Isn't it funny when you have ALL these unanswered questions, and they're eating you up on the inside, and then, poof, all these answers just fall into your lap.

I've made some decisions.

And a hot girl just messaged me her phone number, god, what a great day.

Earlier tonight i booked my flights to Edinburgh, and me and Raistlyn are going to see the Ataris in Glasgow on the 3rd of May. Hells ya. Can't wait.

AND.....I never said, Erin McKeown is playing in Cork, April 4th, i can't fucking wait. I LOVE her, and she's playing here, eeeeep. The hot guy in the record store around the corner from my work told me about the gig, cuz he knows i live her. Awww. And i've got my ticket, and am counting down the days.

So, i joined a dating site recently, i know. Don't ask. But anyway, some guy contacted me and he flat out asked where am i from, cuz i'm clearly not from Cork. And this has baffled me. Because, i actually get it A LOT. When i was young, people thought i was an adopted Chinese orphan, now people think i'm eastern european. I'm from Cork, born and fucking bred. I couldn't be MORE Irish if i tried.

I mean, i have a dodgy Cork accent, which Raistlyn keeps reminding me doens't quite fit, i'm from Douglas, not Knocknaheeny. I work on Patrick Street, did Feis Matthews when i was a kid. I only have a cupla focal as Gailige, like most Irish people. I just find it weird, that SO irish, and people keep confusing me for Latvian.......

Anyway, I've been raking over the past a bit the last few days. Mike wants to go down the divorce road, you know, divvy up shit, and stop hanging out as much, which in itself has upset me. Anyway, that's not for here, dunno where that's cocking for, but not for here i fear. Anyway, i found this photo, and it sums up 3 entire years.

It was taken on top of a ferris wheel, and i'm all happy and grinning like a loon, cuz i LOVE the fair, and he's a grumpy cunt. Like usual. But i have to say, i'm sad to close the door on the last 4 years, but his new lady insists on it, and i have to be mature.......

I'm off to Brighton this weekend, i do admit, i am REALLY looking forward to it. There are a few but's, butlet's see what happens eh? Hopefully it'll be a good laugh. I get to meet some lovely people that i've only internet stalked before, and well, some other people too....

Oh, before i forget, SG Ireland meet, 31st of March, in the Foggy in Dublin. If anyone fancies it, come along, the more the merrier. And if you can get to Dublin AT ALL, just gimme a shout, and come, it'll be a good night, those lot, even though they're quiet in group, and shit at organzing, they're so great. I'm mad about them.

And i'm gonna nick this off Argentum. I love Rise Against, i do hope my exam doesn't fall on the same day as the gig...


Night fuckers.

There is a song. An Erin McKeown song, and i listen to it when i'm in this mood. Every time. And every time, my heart soars, cuz it's like she reached into my little head and picked out those words. And everytime, my heart sinks a little too. It's where the line up there, "such a lovely mess" comes from. That's me. I'm lonely, i confess.

So why'm i at my wit's end?

I mean, i passed my exams, unbelievably well.

I solved the issues that were hanging over my head.

Work took a pleasant turn.

But despite all this, people are still unreliable, still talk shit, still betray others, still mess with others emotions.

And i, for one, have had my fill.

There's so much bullshit in the world, and some of it today just struck a chord. Like i said, everything happens for a reason.

White Rabbits, firstly. I'm pretty sure me and my family aren't the only ones that say white rabbits, but whatever, we do. The first of the month, every month,we all say white rabbits. And get good luck, or more importantly, not get bad luck if we don't say it. It has to be the FIRST WORDS out of your mouth. So in about 6 and a half hours time you can be cock sure i'll roll over and say, ugh White rabbits. And my mum will remind me, and we'll say it to ech other, and then sure as eggs is eggs, and mighty vile might i add, my friend John will email me tomorrow and say it.

Now, to the core....

I have a theory. I'm a hardcore thinker, and well, i've had a thought knocking about this little head of mine for a good few years now, and well, i've never told anyone, until tonight, and turns out they have the same delusional paranoid theory. And it's good to know i'm not the only one. It's somewhat of a relief.

I think everything happens for a reason, and lately, like the last, oh i don't know, 3, 4 months everything seems just a bit orchestrated, and well, polished, and i've had my doubts. One of the more "orchestrated" things was the way people from my past have come back into my life at EXACTLY the right time. Case in point, dave. I was so upset, and one random saturday afternoon i got a text from dave saying we should meet up, and i said, ya, sure, whatever, and he said what about today. And i was caught off guard, i wouldn't have gone otherise, but i did, and now, well, now me and Dave are going to Puerto Rico for our holiday next month. And Paulie is another one. I met him randomly recently, and now i bump into him every day, without fail. We go for breakfast and we talk shit and tonight we went to the cinema, and for a drive, a linky loop through cork city. Sometimes you need a new set of eyes to realise what you're missing. And he's done that. I see more in the last few weeks, due to him. I've taken photos to show you guys some things from my day to day life, but well, some other time. I AM going to steal some of Paul's photos however,


Me, on the way home from work, having a giggle.

Paul, in the tree, and i'm right there too, giggling again.

Cork

People keep saying 2006 was a big year for me, and that i made huge decisions and changes, and i'm not the person i was. Not quite sure where i stand on those statements, but i will admit, that things are different. And i think one of the main things is my ability to be alone. I hated it, feared it. Now, now i love it. I love my own company, and hate the popular girl i once was, truth be told now i have so few friends. Friends that would stick by me regardless. But i know who they are, and they know who they are, and they know i love them deeply. And that's more than i could wish for.

