Pileated Woodpecker





Spotted Towhee

















American Coot



I've been feeling pretty down lately, but immersing myself in all of the nature around here has been the only thing that makes things feel less overwhelming.
I'd just written everything out to explain it all but it just feels ridiculous and I couldn't bare to actually post it. It all comes down to a lot of pain from an injury I've been dealing with for almost two months now, on top of too much work stress and a terribly crippling feeling of loneliness thanks to months of being surrounded by people and suddenly being far away from most of my best friends, again. Even shortening it to just this couple of sentences it's not even interesting.
There's just something about the smell of the forest and even the beach at this time of year. It's my reset button. It's a shame I have to find that button so much lately, but it does mean I've been in my favourite places for many hours in the past few weeks. I've seen so many of my favourite bird species and I've even been meaning to find out more about various tree, fungi, moss and lichen species. I just never seem to have the time to cram even more information in my brain.
Which brings me to something else that I've been trying to avoid. This weekend I turn 30. T H I R T Y. That seems so old to me I just don't even know how to process it mentally. Maybe it's because much of the work I do I'm surrounded by people a lot younger than me but it really seems like I should be somewhere else by now.
Again, I don't want to ramble on about something like this so I won't. But just one (of my many) irrational fears is that there's a finite space in my mind for useless facts. I'm already pretty full up so every time I want to learn something new (every other hour it seems) I'm pretty scared that whatever I learn it just pushes out something else I already knew.
I swear this actually happens but I know the level of fear I have about it is totally unnecessary. It doesn't actually stop me trying to learn things constantly. So, while I really want to learn about all of the other things in the forest, what if I then forget everything I know about the amazing birds? Silly, I know.

"Symbiosis" 9x12 Graphite and Ink on Arches

"Saviour" 10x14 Graphite and Ink on Arches

"Passenger" 10x13 Graphite and Ink on Arches
Here's some progress of the piece I'm currently working on:

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I keep cycling through feeling very happy with where everything is right now to feeling like a total shambles with far too much to do and not enough time to do it. Part of this is probably due to the very simple fact that my house is a mess right now. I'm sure if I find the couple of hours it'll take to tidy I will feel at least a little better.
Another part of it is that I had planned to really cut down on travelling this year - to work on finally building a base professionally and emotionally here in Vancouver. That was going really well until the summer began. Of course the trips I've taken (1 month in Europe and a week in Phoenix, AZ) have been great but now I feel a little bit stressed about it all.
I'll be travelling for more days than I will be at home between now and the end of the year. When 2011 started I planned to have my artwork portfolio out to a ton of galleries by the end of the summer. Little did I realise that I just couldn't keep up with a 70+ hour work week for more than about 8 months. I also hadn't planned on having two huge trips to Europe in the same year.
I couldn't possibly complain about these opportunities, but I also sort of want to hide under a rock. No doubt, I'd take my art supplies with me!
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My trip to Hell City Phoenix was as fun as ever and this year I even took a little time for myself (I'm learning...) It was wonderful to watch the humming birds flit around and the grackles freaking out about whatever it is they get mad at. They are so funny... like miniature road runners or dinosaurs.
I also got tattooed by the amazing Chloe Vanessa at Off the Map Tattoo in MA:

^^ It's obviously only partially done here and incredibly swollen and a little red. It's a Stellar's Jay (not a blue jay[!])
I've planned out every single tattoo I've had done for a year or so before getting started on them, and this is the only 'spur of the moment' one I've ever gotten. I was admiring Chloe's work at her booth when I noticed she had a sketch out on the table with a note saying "I'd love to tattoo this". The bird was red (and the poppies blue) but I figured the bird looked a lot like the Jays I love spotting every now and then. After talking with her it turns out it was, in fact, a Stellar's Jay; she'd just grabbed whatever coloured pencils had come to hand. And she is also a big bird nerd (as is everyone at their shop) so, it was so wonderful talking with her about these little creatures that I'm constantly obsessing over.
Here's a couple of photos (not mine) of these funny little guys:




