I get little mini panic attacks all the time on public transport recently, always feeling like im going to be sick. I never have so i just have to keep reminding myself of that.
Being positive is overrated.
Misery means you can treat disapointment with indifference.
Im probably a good example of this.
I strive to make people laugh but im a right misery-guts.
A mess of contradictions.
Oh well...

Well of course she's going to have a go at you

Things will get better, what happened to your warm fuzzy feeling? You don't have to be positive all the time, just realistic. There is no reason you can't want the best all the time, just don't be suprised if it doesn't quite work out. Great advice from someone that fails to do that themselves, eh? I guess it's like the old saying, those that can, do, those that can not, lecture about it...

I wanna be there with you, Melissa & Sparrow!

Recently another SG inadvertently clued me in on something. The First Noble Truth of Buddhism is "life is a clusterfuck of emotional states". I've taken years to make much headway against my emotional states and I've still a long ways to go.

I guess the buddhist approach is not to identify yourself with your emotional states. To stand apart from them a bit. That entails things like not regarding yourself as an idiot because of your having panic attacks. I only ever had one but that was enough. In a sense those of us out here in internetland who have suffered from panic attacks are not total strangers to you in that we have at least that in common. You don't so much have to fight to be positive all the time so much as take the perspective that emotional states are things that come and go like rainstorms. At least your emotional states should be more manageable when you're old like me and have more dead brain cells. That mellows you out a bit.

You don't give chances? Being as you and Dave took exceptionally good care of some "twunt" that you'd only met twice from the internet I find that to be a pile of poo. (I mean me, not being rude about any of your other folks that you've hosted in Cork.)

If I win the lottery I may nip across for that meet, as it is I've told Dave that I'm coming to see his new house at some point.

Oh feck. I'm really sorry to hear you're feeling that way - for one it's true forLofty you can't be positive all the time - but positivity involves looking at the brighter side of shite situations as well as expecting the best! Mind you sometimes it's just too much effort - but anything in excess is bad for ya, everyone knows that!

It's awful to be confronted with yourself sometimes - I scare the shite outta myself when I really think too hard about situations, conversations, etc. We all feel twatty sometimes but it doesn't mean we're not still decent people.

You shouldn't feel like an idiot over the panic attacks - they're not fuckin' pleasant - I've only ever really witnessed 'em but Jennie (my lady) used to get them really bad all the time where she felt she couldn't breathe until she vomited eventually. It's scary but it always passes - same with anything - I don't know you as much as you don't know me but you seem like a really genuine and decent person and so many people seem to agree so it must be true right?

And as for getting rid of negative elements/people etc in our lives - well that's plain just easier said than done - plus you can't be positive without a negative to balance it out!? If you can realise that in your immediate surroundings, in your own space/head/whatever that things are cool then who gives a fuck what anybody else is up to? I managed to cut ties with this one person who was a major source of life suckage but it wasn't exactly easy. But when they were everywhere I was I just ignored it. Got on with my own shit, emmersed myself in the people who I know truely love and care for me and eventually they seem so unimportant and you wonder why you let them have such a huge influence on your life in the first place!!!

...bleh, I'm rambling now and I've no idea what you're dealing with really so I'm probably totally off point but there ya go - feel free to ignore the bleh above if you so choose. You seem to know what's drawing in all the shit so I just hope it works out for you - and I'm sure it will - you have a good head on ya I'd say!!

xo

P.S. Sorry bout the epic comment

Compassion and tolerance are not a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength. - His Holiness the Dalai Lama.

I always learn new things when I read your blog, i've never heard the phrase "positive polly".

As for the panic attacks, well, if you want a chuckle, I had a doozy of one a little over a week ago, it was so bad I went to the doc, some phrases not to use at the doctor's office even if it is true "I thought I was going to die." So my doc has gone mental and is sending me all over the place, cardiologists, specialists, the works, as she thinks I'm going to asplode.

Just out of curiosity, do they have duckpin bowling in Ireland?

To be honest, I'm still running with the cake concept.

Being positive and keeping a positive outlook can be exhausting as well as disappointing. Things will work out for you in the long run though. I think you've got a success formula hiding away there somewhere, but it's biding its time, waiting until the conditions are right. What's even more important is that you *want* to succeed and you're willing to work hard on it. That's more than half the battle won already.
I have faith you'll be fine, so there
And yeah, culling people is never fun, but it really does have to be done. I know people who aren't brave or determined enough to get rid of the wasters in their lives, and they just drag them down. One friend in particular has finally been brave and jettisoned a lot of the people who drain him and are a negative influence, all but one. This one friend is an ex-friend of mine who I drop kicked in to touch many years ago because underneath the fun and personable exterior is hidden a quite selfish and self absorbed person. Recently my friend has been making loads of positive changes, and then WHOOOM! Shit-friend kicks him in the balls.
This experience has taught my friend he should have been tougher to start with. A cautionary tale. Daunting yes. Neccessary- absofuckinglutely.

Oh,and I'm all up for a challenge! I've got a fair bit on over the next month or so but I'll catch you next time I see you and we can sort something out in terms of exciting plans.

I'm not going to go on a major rant here or write my normal war and peace for you, it's boring.

But, I know exactly how you feel chick. I've been having panic attacks since I was very young (I used to think I was having a heart attack and everyone used to laugh at me). Now they only ever come about when I'm on the tube, it's very strange. Still, they suck big time and the only advice I can give you is to breathe as slowly and deeply as you can while counting to 10. It helps me, but then I'm sure you've already worked out what helps for you. Feeling like you're going to vom is the worst feeling ever!

No-one can be "Positive Polly" all the time, thats just ridiculous.

If you've succeeded in getting rid of the deadwood in your life, please help me do the same. Any/all of my SG friends will tell you how I've been suffering on this particular problem!

Whether you're an idiot or not, you're a cute one, and I've often had a little chuckle or two over your blogs!

Keep smiling love, you have good teeth!

xx

more often then not, i'm right at the same tea table serving up cup after cup of wtf
i can pour in as much honey as i'd like or cube after cube of sugar but that gets a little old and i end up just washing everything down all bitter...
sometimes theres cakes, sometimes the cakes suck ass
one foot in front of the other, and just when you think you've got it all nailed down
someone screams "CLEAN CUPS!!!" or you get kicked under the table right in the patoodey...
i have no idea where i'm going with all this metaphor but sometimes it helps to know that just about everyone gets blue or negative.
i hope you get it sorted and feel better about things
at least for a few moments long enough to gather yourself up for the next round
maybe someday everyone will meet at the same sane moment and enjoy the party

shit. i been gone for a few days and things happen. everybody re-evaluates at some stage. what about positive tapes or something? by the way did you get that union rep to sort that shit out at work. anbd are you keeping a record?