I'm an honest girl, i see no shame in being honest. So i'll tell you a little story. 5 years ago i met a boy on the internet. This boy:

We got on. I can't even describe how we got on. I had a HUGE internet crush on him. He was my first ever internet crush, and i was so stupidly into this guy. We lost contact after a few months, but he's always been at the back of my mind. A year ago, he found me on bebo, and we've started talking again. We've both grown up, but we still get on. And my internet crush was re-ignited, something wicked. Anyway, i went over to meet him last June. We went to see strung out in Glasgow, and the whole trip was great. We get on even better in real life, and i was properly smitten. But nothing happened. So, we've made a HUGE effort to stay in touch since then, we pretty much text every night, email a lot. msn occasionaly. And we've stayed close. Then, a few weeks ago, he texted me, and i was just getting ready to go on a date, which i told him, and he had a moment. He told me that HE wanted to go out with me, and the fact that i live in a different country doesn't put him off, and that could i see an us? Which of course, i could. But, after my, ahem, bad experiences i was slow to jump in. We've gotten to know each other really well, and we talked about it, and the pro's and con's, and weighed it all up. The decision we came to, was, to meet up, and see how it went. If it worked, we'd see where it went. If not, at least we tried. So, plan was for me to go to Glasgow, and we'd hang out. Booked everything, had everythign organized, and he'd got the time off work, and we'd everything all planned out. So, off i went, over to glasgow...........................

I heard nothing from him, and he KNEW i was over. Nothing at all, so i texted him, to see where he was, was he coming out. I got a text a while later saying "i won't be able to make it". I was crushed. I came ALL the way, to be stood up. I can be stood up in Cork, not as spectacularly mind, but i don't need to travel to a whole other country to get stood up... Then, a few days later, i got a text off his mate, saying he'd hurt his leg, and was in hospital. I don't quite know if that's just an excuse, or not, but i think i deserved to know a lot sooner, and by him, not some bloke he knows. There are no words to describe how let down i felt. I felt so stupid, and if it wasn't for Lofty, i'd have been completly on my own, feeling sorry for myself.

Then, to add salt to the wound, i came back to Ireland yesterday lunchtime. By afternoon, he'd texted, granted, he apologized, but he had the nerve to say that he'd come over here in a few weeks, if he was allowed. I just don't get how someone can be so rude, and insensitive. I did salvage my trip, and had a great time, but i'd have rather have done it without being stood up, and dicked about.

So, now, officially my faith in men is gone. I managed to hold ALL my tears in too, till i got to the airport yesterday morning, and just lost it. I was sat there, sobbing. feeling so useless, and stupid. I just wanted to go home. When i got off my flight, i felt so relieved to be home, times like those you'd love for someone to pick you up at the airport, and just be nice to you, but i wasn't expecting it. So, to my surprise, there was my best friend, sat waiting for me at arrivals, with a HUGE hot chocolate for me, and he gave me a giant hug. And he'd a bottle of malibu at home for me, and a holiday brochure, to plan our next holiday, so we can be guaranteed it won't be a disaster. I love my friends. And i know how lucky i am, but this was a MAJOR kick in the confidence for me.

I'll get over it, and i know it's his loss, not mine. But still, i feel so stupid now. And have so given up. I shall dedicate my life to study, and cake.....