I'm going the fuck to hell..And I'm taking a few of you willingly (or unwillingly) with meh!
I've gotta share this textastic textversation I had with a friend earlier today..we'll call him 'FALSE, Nig Nog,' or 'FNN' for short..He let me borrow a pair of his navy blue jogging shorts 2 weeks ago during a drunken marine sleepover..He's since accused me of stealing them, however, he obviously isn't aware of one of the clearly important unspoken rules of drinking and sleepovers..I believe it's rule no 527b..And it states:

If home owner has intentionally invited still awake party goers to drunkedly stumble from one apartment 20 steps away into their apartment for a sleepover in his bed at 0613am, 3 hours before said EOD graduation, they must also provide said company with sleepover clothes to sleep in..ie: SHORTS, sweat pants, shirt, lingerie, ect..
Yes, I do believe that's how that rule is written exactly

FNN: I want my shorts back.

COMMANDO: What shorts? oh, you mean the ones i wore underneath my pants the sleepover night? you'll have to pay..

FNN: I already paid....you have my shorts!

COMMANDO: Shorts are not recognized as a form of currency..what effin country are u from FNN, seriously?! i wanna go there so u can pay my way in 'shorts'..that'd be awesome.

FNN: I've been drinking again so excuse my language, but I wanna be on you lol

COMMANDO: u suck at changing subjects. true story.

FNN: lol u know u like it.

COMMANDO: Sure. I like it like i want a handfull of habenero peppers stuffed up my snatch

FNN: That could be hot.

COMMANDO: Did u really wanna see me cry, u twisted sadist?!

FNN: hmmmm.... maybe lol

COMMANDO: Ur going to hell.

FNN: Nope. I provide salvation.

COMMANDO: U can't provide salvation thru torchure..who taught u how to be a savior?! Did u read a 'Salvation For Dummies' book?!

FNN: Nope. I don't do religion.

COMMANDO: Didn't think so, u back alley salvationalist! ur still going to hell

FNN: And you are coming with me.

COMMANDO: To hell, of course. I'll probably be driving the bus! Ur job will be to give me road head during our decend

FNN: Shouldn't it be the other way around when mentioning road head?

COMMANDO: No. it can be done. I've been on the receiving end of some amazing road head before. Maybe we could practice so that when we die, you'll be ready ;D

FNN: Im down for that

COMMANDO: You'll have to get in line..apparently, there are several others ahead of u who want 2 blow me while i'm driving the hellbound bus of death

FNN: I should be jumped up since im leaving soon

COMMANDO: aren't u leaving in march? that should be plenty of time 4 me 2 weed out the inexperienced oral divers before u..it's an arduous task, u know...

FNN: my dates got pushed up. i have to be there in march and im going home for all of feb.

COMMANDO: oh well that just fucked up the system of everything now didn't it?

FNN: That's what i'm saying. thats why i shuld be pushed up on the list

COMMANDO: it's not a list..it's a line & i'm not sure how the other line members will react 2 ur linejumping..there might be a coup

FNN: That's cool. your loss lol

COMMANDO: I'm just sayin u might have 2 fight off a few of them! are u not tough enough?!

FNN: Is the prize really worth that much?

COMMANDO: ha! apparently not if cg1 (creepy guy 1) stopped stalking me lolz
I'm gonna go jump off a bridge or choke to death on my tongue now lolz

FNN: Why?

COMMANDO: Because even cg doesn't want this hot mess nemores..what's worse? admitting that u pity-fucked a loser or having that same loser turn u down?

FNN: i wouldn't know..u haven't thrown me a pity fuck yet..

COMMANDO: I think I've retired from pity-fuckin 4 a minute after that last blow 2 my already nonexistent ego

FNN: Guess im outta luck then

COMMANDO: Sorry homie..hate me now?

FNN: Nah. just a few shattered dreams

COMMANDO: Sometimes dreams are better left in dream land and not acted out in real life..a little fuckin bird told me that once

FNN: I guess u don't have 2 worry about adjusting ur line then

COMMANDO: Don't be a h8r, captain guilt trip

FNN: Im just sayin

COMMANDO: Next time u think about just sayin something, run it by ur new buddy cg b4 u text it to me

FNN: You should be choked out for calling cg my friend

COMMANDO: Oh there u go again with that love talk, FNN...are we dating? I'm loving how far u let me get in these ridiculous text convos b4 u threaten me..it's cute.

FNN: lol dating? i just wanna see u naked again lol

COMMANDO: when did u see me naked to begin with??

FNN: my house when u stole my shorts

COMMANDO: funny, i thought i was already wearing those shorts underneath my pants because they were mine to begin with! ha!

FNN: ha. i don't think so!

COMMANDO: no seriously..what parts did u see??

FNN: Well, i saw where u have hair and where u don't ;D

COMMANDO: Who doesn't shave their lady bits these days? I mean would u still be interested if i had the same sonic the hedgehog hair style going on down there?

FNN: Maybe, just for the craziness factor though and my mouth would not go near the craziness

COMMANDO: Oh yeah? i thought u wanted a lil taste of this craziness since u obviously don't get enough of it in these texts..

FNN: Not if it looks like a hedgehog lol

COMMANDO: makes sense..udon't wanna shake hands witha prickly handed governor

FNN: NOPE.

Yes I still have his fuckin shorts and hell no he's not gettin them back!! As soon as I figure out how to upload pics, I'll post a few of the 'stolen booty' HAHAHA
g'niter.