PICS
* apologies for the length... how on earth do you write about 9 years of experience in a short format?!
Hello!
I am alive! I've been very busy with working on a career in visual art, and it's been quite the ride so far. I have a lot I could talk about, and I really should try and post more often and share what I'm doing, but right now I'm here to talk about one thing.
In April I'm heading to London to shoot a lot of new sets! So there's soon going to be another influx of Cherry sets, so I hope you're excited about that.
Obviously, as I try to work on my art career I've been shooting less for Suicide Girls (there was a time when I was shooting 60-100 sets a year!). You may be wondering why I'm talking about this now, and well it's this:
This year will mark my 9th year as an official SuicideGirls photographer.
Right as I'm heading to the UK to stock up on some photos of beautiful ladies, I will 'turn' 9 years of age as a staff photographer ^_^
I was only the 2nd 'remote' photographer (as we were called back then - Sean and Missy being the HQ photographers). London was the first and I was terribly proud to be counted as good enough to be made staff. Even now whenever I see a new photographer join the ranks I remember how special it felt and how exciting it all was.
My life has changed so dramatically since the young, obnoxious punk I was in early 2004. I just read some of my journal entries from that time, and it really is quite embarrassing. We like to remember ourselves as always being sophisticated grown ups with a good vocabulary (well, at least I do!). It's just not the case at all! It was as if I were reading a stranger's internet journal of which I have vague-dream-like memories of events and people, and places.
I couldn't even begin to talk about all of the life lessons I've learned in the past 9 years. It has been quite the bumpy ride with many dizzying heights and many dark lows.
As for working as a staff photographer for so long... My photography alone went through some great changes, as my aesthetics and skill changed and evolved. I remember the things I wanted to get from my photography in the beginning - so different to everything I've been striving to achieve in the last few years.
And of course the technology has come so far! The equipment I was shooting with in the beginning just doesn't even come close to what is available now. Although I have never had the very 'top-end' equipment as I've always been of the opinion that it shouldn't be necessary! A workman is only ever as good as his tools is only true in a limited sense. Yes, you need good tools, but there are some things where you don't need the *best*
Even now, the camera I'm using is 4 years old. I've only had 3 different digital SLRs in the 9 years I've been working for SuicideGirls, and the 10 years I've worked as a professional photographer. I imagine there are some photographers who go through that in 3 years!
I'm getting a little off track here, but I do want to (try and) conclude by saying that so many of the people I've worked with at SuicideGirls have guided me, supported me and inspired me no end. There have been times when I have thought I no longer wanted to take photos of pretty girls, and it has always been these people that stop me from quitting. Sean especially hasn't let me quit, despite several attempts since about 2006 (; He is a great boss and I couldn't have asked for anyone more intelligent and down-to-earth during my experience with SG. He's been encouraging and supportive like no other. I feel lucky to have worked with him and the rest of the SG team for so long. I learned a lot from Sean both in the early days and over the years about how to be more professional, and how to see and understand the business side of creative work. Now he always tells me how much he's learned from me. I feel very lucky to have such reciprocal relationships!
And of course, over the years, there have been so many other members of staff and my peers who have inspired me and guided me to get better and better. Some are still here and continue to inspire me and some have since moved on, but lets see if I can remember everyone who has influenced my work here at SG:
Missy
Erin
Mike
Albertine
Bee
Sawa
CourtneyRiot
Oryx
Rigel
Alissa
Radeo
Sash
ViquiV
Vermelho
Dwam
P_Mod
Hopefully I have remembered all of those most influential to me that I've been lucky enough to work alongside over the years. They are actually in some kind of chronological order believe it or not!
And of course, I'm continuously inspired and motivated by all of my fellow SG photographers... seeing the amazing work they produce pushes me to keep giving my best on every single set I shoot.
It took me many years of practise, but I can now say that I think I am a pretty consistent photographer for SG. A good proportion of my time as a photographer I produced some definite misses, and let both myself and the models down. However, I finally feel in the last 3 years or so that I can reliably produce what is required of me, and sometimes (with luck) even better.
Now I suppose it's that my 'misses' are not quite so terrible. It has been a long road full of a lot of hard work for me to get here, and I hope what I say above doesn't sound 'braggy' or any other such terrible ego-centric thing. Mostly, I just want to share how far I have come in my journey and how through so much hard work on my own, and through opportunities provided by SG I think I have actually achieved some kind of success; if only on my own scale and of my own expectations of my photos.
I remember back to the hundreds of hours I'd spend on trains, sleeping on couches, in airports and even outside train stations (yes really) to get to shoots all up and down the UK. My journey began in Wales, took me through a life in London and Scotland, and throughout those first 4 years I spent much of my time on the road; the rest of it was spent in front of photoshop. In 2007 when I emigrated to Canada I thought that might be the end of shooting for SG for sure. Things were changing with the site, I was having far more misses than hits in my sets and I was too short-sighted to see how I needed to change and evolve my 'style' and methods. A year later and some strong encouragement from HQ and I was able to begin my travels again; this time all over the US. More sleeping in airports and on couches and trains, and I wouldn't go back and do it any differently!
I have been lucky enough to meet and shoot literally hundreds of SGs. I stopped counting a few years ago, but my last count in around 2008 I had met something like 200 SuicideGirls. I have probably met another 100 since then. I've worked with nearly every SuicideGirl I have met, and countless 'SG Hopefuls' too - many who made it and some who didn't. At my last count of sets in my archives (including all rejected or un-purchased sets) I'd shot something like 600 sets. I think this was around 2009ish. My shooting has slowed down greatly since then, but perhaps one day I'll be able to do a final tally? Only time will tell.
