IPOD
RADIO
PICS
After that last super happy piece of news how about a little honesty? Hmmm?
Since about September last year (after my bike accident, actually) I have been battling with some pretty bad acne. I've always had pretty good skin with only a few blemishes every now and then; even when I was a teenager. Now I'm 26 and the majority of my face is covered in acne. The only part of my face that isn't is my eyes and the surrounding area. This is one of the reasons that my face has been mostly covered in the majority of photos of me. It seems so vain to be so upset and concerned about one's facial appearance.
I look back on days when I thought I had "bad skin" and I see a total of four, maybe five spots and I laugh at my ridiculous over reaction back then. If only I'd known what it was really like to have bad skin; I don't think I'd ever have complained.
I still like the way my eyes look but I am pretty embarrassed about my appearance otherwise. It seems kind of crazy that I should put so much stock on the way I look, but I have lost a lot of my self confidence because of it. I am probably 100 times more self conscious than I was when I was going through puberty and my body was changing into a woman's.
Why am I saying all this? Because sometimes it takes looking into one's own eyes to see what needs to get out there into the world. And, sometimes it takes telling a whole world of people before you begin to feel less alone in what is really not a very important issue in the grand scheme of the world's troubles.
For the past month I have been toying with the idea of taking photos of my face and showing the world. In a way I want to tell people it's okay if your skin isn't perfect, don't be afraid and hide (like me). But then I lose all courage and don't do it.
I also just want it to get better and I really have no idea why it's suddenly happened to me. This along with gaining about 40lbs in weight in the past year has given me some hints and possibilities relating to either the medication I was taking, the dairy in Canada or hormones. All kinds of possibilities. I've attempted to change all those things and Matthew tells me it is getting better but I'm still not sure. Perhaps I really need to document it to see, even if I don't show those photos to the world.
I'm just fed up of feeling ugly even though I know deep down that having terrible skin and being chubby doesn't really make me ugly it doesn't make me feel any prettier.
I decided I should probably try and get an update on February 29th. I always wondered what happened if you were born on 29th. Do you celebrate your birthday on the 28th or the 1st of March on the non-leap years? Anyone out there born on the 29th February?
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Decorated holgas! Yep, I've been at it again. Three new ones for you to look at. I'm selling the first one!
Elegant Holga
Based on a Victorian/EGL theme:
Front:
Back:
Top:
It's currently at $95 including 2 rolls of film + shipping. See more details and go bid HERE!
This next one I made for Matthew:
Black is the old Black Holga
It's done with heat sealed vinyl! The No Photography badge was his idea.
Country Holga
Now, this one is mine... I finally got around to doing it after much planning:
Front:
Back:
It's done with REAL wood veneer panels. I'm really quite proud of it. I styled it around a Victorian/Western theme. It took me quite a while to complete mine and there was all sorts of troubleshooting involved and everything you see that is intricate (including the typeface) is handpainted.
I am currently working on a couple of commissions too! That is brilliant that I can bring the fabulous world of the Holga into people's lives and in their own STYLE too!
When someone commissions a Holga from me, I work with them to figure out what kinds of styles they like based on colours and textures and fashions and hobbies. Then I spend a day creating a mockup in photoshop detailing materials I will use etc. I design to a budget that the customer is willing to pay and that way it is easier to finalise.
After we tweak the design and decide to go for it, I take a 50% deposit and then take photos of the finished thing to make sure they are happy with the final project! After I receive the full payment I send it out in the post! It's a really enjoyable process for me because I get to use a lot of my skills.
So, maybe you're asking how you go about commissioning one from me? Well, you can either message me on SG or email me at cherryvega@gmail.com
Prices vary from $60-$120 + shipping depending on the detail and materials involved.
I am also taking in people's existing Holga's and charging just $25-60+ shipping to customise their existing camera! So, if you already have a Holga then that works too. I just deduct the cost of the camera from the design.
