PICS
9 Years of being naked on the Internet
9 Years ago today my first photo set went live on the front page of SG. It was the first 'New Girl Friday' of 2003. Lots of you probably won't remember what a New Girl Friday was, but that's okay! At the time I never thought that sending in naked photos of me (for a very tiny sum I should say - it was never for the money back then!), would lead to so much. If someone had told me that SG would become a job I would probably laugh.
At the time it was something I did because it meant a free membership and Sean told me I would make a great SG. And here I am, 9 years later. It's kind of crazy to think about how many changes I've been through in that time, and it sure does make me feel old to have been around here for over 9 years. Sometimes I wonder if I'm like that old person in the corner that everyone wishes would just grow up and move onto something else but doesn't get the hints (;
It's strange to think that a community that just occupied my time while I was a struggling musician (back then), became such a huge part of my life. Even though I haven't modelled that much for the site, due to insecurities among other things, I've probably photographed over 500 sets for the site (I should do a tally at some point). And I've had 322 sets published.
I've definitely been involved more as a photographer than a model in the past few years and I always forget that I'm an SG too. I also always wish I could have gotten my act together and shot more of my own sets, but it's difficult when you're your own photographer. Who knows, though, maybe one day I'll shoot another set.
Even though these days I'm not very active in the groups or boards, I still lurk a lot. I guess the older I get the less I have to say. I remember back when I was first on the site you couldn't shut me up. I'm sure I was really annoying; I was so opinionated and not always for the better. It's embarrassing to think of what I was like back then. I suppose it's all part of growing up.
It's surreal to think that some of you that have been around for a long time too and have watched us older ones growing up and changing. No one ever tells you when you're young that growing up doesn't mean becoming more serious and less fun. If anything I'm way less serious now than when I was a shitty young punk kid. I guess growing up is really just becoming more sensible and realistic about things. And that's how it's easier to let go and be silly, surely!
So the last thing I'll say about my 9th anniversary of being naked on the internet:
Dear SuicideGirls,
I gave up LiveJournal for you, over 9 years ago.
It was totally worth it.
Love, Cherry xx
------
What you probably came by for, instead of some ramblings from a senile old SG granny, is photos. Here's some I took of the winter birds up north while I was away.
The big red and grey ones are Pine Grosbeaks and the wee streaky one is a Common Redpoll. They're both finches even though they are really different sizes. The one on the top of the tree is a Grey Jay which are just so lovely, but impossible to photograph because they don't stay still for long. We get them down here in southern BC too, so I'm going to do my best to get better photos of them.
There aren't many birds that stay for winter up in the northern parts of Canada but the ones that do are very common and you see them all the time. They are so fun to watch and it's amazing what harsh winters such tiny little things can live through.
A little tidbit - the Redpolls dig little tunnels in the snow to keep warm at night. It's just too precious to think of the tiny things all snuggled up under there.
After seeing them in the dense trees flitting about and heading home, I stumbled across this house that had a ton of feeders out. They were obviously enjoying a massive feast. Amongst these guys you can also see the Black Capped Chickadee which is pretty common in most of Canada and the US. The larger yellow and grey bird is a female Pine Grosbeak. She was so much sleeker and prettier than her male counter parts. It was remarkable how many more males there were than this one female who kept coming and going.
Of course no bird photos from the north would be complete without the Ravens. They are so huge and fascinating. I still remember my first trip up north when I saw one of the local ravens I thought it was a small dog - then it took off. It was amazing.
Ravens can have incredibly unique calls depending on their location and groupings. The ravens in Dawson (aside from the usual Raven sounds) make this really interesting pinging sound that I can only describe as sounding like some futuristic space sound - or like I would imagine a really huge electrical wire would make if you were to twang it like an elastic band. I've searched the internet for examples but no one seems to have documented it in any of the usual places. They mostly make the sound when they're flying. It's interesting that they develop unique sounds like that.
---
I'll stop nerding out with talk of birds. I hope it was at least somewhat interesting for you.
