SuicideGirl: Daisy
suicidegirl

Daisy fill your lungs with me

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DECEMBER 9, 2007 @ 09:33 AM | 28 COMMENTS

DECEMBER 5, 2007 @ 11:20 AM

I am sick.

Sick sick. A proper little flu ridden, helpless mess. Full of snot and fevery. And it's not particularly fun.

I took a day off from work today. That's not someting i do. Ever. But i did today, and i felt so guilty. So guilty in fact that i studied. Ya, i'm feeling sorry for myself, screw you.

So, i had a very busy weekend, having lovely visitors and such. It was very nice.

What a shit update. Sorry bout that.

I want a cuddle. Cuddles fix flu's, right?

NOVEMBER 20, 2007 @ 04:51 PM

I keep sitting down to update my blog, and my head goes blank(er), and i just feel like i've nothing to say. But it's been well over a month since my last blog, so i really should update......

The gorgeous Moira tagged me to do one of those "20 random facts", remember those, and i got to thinking. I don't know if i have 20 facts worth writing about, so i'll spoiler the shit out of it for you, cuz, well, cuz.

SPOILERS! (Click to view)
1. I adore Moira, i think she's a wicked lady, but when she tagged me to do this, it struck fear in my heart. The original idea for re-running the 20 facts thing came about in the SG Atheneum group, which (as far as i can gather) is a group for "smart" sg's. Not in a cliquey, elitest way. But when i found this site first, the girls on here were beautiful, AND intelligent, and that made it stand out for me. Hot, empowered, smart women, and that's what being an sg meant to me. That, it's fair to say, is not so much the case anymore. Not saying anything about the site, cuz i do still love this site, but it's not what it was. That's not to say it's better or worse, but it IS different. And that group, it's a great group, but i feel like a fraud being in it. I'm not smart. I'm not strong. And why anyone would want to know 20 facts about me, or any fact for that matter, baffles me.

2. For some reason though, when i'm feeling a bit down on myself, as happens a lot, i can't QUITE explain why, but i have 2 freckles on my right wrist, and they cheer me up, just looking at them. I don't know how, or why. But they do. I used to hate my freckles. But those 2 make me smile.

3. When i'm sad i eat nothing but buttery pasta. I'm sure that can't be good for me, but...

4. I currently have oil on my face. I'm doing a car maintenance class, and tonight we took apart an engine, and i didn't do much, but i still got oil all over me. I have a knack. If there's something to spill, or fall over, i will. I like my clumse though.

5. I mark my blogs for everyone to see, i don't know why. But i do, and "real life" people read them too. Which doesn't weird me out. I guess so many people have left the site, and some of them still check in every now and then, so i mark them for all and sundry to see.

6. I like bum rubs.

7. I sometimes take a hot water bottle to the cinema with me, but i don't like being cold. Stands to reason, no?

8. I'm 20, but some people insist on saying i'm 26.

9. Sometimes i brush my teeth so hard i vomit. And i brush my teeth in the shower, so when i vom, it usually ends up landing on my feet. And i get nose bleeds a lot, particularly in the shower, So, i'm often to be found in the shower, blood dripping down my face, and vomit in between my toes. Lovely. almostfamous reckons that my nose bleeds are a sign, They seem to happen more when i'm around people, particularly boys. And more so boys that are trouble. He always says to beware if i'm with a boy and i get a nose bleed, cuz it means they're not a good un. And he's been pretty on the ball so far.

10. I had my first "first date" in 5 years recently. I brought a book, in case he didn't show. He found this funny.

11. I've met some wonderful people through this site, but one in particular. I've pretty much kept all this out of my blog, but there's someone on here who brightens up each and every day. We talk pretty much every day, and he's really just the most amazing person. I wish he lived closer to me, but he doesn't, and it's a shame. And he knows full well who i'm talking about, and i love him very much. Like i said, shame bout the distance though.

12. 12 is my favourite number

13. I get headaches. This in itself isn't interesting. But my mother's father died of a brain haemorage when she was very very young, and when i get my headaches, she starts freaking out. She's worried that the same thing will happen to me, and seeing her get so upset makes me upset, and it all kind of kicks off. And it's a deeply unpleasant thought that's always lurking there at the back of my head.

14. I'm scared of seaweed. Not scared as in "ugh, i think it's slightly gross", but scared as in, the sight and smell of it make me break out in a cold sweat. It genuinly makes me feel sick. I cry if i'm too near it.