---------------------------------------
I am having so much fun doing it. It's really nice to have a creative outlet that is more focused and physical than photography. I miss painting and drawing a lot but I really feel as if I've lost those skills and even though I keep meaning to reattempt to teach myself it just seems so daunting. I have no idea where to begin. It's one of those things that used be so natural to me and now it is such an effort just to draw something simple. Pah.
It's also really nice to be able to make a bit of cash offering a service. I get such a joy out of it. And, let me tell you, I've had a lot of bad news with money and debts lately and it is nice to be able to have a way to create some money that I can just put back into my hobbies instead of being swallowed by my ridiculous debts.
I am trying to keep all money that I make from offering these things and putting it straight back into these kinds of projects so I can keep doing them. I think it's good for me to have something else to focus on. It keeps my attention span from darting all over the place and I feel more collected and together, you know?
Then, the very small amount of money I make from selling prints I am putting straight back into film purchasing and other expenses associated with my "hobby" photography (i.e. the photography I do for fun, rather than for a living).
I am saving up to buy a new camera that I have wanted forever. The shame of it is, that I am mostly coveting it for it's polaroid capabilities and with that shutting down... well, fuji make film for it too, so that is okay. I think it will be a few months before I can afford it, though. I enjoy having a goal like that.
---------------------------------------
I'm reading a book called Red Mars by Kim Stanley Robinson at the moment. It's really enthralling. It's quite a technical book and extremely well researched. It is very Science Fiction. Harr Harr. Seriously, though, it is. For a slightly challenged reader like me it is taking a while to get through it, but I am thoroughly enjoying it.
It is about the colonisation of Mars and the environmental, scientific and humanistic battles that ensue after arrival on the planet's surface. His insight into the way human's behave in new, challenging and ever changing situations is quite remarkable. It is really gripping. And the first in a trilogy, so that is always good.
---------------------------------------
Some "artsy" photos of my Holga:
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Don't forget my prints store...
k i n o t r o p i a
---------------------------------------
Decorated holgas! Yep, I've been at it again. Three new ones for you to look at. I'm selling the first one!
Elegant Holga
Based on a Victorian/EGL theme:
Front:
Back:
Top:
It's currently at $95 including 2 rolls of film + shipping. See more details and go bid HERE!
This next one I made for Matthew:
Black is the old Black Holga
It's done with heat sealed vinyl! The No Photography badge was his idea.
Country Holga
Now, this one is mine... I finally got around to doing it after much planning:
Front:
Back:
It's done with REAL wood veneer panels. I'm really quite proud of it. I styled it around a Victorian/Western theme. It took me quite a while to complete mine and there was all sorts of troubleshooting involved and everything you see that is intricate (including the typeface) is handpainted.
I am currently working on a couple of commissions too! That is brilliant that I can bring the fabulous world of the Holga into people's lives and in their own STYLE too!
When someone commissions a Holga from me, I work with them to figure out what kinds of styles they like based on colours and textures and fashions and hobbies. Then I spend a day creating a mockup in photoshop detailing materials I will use etc. I design to a budget that the customer is willing to pay and that way it is easier to finalise.
After we tweak the design and decide to go for it, I take a 50% deposit and then take photos of the finished thing to make sure they are happy with the final project! After I receive the full payment I send it out in the post! It's a really enjoyable process for me because I get to use a lot of my skills.
So, maybe you're asking how you go about commissioning one from me? Well, you can either message me on SG or email me at cherryvega@gmail.com
Prices vary from $60-$120 + shipping depending on the detail and materials involved.
I am also taking in people's existing Holga's and charging just $25-60+ shipping to customise their existing camera! So, if you already have a Holga then that works too. I just deduct the cost of the camera from the design.
---------------------------------------
I am having so much fun doing it. It's really nice to have a creative outlet that is more focused and physical than photography. I miss painting and drawing a lot but I really feel as if I've lost those skills and even though I keep meaning to reattempt to teach myself it just seems so daunting. I have no idea where to begin. It's one of those things that used be so natural to me and now it is such an effort just to draw something simple. Pah.