I've recently completed a few new pieces of art work. This was the latest piece I finished, that I did for submission to a show:
Paradisaeidae 14x16" Graphite on Arches
It didn't make it into the selection for the show, which really felt crappy at first as I made it in last year with something that I feel wasn't as good. I guess it was because I've developed in a certain direction and it was making me question whether it was the right thing to do or not. Well, now I feel like I should just take this as an opportunity to go further and try and let go of some of the stiffness I can see in my work. It feels too rigid and precise which I've known for a long time removes a lot of the emotion behind the work. We'll see where I go from here.
I really need to get back to painting again.
---
This entry has dragged on a little, so I should leave you with a then and now photo:
From my very first SG set, shot in November 2002:
(there are seriously no good photos of my face in that set)
November 2011:
9 Years ago today my first photo set went live on the front page of SG. It was the first 'New Girl Friday' of 2003. Lots of you probably won't remember what a New Girl Friday was, but that's okay! At the time I never thought that sending in naked photos of me (for a very tiny sum I should say - it was never for the money back then!), would lead to so much. If someone had told me that SG would become a job I would probably laugh.
At the time it was something I did because it meant a free membership and Sean told me I would make a great SG. And here I am, 9 years later. It's kind of crazy to think about how many changes I've been through in that time, and it sure does make me feel old to have been around here for over 9 years. Sometimes I wonder if I'm like that old person in the corner that everyone wishes would just grow up and move onto something else but doesn't get the hints (;
It's strange to think that a community that just occupied my time while I was a struggling musician (back then), became such a huge part of my life. Even though I haven't modelled that much for the site, due to insecurities among other things, I've probably photographed over 500 sets for the site (I should do a tally at some point). And I've had 322 sets published.
I've definitely been involved more as a photographer than a model in the past few years and I always forget that I'm an SG too. I also always wish I could have gotten my act together and shot more of my own sets, but it's difficult when you're your own photographer. Who knows, though, maybe one day I'll shoot another set.
Even though these days I'm not very active in the groups or boards, I still lurk a lot. I guess the older I get the less I have to say. I remember back when I was first on the site you couldn't shut me up. I'm sure I was really annoying; I was so opinionated and not always for the better. It's embarrassing to think of what I was like back then. I suppose it's all part of growing up.
It's surreal to think that some of you that have been around for a long time too and have watched us older ones growing up and changing. No one ever tells you when you're young that growing up doesn't mean becoming more serious and less fun. If anything I'm way less serious now than when I was a shitty young punk kid. I guess growing up is really just becoming more sensible and realistic about things. And that's how it's easier to let go and be silly, surely!
So the last thing I'll say about my 9th anniversary of being naked on the internet:
Dear SuicideGirls,
I gave up LiveJournal for you, over 9 years ago.
It was totally worth it.
Love, Cherry xx
------
What you probably came by for, instead of some ramblings from a senile old SG granny, is photos. Here's some I took of the winter birds up north while I was away.
The big red and grey ones are Pine Grosbeaks and the wee streaky one is a Common Redpoll. They're both finches even though they are really different sizes. The one on the top of the tree is a Grey Jay which are just so lovely, but impossible to photograph because they don't stay still for long. We get them down here in southern BC too, so I'm going to do my best to get better photos of them.
There aren't many birds that stay for winter up in the northern parts of Canada but the ones that do are very common and you see them all the time. They are so fun to watch and it's amazing what harsh winters such tiny little things can live through.
A little tidbit - the Redpolls dig little tunnels in the snow to keep warm at night. It's just too precious to think of the tiny things all snuggled up under there.
After seeing them in the dense trees flitting about and heading home, I stumbled across this house that had a ton of feeders out. They were obviously enjoying a massive feast. Amongst these guys you can also see the Black Capped Chickadee which is pretty common in most of Canada and the US. The larger yellow and grey bird is a female Pine Grosbeak. She was so much sleeker and prettier than her male counter parts. It was remarkable how many more males there were than this one female who kept coming and going.
Of course no bird photos from the north would be complete without the Ravens. They are so huge and fascinating. I still remember my first trip up north when I saw one of the local ravens I thought it was a small dog - then it took off. It was amazing.