And i'm braver. I don't really think that one needs to be delved into right this minute, but, let's just say i'm not as scared to do the things i once was. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and i'm open as the day is long, and sometimes that's not what people want. But it's who i am. And i'm proud.

One of the things i learned last year, and it'll stick with me for life is, fireworks fade. If you just click with someone from the off, that's cool, but if there's huge chemistry, and sparks, that goes. And what's left sometimes isn't all you thought it was. I don't put my trust in sparks. I put my faith in longevity and growth. Wish i knew that 9 months ago. God, 9 months. Time flies when you're learning, eh?

Every single Irish person will know this song, and equate it to the start of summer. And even though it's a shitty recording, it puts such a smile on my face, every time. And anyone that's ever met me will know my love of gorgeous levi ass, or just bums in general. I am a dirty perv, and i am so unashamed about it.


Say your white rabbits, and smile. Happy MARCH.

My boss said this looks like me:

She said, it looks like me when i'm having one of my "moments", giving out. See it???

I don't give a flying fuck, i LOVE the Ataris. I don't care if it's wrong.

I had a brilliant weekend away, and now i'm back in Cork, ugh, and back to my little reality with all the drama and cuntishness, and bitching. Expect and anti bank rant very very soon.

For now though, i'm too too tired for that. And i DID have a fantastic weekend. So, smiles and thoughts of pancakes. Yum.

But goodness, i'm tired. Me and Lional are off for some hardcore sleeps. Night.

I have an awful way of phrasing things. I spent some time with my best friend recently.A shiny, new best friend. I say new, even thought i've known him 10 long gruelling years. Although,it's new in a different way. A special way.



Drama schrama. That's what i say. And i'll have cake with that tea please.

So, let's start again, shall we?

Look how somone described Cork, It did make me giggle:
"...apart from Cork being too hilly and full of one ways.
It does have Daisy in it though, which more than compensates. If she leaves Cork is fucked"
Ha, i'm fucking marvelous. AND it explains why i'm so nervous to get in my car. I've already had one "incident". I shall blame the hills and one ways. Cheers Brain.

I've begun to update like a million times, but i have so much to say, and i can't even think straight enough to begin to type.

Do you know i'm the happiest i've been in a long time. Definatly in the last year. Last year was a fucking disaster, and i was so fed up, and lonely, and i can't even begin to describe how miserable i was. And anyone who knows me knows how happy i am usually. But the last year, it's been so tough.

But y'know, everything is just sort of slotting into place for the first time in a long long time. Work is alright again, even though my girl Rose left. My friends are fucking wonderful. And i went to London last weeknd with almostfamous and iannnnnn, and i had a great time, and i think i've made two very good new friends.

So, no more emo from me


I'm full of it now. I'm truly content.

When you look back at what you've acheived over a 12 month period, certain things stick out.

My highlights don't read very well, they don't seem like much, but they fucking make me proud.

I did the things i thought i could never (and would never) do,sorted things out, and did what needed doing, and i can look now and say i'm happy.

And proud.

And wiser, no matter what people say.

Much as i don't give a toss anymore, Lyndon once said the thing he loved most about me was the fact i'm so naive. Innocent, and trusting. They're not necessarily good traits, but i like that about me. Most people wouldn't trust like i do, and i do get hurt, but i've learned, and this time it's gonna be different.

And if it's not, i've got the best friends a girl could ever wish for, more perhaps.

I was looking through some old photos earlier, and i want to share them with you lot. So's you can get to know Daisy better.

I haven't changed a bit, i mean look.

I am still super friendly, and wave all the time:


I still stuff my face with pleasant things all the time:


I still get this excitable. And embarressingly, still make this face when i do get excited:


I still go off on my own and have "alone time", usually still clutching my teddy bear:


I still need the stabalisers, as my balance isn't great:


I still get in huge strops, and become the moodiest little bitch ever:


I'm still a huge nerd, this was my first day of school, i think, and i still get that enthusiastic about learning new things:


I'm still the first one on the dance floor, and stay there for the night:


I'm still daddy's little girl:


I'm still hugely curious, and stick my nose in where it shouldn't go:


I still love my bed:


I'm still often found in varying states of undress, and I still pose just that badly for photos:


And I still hate posing for photos. And still am often caught scratching myself:


There you have it, don't you feel like you know me so well now.

Thanks for all your suggestions for fancy dress, i decided to go as Dorothy from the Wizard of oz, and had my costume all ready, and then threw a hissy fit, and didn't wear it. But i had tons of fun. I love my friends and my life.

I want to talk about my day for a minute.

My day was cack. I found out something that's made me take a step back in disbelief. The people i work with can't be trusted. The people i work with are devious, liars. They spout hate about each and every other member of staff. Whoever the target is just shanges from week to week. I'm this weeks target. I dont' mind that, let them talk their little petty shit, but i'm sick of it.

They are all cunting wagons. Maybe not all of them, maybe i'm over reacting. But i don't trust any of them anymore. And the one person that i do get on with, my friend Rose, she keeps warning me, like she knows something i don't know. And now i'm not even trusting her.

That's my problem, i've been hurt so many times, i never know when to trust, when not to. How soon is too soon? How do you know if someone is only nice to you to only take the piss out of you the minute your back is turned? I know i'm naive. I know it, i make no bones about it either, but am i setting myself up for a huge fall here.

I'm so fucking confused.

I'm fucking upset, and hurt and confused.

But, i'm sorting my shit out, and getting out of that job. I'm starting a new training course by night next week. Hopefully by the end of the summer i'll have a new job to match my new skills. Bitchy girls can ruin any job.

Done.