Okay I had a really wierd experience at work tonite. I'm a life model, which means I pose fer artists and they draw me blah blah blah. I usually do a series of poses anywhere from 10 seconds to 5 hours.
Anyway, tonite at work I was complaing about how I have all these exams. You see I accidentally booked work every nite this week and I have an exam every moring this week. So I was kinda bitching about it and the directer says, well why dont you just pose and do yer homework while we draw you. So I'm like okay I'll just read the book that I have to study. But they all insist they want me to read out loud and maybe they can help.
so here I am naked, sitting in a rocking chair, reading the evolution of biology to a bunch of adults who are drawing me, and acting as my human dictionary! It was so funny. I felt like a really fucked up 2nd grade teacher sitting in that rocking chair reading to them naked. Guess you know yer comfortable with nudity when. . . .

Oh my fuckin god! I think I'm gonna have a freakin heartattack!
My day has been goddamned crazy so far and its only 2 in the afternoon!
I had a take home exam that was due this mornig in leture. I had to print it at my mothers house since my printer doesn't work and I dont have word on my comupter. So I go to my moms house today (who is my neighbor) and find shes gone in and made a few corrections! UGH!!!!!!!!! There is a reason I dont live at home! So I spend half an hour fixing what she's done. Then I call her at work and tell her to drive me to the subway station since her annoyingness has made me late for my class. So she drives me and I get on the subway. A few minutes later tho, they kick us off the subway becuz someone has jumped! The I run in to this guy who goes to my school. We attempt to take the shuttle buses that are available, but its USELESS! So he calls his father to drive us to school. My school is fuckin far by the way. So I finally get here to find out that my lecture has been cancelled becuz the prof didn't show but my exam is still due. So I proceed to run around like a chicken with its head cut off trying to find my T.A. Who I never found, but I did find her mailbox and droppd the exam off. It better not be marked late! jesus christ this morning suck ass! . . . did I mention I HATE SCHOOL!

You know what would really turn me on!. . . A REAL FUCKING MAN! I mean I'm tired, I'm so tired of typical men feeding into stereotypes and and striving to be so fucking macho that all they really are is an idea of masculinity thats manfested into a SCARY reality. Their not real, or maybe, sadly they are.
I just want to see more guys, be individual. I wanna see stregnth shown through the courage of standing apart from the norm instead of conforming. And I'm not saying i want to see men acting typically "feminine" either. I'm just saying I wanna see people be who they are with out conforming to gender roles or stereotypes. I think thats way cooler and sexier for sure!
I find it real shit thats its way easier for us chicks to break away from our gender roles than it is for men. (IE ya know that modonna song where it says, " women can wear pants but if a boy wears a skirt its degrading") I guess maybe becuz we've been fighting for our freedom, whether in polotics, the home or within our own character for so fucking long! I think its time we saw some men start fighting fer their freedom! So come on! FIGHT! Isn't that what men are "good" at? Isnt that what comes "naturally" fer them? Fight to be who you are er who you wish you could be if it wasn't fer societies pesky unwritten rules. Cry if you want to. If you dont want to fight, (physically) then walk away. Walking away takes more courage anyway. Show yer strength thru standing apart. Masculinity means being in control, being strong, and having power over yerself, other men, and over women. It means being violent, having big muscles, and a big cock! Well I say FUCK THAT! I like small cocks they do me fine. And I dont preticularly like men being violent. I will not be controlled by anyone, male er female. So I'm using my journal entry to do my part in stoping womens validation of these negative ideas of musculinity. Men act the way they do, becuz other men and women, reinforce that kind of behaviour. Well I certainly cant complain about a man not being able to communicate his feelings with me if I'm gonna continue to support this idea of ideal musculinity. So I'm earning the right to bitch about it here.
I've stated my views and now I can say I'M OFFICIALLY PISSED! C'mon guys! show us how strong you really are!