15. When i was little i used to want to be a librarian. I love reading, and i adore libraries. I just lose myself, and find something to engross me. My boss told me recently that because i sit in the kitchen on my lunchbreaks reading, it's a bad thing, it's "anti-social". I curl up every night in my bed, with my hot water bottle bear, and read, till i fall asleep, usually with my book in my hand still. It's just about my favourite thing in the world.

16. One of the things i love most, is when i'm content enough to shut up. If you've met me, the "Daisy" you've met was probably "On", and all hyper, and loud. I am that hyper and loud, but i have my quiet moments too. When i get nervous, i get louder, and more talkative. Makes very little sense, i know, but when i just shut up, and sit still, thats' when you know i'm actually content. It's like my personal benchmark. Someone i can curl up with, and be quiet and read a book with them next to me, that's like my dream scenario. It's only ever happened once in my life, and it was perfect. That's really all i want in life.

17. I wear pyjamas more than anything else.

18. I'm wear my heart on my sleeve. That's not as good a thing as you'd expect. I wish i didn't. But i have all these feelings, and i'm only a little girl, and they're bigger than me, and i feel like i'm going to explode if i don't get them out. They're not always sad feelings either. But everything, you always know where you stand with me, i'm very much an open book.

19. I still have oil on my face.

20. Ok, so i'm 26. And these are 20 random facts, with a small bit of help might i add. I'm not very interesting, but i am honest.



The new thrice ep's are amazing, but i want to post this song, it's an old un, but fuck i love it.


So, that's it really. I'll update soon again. Sorry i've been so slack, especially with the replying.

No, i want 20 facts from you lot please. Night. kiss

OCTOBER 14, 2007 @ 03:53 PM

I can't really explain what's going on lately. I was a bit fed up. A lot fed up if i'm honest. So i've been doing things. New things, things i've not done for ages, seeing people, meeting new people, and having an absolute blast. But still it feels like something is missing. It's silly really. How did i get so attatched to something (someone) so fast, that now it feels like i'm missing out?

But really, i'm having the best time of things at the moment. My friends are just being absolutly wicked. Like i said, i've been doing things, and going places that i've wanted to do for the longest time, and having so much fun while doing it all. I can't complain at all. Things are just all going really, well, just, good at the moment. But still, well, you know how it is....

Today almostfamous and Moira told me that they're coming to visit me in December, i'm so excited about this. I was moaning to almostfamous that between now and christmas i have only 2 weekends off, cuz i've got college every weekend, and he decided that on one of my weekends off, him and BEAUTIFUL lady are gonna visit me. So they are. This makes me feel so lucky to have people like that, that are willing to come all the way here to hang out with me, and just to be the supportive wonderful friends i adore.

I just want a hug, y'know. I've been feeling so crap in myself these last few weeks. I can't explain, but my self esteem has actually just nose dived. And just the last few days people have been so amazing. Like, thursday, i went out with Sparrow, i'll explain later, and john came with me. He is so good to me. And he had a few to drink, and on the way home he announced some home truths. I was on the verge of tears as he told me i'm nice. Not just nice, but like the nicest person. And i deserve more than i have. And then, out of the blue, i had this msn conversation:

10/13/2007 6:39:38 PM Vince Daisy Pop smile lol. well you are by far the most literate person i speak to on msn. and one of the most polite people i know
10/13/2007 6:39:58 PM Vince Daisy Pop and you are so humble, i think you are too humble. that interests me
10/13/2007 6:40:46 PM Vince Daisy Pop i know you are well read, so i know there's got to be tons of information in that brain of yours waiting to get out! smile

I wasn't expecting that. I'm bowled over by how nice people are sometimes. And i feel really glad to have such positive people around me sometimes.

Oh, i've never posted up any pics of John. So i shall. He's a lovely guy, really good. And handsome....
zoom image
And us messing. Well, me messing, john looking embarrassed. I think i was making a cape, and being a super hero. As you do.
zoom image

So, ya, Sparrow came to visit on thursday. She asked me to say that she really misses you, and really enjoyed getting to know you. But it is sad to see her go. Especially seeing as Mellissa is as good as gone, so i'm the only irish sg left. That makes me sad. Those two girls are so amazing, i've met 2 wonderful girls through this sit,e and nothing can take that away. AND, Sparrow's coiming to Cork again next week, so i'm looking forward to seeing her. And we'll have a GOOD night, expect drunken photos.

zoom image
I found that pic on Dave's computer, and i thought i'd share it. It's very me. I'm very moody in my blogs, and in real life, i'm not moody. I'm loud and vulgar and silly. And sweet. And maybe i portray a very funny picture on here, but who the hell cares anyway.

I'm alright. I have good friends that are good, and i have a lot going for me. And i coudln't really ask for more.

