I'm in a bad mood. . . . everything is shit. . . . today sucks and I hate that one day matters so much to me. everything sucks right now. I'm holidays from school and work, so all I do is sit around and get bored or go out and party which is only temporarily fun. . . its not fulfilling. I need distraction now cuz my life, at the moment is so wierd. X-mas time is a bad time to need distraction. now I've got all this free time and not enough booze or friends to fill it up with

Okay so I'm back again so soon! and I'm making a new rule fer myself. . . . NO RESPONDING TO JOURNAL COMMENTS WHEN DRUNK! I think thats a pretty goood one! I was trashed last nite and read some of the coments I made this moring. . . and well. . . . I'm retarded.

Guess what everybody! I DIDN'T GET LAID LAST NITE! Kay now I'm doing it sober. This is the true extent of my patheticness. . . .
Although I dont know who I couldve screwed anyway so it seems obsured that I'm pissed about not getting laid! anyway, so thats my new rule.

I'm goin out tonite. . . my sexdrive is in overkill. . . for various reasons which I wont go into on here but anyway. . . I dont know why I'm even so all about this getting laid thing, cuz I'm not much into casual sex so. . . . . I have problems I think. . . .yeah

tada!
thats my entry I got nothing more to say other than bitch about being so trashed last nite, when I'm just gonna go out and do it again tonite, and bitch about not getting laid when I'm not gonna fuck the first person who comes along either so. . . . . there it is. . . .discuss amongst yerselves. . . .

So I watched this really wierd show last nite on WTN. These two women were telling stories of events that had happened to them in their lives. It would flip back and forth bewteen one womans story to the next. The weird thing washow the stories couldnt be more opposite from each other! One woman told a story about this guy she'd gone to visit, and when she told him she didn't wanna have sex with him he asked if she would at least watch him jerk off. . . which she said yes to and beyond that the story was kinda lame. But this other woman told a story about how her and her sister had maggots living under their skin and how they had to have the doctors remove it. ewwwww It was so gross. Within a week of the maggot being removed from her skin it turned into a fly OHMYGOD I cant even write about it wihtout getting sick to my stomach. I just dont get what each story had to do with the other,. . . It was really bizzarr. Anyway, so Yeah thats how I spent my Friday nite. . .I really wanted to go out but I was sooooo tired. I've been out pretty much every nite for the psat 2 weeks! I needed a break.
I'm getting my haircut today! I'm sooo excited. I'll take a pic as soon as I'm done. woo hoo! I need something new. And damnit I'm tired of people calling me FUCKING avril! I really cant stand it. Especially since my hair has been this way fer four years. . . but then again I guess thats a sign too. After 4 years I guess its starting to get boring. So fuck avril she can have my lame ass hairstyle!
I'm gettin a new one I'm damn excited!

Okay so I'm changing my journal to something a little less pathetic and depressing. . . . although I'm still sad and confused and all that crap. hmmmmm

Well I spoke today at the workshop, it went really well. I was so nervous! But everyone responed really well, and they all really liked my program which is good because we're trying to get funding and this is a good way to get the word out. They had some really good ideas.. And I'm all excited about new plans I have now for the program. anyway. . . .

I'm hungry.
My internet is down tody, so I'm at my moms now It should be fixed by tomorrow. It better be!
I'm a little hungover too. I got pretty drunk last nite. Dont you hate it when you go out to have a good time, get pretty drunk and the next day feel like you have to question yer behaviour like maybe you did something stupid, or maybe you weren't really that funny. . . am I making sense? Anyway, I do that, and I hate it. Maybe I shouldnt get so drunk he he whatever.

Anyway I guess thats all for now. There are so many things on my mind that I cant really write about here so I guess I'll just stop writing fer now then.

I wanna be kissed and hugged and cuddled cuz I feel all sad I hate felling this way. I wanna go out and party and get drunk and stuff, but that never really works anyhow. I'm so confused. My life is really good right now for the most part. But it sucks ass in the love department. . . . I'm lonely someone be nice to me
. . . . yes I 'm sure my begging is really attractive!

on the up side
Toronto Pulic Health asked me to speak about my program at a workshop their holding on harm reduction and prevention. . . .and they wanna pay me! But I'm nrevous. Thats tomorrow. I think I'm just gonna wing it. I'll be less nervous that way. I just have to talk about my program and then answer questions about youth and youth in the punk scene, which is actually funny if you know me. but anyway.
blah I have nothing else to say except my house is dirty and I have to clean it. . . . oh joy
today is so much fun already!

So I hung out with Anouck Jezebelle and Kiscica a couple days ago. Had a really good time too. Me Kiscica and Jezebelle shot a really cute set. I just hope the pics all work out.
My life is wierd right now. But busy, busy is good i guess.
The promoter fer my show just bailed on me, but whatever I'll do it all myself. Just got all our flyers made and am working on finishing our poster tonite, it looks soooo good. I got my friend to draw up this really cool picture for it. So I guess I have to go do that. I cant keep procrastinating or no one will show up. . . . thats a scary thought!
If anyone wants to know about the show its posted here on the site. Its the F.U.C.K. Benefit show. thats all fer now . . .
oh, and I'm sick

SO I'VE BEEN TOLD!
Apparantly, I need candids. . . .well I TRIED! The pics were too big and I cant resize them. I've been trying fer like a half hour and all I did was crop it GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
I HATE COMPUTERS! I'm fucking retarted with them. help. I want my pics up here but I can put any here cuz they're all too damn big. If anybody wants to see my cuteness, they better help me!
Oh and last night was very fun all. I saw Anouck and Jezebelle we had good times. . . . Tegan got lost I dunno, I couldn't find her. . . hehe but there is more funness to be had cuz tonite Kiscica is comin down! woo hoo! I want to get naked with her
somebody better help me with these damn pics

So, I went out with Bennymac and Kiscica last nite. was fun times I gave sum41 condoms hehe, was promoting my program. . .whatever its funny to me
NO me and kiscica didn't get to shoot a set together and YEAH thats my fault but soon soon soon we will get naked toether I promise everyone! he he
I'M ON CHRISTMAS HOLIDAYS! Oh joy to the fuckin world! I'm soooo happy not be be in school fer a while. I'm off till jan 5 thats a pretty good break! So of course I slept in real late this morning, now I'm eating suckers and I'mgonna watch TV! Ohwhat a life

GRRRRRRRRRRRRR I hate stupid internet porn sites that pop up all over the fuckin place! The past couple days they've been popping up when I press a links on this site er try to make a smiley in a comment er something. wierd eh? And just now, I went out of the site fer a sec. and when I tried to get back in all this porn popped up AND I'M AT THE SCHOOL LIBRARY! I cant look at porn here damnit! that makes me so mad! I was all panicked trying to get rid of the porn and IT JUST KEPT POPPING UP! ahhh!!I'm traumatized now hehe.
I shot another set the other nite. . . .yea I know that makes no sense with my first one not even up yet. . . whatever, I like dressing all sexy, putting on lots of makeup and then getting naked fer a camera hehe. It worked out so well too. BUt I gotta wait fer this first one to go up b4 I submit the new one. sigh

Well so far this weekend has been filled with fun fun fun! Hung out with Kiscica and Tegan the other nite. Was a very good time, but I totally got nooo sleep!. . . that's okay tho, they we're worth it
Not really much to say, c'ept I'm nursing a hangover that now seems to have come to be expected each morn. . . . I think thats a sign he he.
My roomate is moving out tomorrow, so I have to go burn all their CDs before they go! haha I have no good music and I'm too poor to buy any!
So I'm off. And will write something more interesting when that something comes along.