I've noticed that I'm becoming a sort of default alcoholic. I've had problems with the substance in the past so it's always easy to take the low road and slip back to my heathen ways. Why deal with reality when there's a simple solution right there at the drive-through liquor store? And how convenient is that?! You don't even have to get out of your car to booze up!
It's easy to have that sort of mentality and lately I've been tinkering with it. Though, instead of running with the theme of "avoidance" I've been using the excuse of "socialization". I know I hate everyone, that I'm a hermit, and I'm getting older and feel it's only getting worse with time; so I thought I'd slowly take steps to try and turn this around. However, in this region the only thing to do is go to church or hit up the bars; maybe both in the same day depending on your denomination. With my not so glorious past there is no way I can sit in an alcohol slinging establishment and not have a drink. ...or eight. I suppose I can't blame the beer entirely, it's not like we have delicious breweries here like back home, moreso getting through the entire bar experience I'm sure. A yokel over here, a yokel over there - here a yokel, there a yokel, everywhere a yokel yokel.
I went to a guy's house last night after the bar to smoke a J and when I came out of the restroom he and my friend were in some conversation about interracial dating - and why it is disgusting. I had a mini-shit-fit before he butted in with, "at least I didn't say 'nigger'," at which point I just starred at him with hatred until he said he was an idiot and apologized.
I fucking hate people so hard.
And this brings me to another point, the more I move it seems like the worse friendships I acquire. I have a few friends back home that I absolutely adore. Here? It's fucking questionable. The instance above for example, that was MY friend involved in that conversation - how terrible do I feel about that. I want to like the people I know here for their good qualities, but why should I have to pick and choose? Why should I feel the need to get inebriated just to bring myself down to the same level?
Staying home with the cats and lurking around the house seems pathetic to me but on the other side the cats never say stupid shit that makes me want to rip their faces off and my house is pretty peaceful. Hmmmm...




I went out and took some lo-mo photos the other day. (Photography always cheers me up.) Here are some digital test shots:






















Oh yeah, and I'm quitting smoking for good, for serious, starting today. Long story short I've been having really horrible chest pains and last night I woke up at some ungodly hour and couldn't breathe even after hitting up my asthma inhaler. Fuck it, I don't want to die. Just thought I'd give fair warning that I'm going to be more of a ranting raving biatch than usual I imagine - tough titties.