Ravens can have incredibly unique calls depending on their location and groupings. The ravens in Dawson (aside from the usual Raven sounds) make this really interesting pinging sound that I can only describe as sounding like some futuristic space sound - or like I would imagine a really huge electrical wire would make if you were to twang it like an elastic band. I've searched the internet for examples but no one seems to have documented it in any of the usual places. They mostly make the sound when they're flying. It's interesting that they develop unique sounds like that.
---
I'll stop nerding out with talk of birds. I hope it was at least somewhat interesting for you.
I've recently completed a few new pieces of art work. This was the latest piece I finished, that I did for submission to a show:
Paradisaeidae 14x16" Graphite on Arches
It didn't make it into the selection for the show, which really felt crappy at first as I made it in last year with something that I feel wasn't as good. I guess it was because I've developed in a certain direction and it was making me question whether it was the right thing to do or not. Well, now I feel like I should just take this as an opportunity to go further and try and let go of some of the stiffness I can see in my work. It feels too rigid and precise which I've known for a long time removes a lot of the emotion behind the work. We'll see where I go from here.
I really need to get back to painting again.
---
This entry has dragged on a little, so I should leave you with a then and now photo:
From my very first SG set, shot in November 2002:
(there are seriously no good photos of my face in that set)
November 2011:
I went cross country skiing for the first time properly. It was pretty fun, I have to say. Although, I kept wishing I was downhill skiing, as when you're totally inexperienced in the back country it's kind of a slog. That and my shoulder totally gave out and we couldn't finish the trail. I was so upset about it I was crying out there in that beautiful forest. There's some funny photos with make up on my face because of that. What a dummy.
I was just so frustrated by the fact that I'm finally fit and able to do these outdoorsy things I love so much but then I've injured my shoulder in such a terrible way that I still can't actually do it. Ugh. Well, it hurts so much today, so I definitely know I couldn't have gone any further. I just really wish it wasn't taking so long to heal.
As you can see, though, the forest was really beautiful. The thing with cross country skiing (at least for me as I'm a beginner) is it's sort of impossible to look around and take in your surroundings as my eyes had to be on the snow and my skis the whole time.
Hopefully I can take a walk soon in the forest and enjoy it for what it is. It's difficult because it's so cold!
I'm really enjoying being far away from city life, as always. It's so nice to just escape to this peaceful world in the north. Everything is so silent outside, except for the ravens. They make the funniest sounds; I even heard some new ones for the first time this year. Kind of like a rubber band pinging. So strange.
Even though I've been up here since Friday I still haven't really had too much time to relax properly yet. I haven't picked up my book or my drawing tools because I keep finding excuses and other things to do (plus I brought work with me as always). There's also always a lot of socializing that seems to happen when I'm visiting up here!
It's a small town but everyone is pretty close and the holidays bring all sorts of events and parties so of course there's lots to do. Last night we went to the Fine Malt Society's holiday party that's run by this great British couple. (The husband is from Scotland and the wife from England). It felt a little like being back home in a strange way. Lots of traditional scottish food and of course Whisky. It definitely made me miss Scotland a lot.
I keep fretting that there's no time to do all the stuff I want so I just can't seem to relax even this far away from home. I think there's something wrong with me. The only time I've seemed to be able to relax properly in the past few years was when I visited AnnaLee in Edinburgh in June and when I was travelling with Phoenix in October. I guess I really need my friends around to ground me. Such a strange thought as I've always been such a loner. But I suppose I'm so lucky to have such important people in my life.
Well, I'll leave this entry here before I ramble on and on. I have managed to bake a couple of times so far since I got here. That's always good for my soul!
Here's some funny photos of me skiing. And after I cried in the snow ^_^
I do love my new winter gear. It's the warmest I've ever been at -25C
A new museum opened in Vancouver last year called the Biodiversity Musuem. It's basically a natural history museum but instead of being about natural life all over the world it's targeted to life in BC. It's really a beautiful museum full of huge collections from the past 100-120 years. I was really excited to finally go because I'd always said it was the only thing Vancouver was missing. Wherever I go I always try to find out if there's a natural history museum. They are usually my favourite museums and full of so many fascinating things.
The new Biodiversity museum is just beautiful. It's quite a modern looking building and layout but with all of these fascinating collections. This is just a really small part of the skeletal and mammal collection in the museum. I decided I couldn't possibly take in everything in one trip as about half way through I just couldn't absorb any more!