It's also really nice to be able to make a bit of cash offering a service. I get such a joy out of it. And, let me tell you, I've had a lot of bad news with money and debts lately and it is nice to be able to have a way to create some money that I can just put back into my hobbies instead of being swallowed by my ridiculous debts.
I am trying to keep all money that I make from offering these things and putting it straight back into these kinds of projects so I can keep doing them. I think it's good for me to have something else to focus on. It keeps my attention span from darting all over the place and I feel more collected and together, you know?
Then, the very small amount of money I make from selling prints I am putting straight back into film purchasing and other expenses associated with my "hobby" photography (i.e. the photography I do for fun, rather than for a living).
I am saving up to buy a new camera that I have wanted forever. The shame of it is, that I am mostly coveting it for it's polaroid capabilities and with that shutting down... well, fuji make film for it too, so that is okay. I think it will be a few months before I can afford it, though. I enjoy having a goal like that.
---------------------------------------
I'm reading a book called Red Mars by Kim Stanley Robinson at the moment. It's really enthralling. It's quite a technical book and extremely well researched. It is very Science Fiction. Harr Harr. Seriously, though, it is. For a slightly challenged reader like me it is taking a while to get through it, but I am thoroughly enjoying it.
It is about the colonisation of Mars and the environmental, scientific and humanistic battles that ensue after arrival on the planet's surface. His insight into the way human's behave in new, challenging and ever changing situations is quite remarkable. It is really gripping. And the first in a trilogy, so that is always good.
---------------------------------------
Some "artsy" photos of my Holga:
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Don't forget my prints store...
k i n o t r o p i a
It was invoice day at SG today. As I was checking through my invoice I noticed that next month will be invoice #48.
What does this mean?
It means that I've been officially working for SuicideGirls for four years as both a photographer and photo retoucher. That's the longest job I've held as an adult.
(edit: there seems to be some confusion. I've actually been on SG for five and a half years now, I wasn't a photographer straight away)
Technically I shot a few sets before I was being paid for them, but those were the days when the only photographers known to shoot for the site were Missy, Sean and London. I don't know if any of you remember when it was like that.
I'm so amazed at all of the opportunities I've had working for SuicideGirls; all the places I have travelled in the world and all the people I have met. I wouldn't have experienced half of these things without being a photographer for the site. I feel quite lucky when I look back on the experience.
This is one of the most interesting, fast paced and evolving jobs I've had and I think that is one of the main reasons I have stuck with it for so much longer than anything else I have ever tried.
In the time I have dedicated myself to this job I've made friends with the models and staff around me and some of them have turned out to be the best friends I could have asked for. I have so much love and admiration for so many people I have worked with over the past four years and all I can think is that my life would be so incredibly different without it.
I am really hoping that it will last for a long time to come. Things are quite different now to when I first begun but we must roll with the changes and adapt to them, right? I never thought I'd see the day when there are 33+ staff photographers (I'm sure I have missed some in my calculations). Working along side some of the most inspiring people is just one of the benefits of being an SG photographer.
Of course, every job has it's downsides. All jobs do. There are struggles and things we'd rather not happen, but that is life. Without it jobs would be predictable and easy and that certainly doesn't shape a human being. I don't want to be the kind of person to pretend that it is all perfect and happy because that just isn't reality.
Many of you have followed my own personal struggles I have had in the past year with rejections and frustrations and creative blocks, and that is just one more thing I am grateful for. The support I receive and encouragement to keep going and do my best is overwhelming.
I really feel like I have come through it all stronger and now more than ever I am excited to be a part of this. I am inspired to work harder and produce the thing that you want most; beautiful photos of beautiful people. I feel as alive and creative as I did four years ago, perhaps even more so. I know more now about my art and myself and I really think that helps improve my work.
Some of the early years...
(don't laugh at the photography)
I decided to take it up to the sets I shot at the Italian Villia. I went to Italy about a year and a half after I first started working for SG. These aren't all the sets I shot in that year and a bit, just 26 of them. It was difficult to choose one photo from each.
