PICS
Never before have words rang so true in my head
A lyric;
From the fight club sound track
The track name:
This is your life
The lyric:
"Everything is falling; everything is falling apart"
Everything is falling apart, nothing gets better, it’s only a down hill slope. When you think things are looking better; it’s only a build up for a big let down. When you think you finally have something in your life going on worth being happy about it break. When you find someone you think cares about you, you realize they were only using you.
Using you for what?
- Money
- Sex
- A 'trophy'
- A place to stay
- A car to use
- A cell phone
- A number of things
This is the way things work, maybe not for everyone, but in my case it is.
• I’m sick of being used.
• I’m sick of being mistreated.
• I’m sick of things breaking.
• I’M FUCKING SICK OF THINGS FALLING APART!!!
I’m not sure how much longer I can go and not have a break down. I am finally drug free. A struggling cocaine addiction and I’m proud to say I no longer crave it,
I can turn it down, and not be pissed that I did.
But when it comes down to it I realize how much money I threw away. I’m struggling to pay my bills because of something I stopped a while back ago. I was so depressed the only thing keeping me from doing anything extreme was to be fucked up. Spending a night geeked up playing solitaire.
Now I realize the only reliable thing in my life is me. I’m not that fucking reliable. I have no one who sits there and reassures me that everything is going to be alright. I spend most my nights now, crying myself to sleep, and
Wondering:
• Why the fuck I keep up with this.
• Why can I have a fucking normal life and be happy.
• Why did all the fucked up shit that happened to me as a child happen.
• WHY CANT I BE FUCKING HAPPY?!?!?!
I leave on that note. I go now; I’m going to go to sleep on my couch. Alone. Like always.
JAN 29, 2008 05:49 AM
cats! 
JAN 29, 2008 05:59 AM
³
The_Boss
I'm lost
June 2007
JAN 29, 2008 06:25 AM
JAN 29, 2008 06:58 AM
JAN 29, 2008 07:20 AM
JAN 29, 2008 07:45 AM
You mentioned alot of positive with all that negative: you're off coke and the only person you can count on is you. Guys come and go (no pun), the same with money. You'll meet someone better, and you'll make more money. Its difficult but you will get past all this shit, it just takes time. 
JAN 29, 2008 09:19 AM
you should listen to CORPORATE WORLD on the FIGHT CLUB soundtrack instead. to me that song represents how everything is good and dandy and in just a few seconds and then CHAOS, yet it always seems to go back to being good and dandy. its like, there is always something that will go against you and you have to overcome it.
don't belittle yourself, you've made a tremendous accomplishment with your addiction! that is GREAT news!!!
this is your life and you are bettering yourself. and that is something to think about.
things will get better 
Here's looking at you, kid
JAN 30, 2008 05:36 AM
awwww come up here and live. you would be happier i promise i would come down there if i had the money but ehhh money is tight right now. I know what its like to get over that addiction. i went through it myself. im drug free and doing fine with it. if you ever need anything or need to talk to someone im here for you. i wish you the best my love 
Im glad that you liked the set. Funny i intimated him, hahaha. i think i do that to a lot of boys. HAHA!!
JAN 31, 2008 04:17 PM
Glad your off cocaine, worst drug ever! Without tension, there can be no release. Life is tension, and humor is the release. Without laughter we cannot survive. Dont waist your time thinking about guys who couldn't treat you right, the past is dead and buried, the future hasn't happened, all we have is 'now'. Make the most of the moment, thats how we create our future and remember our past. Plus you should smile more, you have a beautiful smile 