Lastly, THANK YOU, loyal members, and fellow SGs who have supported me over the years. We wouldn't be here without you. I truly wish I could list all of the people who have touched my life greatly through this opportunity of being a SuicideGirl photographer, but I have already been writing for an hour, and I have a few sets to clear out of my backlog before I leave for London in 2 weeks.
I love my job working for SuicideGirls. It has been one of the most valuable and rewarding experiences of my entire life. It has taken up nearly my entire adulthood so far, and I wouldn't change it for the world.
<3
From the very first set I shot:
What had become known as the 'Cherry Shot' before we worked on the first SG set-based Movie: "Italian Villa" and where I dorkily mention it in my interview because Mike made me:
(Interesting note: that set of Akemi's became quite an important one in my early SG Photographer history - Sean emailed me the day after I sent this set in and all it said was 'one day you'll be too famous to shoot for SuicideGirls and we will beg you and beg you to shoot for us'. While this never quite happened, Sean has begged me to shoot on a few occasions (; But the point is, that was the first time in my life that I felt that I had value and that I could do something successful).
And finally, a couple of sneak peeks from upcoming sets:
Mel:
Chad:
Hello!
I am alive! I've been very busy with working on a career in visual art, and it's been quite the ride so far. I have a lot I could talk about, and I really should try and post more often and share what I'm doing, but right now I'm here to talk about one thing.
In April I'm heading to London to shoot a lot of new sets! So there's soon going to be another influx of Cherry sets, so I hope you're excited about that.
Obviously, as I try to work on my art career I've been shooting less for Suicide Girls (there was a time when I was shooting 60-100 sets a year!). You may be wondering why I'm talking about this now, and well it's this:
This year will mark my 9th year as an official SuicideGirls photographer.
Right as I'm heading to the UK to stock up on some photos of beautiful ladies, I will 'turn' 9 years of age as a staff photographer ^_^
I was only the 2nd 'remote' photographer (as we were called back then - Sean and Missy being the HQ photographers). London was the first and I was terribly proud to be counted as good enough to be made staff. Even now whenever I see a new photographer join the ranks I remember how special it felt and how exciting it all was.
My life has changed so dramatically since the young, obnoxious punk I was in early 2004. I just read some of my journal entries from that time, and it really is quite embarrassing. We like to remember ourselves as always being sophisticated grown ups with a good vocabulary (well, at least I do!). It's just not the case at all! It was as if I were reading a stranger's internet journal of which I have vague-dream-like memories of events and people, and places.
I couldn't even begin to talk about all of the life lessons I've learned in the past 9 years. It has been quite the bumpy ride with many dizzying heights and many dark lows.
As for working as a staff photographer for so long... My photography alone went through some great changes, as my aesthetics and skill changed and evolved. I remember the things I wanted to get from my photography in the beginning - so different to everything I've been striving to achieve in the last few years.
And of course the technology has come so far! The equipment I was shooting with in the beginning just doesn't even come close to what is available now. Although I have never had the very 'top-end' equipment as I've always been of the opinion that it shouldn't be necessary! A workman is only ever as good as his tools is only true in a limited sense. Yes, you need good tools, but there are some things where you don't need the *best*
Even now, the camera I'm using is 4 years old. I've only had 3 different digital SLRs in the 9 years I've been working for SuicideGirls, and the 10 years I've worked as a professional photographer. I imagine there are some photographers who go through that in 3 years!
I'm getting a little off track here, but I do want to (try and) conclude by saying that so many of the people I've worked with at SuicideGirls have guided me, supported me and inspired me no end. There have been times when I have thought I no longer wanted to take photos of pretty girls, and it has always been these people that stop me from quitting. Sean especially hasn't let me quit, despite several attempts since about 2006 (; He is a great boss and I couldn't have asked for anyone more intelligent and down-to-earth during my experience with SG. He's been encouraging and supportive like no other. I feel lucky to have worked with him and the rest of the SG team for so long. I learned a lot from Sean both in the early days and over the years about how to be more professional, and how to see and understand the business side of creative work. Now he always tells me how much he's learned from me. I feel very lucky to have such reciprocal relationships!
And of course, over the years, there have been so many other members of staff and my peers who have inspired me and guided me to get better and better. Some are still here and continue to inspire me and some have since moved on, but lets see if I can remember everyone who has influenced my work here at SG:
Missy
Erin
Mike
Albertine
Bee
Sawa
CourtneyRiot
Oryx
Rigel
Alissa
Radeo
Sash
ViquiV
Vermelho
Dwam
P_Mod
Hopefully I have remembered all of those most influential to me that I've been lucky enough to work alongside over the years. They are actually in some kind of chronological order believe it or not!
And of course, I'm continuously inspired and motivated by all of my fellow SG photographers... seeing the amazing work they produce pushes me to keep giving my best on every single set I shoot.
It took me many years of practise, but I can now say that I think I am a pretty consistent photographer for SG. A good proportion of my time as a photographer I produced some definite misses, and let both myself and the models down. However, I finally feel in the last 3 years or so that I can reliably produce what is required of me, and sometimes (with luck) even better.
Now I suppose it's that my 'misses' are not quite so terrible. It has been a long road full of a lot of hard work for me to get here, and I hope what I say above doesn't sound 'braggy' or any other such terrible ego-centric thing. Mostly, I just want to share how far I have come in my journey and how through so much hard work on my own, and through opportunities provided by SG I think I have actually achieved some kind of success; if only on my own scale and of my own expectations of my photos.