One of my favourite things is seeing all of the old writing on the older specimen labels (and even on some of the skulls as you can see). I've always wished I had beautiful handwriting like that of a naturalist. They always seem to have the nicest style when writing out those little beige labels.
On Thursday I head back up to the Yukon for the holidays. Land of no daylight and lots of snow and ice (; I'm actually looking forward to getting away from everything for a bit. I'll have to take some work with me, as always! But it's going to be so nice to just have time to sit and read. There's been so many books I've wanted to read over the last 6-8 months but I just haven't managed it. It seems like whenever I'm actually not working these days I'm just too exhausted to read even a little.
I miss it a lot. Reading is definitely one of my favourite ways to escape and discover a new world and ideas. Unfortunately I don't have the easiest time with it as I have to have a lot of energy and attention span which I find I often don't have these days because I'm working so much. This definitely feels like a run on sentence but hopefully it's understandable!
I think this might be the most frequent I've updated my SG journal since the early days of me being on here and I talked about complete nonsense. Don't look back, and those of you that remember, shhh!
It's been distressing me that this might not be like this forever. So I feel I have to document it; but not in the usual way that the natural world is documented. I have this uncontrollable need to record the emotion that these places make me feel. To really save how it looks and feels to be in that space at that time. There's no use in only keeping track of all the basic elements that make up a forest, or the ocean or the mountains. Future generations will never know the strength these places have if the documentation is purely factual. I'm certainly not the only person doing this; all you have to do is look at some of the National Geographic work to see the emotion and power nature has over a human being. But right now, more than ever, I just urgently feel I have to record the effect the natural world is having on me.
Perhaps it's because I've always felt this strong affinity to bodies of water and forests and open fields. I'm sure a part of it is that it's always been my escape as long as I can remember: Hiding in fields and the woods near my house when things were hardest at home. Skipping school and sitting under the giant oak tree that was over 600 years old. Just a few of the best memories I have from my childhood.
Recently I find myself like I was when I was a child - needing to breathe in that air like I'll never get to breathe it again. Wondering along paths and really being aware of all the sensations, sounds and smells around me.
I've often taken photos, but I've usually never shared them or really even looked at them again. With this newly emerged urgency (that feels like it's verging on a sort of panic), I just have to catalog and share it, somehow. I don't really know how yet, except for places like this.
I'm really lucky to live where I do. I've lived in and seen some of the most beautiful places, but there's just something about the nature here that really pulls me in. The natural world has always had a kind of power over humans and it's really interesting to think that I can really mark its effect throughout my life. It's been my one constant influence and strength. It's been the one place I can always feel safe in the knowledge that it doesn't matter what I've been dealing with I can feel renewed.
My birthday wasn't so terrifying after all. It turns out that I can get myself so worked up about something that by the time the day arrives it's fairly surprising how calm I take it. Of course, whenever I stop to think about being '30' it freaks me out a bit, but otherwise what has really changed? A good part of my 20s passed by in such a daze that I'm not surprised that 30 came along and shocked me into submission.
There's literally no point looking back and wishing away all that time that I feel was 'wasted'. After all, it seems I've come to realise that it's all just a bit ridiculous. I'm sure that part of my fear at this point is pure vanity, anyway. I regularly insisted that I wasn't very vain but when it comes down to it - we are all vain. Don't believe anyone that tells you differently. Sure, vanity comes and goes, but it's still part of us.
Don't worry, it's not turning 30 that has made me need to flee to the forest so much. The only reason I mentioned that in this post was because it was really interesting to see some of your replies to my worries about it.
Really, life is better than it ever has been for me right now. It's strange to type that when I've been feeling down so much lately, but I know that those feelings are only a result of physical pain. Which, if that's all I have to deal with I shouldn't complain. But, saying this, it's amazing what constant, terrible pain can do to your emotions. It's made me a bit of a wreck in a few ways and I think that totally took me by surprise.
I've always thought of myself as a strong person both physically and emotionally. As far as I can remember I've done everything myself. But feeling weak, and being reminded of my limitations is just so frustrating.
