PICS
Everything I know about my dad:
I can't even fake emotion for that subject.
And, obligatory holiday post:
One about nothing:
Another about nothing:
Permanence:
There.
I wrote.
Such an odd sensation, to attempt to continually write when you haven't been continually reading. Like tapping an empty fuel tank. I can actually physically feel the vacuum I'm creating. I tug at the space and it tugs back. Nothing is given.
So, I need to update the situation from my last post. It's been a hellish sort of week, but it's turning around slowly.
Thanks to a huge help from someone, a sort of "to the rescue" gesture, I was able to get in to be seen by a dentist as they opened after the holiday weekend. Spent about five hours there, and got the first part of a root canal done on the broken tooth. Considering my dentist back home, when I called, said [without seeing it] that it was likely that it would have to just be pulled -- I was pretty much relieved to the point of tears that they were going to be able to actually repair it. Unfortunately, still being one of the millions of people without insurance, every "incident" like this is horrifying to me, and threatening to my general stability. I have managed to avoid going to the hospital for four or five years now, and only go to a doctor when something is unbearable. Working while going to school full time is hard enough. But the season has slowed down, business-wise, and we're a bit overstaffed .. so it was pretty much the perfect storm of shit, to keep me from ever getting ahead financially. Frustrating, but it's just the balance I have going .. A balance easily thrown way askew.
So really, thank God for the person who lent me a hand. I don't know what I would have done. And the office usually does the procedure in a single visit, but they let me split it into two visits, and split the bill into two separate weeks. Though, with rent and all of my bills due this week, and a belt needing to be replaced on my car .. I'm having a hard time swinging $1,000 extra in a week. But at least they made that exception at all, y'know? One step at a time ..
The main assistant and the dentist were both super nice, super funny and joke-y, which is good .. because I was a WRECK the moment things were squared away and I knew we were doing it that day. Some of you know, I was unable to eat for about five days, because any presence of food even around my tooth would take the pain up several notches and would often break through whatever analgesics or pain relievers I was using [which, to my dismay, were only over the counter -- was so ironic that, even working with an overwhelming number of people who sell any drug they get their hands on, I couldn't track down a single Vicodin for its actual, indicated use. If I wanted to get fucked up, sure. But severe pain? Ehhh. Nope], and I hadn't been sleeping much. So I was a weak little bundle of nerves [in the case of that one spot in my mouth, .. literally. Bundle of nerves. Bleh].
So I spent Thursday - Monday with a straw and a cocktail, pretty much all waking hours, to dull the pain. And as much aspirin as I felt comfortable taking in combination.
Poor stomach.
Poor liver.
The root canal was confusing. I only "felt" it once, but I was crying kind of hysterically from the moment they finished the x-rays. I have a tremendous fear of dentists or anything tooth-related, so it really has nothing to do with the pain involved. I don't even like the thought of anyone pushing moderately against a healthy tooth. The pressure unnerves me, grosses me out. So to be numbed and not have any idea just how hard they're pushing against, hammering, drilling through, or "buffing" off -- it's even more uncomfortable. I can always just hear the "crack" of it breaking under pressure. The only thing I've found that works is imagining what they're doing in a WAY toned down version. When they were "buffing," they were taking height off the tooth and sanding it down. In my head, I imagined they were polishing .. since it would feel the same. When they were drilling the roots out, I imagined that they hadn't started that part yet, and they were still just cleaning the tooth out and getting ready to do it. Those sorts of things help make sense of the sensation .. in a way I can handle.
Thankfully, I haven't had tremendous pain since the first night -- I have barely touched my pain medication. Another relief. That first night, laying my head down without a half numbed and half throbbing side of my mouth .. was glorious. It's going to be hard to get myself to go back for the second half, though -- the only soreness I have is from all of the needles. :[ Hearing them tear through tissue is awful. AWFUL. I can't wait to be done.
But again, just have to keep reminding myself that .. I was close to not getting these things in the first place.
So I have to be thankful for stuff like jaw soreness and needles. :[[[
Some people wish they could have post-op pain.
Perspective, perspective, perspective.