I remember back to the hundreds of hours I'd spend on trains, sleeping on couches, in airports and even outside train stations (yes really) to get to shoots all up and down the UK. My journey began in Wales, took me through a life in London and Scotland, and throughout those first 4 years I spent much of my time on the road; the rest of it was spent in front of photoshop. In 2007 when I emigrated to Canada I thought that might be the end of shooting for SG for sure. Things were changing with the site, I was having far more misses than hits in my sets and I was too short-sighted to see how I needed to change and evolve my 'style' and methods. A year later and some strong encouragement from HQ and I was able to begin my travels again; this time all over the US. More sleeping in airports and on couches and trains, and I wouldn't go back and do it any differently!
I have been lucky enough to meet and shoot literally hundreds of SGs. I stopped counting a few years ago, but my last count in around 2008 I had met something like 200 SuicideGirls. I have probably met another 100 since then. I've worked with nearly every SuicideGirl I have met, and countless 'SG Hopefuls' too - many who made it and some who didn't. At my last count of sets in my archives (including all rejected or un-purchased sets) I'd shot something like 600 sets. I think this was around 2009ish. My shooting has slowed down greatly since then, but perhaps one day I'll be able to do a final tally? Only time will tell.
Lastly, THANK YOU, loyal members, and fellow SGs who have supported me over the years. We wouldn't be here without you. I truly wish I could list all of the people who have touched my life greatly through this opportunity of being a SuicideGirl photographer, but I have already been writing for an hour, and I have a few sets to clear out of my backlog before I leave for London in 2 weeks.
I love my job working for SuicideGirls. It has been one of the most valuable and rewarding experiences of my entire life. It has taken up nearly my entire adulthood so far, and I wouldn't change it for the world.
<3
From the very first set I shot:
What had become known as the 'Cherry Shot' before we worked on the first SG set-based Movie: "Italian Villa" and where I dorkily mention it in my interview because Mike made me:
(Interesting note: that set of Akemi's became quite an important one in my early SG Photographer history - Sean emailed me the day after I sent this set in and all it said was 'one day you'll be too famous to shoot for SuicideGirls and we will beg you and beg you to shoot for us'. While this never quite happened, Sean has begged me to shoot on a few occasions (; But the point is, that was the first time in my life that I felt that I had value and that I could do something successful).
And finally, a couple of sneak peeks from upcoming sets:
Mel:
Chad:
Hello,
I hope you're enjoying all of the UK Holiday sets that have been going up over the past week. There's a few more to come. Sorry for taking up the front page with my photography for 18 days, but since there have only been 7 sets photographed by me in the 8 months previous to this hopefully it's not too annoying!
I had so much fun working on this movie with Mike and the crew. I think this was our fourth project working together and it really feels like a family. The SG movies are a LOT of hard work and incredibly long hours, but it is so worth it and I think you'll agree the results are extra beautiful this time around. Go and congratulate Mike if you haven't already!
On this film I worked in the role of creative director so it was much more hands on for me than previously (as just a stills photographer). Mike and I worked very closely together on the direction and he is really the best person I could ask to work with in such a capacity. I also did a lot of the set/model dressing and 'look' direction. And working closely again with Mike and the crew on set design and lighting was a dream as always. I feel like we all have very similar aesthetic tastes but we also push each other to make it better and better.
I could go on for hours. Luckily I get to do it all again in the next several months! Well, enjoy the rest of the still photos and download the film if you haven't already. Which is your favourite set?
----
I had a whole other journal entry planned for this week, but at the weekend I got invited to two art shows at the last minute and so I have been working furiously all week to get 3 paintings finished and sent off by the end of next week.
Tonight I wanted to carry on painting through the night, but I am worn out already! I should probably save some energy for the next week of work so I can get it done. However, I did stop and take some photos of my studio tonight... it is in complete disarray but I think sometimes the mess we end up with while we create can be interesting? I like the atmosphere, anyway...
I hope you're enjoying all of the UK Holiday sets that have been going up over the past week. There's a few more to come. Sorry for taking up the front page with my photography for 18 days, but since there have only been 7 sets photographed by me in the 8 months previous to this hopefully it's not too annoying!
I had so much fun working on this movie with Mike and the crew. I think this was our fourth project working together and it really feels like a family. The SG movies are a LOT of hard work and incredibly long hours, but it is so worth it and I think you'll agree the results are extra beautiful this time around. Go and congratulate Mike if you haven't already!
On this film I worked in the role of creative director so it was much more hands on for me than previously (as just a stills photographer). Mike and I worked very closely together on the direction and he is really the best person I could ask to work with in such a capacity. I also did a lot of the set/model dressing and 'look' direction. And working closely again with Mike and the crew on set design and lighting was a dream as always. I feel like we all have very similar aesthetic tastes but we also push each other to make it better and better.
I could go on for hours. Luckily I get to do it all again in the next several months! Well, enjoy the rest of the still photos and download the film if you haven't already. Which is your favourite set?
----
I had a whole other journal entry planned for this week, but at the weekend I got invited to two art shows at the last minute and so I have been working furiously all week to get 3 paintings finished and sent off by the end of next week.
Tonight I wanted to carry on painting through the night, but I am worn out already! I should probably save some energy for the next week of work so I can get it done. However, I did stop and take some photos of my studio tonight... it is in complete disarray but I think sometimes the mess we end up with while we create can be interesting? I like the atmosphere, anyway...
I will post a proper update soon, I promise! Full of adventure and other such whimsical tales.
First something I feel I need to share here:
As a female gamer who now avoids online gaming like it is the plague I implore you to read this and share it around.
I used to be an avid gamer in a variety of communities... I will now not even post to gaming forums for fear of being shot down or threatened by guys who do not like women; especially ones who are good or knowledgable about gaming.