Not least because it is taking so much longer to improve than I ever thought was possible. The only physical thing I can do is walking and so I've been doing as much of that as I can, but it's not enough. Well, I am doing my best to stay positive and work hard at re-strengthening things.
I am just so glad for my surroundings and my closest friends; both nearby and far away.
When Autumn happens I just have to drink it all in.
Pileated Woodpecker
Spotted Towhee
American Coot
I've been feeling pretty down lately, but immersing myself in all of the nature around here has been the only thing that makes things feel less overwhelming.
I'd just written everything out to explain it all but it just feels ridiculous and I couldn't bare to actually post it. It all comes down to a lot of pain from an injury I've been dealing with for almost two months now, on top of too much work stress and a terribly crippling feeling of loneliness thanks to months of being surrounded by people and suddenly being far away from most of my best friends, again. Even shortening it to just this couple of sentences it's not even interesting.
There's just something about the smell of the forest and even the beach at this time of year. It's my reset button. It's a shame I have to find that button so much lately, but it does mean I've been in my favourite places for many hours in the past few weeks. I've seen so many of my favourite bird species and I've even been meaning to find out more about various tree, fungi, moss and lichen species. I just never seem to have the time to cram even more information in my brain.
Which brings me to something else that I've been trying to avoid. This weekend I turn 30. T H I R T Y. That seems so old to me I just don't even know how to process it mentally. Maybe it's because much of the work I do I'm surrounded by people a lot younger than me but it really seems like I should be somewhere else by now.
Again, I don't want to ramble on about something like this so I won't. But just one (of my many) irrational fears is that there's a finite space in my mind for useless facts. I'm already pretty full up so every time I want to learn something new (every other hour it seems) I'm pretty scared that whatever I learn it just pushes out something else I already knew.
I swear this actually happens but I know the level of fear I have about it is totally unnecessary. It doesn't actually stop me trying to learn things constantly. So, while I really want to learn about all of the other things in the forest, what if I then forget everything I know about the amazing birds? Silly, I know.
Pileated Woodpecker
Spotted Towhee
American Coot
I've been feeling pretty down lately, but immersing myself in all of the nature around here has been the only thing that makes things feel less overwhelming.
I'd just written everything out to explain it all but it just feels ridiculous and I couldn't bare to actually post it. It all comes down to a lot of pain from an injury I've been dealing with for almost two months now, on top of too much work stress and a terribly crippling feeling of loneliness thanks to months of being surrounded by people and suddenly being far away from most of my best friends, again. Even shortening it to just this couple of sentences it's not even interesting.
There's just something about the smell of the forest and even the beach at this time of year. It's my reset button. It's a shame I have to find that button so much lately, but it does mean I've been in my favourite places for many hours in the past few weeks. I've seen so many of my favourite bird species and I've even been meaning to find out more about various tree, fungi, moss and lichen species. I just never seem to have the time to cram even more information in my brain.
Which brings me to something else that I've been trying to avoid. This weekend I turn 30. T H I R T Y. That seems so old to me I just don't even know how to process it mentally. Maybe it's because much of the work I do I'm surrounded by people a lot younger than me but it really seems like I should be somewhere else by now.
Again, I don't want to ramble on about something like this so I won't. But just one (of my many) irrational fears is that there's a finite space in my mind for useless facts. I'm already pretty full up so every time I want to learn something new (every other hour it seems) I'm pretty scared that whatever I learn it just pushes out something else I already knew.
I swear this actually happens but I know the level of fear I have about it is totally unnecessary. It doesn't actually stop me trying to learn things constantly. So, while I really want to learn about all of the other things in the forest, what if I then forget everything I know about the amazing birds? Silly, I know.
Some of my recent artwork:
"Symbiosis" 9x12 Graphite and Ink on Arches
"Saviour" 10x14 Graphite and Ink on Arches
"Passenger" 10x13 Graphite and Ink on Arches
Here's some progress of the piece I'm currently working on:
----
I keep cycling through feeling very happy with where everything is right now to feeling like a total shambles with far too much to do and not enough time to do it. Part of this is probably due to the very simple fact that my house is a mess right now. I'm sure if I find the couple of hours it'll take to tidy I will feel at least a little better.