I have tried to post them all in the order I photographed them and not in the order they were posted to the site.
If you go back to all my sets before the villa ones (everything before Sheena's "Alone in the Dark") which is your favourite?
http://suicidegirls.com/members/Cherry/photography/page6/
http://suicidegirls.com/members/Cherry/photography/page5/
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
k i n o t r o p i a
What does this mean?
It means that I've been officially working for SuicideGirls for four years as both a photographer and photo retoucher. That's the longest job I've held as an adult.
(edit: there seems to be some confusion. I've actually been on SG for five and a half years now, I wasn't a photographer straight away)
Technically I shot a few sets before I was being paid for them, but those were the days when the only photographers known to shoot for the site were Missy, Sean and London. I don't know if any of you remember when it was like that.
I'm so amazed at all of the opportunities I've had working for SuicideGirls; all the places I have travelled in the world and all the people I have met. I wouldn't have experienced half of these things without being a photographer for the site. I feel quite lucky when I look back on the experience.
This is one of the most interesting, fast paced and evolving jobs I've had and I think that is one of the main reasons I have stuck with it for so much longer than anything else I have ever tried.
In the time I have dedicated myself to this job I've made friends with the models and staff around me and some of them have turned out to be the best friends I could have asked for. I have so much love and admiration for so many people I have worked with over the past four years and all I can think is that my life would be so incredibly different without it.
I am really hoping that it will last for a long time to come. Things are quite different now to when I first begun but we must roll with the changes and adapt to them, right? I never thought I'd see the day when there are 33+ staff photographers (I'm sure I have missed some in my calculations). Working along side some of the most inspiring people is just one of the benefits of being an SG photographer.
Of course, every job has it's downsides. All jobs do. There are struggles and things we'd rather not happen, but that is life. Without it jobs would be predictable and easy and that certainly doesn't shape a human being. I don't want to be the kind of person to pretend that it is all perfect and happy because that just isn't reality.
Many of you have followed my own personal struggles I have had in the past year with rejections and frustrations and creative blocks, and that is just one more thing I am grateful for. The support I receive and encouragement to keep going and do my best is overwhelming.
I really feel like I have come through it all stronger and now more than ever I am excited to be a part of this. I am inspired to work harder and produce the thing that you want most; beautiful photos of beautiful people. I feel as alive and creative as I did four years ago, perhaps even more so. I know more now about my art and myself and I really think that helps improve my work.
Some of the early years...
(don't laugh at the photography)
I decided to take it up to the sets I shot at the Italian Villia. I went to Italy about a year and a half after I first started working for SG. These aren't all the sets I shot in that year and a bit, just 26 of them. It was difficult to choose one photo from each.
I have tried to post them all in the order I photographed them and not in the order they were posted to the site.
If you go back to all my sets before the villa ones (everything before Sheena's "Alone in the Dark") which is your favourite?
http://suicidegirls.com/members/Cherry/photography/page6/
http://suicidegirls.com/members/Cherry/photography/page5/
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
k i n o t r o p i a
Hmmm... maybe I built it up too much. I can't show you yet because it's something that someone else has to post and they're having troubles because they're away without internet. So, it may be a while before you see it.
What a let down, eh? Pffft. I'm really sorry. I hope you're still as excited to see it when you finally can!
An old, film photo:
Don't forget this:
k i n o t r o p i a
What a let down, eh? Pffft. I'm really sorry. I hope you're still as excited to see it when you finally can!
An old, film photo:
Don't forget this:
k i n o t r o p i a
Thanks everyone. Still slogging away. It's not so much a project as work. Well, a little of both. But lets just say I am pissed at the film lab I usually use and I hate my scanner right now too! Although, it's getting better.
In other news. LOOK!
Valium is the happy new owner of my customised holga! It looks so good on her.
I just aquired three new holgas to customise too, so hopefully I'll have more available soon.
As soon as I've finished this little nightmare, at least...
By the way, you'll be able to see what I'm referring to on Thursday. Hopefully.
In other news. LOOK!