As women we can't stop this as they don't listen to us for the simple fact that no human will listen to anyone they don't respect.
If you are a male, please spread the word, if you are a female share your stories and tell your male friends why it's their place to take our (multi gender, multi race gaming world back!)
I am very disappointed that gamasutra decided not to publish this wonderful and much needed column. He says everything much more eloquently than me, so take a read!
http://www.igda.org/newsletter/2012/08/27/a-call-to-arms-for-decent-men/
First something I feel I need to share here:
As a female gamer who now avoids online gaming like it is the plague I implore you to read this and share it around.
I used to be an avid gamer in a variety of communities... I will now not even post to gaming forums for fear of being shot down or threatened by guys who do not like women; especially ones who are good or knowledgable about gaming.
As women we can't stop this as they don't listen to us for the simple fact that no human will listen to anyone they don't respect.
If you are a male, please spread the word, if you are a female share your stories and tell your male friends why it's their place to take our (multi gender, multi race gaming world back!)
I am very disappointed that gamasutra decided not to publish this wonderful and much needed column. He says everything much more eloquently than me, so take a read!
http://www.igda.org/newsletter/2012/08/27/a-call-to-arms-for-decent-men/
I'm alive! This might have been the longest I've gone without updating on here. So much has happened and changed in the past four and a half months that the longer I leave it the harder it gets to tell you what I've been doing.
I have so many photos and things to share. I wonder if I will ever make time for it because I seem to always be busy with something these days and I'm never bored. When I do have time to spare the last thing I seem to do is want to touch a computer or spend time on the internet. This is a huge difference for me and something that has been happening gradually for well over a year now but the only two things I seem to be able to keep up with on the Internet are Instagram and Twitter. I don't know why but they don't seem like the "Internet" to me. They seem so unique and individualized and not at all like the rest of the internet. Perhaps it is because I only use my tiny little hand held device for them. Or perhaps it is the way the "feed" structure works and how there is nothing else 'polluting' the things I read and watch.
I don't want to analyse it too much. But don't worry I do come back here and read many of your blog posts. I don't usually comment these days even when I really want to because I am enjoying not feeling tied to SuicideGirls feeling like I have an obligation to keep the conversations going. I really hope that doesn't sound as bad as it probably does because I appreciate each and every comment and things you all leave me and I do read them all. I just remember back to when I used to make an effort to reply to everyone and keep in touch on here and it was my whole life.
Since I haven't done this in so long I have been able to stay much more productive with both jobs I have been doing - photography and art. If you follow me on Instagram [cherryrae] or on my Facebook Page you'll see how busy I've been getting numerous paintings completed and I've been lucky enough to be in a few art shows since May! Things are finally rolling with that and my effort seems to be beginning to pay off... I put all this down to me being very disciplined in the way I use my time.
I am going to do my best to keep this blog updated a little more often though and I promise I will start replying a little more!
Even though I don't have all of my photos to share with you right now... I have so many to share from my visits from some of my favourite people in the whole world including Dwam, P_Mod and AnnaLee. I've also been on many adventures with Phoenix and Choplogik, so I probably have hundreds of photos kicking around that need to see the light of day some time. It would have been nice to get my memories of those times into words sooner too, but perhaps it will be more fun looking back on those times and recounting them to you at some point?
For now here are some photos of my first gluten and dairy free pie that I baked today. I usually find baking so relaxing and calming as it is my meditation - my true 'me' time. This was a whole different story. Suffice it to say I learned that trying to make pastry by hand on a hot 30C (85C) day is almost impossible.
The beauty and calm of my photos are misleading but I like it that way...
I recently changed my diet to be strictly gluten and dairy free. I have been vegan in the past so dairy free is not such a big deal to me. But after discovering (almost accidentally) that I am allergic to gluten and casein (the protein in all dairy incl goats sheep etc), and researching the effects of improperly digesting these proteins I decided it was high time I didn't consume them at all.
It has been quite shocking to discover just how much of an effect they have on me not only physically but even more mentally. I won't go into preachy detail here about why these proteins are so dangerous and bad if they are not digested correctly but I will say I have experienced some absolutely awful withdrawal from cutting them from my diet. This is due to the proteins creating peptides when digested incorrectly. These particular peptides behave almost exactly as opiates such as morphine or heroin in the brain... hence withdrawal.
I think I might be getting through it soon... my head is clearing some what and the insomnia is a little less but these past few weeks have been hugely stressful.
One positive I have discovered so far is that I am having so much fun learning to bake and cook without wheat, rye or gluten containing grains. I have researched so much about various grains, grasses and roots used in food and it has been a wonderful discovery to learn of the ancient foods we used to eat and are still widely eaten in other parts of the world. I am finding them so much more delicious and I am already feeling much healthier after just a few weeks of being very strict.
Okay, I will leave this here for now... There'll be some sets I shot showing up very soon (finally!) and I will be back with far more interesting stories and photos, I hope.
Here's a couple more photos that I have taken or artwork I have completed recently for a reward for being such wonderful and supportive friends here:
I have so many photos and things to share. I wonder if I will ever make time for it because I seem to always be busy with something these days and I'm never bored. When I do have time to spare the last thing I seem to do is want to touch a computer or spend time on the internet. This is a huge difference for me and something that has been happening gradually for well over a year now but the only two things I seem to be able to keep up with on the Internet are Instagram and Twitter. I don't know why but they don't seem like the "Internet" to me. They seem so unique and individualized and not at all like the rest of the internet. Perhaps it is because I only use my tiny little hand held device for them. Or perhaps it is the way the "feed" structure works and how there is nothing else 'polluting' the things I read and watch.