Another part of it is that I had planned to really cut down on travelling this year - to work on finally building a base professionally and emotionally here in Vancouver. That was going really well until the summer began. Of course the trips I've taken (1 month in Europe and a week in Phoenix, AZ) have been great but now I feel a little bit stressed about it all.
I'll be travelling for more days than I will be at home between now and the end of the year. When 2011 started I planned to have my artwork portfolio out to a ton of galleries by the end of the summer. Little did I realise that I just couldn't keep up with a 70+ hour work week for more than about 8 months. I also hadn't planned on having two huge trips to Europe in the same year.
I couldn't possibly complain about these opportunities, but I also sort of want to hide under a rock. No doubt, I'd take my art supplies with me!
----
My trip to Hell City Phoenix was as fun as ever and this year I even took a little time for myself (I'm learning...) It was wonderful to watch the humming birds flit around and the grackles freaking out about whatever it is they get mad at. They are so funny... like miniature road runners or dinosaurs.
I also got tattooed by the amazing Chloe Vanessa at Off the Map Tattoo in MA:
^^ It's obviously only partially done here and incredibly swollen and a little red. It's a Stellar's Jay (not a blue jay[!])
I've planned out every single tattoo I've had done for a year or so before getting started on them, and this is the only 'spur of the moment' one I've ever gotten. I was admiring Chloe's work at her booth when I noticed she had a sketch out on the table with a note saying "I'd love to tattoo this". The bird was red (and the poppies blue) but I figured the bird looked a lot like the Jays I love spotting every now and then. After talking with her it turns out it was, in fact, a Stellar's Jay; she'd just grabbed whatever coloured pencils had come to hand. And she is also a big bird nerd (as is everyone at their shop) so, it was so wonderful talking with her about these little creatures that I'm constantly obsessing over.
Here's a couple of photos (not mine) of these funny little guys:
They're a western jay that I've seen a couple of times here in Vancouver. They are so beautiful and fun to watch. We don't get blue jays here, but I almost prefer the dark broody look of Stellars Jays.
Most people only know about Blue Jays but if you search around you'll see there's probably well over 40 different Jays across the Americas and a few in Europe and Asia. They're in the Corvidae family (the same as crows, ravens, jackdaws magpies etc.)
Speaking about birds since I came home almost a week ago I've heard a ton of new bird calls, so I think it must be about time to be seeing the few species that stop through here on their migration. I really need to get myself some new binoculars because it's been so difficult to spot them when they're hiding in the dense coniferous trees in my neighbourhood.
"Symbiosis" 9x12 Graphite and Ink on Arches
"Saviour" 10x14 Graphite and Ink on Arches
"Passenger" 10x13 Graphite and Ink on Arches
Here's some progress of the piece I'm currently working on:
----
I keep cycling through feeling very happy with where everything is right now to feeling like a total shambles with far too much to do and not enough time to do it. Part of this is probably due to the very simple fact that my house is a mess right now. I'm sure if I find the couple of hours it'll take to tidy I will feel at least a little better.
Another part of it is that I had planned to really cut down on travelling this year - to work on finally building a base professionally and emotionally here in Vancouver. That was going really well until the summer began. Of course the trips I've taken (1 month in Europe and a week in Phoenix, AZ) have been great but now I feel a little bit stressed about it all.
I'll be travelling for more days than I will be at home between now and the end of the year. When 2011 started I planned to have my artwork portfolio out to a ton of galleries by the end of the summer. Little did I realise that I just couldn't keep up with a 70+ hour work week for more than about 8 months. I also hadn't planned on having two huge trips to Europe in the same year.
I couldn't possibly complain about these opportunities, but I also sort of want to hide under a rock. No doubt, I'd take my art supplies with me!
----
My trip to Hell City Phoenix was as fun as ever and this year I even took a little time for myself (I'm learning...) It was wonderful to watch the humming birds flit around and the grackles freaking out about whatever it is they get mad at. They are so funny... like miniature road runners or dinosaurs.
I also got tattooed by the amazing Chloe Vanessa at Off the Map Tattoo in MA:
^^ It's obviously only partially done here and incredibly swollen and a little red. It's a Stellar's Jay (not a blue jay[!])