THIS, is my favourite song at the moment:


Right, i'm off to bed. Night you lot.

It's been a while since i've had this smile on my face, so i feel compelled to share.
zoom image

Oh, and look what the lovely Aoifa made. Isn't it well nifty. She's a talanted lady.
zoom image
OCTOBER 8, 2007 @ 04:03 PM

I think i'm all thinked out.

In saying that, i decided things had to change, and i wanted some answers. And i got them. And not from the place i thought either. Things just suddenly have somewhat fallen into place. And i was barking completly up the wrong tree all along. Ha.

So, i have to admit to feeling slightly overwhelmed with things at the moment.

Part of what i was thinking so much about was work. I was all set to leave. I've had a plan now for a while, to do my exams, which i'll (hopefully) be finished in May, and ya sure it's few months of non-stop studying, and work, but i'm more than capable for that. And then, leave. I had a plan. Nothing concrete, and then, in the last week or so, maybe more, i just really started thinking, and that was it, i was leaving. Leaving my job, my friends, my family, the country i've lived in my whole life. I was so definite. Until today. Something happened, and it caught me off guard. I had a Kathleen Barry moment, and that will mean nothing to anybody else. But it meant the world to me.

So anyway, we had a mini meet this weekend. Ha,you jealous??? I took one of my notions. My best friend got a new job, in Mallow, so he wanted to go there, adn see how long it took to get there, and what the town was like and such. So, i drove. Which in hindsight makes no sense. But, when we got to Mallow, well, sure, it was half way to Limerick anyway, so i just kept driving. And i met Brain. Remember ICY, he used to be a member on here, and i can hand on my heart say he's probably the best thing to come out of this site for me. (No offence Matthew, you're pretty special too, i'm sure you've heard that before) He's a legend, and i've not seen him in a year, so well, that wasn't good enough. And i met DexV33 too. And we had a lovely time, despite the fact i had to hide in the kitchen to get away from him. But damn it, he found me.

I had actually forgotton what it's like to have fun. I don't mean that to sound as horribly deppressing as it sounds. But i had. It's been a while. Honest fun, where i'm not worried about the bigger things. I love my friend John. I really do. Even if he has the worst ideas ever. Imagine bringing a hammer to work??? Especially seeing as i've been warned off breaking more safes, for THAT exact reason.

I realise i get way too thoughtful in this fucking blog. I'm actually not this depressive in real life, i'm the exact fucking opposite. I'm a messer, you can't get me to stop messing for love nor money. But this isn't real life, is it? And i forget that sometimes.

Happy face from now on, i promise. I might even put up happy blogs. Nawwww, who'd read that??


Oh, and i wanted to say a huge thank you to Huw. He listened to me moan, and blip on and on on saturday, and really was a huge help. I don't think he knows how glad i am that we're mates.
OCTOBER 6, 2007 @ 05:56 AM

I think too much.

That's hardly a new development, but i do. And i've been thinking in overtime recently. And i've got lots of conclusions.

I went to Dublin last weekend. I hate Dublin. I really hate it. Sounds silly, to hate somewhere with very few good reasons for doing so. But it do. But i went, and met the beautiful Sparrow, who i absolutly adore. I'm glad i've gotton to know her, she's an absolute gem, and so sweet. I can't even describe. So, we went to see Motion City Soundtrack, who were really, REALLY good, even though we were (almost) the oldest people there. But it was great. I want to go hang out with her more often, she's wonderful.

Anyway, i bumped into someone at the gig. Someone i used to date like a million years ago. It was never anything serious, cuz well, let's call a spade a spade, he couldn't get it together enough for it to be any more than what it was. And after years of the "on-off", "are we-aren't we" thing, and i had enough, and walked away from it. And when i bumped into him, we get on as well now as we did then. It's like nothings changed. We just have a proper giggle with each other, and i was thinking, y'know, maybe............. And then i realised, no. I'm not settling for less than seahorse-ness. That might make no sense, but it does to me.

And that's what gotton me down. Cuz when i was 17 and me and that guy met, and for the next 5 years i wasn't a seahorse. And i'm right back there again. And at 26 i should really know better. So, i gots to re-learn i suppose.

I got some things to sort out and think on. But the things i've been wasting my energy on aren't worth it really. And it's slightly heartbreaking. Knowing you've to completly turn everything on it's head, to make things right. But, what harm, Let's just plough on and move on.

I fell, an hurt my leg. It REALLY hurts.

And i'm back studying again. I tried to start last night, and i was actually doing ok, but i started thinking (story of my fucking life) and got sad, and had to stop. So, today is devoted to study, but i want to get out of the house too, so................i'm going to the beach to study.