I don't want to analyse it too much. But don't worry I do come back here and read many of your blog posts. I don't usually comment these days even when I really want to because I am enjoying not feeling tied to SuicideGirls feeling like I have an obligation to keep the conversations going. I really hope that doesn't sound as bad as it probably does because I appreciate each and every comment and things you all leave me and I do read them all. I just remember back to when I used to make an effort to reply to everyone and keep in touch on here and it was my whole life.
Since I haven't done this in so long I have been able to stay much more productive with both jobs I have been doing - photography and art. If you follow me on Instagram [cherryrae] or on my Facebook Page you'll see how busy I've been getting numerous paintings completed and I've been lucky enough to be in a few art shows since May! Things are finally rolling with that and my effort seems to be beginning to pay off... I put all this down to me being very disciplined in the way I use my time.
I am going to do my best to keep this blog updated a little more often though and I promise I will start replying a little more!
Even though I don't have all of my photos to share with you right now... I have so many to share from my visits from some of my favourite people in the whole world including Dwam, P_Mod and AnnaLee. I've also been on many adventures with Phoenix and Choplogik, so I probably have hundreds of photos kicking around that need to see the light of day some time. It would have been nice to get my memories of those times into words sooner too, but perhaps it will be more fun looking back on those times and recounting them to you at some point?
For now here are some photos of my first gluten and dairy free pie that I baked today. I usually find baking so relaxing and calming as it is my meditation - my true 'me' time. This was a whole different story. Suffice it to say I learned that trying to make pastry by hand on a hot 30C (85C) day is almost impossible.
The beauty and calm of my photos are misleading but I like it that way...
I recently changed my diet to be strictly gluten and dairy free. I have been vegan in the past so dairy free is not such a big deal to me. But after discovering (almost accidentally) that I am allergic to gluten and casein (the protein in all dairy incl goats sheep etc), and researching the effects of improperly digesting these proteins I decided it was high time I didn't consume them at all.
It has been quite shocking to discover just how much of an effect they have on me not only physically but even more mentally. I won't go into preachy detail here about why these proteins are so dangerous and bad if they are not digested correctly but I will say I have experienced some absolutely awful withdrawal from cutting them from my diet. This is due to the proteins creating peptides when digested incorrectly. These particular peptides behave almost exactly as opiates such as morphine or heroin in the brain... hence withdrawal.
I think I might be getting through it soon... my head is clearing some what and the insomnia is a little less but these past few weeks have been hugely stressful.
One positive I have discovered so far is that I am having so much fun learning to bake and cook without wheat, rye or gluten containing grains. I have researched so much about various grains, grasses and roots used in food and it has been a wonderful discovery to learn of the ancient foods we used to eat and are still widely eaten in other parts of the world. I am finding them so much more delicious and I am already feeling much healthier after just a few weeks of being very strict.
Okay, I will leave this here for now... There'll be some sets I shot showing up very soon (finally!) and I will be back with far more interesting stories and photos, I hope.
Here's a couple more photos that I have taken or artwork I have completed recently for a reward for being such wonderful and supportive friends here:
I know I owe you all a really huge update! I've been so busy, and things just got much busier as I prepare for an art show in May. I have a lot of work to do in the next two months, it's kind of intense but it's also very motivating. I've finished a few new pieces recently and I have probably more ideas than is feasible.
Well, this was the final kick in the bum I needed to get an official public Facebook Page so take a look and add it! It should be updated regularly with new work and information.
Facebook Page
I'll update you soon properly, I promise. I have so many photos and stories, I don't know if they'll ever get out there, but we'll see.
I went on a really inspiring road trip with Phoenix and Choplogik a couple of weeks ago. We went all the way to LA and then came back all the way along the coast. I am so lucky to have such encouraging and supportive friends in my life these days.
Oh and of course, you're all talking about AnnaLee's newest set. I'm so very proud of that set. It was the first time we got to work together since I left Scotland. It was over 4 years that we couldn't shoot. I think ever since we became such close friends we always made something special in our sets. It was so great to be able to work with her again, I feel like I photograph her better than anyone else I know. Perhaps because we have such similar interests and aesthetic likes, but perhaps just because she is my best friend (: She says much better things about it than I so go and see her entry!
Of course I have many more favourite photos from the set than that, but I would probably post far too many, you'd be better off just going to look at the set again.
Proper update the minute I get some time to myself, I promise.
Well, this was the final kick in the bum I needed to get an official public Facebook Page so take a look and add it! It should be updated regularly with new work and information.
Facebook Page
I'll update you soon properly, I promise. I have so many photos and stories, I don't know if they'll ever get out there, but we'll see.
I went on a really inspiring road trip with Phoenix and Choplogik a couple of weeks ago. We went all the way to LA and then came back all the way along the coast. I am so lucky to have such encouraging and supportive friends in my life these days.
Oh and of course, you're all talking about AnnaLee's newest set. I'm so very proud of that set. It was the first time we got to work together since I left Scotland. It was over 4 years that we couldn't shoot. I think ever since we became such close friends we always made something special in our sets. It was so great to be able to work with her again, I feel like I photograph her better than anyone else I know. Perhaps because we have such similar interests and aesthetic likes, but perhaps just because she is my best friend (: She says much better things about it than I so go and see her entry!
Of course I have many more favourite photos from the set than that, but I would probably post far too many, you'd be better off just going to look at the set again.
Proper update the minute I get some time to myself, I promise.