They're a western jay that I've seen a couple of times here in Vancouver. They are so beautiful and fun to watch. We don't get blue jays here, but I almost prefer the dark broody look of Stellars Jays.
Most people only know about Blue Jays but if you search around you'll see there's probably well over 40 different Jays across the Americas and a few in Europe and Asia. They're in the Corvidae family (the same as crows, ravens, jackdaws magpies etc.)
Speaking about birds since I came home almost a week ago I've heard a ton of new bird calls, so I think it must be about time to be seeing the few species that stop through here on their migration. I really need to get myself some new binoculars because it's been so difficult to spot them when they're hiding in the dense coniferous trees in my neighbourhood.
I was going to make my next entry about my time in Paris, but after the surprise of my wonderful friends' AnnaLee and GoGo's set (The Wolf Caught The Bird) popping up on the front page, I felt like I just had to share these tender, happy out takes with you. I couldn't keep them all for my own heart...


That day was so bittersweet in many ways, most of which I'll never tell.


When Gogo and Annalee asked little old me to recreate what was lost I was speechless! (and yes I blushed a thousand shades of pink).


Of course, Annalee has been my closest friend for six years now, and Gogo and I became really good friends after we finally got to spend quality time together a couple of years ago when we made this and this and had more adventures inside of two days than you'd think possible in a conservative town in Alberta.


Both women are such a huge strength and inspiration to me and I don't know where I'd be without either. We spent all day preparing for this set, including hours of me playing with GoGo's hair, and us going to pick out the underwear sets on a rainy morning in Soho, London. Some things didn't play out and others did and at the end of it all, the minute AnnaLee and Gogo finished snuggling, AnnaLee and I had to say our hurried and teary goodbyes and run out into London to hail a taxi and rush for our train. Both of us were torn between wanting so badly to miss our train and desperately trying to make it so we didn't miss our wonderful adventures back in Scotland (which you can see in my last blog entry).

Gogo: 'Oooh what's in there?!'
I'm just so happy I could capture this time for them and for you to see.
AnnaLee and I looked through this set so many times after we departed London and every time I came to this following picture I just couldn't help but see GoGo thinking...

'Fuck you, SuicideGirls. I caught her first...'
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Now to quickly answer a question I keep getting: the camera in the background of the photos is a Mamiya Universal - an old press camera from the late 60s/early 70s. It's a medium format rangefinder.
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A little, nervous and exciting News:
Just a couple of months before the 9th anniversary of me becoming a SuicideGirl I'm heading back out to the UK to work on the next DVD project. It'll be the 3rd SG DVD I've been proud to be a part of and I'm especially so excited for this one, and I can't even tell you anything about it yet!
It's strange to be going 'home' to work on this too. So many things have changed in the 9 years since I discovered SG and almost all of it is thanks to my family here at SG. My dreams have changed too many times to count (and still changing) but all I can say is I feel so lucky to be here.
This past April was also the 7th anniversary of me becoming a staff photographer. I've worked so hard over the years, I've burned myself out over and over and spent more money than I care to think about; to always improve and always bring something unique and different to the sets I shoot. Most of all to really bring any connections I make through in the photos; to perhaps share a little with you what it's like to to be friends with strong and beautiful women like this.
I've had wonderful times and brilliant memories. I've had adventures and copious EUREKA moments where I feel like I levelled up. Even still, it's been far from easy and I've so very nearly quit on at least six different occasions. But, the biggest lesson I've learned is that nothing worthwhile is easy and unless you're fighting, you're not going to be progressing.
Even though I'm shooting a little bit less than I used to I can't ever imagine life without SuicideGirls and you know what? That's really weird when you think about it...
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xxxx.




Pretty girls are always hiding from me...