So, that's it really. I'm giving up the emo. I have new things to concentrate on. Just have to learn HOW to concentrate on these things. It's harder than it looks.

And i'm not wasting my time and energy anymore.

Now, to get off my fat bum and actually GET to the beach. I'm so excited.
SEPTEMBER 20, 2007 @ 08:54 AM

I want to update with something upbeat, so that on the rare occassions when i tear myself away from my books, my emo outporings aren't the first thing i see when i log in. But i got nothing.

Um......... I've got another exam this saturday. Then only 4 more, and i'm done. More letters after my name.

Fuck, i just checked my old email, i've got 94 new messages. Who the fuck is emailing me??? AND some guy on bebo keeps friend requesting me, and i keep declining, and he just does it all again. I don't know him. I don't understand the internet.

This isn't so upbeat. I dropped my mp3 player on my head, and now i have a huge bump, craftily hidden by my fringe. It shall be long to hide my bumpage for a small bit. It's sore. I felt very stupid after though.

I hate my job more than ever.

Said bump on the head broke my mp3 player. I'm lost without it....

I'm VERY looking forward to going to see Motion City Soundtrack, i've convinced someone that i have a smidge of a crush on to come with. Yum. We'll have a good time.


My friend John has been so good to me lately. He listens to me blip, and takes me shopping, and to the cinema, and tells me it'll get easier. I hope it will. Hey, what doesn't kill us, makes us who we are, right? Hope so.

I'm going to think of upbeat things to update with going forward. And i'll be a pleasure to be around, and you lot will love reading my blogs. That's a promise.

Just not yet it would seem. blackeyed
SEPTEMBER 15, 2007 @ 12:29 PM

Ummmmm.

I keep saying to myself i have to update, and every time i sit down to write this fucking thing, it all ends up so emo and shit and contrived. I guess that's todays mood. Shall we just go with it?

II've had an awful day. Really bad. I had my first exam this morning, and ya, i was nervous. That's how these things work, innit? But it was in a long exam hall. I got new glasses about 3 weeks ago, and i noticed i was having trouble focusing, and i went back about it, and was somewhat pawned off. Anyway, today, in my exam, i couldn't see the clock. That's a lie, i could see it, but the numbers were so blurred, and i was freaking out. So after my exam, (which i'm not entirely sure how it went, i THINK i answered all the questions right, i mean, that's why i answered em that way) i went to the opticians. To be honest i don't think she believed me that things were so blurry. She did loads of tests, and she put these drops in my eyes, and told me to come back in half an hour. So i went for some tea and cake (don't pretend you're surprised by this), and about 20 mins later, i started freaking again. I couldn't see at all. Like, couldn't focus on anything, and my eyes burned. So, i ran back to the optician, and she did more tests. And i've to go back tomorrow for more. And i rung all my friends to see if they could come meet me, cuz i could barely see. But everyone was hungover. So, i literally stumbled home. On the way some old couple asked me for directions, and i couldn't look at them, and tried to help them, but ended up bursting out crying. And when i get upset i get stomach pains, and when i made it home i curled up in bed, and that's where i've spent all my saturday.

Stupid eyes.

All i want in the world is someone to come sit with me on the couch, and tell me to stop being a silly sausage, and it'll be ok. I mean, i can see again. But...

I never know what to write here, i mean, how personal is too personal? Well sack it, i've met someone, fallen in love. And it wouldn't be me if it wasn't a disaster already. I hope it gets easier. Stupid distance.

I think that's enough for tonight. I need some tea. Do you think my friend Martina would mind if i called to her house without showering or brushing my hair? I really feel like shit, and can't face any sort of personal hygiene tonight. Meh.

I bought tickets to see Motion City Soundtrack in Dublin in 2 weeks, that'll cheer me up.
AUGUST 30, 2007 @ 04:54 AM

I said i wouldn't update without having anything to say anymore. And now i have something to say.

My love of eurovision is legendry. I love it, count down the months to May every year, and have eurovision parties and generally am the queen of tack for one night. (Well, more so than usual) Well, now, this year, there's a eurovision DANCE contest....... And i'ts on THIS saturday night. How exciting. I nearly pee'd myself with excitement when i heard it. (This is also a lie. I staright out did pee myself, but one has to maintain a certain air of dignity, doens't one?) Oh goodness, i'm so excited. AND the Irish crowd, yer'man is from Cork, so you'd all want to get to voting for em. And almostfamous, you'd better NOT text me this time telling me the irish entry is shit, and that we're never gonna win again. We're undisputed Eurovision song contest champions. Yes, i do know all the facts. And i'm not ashamed.