9 Years of being naked on the Internet
9 Years ago today my first photo set went live on the front page of SG. It was the first 'New Girl Friday' of 2003. Lots of you probably won't remember what a New Girl Friday was, but that's okay! At the time I never thought that sending in naked photos of me (for a very tiny sum I should say - it was never for the money back then!), would lead to so much. If someone had told me that SG would become a job I would probably laugh.
At the time it was something I did because it meant a free membership and Sean told me I would make a great SG. And here I am, 9 years later. It's kind of crazy to think about how many changes I've been through in that time, and it sure does make me feel old to have been around here for over 9 years. Sometimes I wonder if I'm like that old person in the corner that everyone wishes would just grow up and move onto something else but doesn't get the hints (;
It's strange to think that a community that just occupied my time while I was a struggling musician (back then), became such a huge part of my life. Even though I haven't modelled that much for the site, due to insecurities among other things, I've probably photographed over 500 sets for the site (I should do a tally at some point). And I've had 322 sets published.
I've definitely been involved more as a photographer than a model in the past few years and I always forget that I'm an SG too. I also always wish I could have gotten my act together and shot more of my own sets, but it's difficult when you're your own photographer. Who knows, though, maybe one day I'll shoot another set.
Even though these days I'm not very active in the groups or boards, I still lurk a lot. I guess the older I get the less I have to say. I remember back when I was first on the site you couldn't shut me up. I'm sure I was really annoying; I was so opinionated and not always for the better. It's embarrassing to think of what I was like back then. I suppose it's all part of growing up.
It's surreal to think that some of you that have been around for a long time too and have watched us older ones growing up and changing. No one ever tells you when you're young that growing up doesn't mean becoming more serious and less fun. If anything I'm way less serious now than when I was a shitty young punk kid. I guess growing up is really just becoming more sensible and realistic about things. And that's how it's easier to let go and be silly, surely!
So the last thing I'll say about my 9th anniversary of being naked on the internet:
Dear SuicideGirls,
I gave up LiveJournal for you, over 9 years ago.
It was totally worth it.
Love, Cherry xx
------
What you probably came by for, instead of some ramblings from a senile old SG granny, is photos. Here's some I took of the winter birds up north while I was away.
The big red and grey ones are Pine Grosbeaks and the wee streaky one is a Common Redpoll. They're both finches even though they are really different sizes. The one on the top of the tree is a Grey Jay which are just so lovely, but impossible to photograph because they don't stay still for long. We get them down here in southern BC too, so I'm going to do my best to get better photos of them.
There aren't many birds that stay for winter up in the northern parts of Canada but the ones that do are very common and you see them all the time. They are so fun to watch and it's amazing what harsh winters such tiny little things can live through.
A little tidbit - the Redpolls dig little tunnels in the snow to keep warm at night. It's just too precious to think of the tiny things all snuggled up under there.
After seeing them in the dense trees flitting about and heading home, I stumbled across this house that had a ton of feeders out. They were obviously enjoying a massive feast. Amongst these guys you can also see the Black Capped Chickadee which is pretty common in most of Canada and the US. The larger yellow and grey bird is a female Pine Grosbeak. She was so much sleeker and prettier than her male counter parts. It was remarkable how many more males there were than this one female who kept coming and going.
Of course no bird photos from the north would be complete without the Ravens. They are so huge and fascinating. I still remember my first trip up north when I saw one of the local ravens I thought it was a small dog - then it took off. It was amazing.
Ravens can have incredibly unique calls depending on their location and groupings. The ravens in Dawson (aside from the usual Raven sounds) make this really interesting pinging sound that I can only describe as sounding like some futuristic space sound - or like I would imagine a really huge electrical wire would make if you were to twang it like an elastic band. I've searched the internet for examples but no one seems to have documented it in any of the usual places. They mostly make the sound when they're flying. It's interesting that they develop unique sounds like that.
---
I'll stop nerding out with talk of birds. I hope it was at least somewhat interesting for you.
I've recently completed a few new pieces of art work. This was the latest piece I finished, that I did for submission to a show:
Paradisaeidae 14x16" Graphite on Arches
It didn't make it into the selection for the show, which really felt crappy at first as I made it in last year with something that I feel wasn't as good. I guess it was because I've developed in a certain direction and it was making me question whether it was the right thing to do or not. Well, now I feel like I should just take this as an opportunity to go further and try and let go of some of the stiffness I can see in my work. It feels too rigid and precise which I've known for a long time removes a lot of the emotion behind the work. We'll see where I go from here.
I really need to get back to painting again.
---
This entry has dragged on a little, so I should leave you with a then and now photo:
From my very first SG set, shot in November 2002:
(there are seriously no good photos of my face in that set)
November 2011:
9 Years ago today my first photo set went live on the front page of SG. It was the first 'New Girl Friday' of 2003. Lots of you probably won't remember what a New Girl Friday was, but that's okay! At the time I never thought that sending in naked photos of me (for a very tiny sum I should say - it was never for the money back then!), would lead to so much. If someone had told me that SG would become a job I would probably laugh.
At the time it was something I did because it meant a free membership and Sean told me I would make a great SG. And here I am, 9 years later. It's kind of crazy to think about how many changes I've been through in that time, and it sure does make me feel old to have been around here for over 9 years. Sometimes I wonder if I'm like that old person in the corner that everyone wishes would just grow up and move onto something else but doesn't get the hints (;
It's strange to think that a community that just occupied my time while I was a struggling musician (back then), became such a huge part of my life. Even though I haven't modelled that much for the site, due to insecurities among other things, I've probably photographed over 500 sets for the site (I should do a tally at some point). And I've had 322 sets published.