I just hate that I only have a week to pay the other half of a bill I was not ready for at all -- like I have been waking up early in the morning, unable to fall back asleep because this is stressing me out so much. It feels impossible. I mean, honestly, it -is- impossible .. so I've been asking people for a couple dollars toward it, for Christmas. Between working every shift I can get this week, selling a few things online, and trading any gifts for financial help .. hopefully I'll be able to swing it. So I'm not going to put my wishlist up this year. I figure, my roommate always asks for money toward whatever new gadget in place of things being purchased. Same thing, except I'm basically buying peace of mind with it. And a crown to go on my poor, stupid-looking, leveled off, rootless tooth. x_x;
SO: For my friends who were already going to send a card or anything small, I'm just asking for the couple dollars it would cost to buy a card and send it .. to go toward this bill instead. It would seriously mean the world to me -- and it would mean not being buried alive by this.
For the same reason, I won't be attending the SG Christmas Party in Columbus, for those of you who've asked, or who I've talked to about it. Life happens. See you at the next one.
I also want to thank those of you who have left comments and sent messages with solutions for pain, suggestions on where to go, etc. The thing I have always loved about the network here is how helpful everyone is, and how concerned. Helpful especially since I often don't know how to navigate a lot of the curveballs I end up being thrown, .. and you guys end up being sort of my family. Used in the way most would ask their parents, or siblings, etc. I know I must seem clueless half the time, but .. it's really nice. Not feeling totally alone.
On an unrelated note, several ladies from the Florida Shootfest have come out with new sets in the last week or two, besides myself -- and several more are coming. All very exciting, so I'll be keeping you updated. Seeing all these photos coming together from different spots around the house or the beach across the street is making me so nostalgic. :'] I'm really incredibly excited to find that a large percentage of us will be meeting up for Hell City in Columbus in the spring, though. I honestly can't wait. I made some of the best pals that week, and I feel their absence all the time.
elodyKat in abc DF.
Kurosune in Pearl Lioness.
Ryker in Game Day.
Renesme in Southern Hospitality.
Some of the things you can look forward to:
Casshas
Civil
Elea
elodyKat
Gunner
Medusa
Mnislahi
Pannn
Toxic
Toxic & Renesme multi
Waikiki
Yesenia
AND ..
A multi with 20-ish shootfest SGs
I'm really happy with how abyssus abyssum invocat is doing. Let's keep it going.
Sunlight is still in review as well. But I'm not giving up on it. Don't forget about it! Both of the last two shot by Brooklyn last winter, with another lovely bunch of ladies.
For anyone able to help out with the tooth situation, thank you in advance. There's an address in my profile, or you can message me, but please also let me know who you are, if you use it, so that I know.
♥
Thanks to a huge help from someone, a sort of "to the rescue" gesture, I was able to get in to be seen by a dentist as they opened after the holiday weekend. Spent about five hours there, and got the first part of a root canal done on the broken tooth. Considering my dentist back home, when I called, said [without seeing it] that it was likely that it would have to just be pulled -- I was pretty much relieved to the point of tears that they were going to be able to actually repair it. Unfortunately, still being one of the millions of people without insurance, every "incident" like this is horrifying to me, and threatening to my general stability. I have managed to avoid going to the hospital for four or five years now, and only go to a doctor when something is unbearable. Working while going to school full time is hard enough. But the season has slowed down, business-wise, and we're a bit overstaffed .. so it was pretty much the perfect storm of shit, to keep me from ever getting ahead financially. Frustrating, but it's just the balance I have going .. A balance easily thrown way askew.
So really, thank God for the person who lent me a hand. I don't know what I would have done. And the office usually does the procedure in a single visit, but they let me split it into two visits, and split the bill into two separate weeks. Though, with rent and all of my bills due this week, and a belt needing to be replaced on my car .. I'm having a hard time swinging $1,000 extra in a week. But at least they made that exception at all, y'know? One step at a time ..
The main assistant and the dentist were both super nice, super funny and joke-y, which is good .. because I was a WRECK the moment things were squared away and I knew we were doing it that day. Some of you know, I was unable to eat for about five days, because any presence of food even around my tooth would take the pain up several notches and would often break through whatever analgesics or pain relievers I was using [which, to my dismay, were only over the counter -- was so ironic that, even working with an overwhelming number of people who sell any drug they get their hands on, I couldn't track down a single Vicodin for its actual, indicated use. If I wanted to get fucked up, sure. But severe pain? Ehhh. Nope], and I hadn't been sleeping much. So I was a weak little bundle of nerves [in the case of that one spot in my mouth, .. literally. Bundle of nerves. Bleh].
