'They say there are things known as food for thought--and this makes me wonder. It makes me wonder what is food, and what is thought? When one goes and partakes of some sustenance, is that for the mind, or the belly? Maybe studying helps our stomachs, and food is only for the mind. If that is the case, then what is a fork, and what is a pen? Is a fork the new writing implement, and a pen is used for eating? This could cause many problems, both with ink poisoning, as well as knowing how a fork can be used to--write? What is everything in the big scheme of things? Suppose the namer of all things actually meant for a fork to be for writing, and a pen for carrying meat and other such things--but then what is meat? Is meat that which comes from an animal, and is digested by some to satisfy some thirst? Or is meat some other "thing," such as toilet paper,or a dustbuster? These thoughts cause earthquakes and trauma to the brain--but someone must think of these things, before some person eats a dustbuster with a pen.'



It's sad...I cant eat without hugging this cold white object in the bathroom afterwards....

I WANT PIZZA! And I want to cuddle and be somewhere else...and sometimes I wanna be gone...forever..

I'm going home to my mum's on Thursday...I'm so scared though....really scared....Who could guess that by just leaving a damn hospital could make a 23 year old fuckin scared...



It's scary cause ... I'm still on all my medz and I dunno if I'm going to be able to function... *Cries*

ps~ I made it to Wyoming...ummm where the hell is everything? This must be a joke...I had more to look at in the hospital...hahaha....ok I'm off to go sleep and maybe try and eat...

Into the mind of a seriously twisted individual......

I was in this desert a couple days ago, it was quiet and solemn. I just kept walking, It must of been half past seven or something because the sun was barely peeking up over the horizen. And there it was, a factory, that had appeared out of no where. The building seemed extinct and its style was antediluvian. Which was odd because that type of style was before factories were around. So to classify the style of the building as antediluvian would be hard to describe. Lets just say that it was covered in tons of paint and it had possums hanging from its rails while elephants ate leaves off the wall. Anyways, I walked up to the strange building, opened the huge, large door and walked into an open room with lepurchans. One of them immediately turned around and blew up into a million pieces. The explosion was so loud that the whole building blew up into a million pieces. That night... I called a voice on the phone. Hey... no... no... My name is Jack... I don't know you either... Yeah, well anywa-... No... Yeah, I was in the desert and I killed someone... Yeah... Jack... What?... No... Its not that big of a deal... I know what you mean... Lepurchans... A lot of them... No... no... yes... yes... spinach... a white shirt... pants... no... yes... ok... wait... yeah...ok... where... ok... yeah I know where that is... ok bye... wait... what... yeah so anyways I dunno... oh ok.... yeah... oh cool... yeah... Pancakes would be nice... ok bye... Soon the phone rang again but this time it blew up and I fell into a large lake full of old people... And there was a star with large boobs in the sky and I couldnt stop looking at it, and I felt confused as I saw a large waterfall and as I fell off the waterfall, all the old people fell into a large butt. It was the most disgusting thing I've ever seen. And then I saw that I was right behind them so I pulled my parachute and flew across the sky into a hotel in the sky where fat police beat me to death with hot dogs. Yeah... so anyways... I fell down onto a gigantic trampoline where a bunch of dogs carried me out of the fire and onto the road. I walked the road like a drunk man, I couldn't think and then I saw some guy's mom and she gave me a billion dollars. I bought myself a car and to this very day you can see me driving away in a large Hostess Twinkie Vehicle.

THE END

P.S. this story is very true, somehow, I cant describe how it is true but it is very very true. You must believe me, this is scary, I'm still having nightmares...

Time for some reminiscing....
Believe it or not that girl with the blonde hair is me...yeah occasionally the Libster has got to dress normal....ugghh!!


I was so drunk in this picture....that's an adios mutha fucka I'm suckin on right there...thank you bartending school!!


Back when I was a closet rebel....I may look like an angel in these pics...but boy oh boy was I a little shit...





In other news........
I have the biggest crush on this hot girl!!!!! And she has bihawks!!! We're gonna have zombie tankgirl robot babies!!

it's a mini Libby....



it's all-grown-up-what-the-fuck-is-on-your-face Libby...



My mum is soo purdyyy...

Holy shit it's snowing outside!!!!
I was just dreaming it was...and now as I look out my "prison" window...it is....finally I can release.....something beautiful comes my way....today I will smile...

I hate morphine. I hate people and them thinking I'm not worthy of leading my own life...That I'm just some lost soul who's going to hell. Fuck all of you who think you know what's best for me...Fuck you who force religion on others...Fuck you who cast the first stone....Fuck you who say faith is all I need....Nietzsche said it right ..."Faith: Not wanting to know what is true." I've excepted the Truth: I have a disease...that causes pain, no doctor can help me, no friend can understand, no higher power can heal me, and there's nobody "who deserves" what life dishes out. I dont deserve this! I dont deserve to be tortured by pain and debilitation. I deserve to be happy and to be understood. Everyone goes through battles...but why do some have neverending battles? ..."it's those who are born strong and wise, that go through life's hardest challenges..." (some famous professor at Stanford..told me that)...Days like today make that very hard to believe...I want to wake up from my nightmare!!

In 24 hours I get to see actual daylight outside Stanford...I'm being transfered to a physical rehab. I'd show pics of my arm and leg but...I'd rather spare you all. It's breath-taking to some...damn CRPS/RSD to hell!!

Anyways....I cant wait to see this guy!


















....as a gift for leaving Stanford and my new 2nd Spinal Column Stimulator....my mum bought me a new laptop...I'm happily shocked and depressed all at the same time. I'm not out of my battle by far but I'm ok. My SCS took and I didnt lose my arm so...alls good in the hood...

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking....

Write all complaints legibly in this space------> [ ]

!

Well I'm back in the hospital...with lovely wire full of electrodes stuck in my spine....



Beautiful isn't it!

I was out of Stanford Hospital for less then a week and pretty much non-functional during that time...but here's a couple pics my mum managed to snap...

The day I left looking funky...



And my Ripper looking older...he's now 7 months old



Hopefully I'll be out soon.
Thank you all so much for all the awesome comments....
Much love!!

xXx Libster

Well good news is...I get out of the hospital in a couple days...and I prolly wont need the second machine surgery...but I'm still in lots of pain...and I'll be on pain killers and loads of pills for at least the next year or two...as for now it's all about gaining back the use of my left arm and leg with intense outpatient physical therapy for the next month and from what the docs are saying I should be able to resume most of my "normal" activities except driving and shit concidering the drugs...and looks as if I qualify from full SSI benefits...but that means I dont have to work...and personally I hate being somewhat dependnt...especially if it's on the government...Fuck the government! But then there's the $$...hahaha
For those going to the great playa in the sky...I envy you and hope you have a great time this year...
Miss you all!!
Thanks for all the comments ...

Love Libby

ps~I really wish I could "fuck the pain away"....