(AnnaLee, Spleen, Dwam)















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A pair of Northern Flickers moved into my neighbourhood this summer. I cannot tell you how happy this makes me. They are one of my very favourite birds and they are so beautiful. I'm amazed at how many people I see walking around and not noticing birds... especially when they have such interesting or striking and loud calls. It makes me realise how little of the world around them many people take into account. Perhaps it's just who I am but I feel like I'm bombarded with things happening around me every day and I just can't ignore those little sounds or flashes out of the corner of my eye. I often stop everything I'm doing to stare out of the window to find out what's making a certain sound.








I can hear the flickers right as I finish typing this. It's pretty magical. There are a couple of different subspecies but here in the west we get the Red Shafted Northern Flicker (Colaptes auratus cafer). They are incredibly distinct looking and very soft with these beautiful spots but it's not until they take flight that you really see why they are so striking... the underside of their wings and tails are anything from salmon to bright red and it really flashes at you when they take off, it's so bright. It's amazing that such flashiness is almost completely hidden when they're not flying.
Unusually the females are just as colourful as the males. You can hear their amazing calls here: http://identify.whatbird.com/obj/181/_/Northern_Flicker.aspx
The PEW sound reminds me of a toy laser gun (:

"Her memory was burning at the land of the wind."
My reading of this poetic piece of graffiti may not be accurate as my French isn't very good, but I hope this helps you appreciate it too if you don't know French. Paris is so rich with beautiful and interesting street art and this struck me as one of the most poignant and yet simple graffitis I have ever seen; especially as the square was full with a couple of hundred people yet no one seemed to pay it any attention.
But I am getting ahead of myself...
For the past month I took my first trip back 'home' to Europe in four years. It was a bit of a whirlwind but I don't think I could have done it any other way. To tell you about it in its entirety I would need several days and so much screen real estate you wouldn't be able to open the page.
So, while I wait for my several rolls of film to develop and I try to break free of this post-adventure come down I'll show you the polaroids I took in order to record the memories that we might forget.
http://suicidegirls.com/members/Cherry/videos/14014/
(see higher quality here)

Annalee, Dwam and Spleen
Funny story, both Dwam and Annalee told me that without photos it would be difficult for them to remember many occasions in their life. It is nice to be reminded of one of the most simplistic and basic needs for documentary.

After a very quick and brief trip to Leeds and London to spring a surprise on one of my favourite people, to visit GoGo and Sean and to shoot some sets, I found myself finally back in Edinburgh; my second home.
The most difficult thing to leave behind when I moved over 4000 miles was the closest friend I've ever had. To be back in the city where we spent so much time having endless conversations, adventures and tea was just wonderful. It was like I'd never left but at the same time we've both grown up in so many ways. I often feel so young still but I realised that it really isn't a bad thing to grow up a little.
So, Annalee and I spent a wonderful few days catching up, going for walks, eating a lot of good food, drinking tea and wine and even sketching together. It was just exactly what I'd needed for so long. After 8 months of working over 70 hours a week I didn't even realise how much I needed some time to be myself and let go. To have been able to do this in a city I have missed dearly and with my best friend I kept thinking I would wake up and it wouldn't be real.
Perhaps this sounds over dramatic and romanticised but it's been an incredibly long time since I poured my emotions out on to a page, so forgive me.


At the end of the week the most wonderful Dwam and Spleen joined us in our little flat and we had yet more wonderful adventures, delicious food and hours of conversation. Dwam made a crown up in the hills and frolicked in the grasses. Spleen made us pancakes, told us stories and we all laughed over and over; seemingly sharing exactly the same funny bones.
Before Dwam could get to making her crown (and Spleen and Annalee collected flowers for her) we had the most delicious picnic of amazing fresh foods and watched many of the bird species I've missed a lot. Getting reacquainted with Scotland has made me want to go back again even more.



On another day with a little sleep under our wings we took off for another long adventure along the river to browse a powerful photography exhibit of August Sander.
The wee hike was magical and serene and again we laughed at every turn in the path. It is amazing how many jokes and conversations four girls can have over the course of a couple of days but it never seemed to end and and we definitely ran out of time.