BUT....... My oldest friend is having an engagement party this Saturday. Oh dear. It's a proper pickle. There were 3 of us, and we were such good friends, me, Noelle and Aisling. Noelle's getting married, Aisling's 7 months pregnant and i'm................well. I'm nothing. So they decided i should do something as life altering. So i'm having a sex change. I'm gonna be a real girl, for real soon. Hells ya.

Tonight though, i'm finally doing the one thing i've always wanted to do......speed dating. Yup, i don't care, i'm going. I wanted to go anyway, and then my friend suggested it to me, and well, i'm team bre bre all teh way, so i'l be there with bells on. Scaring LOTS of boys off. I'm gonna go for a record, how many boys i can repulse and frighten off in a limited time span. Oh i can't wait.

And i had a fantastic birthday. I love my friends. Very much. They really mean the world to me.

And that's it really. Might not be blog worthy to you, but midst all my studying, it's blog worthy to me. Studying's going really well. I'm actually proud of how much work i've put in.

And that's your lot.
AUGUST 5, 2007 @ 02:09 PM

It's been ages since i've updated. So, i shall.

Um..... I'm sure something noteworthy MUST have happened.

No, in actual fact, nothing has happened. It's been all reading Harry Potter, studying, going to work, moaning, blipping and cake eating. Not much new there.

I got a new piercing. I was super brave, and got my hood pierced. I was more nervous about getting my junk out in front of TWO people than getting the actual thing done. And the guy i go to is so so funny, i really like him, hence the reason i go to him, and he was showing the new girl how to do it, and it took AGES......... And then, cuz i let the new girl practice on me (even though she was more nervous than me, and i could feel her shaking and she chickened out in the end) he didn't charge me. How nice was that. So i'm €150 up. It's really nice, i like it. Except i can't run up stairs two steps at a time yet, that hurts.

I went to the park today. For a pleasant day out. We took pictures. Always good to brighten up a crap blog

We go to Fitzgeralds park, it's so so pretty, it's like in the centre of Cork City, and it's so peaceful and beautiful. Till we get there.
So, we smelled some flowers

Till a bumblebee tried to go up my nose, cue much flapping and blipping.

Played some hide and seek

I'm not very good at it. I'm not much good at anything that requires me to be discreet and quiet.
There was an exhibition thingy on, with photos of indigenous families from all over the world. You can see behind me one of the families, clearly from a 1st world country. I was a bit put out by the fact that the Irish family were a pikey family. Hence the scowl. I'm sure almostfamous planted that on purpose.

WE'RE NOT ALL PIKEY'S. However, it is the dream most of us aspire to.
There's a big pond in the middle, with ducks.And these yokes, what're they called again?

Raistlyn wouldn't let me push him in, selfish cunt.
I get distraced easy by pretty things.

And i found a snail, did i ever tell you i love snails. Like think that they are fascinating. I can sit and watch them for hours, i think they are magnificent, and beautiful, and perfect.



So, that was my fun day out. I've been in for ages studying. I'm so fed up of studying, but i have a tyrant pushing me on, who refuses to talk to me unless i've done 2 hours a day. Sssssh, don't tell him i've only done 1 hour this weekend, and it was yesterday. I'm doing my qfa, which is TOUGH, and i've got lectures all throughout my 2 weeks holidays, so i had to cancel my trip to wales with the lovely uk girls, and i've even got a class on my birthday. Crap. So, i've managed to salvage a few days, where i can get away, and i'm going to Spain. It's going to be so so good. There is a reason i'm so looking forward to it, and they know why. But bloody hell, i've got financial nonsense coming out my ears. This course is mortgages, and i'm doing regulation this term too. Hefty stuff, but i made my bed. And once i get all my work done, i get to be in Spain with my crush. Eeeeeeeeeeeee.

OH, i nearly forgot, you HAVE to go perv on Dixy and Anarchie's new sets. YUM.


Them's some good looking women. And might i point out, that they were ALL there, along with Bonnie when my last set was being shot. And holy hell, i got so nervous, and had the stagefright, and demanded they all hide in the bathroom. What a pansy i am. HA, YOU'D GET NERVOUS TOO, LOOK AT THEM....

I had huge plans to go out tonight, but those plans have fallen apart. So i'm going to sit on my couch, under a duvet, and watch my new latest obsession: Totally Jodie Marsh. Who will indeed take her up the aisle. Poor fucker doesn't know what's in store.




Ha, night you lot. I've missed you. kiss
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