I've planned out every single tattoo I've had done for a year or so before getting started on them, and this is the only 'spur of the moment' one I've ever gotten. I was admiring Chloe's work at her booth when I noticed she had a sketch out on the table with a note saying "I'd love to tattoo this". The bird was red (and the poppies blue) but I figured the bird looked a lot like the Jays I love spotting every now and then. After talking with her it turns out it was, in fact, a Stellar's Jay; she'd just grabbed whatever coloured pencils had come to hand. And she is also a big bird nerd (as is everyone at their shop) so, it was so wonderful talking with her about these little creatures that I'm constantly obsessing over.
Here's a couple of photos (not mine) of these funny little guys:
They're a western jay that I've seen a couple of times here in Vancouver. They are so beautiful and fun to watch. We don't get blue jays here, but I almost prefer the dark broody look of Stellars Jays.
Most people only know about Blue Jays but if you search around you'll see there's probably well over 40 different Jays across the Americas and a few in Europe and Asia. They're in the Corvidae family (the same as crows, ravens, jackdaws magpies etc.)
Speaking about birds since I came home almost a week ago I've heard a ton of new bird calls, so I think it must be about time to be seeing the few species that stop through here on their migration. I really need to get myself some new binoculars because it's been so difficult to spot them when they're hiding in the dense coniferous trees in my neighbourhood.
Edit: This turned out to be a kind of love letter to SuicideGirls and all of the friends and adventures I've made over the last nine years....
I was going to make my next entry about my time in Paris, but after the surprise of my wonderful friends' AnnaLee and GoGo's set (The Wolf Caught The Bird) popping up on the front page, I felt like I just had to share these tender, happy out takes with you. I couldn't keep them all for my own heart...
That day was so bittersweet in many ways, most of which I'll never tell.
When Gogo and Annalee asked little old me to recreate what was lost I was speechless! (and yes I blushed a thousand shades of pink).
Of course, Annalee has been my closest friend for six years now, and Gogo and I became really good friends after we finally got to spend quality time together a couple of years ago when we made this and this and had more adventures inside of two days than you'd think possible in a conservative town in Alberta.
Both women are such a huge strength and inspiration to me and I don't know where I'd be without either. We spent all day preparing for this set, including hours of me playing with GoGo's hair, and us going to pick out the underwear sets on a rainy morning in Soho, London. Some things didn't play out and others did and at the end of it all, the minute AnnaLee and Gogo finished snuggling, AnnaLee and I had to say our hurried and teary goodbyes and run out into London to hail a taxi and rush for our train. Both of us were torn between wanting so badly to miss our train and desperately trying to make it so we didn't miss our wonderful adventures back in Scotland (which you can see in my last blog entry).
Gogo: 'Oooh what's in there?!'
I'm just so happy I could capture this time for them and for you to see.
AnnaLee and I looked through this set so many times after we departed London and every time I came to this following picture I just couldn't help but see GoGo thinking...
'Fuck you, SuicideGirls. I caught her first...'
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Now to quickly answer a question I keep getting: the camera in the background of the photos is a Mamiya Universal - an old press camera from the late 60s/early 70s. It's a medium format rangefinder.
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A little, nervous and exciting News:
Just a couple of months before the 9th anniversary of me becoming a SuicideGirl I'm heading back out to the UK to work on the next DVD project. It'll be the 3rd SG DVD I've been proud to be a part of and I'm especially so excited for this one, and I can't even tell you anything about it yet!
It's strange to be going 'home' to work on this too. So many things have changed in the 9 years since I discovered SG and almost all of it is thanks to my family here at SG. My dreams have changed too many times to count (and still changing) but all I can say is I feel so lucky to be here.
This past April was also the 7th anniversary of me becoming a staff photographer. I've worked so hard over the years, I've burned myself out over and over and spent more money than I care to think about; to always improve and always bring something unique and different to the sets I shoot. Most of all to really bring any connections I make through in the photos; to perhaps share a little with you what it's like to to be friends with strong and beautiful women like this.
I've had wonderful times and brilliant memories. I've had adventures and copious EUREKA moments where I feel like I levelled up. Even still, it's been far from easy and I've so very nearly quit on at least six different occasions. But, the biggest lesson I've learned is that nothing worthwhile is easy and unless you're fighting, you're not going to be progressing.