I'm looking forward to getting my rolls of film back as in my memories I was too shy to take many photos and I really hope that I'm remembering wrong. Spleen took some incredible photos on her Hasselblad and I can only dream that my little 35mm photos come out as beautiful and as accurate to my memories as hers. She is incredibly talented. I urge you to go and see them here: http://emilialombardo.com/blog/
This was one of my favourites:

As much as I wish I could gush on and on I fear that I'm becoming repetitive and so mushy that it's sickening you. Just know that I don't know how but I continue to meet some of the most incredible and inspiring women on the planet and just when I think the limit has been reached the universe proves me wrong.


After seeing two very special friends get married in Leeds and later in my trip I went to Paris and was proven wrong again and again. I met some very special people on this part of my trip and saw some incredible things. For the first 25 years of my life when I was living so close I never even had a thought that I would want to see any of Paris; I'd lived in London and hated Rome so what else was there to know? Now I'm older and far away I realise how mistaken I was.
I'm pretty certain that while I could never live in London again (even though I love it in its own way) I could possibly live in Paris; if only for a short while.
I'll save my stories from this city for another time when I hopefully have many more photos to show you. For now I'll leave you with the very few polaroids I took and some special mentions to old friends and yet more new friends I already miss dearly: Lapsus, Aneria, Sinnah,P_Mod, Opale, Nya and mrmonsieur





On my final evening I was very lucky to also meet Geisha, Valium and Louis_XIV

You see? The laughter never stops. (Thanks Geisha!)
xx
In February little miss Radeo came to visit me in Vancouver.

We had more adventures than I think is right to have inside of 10 days. Not least we built a spaceship...


And sent her into space...

Of course we shot an SG set even though she got lost out there (it's in MR on Wednesday!)
Here's a little teaser video I put together. If you've already seen it on Radeo's page, never fear there's bonus footage at the end of this one!

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Aside from space adventures we had a lot of fun down here on old planet earth. Evidence is in the spoilers...

Radeo really made herself at home in my spare room... She fit so well in there I was tempted to never let her leave!

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Of course we shot a couple more sets that you'll get to see over the next year...

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Then we packed up, jumped in the car and popped down to Seattle for Emerald City Comic Con: My absolute favourite convention!
Radeo was our road trip DJ until her laptop died...

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Then of course, we had to put Radeo back on a plane to Ohio. I miss her so much! Even if she does pull my pigtails non stop

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And make silly faces at me

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And look like Mr Bean

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But don't forget to Call Radeo

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And most of all... these miss the abuse:

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It's adventures like these that make me sad that all of my best friends are spread over the world, but at the same time I realise I'm SO lucky to have made such wonderful friends that are so important to me. I can't wait to kidnap her again.

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These are just snaps from my phone but I'm sure you get a little idea from them. I have to hook my scanner back up to my computer!



Working on this surface really forced me out of my comfort zone and I learned so much from it. Oh and in case you're wondering they're bobtail squids and yes it's a robot hand!
- Photoshopped 47 SuicideGirl sets
- Had 13 Shoots
- Written approx 155 emails and messages
- Done 6.5 Paintings
- Several Drawings
- Miscellaneous other work
- Read 4 books and several comics
- Hosted 3 visitors
- Baked 4 Birthday Cakes/Sets of Cupcakes
- Had my own Birthday
- Attended and hosted a bunch of Art Jams
- Went away for the holidays
- And still managed to spend valuable time with my friends several times a week, and keep to all of life's regular responsibilities and very occasionally enjoy some video games and films.
No wonder I've felt so incredibly busy and and a wee bit worn out! Key word is obviously: productivity. Haha!
On Wednesday Radeo comes to stay with me and GoGo and Sean are back in town. I seriously can't wait!
Here's some recent phone snaps so you can at least see some of what's going on visually. Warning: There's a lot!


My valentine proving how small I am.

Here's my rough, quick and dirty composite of lovely Shanti's Birthday Party.
Thanks for all of your amazing and kind words on my last blog, everyone. I'm so incredibly lucky.










































































