So I spent Thursday - Monday with a straw and a cocktail, pretty much all waking hours, to dull the pain. And as much aspirin as I felt comfortable taking in combination.
Poor stomach.
Poor liver.
The root canal was confusing. I only "felt" it once, but I was crying kind of hysterically from the moment they finished the x-rays. I have a tremendous fear of dentists or anything tooth-related, so it really has nothing to do with the pain involved. I don't even like the thought of anyone pushing moderately against a healthy tooth. The pressure unnerves me, grosses me out. So to be numbed and not have any idea just how hard they're pushing against, hammering, drilling through, or "buffing" off -- it's even more uncomfortable. I can always just hear the "crack" of it breaking under pressure. The only thing I've found that works is imagining what they're doing in a WAY toned down version. When they were "buffing," they were taking height off the tooth and sanding it down. In my head, I imagined they were polishing .. since it would feel the same. When they were drilling the roots out, I imagined that they hadn't started that part yet, and they were still just cleaning the tooth out and getting ready to do it. Those sorts of things help make sense of the sensation .. in a way I can handle.
Thankfully, I haven't had tremendous pain since the first night -- I have barely touched my pain medication. Another relief. That first night, laying my head down without a half numbed and half throbbing side of my mouth .. was glorious. It's going to be hard to get myself to go back for the second half, though -- the only soreness I have is from all of the needles. :[ Hearing them tear through tissue is awful. AWFUL. I can't wait to be done.
But again, just have to keep reminding myself that .. I was close to not getting these things in the first place.
So I have to be thankful for stuff like jaw soreness and needles. :[[[
Some people wish they could have post-op pain.
Perspective, perspective, perspective.
I just hate that I only have a week to pay the other half of a bill I was not ready for at all -- like I have been waking up early in the morning, unable to fall back asleep because this is stressing me out so much. It feels impossible. I mean, honestly, it -is- impossible .. so I've been asking people for a couple dollars toward it, for Christmas. Between working every shift I can get this week, selling a few things online, and trading any gifts for financial help .. hopefully I'll be able to swing it. So I'm not going to put my wishlist up this year. I figure, my roommate always asks for money toward whatever new gadget in place of things being purchased. Same thing, except I'm basically buying peace of mind with it. And a crown to go on my poor, stupid-looking, leveled off, rootless tooth. x_x;
SO: For my friends who were already going to send a card or anything small, I'm just asking for the couple dollars it would cost to buy a card and send it .. to go toward this bill instead. It would seriously mean the world to me -- and it would mean not being buried alive by this.
For the same reason, I won't be attending the SG Christmas Party in Columbus, for those of you who've asked, or who I've talked to about it. Life happens. See you at the next one.
I also want to thank those of you who have left comments and sent messages with solutions for pain, suggestions on where to go, etc. The thing I have always loved about the network here is how helpful everyone is, and how concerned. Helpful especially since I often don't know how to navigate a lot of the curveballs I end up being thrown, .. and you guys end up being sort of my family. Used in the way most would ask their parents, or siblings, etc. I know I must seem clueless half the time, but .. it's really nice. Not feeling totally alone.
On an unrelated note, several ladies from the Florida Shootfest have come out with new sets in the last week or two, besides myself -- and several more are coming. All very exciting, so I'll be keeping you updated. Seeing all these photos coming together from different spots around the house or the beach across the street is making me so nostalgic. :'] I'm really incredibly excited to find that a large percentage of us will be meeting up for Hell City in Columbus in the spring, though. I honestly can't wait. I made some of the best pals that week, and I feel their absence all the time.
elodyKat in abc DF.
Kurosune in Pearl Lioness.
Ryker in Game Day.
Renesme in Southern Hospitality.
Some of the things you can look forward to:
Casshas
Civil
Elea
elodyKat
Gunner
Medusa
Mnislahi
Pannn
Toxic
Toxic & Renesme multi
Waikiki
Yesenia
AND ..
A multi with 20-ish shootfest SGs
I'm really happy with how abyssus abyssum invocat is doing. Let's keep it going.
Sunlight is still in review as well. But I'm not giving up on it. Don't forget about it! Both of the last two shot by Brooklyn last winter, with another lovely bunch of ladies.
For anyone able to help out with the tooth situation, thank you in advance. There's an address in my profile, or you can message me, but please also let me know who you are, if you use it, so that I know.
♥
