, I'm in the middle of making pancakes so I should get back to that.
Smell ya later.
Anyhoo, I've found my name. I shall hence forth be known as Mauly Maid! It speaks to my two loves, beatings and cleaning. Thanx for the suggestions and help... it's deceptively hard to think up a nick name for yourself... especially after thousands of people have already taken any of the remotely obvious ones.
Well, I'm in the middle of making pancakes so I should get back to that.
Smell ya later.
Mini-crisis averted, heart rate normal again. Moving on...
So I've recently learned that a roller derby league is starting soon in my area, FINALLY! (This should help prevent a recurrence of stress induced mini-meltdowns) I'm going with some girls to meet with them and watch a practice this weekend. My new problem is, what will my derby name be? Give me some ideas people!
So I've recently learned that a roller derby league is starting soon in my area, FINALLY! (This should help prevent a recurrence of stress induced mini-meltdowns) I'm going with some girls to meet with them and watch a practice this weekend. My new problem is, what will my derby name be? Give me some ideas people!
I have to ramble. I have to ramble because I feel like I'm going crazy. I'm a stress bag at the best of times and try really hard to keep it together. This morning I woke up and the thought of going to work, that horrible, chaotic, demanding place made me cry. My heart was beating so fast it was shaking my whole body. I couldn't focus my eyes. My fight or flight response was inappropriately in full effect. I need a new job. I'd settle for a vacation right now. I feel stupid because a few of my really good friends have been having emotional/psychological issues of their own. I don't want pitty attention; I hate attention. I just feel worn out and exhausted. I'm having trouble finding the will to clean. If you know me you know how I love to clean. I think I need a nap. Later.