I've definitely been involved more as a photographer than a model in the past few years and I always forget that I'm an SG too. I also always wish I could have gotten my act together and shot more of my own sets, but it's difficult when you're your own photographer. Who knows, though, maybe one day I'll shoot another set.
Even though these days I'm not very active in the groups or boards, I still lurk a lot. I guess the older I get the less I have to say. I remember back when I was first on the site you couldn't shut me up. I'm sure I was really annoying; I was so opinionated and not always for the better. It's embarrassing to think of what I was like back then. I suppose it's all part of growing up.
It's surreal to think that some of you that have been around for a long time too and have watched us older ones growing up and changing. No one ever tells you when you're young that growing up doesn't mean becoming more serious and less fun. If anything I'm way less serious now than when I was a shitty young punk kid. I guess growing up is really just becoming more sensible and realistic about things. And that's how it's easier to let go and be silly, surely!
So the last thing I'll say about my 9th anniversary of being naked on the internet:
Dear SuicideGirls,
I gave up LiveJournal for you, over 9 years ago.
It was totally worth it.
Love, Cherry xx
------
What you probably came by for, instead of some ramblings from a senile old SG granny, is photos. Here's some I took of the winter birds up north while I was away.
The big red and grey ones are Pine Grosbeaks and the wee streaky one is a Common Redpoll. They're both finches even though they are really different sizes. The one on the top of the tree is a Grey Jay which are just so lovely, but impossible to photograph because they don't stay still for long. We get them down here in southern BC too, so I'm going to do my best to get better photos of them.
There aren't many birds that stay for winter up in the northern parts of Canada but the ones that do are very common and you see them all the time. They are so fun to watch and it's amazing what harsh winters such tiny little things can live through.
A little tidbit - the Redpolls dig little tunnels in the snow to keep warm at night. It's just too precious to think of the tiny things all snuggled up under there.
After seeing them in the dense trees flitting about and heading home, I stumbled across this house that had a ton of feeders out. They were obviously enjoying a massive feast. Amongst these guys you can also see the Black Capped Chickadee which is pretty common in most of Canada and the US. The larger yellow and grey bird is a female Pine Grosbeak. She was so much sleeker and prettier than her male counter parts. It was remarkable how many more males there were than this one female who kept coming and going.
Of course no bird photos from the north would be complete without the Ravens. They are so huge and fascinating. I still remember my first trip up north when I saw one of the local ravens I thought it was a small dog - then it took off. It was amazing.
Ravens can have incredibly unique calls depending on their location and groupings. The ravens in Dawson (aside from the usual Raven sounds) make this really interesting pinging sound that I can only describe as sounding like some futuristic space sound - or like I would imagine a really huge electrical wire would make if you were to twang it like an elastic band. I've searched the internet for examples but no one seems to have documented it in any of the usual places. They mostly make the sound when they're flying. It's interesting that they develop unique sounds like that.
---
I'll stop nerding out with talk of birds. I hope it was at least somewhat interesting for you.
I've recently completed a few new pieces of art work. This was the latest piece I finished, that I did for submission to a show:
Paradisaeidae 14x16" Graphite on Arches
It didn't make it into the selection for the show, which really felt crappy at first as I made it in last year with something that I feel wasn't as good. I guess it was because I've developed in a certain direction and it was making me question whether it was the right thing to do or not. Well, now I feel like I should just take this as an opportunity to go further and try and let go of some of the stiffness I can see in my work. It feels too rigid and precise which I've known for a long time removes a lot of the emotion behind the work. We'll see where I go from here.
I really need to get back to painting again.
---
This entry has dragged on a little, so I should leave you with a then and now photo:
From my very first SG set, shot in November 2002:
(there are seriously no good photos of my face in that set)
November 2011:
I went cross country skiing for the first time properly. It was pretty fun, I have to say. Although, I kept wishing I was downhill skiing, as when you're totally inexperienced in the back country it's kind of a slog. That and my shoulder totally gave out and we couldn't finish the trail. I was so upset about it I was crying out there in that beautiful forest. There's some funny photos with make up on my face because of that. What a dummy.
I was just so frustrated by the fact that I'm finally fit and able to do these outdoorsy things I love so much but then I've injured my shoulder in such a terrible way that I still can't actually do it. Ugh. Well, it hurts so much today, so I definitely know I couldn't have gone any further. I just really wish it wasn't taking so long to heal.
As you can see, though, the forest was really beautiful. The thing with cross country skiing (at least for me as I'm a beginner) is it's sort of impossible to look around and take in your surroundings as my eyes had to be on the snow and my skis the whole time.
Hopefully I can take a walk soon in the forest and enjoy it for what it is. It's difficult because it's so cold!
I'm really enjoying being far away from city life, as always. It's so nice to just escape to this peaceful world in the north. Everything is so silent outside, except for the ravens. They make the funniest sounds; I even heard some new ones for the first time this year. Kind of like a rubber band pinging. So strange.
Even though I've been up here since Friday I still haven't really had too much time to relax properly yet. I haven't picked up my book or my drawing tools because I keep finding excuses and other things to do (plus I brought work with me as always). There's also always a lot of socializing that seems to happen when I'm visiting up here!
It's a small town but everyone is pretty close and the holidays bring all sorts of events and parties so of course there's lots to do. Last night we went to the Fine Malt Society's holiday party that's run by this great British couple. (The husband is from Scotland and the wife from England). It felt a little like being back home in a strange way. Lots of traditional scottish food and of course Whisky. It definitely made me miss Scotland a lot.