ugh I am slightly hung over
I went out last nite and met zarina yay had a good time but Its eight-thirty in the freakin morning and I have to work damnit! . . . yes and someting still possesed me to come one the site fer a bit this early in the morn I'm addicted already what can I say!
I think this new friends things is kinda wierd. I swear to god I' not a bitch if I decline a friendship. I want my friends list to reflect who I'm really interested in, talk to , er read their journal. If I fill it up with a shitload of people, I know myself, I'll lose track of people and whos who. But at this point I dunno if I have the heart to decline a friendship still. hmm debating debating Maybe I'll just be friends with everyone and get rid of 'em if they're an ass! er I dunno, I have to think about this one. . . it makes me feel awkward Well now I'm off to work yeah Then back to do homeowrk yeah my lifes not very interesting today

yay I got soooo much shit done tonite. I have like three exams this coming week and I have to prepare! plus I have a takehome which I've gotta pretty good start on now. I wanna get it all outta the way so i can party this weekend! I also finished the latest booklet for the proram I run. Its on gay lesbian bi straight trans stuff. . .and I finished our lates zine. the program I run is called Friends Uniting Conoms with Kids aka F.U.C.K We promote safer sex to youth in this area's punk scene . . .well we're loosely based in the punk scene whatever that means! I hate labelling shit but its so hard not to. anyway, our zine is called the AmaZine F.U.C.K! get it!? he he And this latest issue is called Bigger Wetter Better! ha ha I thought that was so funny! one of my volunteers came up with it. Anyway I just finished putting it all together so I'm so happy its all outta the way. YAY for my insomniac, hyperfocsing, anxiety ridden, nervous, cant sleep, crazy, go go go, some one tie me down energy time fer bed. I guess.
theres nothing left to do . . .

so I'm really bored. my leg fuckin hurts still and I had a dance class today I'm waiting fer my next class to start la la la I'm so bored. tonite will be fun tho. I'm goin to a burlesque show woo hoo!

yay got my fucking tattoo finished wooo fuckin hooo! I'm so happy and it looks kickass! it was a cover up so its finally done and I feel so relieved. I hate having half finsihed work on my body I feel all scattered. See the piece on my right leg and the piece on my left leg match, but only one of them was finished and I felt all unbalanced. Anyway its done so I'm happy yay!

So the MADness is over, but I'm STILL right ha!
Had a good time last nite. Saw DOA and the class assassins. was fun was fun. But I had to leave cuz the people I was with got 86'd from the bar not me tho I was a good girl
Went to a firends after with the intent of partying, but I just couldn't do it. I was way tooooo tired. So I went home and slept in all day. Haven't seen the sun today and thats fine by me. Today was spent recovvering. Am gonna go rent movies and order chinese now

So today was blah so far. I worked all morning. I'm a life model, so that means I sat on my ass for 5 hours and got piad for it! Which I guess sounds cool except today I worked for a bunch of seniors who like ogle at my peircings and make stupid, insulting, ignorant comments. . . its just annoying afer a while.
Then I went to a job interview for this fetish store. Meh, it'd be an interesting job.
On my way home I had to walk the last 5 blocks, which I was pissed about, until I found out it was becuz a homeless guy got run over and killed by a cement truck right at the corner of my street. Which is horrible, and made me grateful that I was alive to walk those five blocks!
So, ertain somebodies are still mad at me and that puts me in a shit mood. But whatever,
I'M ALWAYS RIGHT SO FUCK IT
Hopefully there will be fun stuff happenin tonite. that will cheer me up. . . and I get to sleep in tomorrow!

So I had a fun evening of burlesque and booze! I went to get my tattoos finished today. . . didn't work out but soon, very soon! My leg is almost done. I have a cover up peice in progress. maybe monday It'll be done. . . maybe monday. Then I went to see some burlesque down town. It was soooo fun! I'm throwing a show in jan and I'm trying to get some of the girls to perfom at my show. So I went out tonite to meet some tof them. Hopefully it will all work out. In any case, It was a fun nite watching booty shakin and wicked cool outfits get tossed all over the stage. Now I'm home, sobering up and well, updating my journal . . .
I just wanna say too that everyone has been soooo nice here so far. Not that I expected people to shitheads or anyting, I just never ecpected y'all to be as nice as yer turnin out to be. Thats cool. I like this site a lot so far. AND I CANT WAIT FOR MY SET TO BE UP! yay I'm excited!