Valium is the happy new owner of my customised holga! It looks so good on her.
I just aquired three new holgas to customise too, so hopefully I'll have more available soon.
As soon as I've finished this little nightmare, at least...
By the way, you'll be able to see what I'm referring to on Thursday. Hopefully.
erm... placeholder?
I am working on something that is taking patience.
A lot of it. I'm really tired, but still a long way to go!
I am working on something that is taking patience.
A lot of it. I'm really tired, but still a long way to go!
This is my Feb 14th story of love and loss.
I have hardly listened to music since I landed in Vancouver in June last year. Before this you wouldn't catch me going 12 hours without some kind of music.
As I sit plugged into my iPod I just realised why I stopped. Music is a huge emotional trigger for me and every song I know reminds me of some person, event, emotion or place. Every single one.
And all of them are tied to places, people and memories back in England and Scotland and sometimes even Wales. I am a serial escapist. Wherever I am I want out, and once I'm gone I want back to where I was.
I think back on London and wish I'd been able to make a better go of it. I miss that city despite how difficult I found living there. Now, years later I have really good friends living there that I didn't have when I was there.
I hated Edinburgh when I lived there, but sometimes I loved it, and I have my best friend there.
I miss the English countryside, the beauty of it and the subtlety of it all. But most of all I miss my friends and all the things we do. I feel like I am slowly being forgotten by everyone and even though I know that isn't true I think it's just natural to feel that way when you see everyone else's life moving forward without you and it seems like yours is merely standing still.
I do love Vancouver, but it's still new. I don't really fit in anywhere here and I feel reluctant to do so and become attached while my future residency is so uncertain. The friends I have here (pretty much just Lindsay and Amanda) are both relatively new still and I still feel so awkward and nervous around them it's almost torture (I hate my anxiety and neurosis). It took me so long to get to the point that I did with Catherine and just a year or so later and I leave.
I feel like I'm always rushing off headlong into the future, desperate to escape from one place or another. I just can't keep still.
And then I get there. Oftentimes I just want back.
So, I sit here listening to the music that makes me nostalgic for things I can't have and I dream up all the things I would do with my friends if I were back with them or if they were here. I feel so alone. Or at least like I have lost something or left it behind.
Selected memories of those I have stored online...
I have hardly listened to music since I landed in Vancouver in June last year. Before this you wouldn't catch me going 12 hours without some kind of music.
As I sit plugged into my iPod I just realised why I stopped. Music is a huge emotional trigger for me and every song I know reminds me of some person, event, emotion or place. Every single one.
And all of them are tied to places, people and memories back in England and Scotland and sometimes even Wales. I am a serial escapist. Wherever I am I want out, and once I'm gone I want back to where I was.
I think back on London and wish I'd been able to make a better go of it. I miss that city despite how difficult I found living there. Now, years later I have really good friends living there that I didn't have when I was there.
I hated Edinburgh when I lived there, but sometimes I loved it, and I have my best friend there.
I miss the English countryside, the beauty of it and the subtlety of it all. But most of all I miss my friends and all the things we do. I feel like I am slowly being forgotten by everyone and even though I know that isn't true I think it's just natural to feel that way when you see everyone else's life moving forward without you and it seems like yours is merely standing still.
I do love Vancouver, but it's still new. I don't really fit in anywhere here and I feel reluctant to do so and become attached while my future residency is so uncertain. The friends I have here (pretty much just Lindsay and Amanda) are both relatively new still and I still feel so awkward and nervous around them it's almost torture (I hate my anxiety and neurosis). It took me so long to get to the point that I did with Catherine and just a year or so later and I leave.
I feel like I'm always rushing off headlong into the future, desperate to escape from one place or another. I just can't keep still.
And then I get there. Oftentimes I just want back.
So, I sit here listening to the music that makes me nostalgic for things I can't have and I dream up all the things I would do with my friends if I were back with them or if they were here. I feel so alone. Or at least like I have lost something or left it behind.
Selected memories of those I have stored online...