I keep fretting that there's no time to do all the stuff I want so I just can't seem to relax even this far away from home. I think there's something wrong with me. The only time I've seemed to be able to relax properly in the past few years was when I visited AnnaLee in Edinburgh in June and when I was travelling with Phoenix in October. I guess I really need my friends around to ground me. Such a strange thought as I've always been such a loner. But I suppose I'm so lucky to have such important people in my life.
Well, I'll leave this entry here before I ramble on and on. I have managed to bake a couple of times so far since I got here. That's always good for my soul!
Here's some funny photos of me skiing. And after I cried in the snow ^_^
I do love my new winter gear. It's the warmest I've ever been at -25C
A new museum opened in Vancouver last year called the Biodiversity Musuem. It's basically a natural history museum but instead of being about natural life all over the world it's targeted to life in BC. It's really a beautiful museum full of huge collections from the past 100-120 years. I was really excited to finally go because I'd always said it was the only thing Vancouver was missing. Wherever I go I always try to find out if there's a natural history museum. They are usually my favourite museums and full of so many fascinating things.
The new Biodiversity museum is just beautiful. It's quite a modern looking building and layout but with all of these fascinating collections. This is just a really small part of the skeletal and mammal collection in the museum. I decided I couldn't possibly take in everything in one trip as about half way through I just couldn't absorb any more!
One of my favourite things is seeing all of the old writing on the older specimen labels (and even on some of the skulls as you can see). I've always wished I had beautiful handwriting like that of a naturalist. They always seem to have the nicest style when writing out those little beige labels.
On Thursday I head back up to the Yukon for the holidays. Land of no daylight and lots of snow and ice (; I'm actually looking forward to getting away from everything for a bit. I'll have to take some work with me, as always! But it's going to be so nice to just have time to sit and read. There's been so many books I've wanted to read over the last 6-8 months but I just haven't managed it. It seems like whenever I'm actually not working these days I'm just too exhausted to read even a little.
I miss it a lot. Reading is definitely one of my favourite ways to escape and discover a new world and ideas. Unfortunately I don't have the easiest time with it as I have to have a lot of energy and attention span which I find I often don't have these days because I'm working so much. This definitely feels like a run on sentence but hopefully it's understandable!
I think this might be the most frequent I've updated my SG journal since the early days of me being on here and I talked about complete nonsense. Don't look back, and those of you that remember, shhh!
It's been distressing me that this might not be like this forever. So I feel I have to document it; but not in the usual way that the natural world is documented. I have this uncontrollable need to record the emotion that these places make me feel. To really save how it looks and feels to be in that space at that time. There's no use in only keeping track of all the basic elements that make up a forest, or the ocean or the mountains. Future generations will never know the strength these places have if the documentation is purely factual. I'm certainly not the only person doing this; all you have to do is look at some of the National Geographic work to see the emotion and power nature has over a human being. But right now, more than ever, I just urgently feel I have to record the effect the natural world is having on me.
Perhaps it's because I've always felt this strong affinity to bodies of water and forests and open fields. I'm sure a part of it is that it's always been my escape as long as I can remember: Hiding in fields and the woods near my house when things were hardest at home. Skipping school and sitting under the giant oak tree that was over 600 years old. Just a few of the best memories I have from my childhood.
Recently I find myself like I was when I was a child - needing to breathe in that air like I'll never get to breathe it again. Wondering along paths and really being aware of all the sensations, sounds and smells around me.
I've often taken photos, but I've usually never shared them or really even looked at them again. With this newly emerged urgency (that feels like it's verging on a sort of panic), I just have to catalog and share it, somehow. I don't really know how yet, except for places like this.
I'm really lucky to live where I do. I've lived in and seen some of the most beautiful places, but there's just something about the nature here that really pulls me in. The natural world has always had a kind of power over humans and it's really interesting to think that I can really mark its effect throughout my life. It's been my one constant influence and strength. It's been the one place I can always feel safe in the knowledge that it doesn't matter what I've been dealing with I can feel renewed.
My birthday wasn't so terrifying after all. It turns out that I can get myself so worked up about something that by the time the day arrives it's fairly surprising how calm I take it. Of course, whenever I stop to think about being '30' it freaks me out a bit, but otherwise what has really changed? A good part of my 20s passed by in such a daze that I'm not surprised that 30 came along and shocked me into submission.
There's literally no point looking back and wishing away all that time that I feel was 'wasted'. After all, it seems I've come to realise that it's all just a bit ridiculous. I'm sure that part of my fear at this point is pure vanity, anyway. I regularly insisted that I wasn't very vain but when it comes down to it - we are all vain. Don't believe anyone that tells you differently. Sure, vanity comes and goes, but it's still part of us.
Don't worry, it's not turning 30 that has made me need to flee to the forest so much. The only reason I mentioned that in this post was because it was really interesting to see some of your replies to my worries about it.
Really, life is better than it ever has been for me right now. It's strange to type that when I've been feeling down so much lately, but I know that those feelings are only a result of physical pain. Which, if that's all I have to deal with I shouldn't complain. But, saying this, it's amazing what constant, terrible pain can do to your emotions. It's made me a bit of a wreck in a few ways and I think that totally took me by surprise.
I've always thought of myself as a strong person both physically and emotionally. As far as I can remember I've done everything myself. But feeling weak, and being reminded of my limitations is just so frustrating.
Not least because it is taking so much longer to improve than I ever thought was possible. The only physical thing I can do is walking and so I've been doing as much of that as I can, but it's not enough. Well, I am doing my best to stay positive and work hard at re-strengthening things.
I am just so glad for my surroundings and my closest friends; both nearby and far away.
JUNE 2013
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MAY 2013
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APRIL 2013
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MARCH 2013