Even though I'm shooting a little bit less than I used to I can't ever imagine life without SuicideGirls and you know what? That's really weird when you think about it...
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xxxx.
I was going to make my next entry about my time in Paris, but after the surprise of my wonderful friends' AnnaLee and GoGo's set (The Wolf Caught The Bird) popping up on the front page, I felt like I just had to share these tender, happy out takes with you. I couldn't keep them all for my own heart...
That day was so bittersweet in many ways, most of which I'll never tell.
When Gogo and Annalee asked little old me to recreate what was lost I was speechless! (and yes I blushed a thousand shades of pink).
Of course, Annalee has been my closest friend for six years now, and Gogo and I became really good friends after we finally got to spend quality time together a couple of years ago when we made this and this and had more adventures inside of two days than you'd think possible in a conservative town in Alberta.
Both women are such a huge strength and inspiration to me and I don't know where I'd be without either. We spent all day preparing for this set, including hours of me playing with GoGo's hair, and us going to pick out the underwear sets on a rainy morning in Soho, London. Some things didn't play out and others did and at the end of it all, the minute AnnaLee and Gogo finished snuggling, AnnaLee and I had to say our hurried and teary goodbyes and run out into London to hail a taxi and rush for our train. Both of us were torn between wanting so badly to miss our train and desperately trying to make it so we didn't miss our wonderful adventures back in Scotland (which you can see in my last blog entry).
Gogo: 'Oooh what's in there?!'
I'm just so happy I could capture this time for them and for you to see.
AnnaLee and I looked through this set so many times after we departed London and every time I came to this following picture I just couldn't help but see GoGo thinking...
'Fuck you, SuicideGirls. I caught her first...'
------
Now to quickly answer a question I keep getting: the camera in the background of the photos is a Mamiya Universal - an old press camera from the late 60s/early 70s. It's a medium format rangefinder.
------
A little, nervous and exciting News:
Just a couple of months before the 9th anniversary of me becoming a SuicideGirl I'm heading back out to the UK to work on the next DVD project. It'll be the 3rd SG DVD I've been proud to be a part of and I'm especially so excited for this one, and I can't even tell you anything about it yet!
It's strange to be going 'home' to work on this too. So many things have changed in the 9 years since I discovered SG and almost all of it is thanks to my family here at SG. My dreams have changed too many times to count (and still changing) but all I can say is I feel so lucky to be here.
This past April was also the 7th anniversary of me becoming a staff photographer. I've worked so hard over the years, I've burned myself out over and over and spent more money than I care to think about; to always improve and always bring something unique and different to the sets I shoot. Most of all to really bring any connections I make through in the photos; to perhaps share a little with you what it's like to to be friends with strong and beautiful women like this.
I've had wonderful times and brilliant memories. I've had adventures and copious EUREKA moments where I feel like I levelled up. Even still, it's been far from easy and I've so very nearly quit on at least six different occasions. But, the biggest lesson I've learned is that nothing worthwhile is easy and unless you're fighting, you're not going to be progressing.
Even though I'm shooting a little bit less than I used to I can't ever imagine life without SuicideGirls and you know what? That's really weird when you think about it...
-----
xxxx.
Here's the scans of the film photos from Edinburgh. I really wish so many of my closest friends didn't live so far away. These photos make me miss them. So much nostalgia...
Pretty girls are always hiding from me...
(AnnaLee, Spleen, Dwam)
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A pair of Northern Flickers moved into my neighbourhood this summer. I cannot tell you how happy this makes me. They are one of my very favourite birds and they are so beautiful. I'm amazed at how many people I see walking around and not noticing birds... especially when they have such interesting or striking and loud calls. It makes me realise how little of the world around them many people take into account. Perhaps it's just who I am but I feel like I'm bombarded with things happening around me every day and I just can't ignore those little sounds or flashes out of the corner of my eye. I often stop everything I'm doing to stare out of the window to find out what's making a certain sound.
I can hear the flickers right as I finish typing this. It's pretty magical. There are a couple of different subspecies but here in the west we get the Red Shafted Northern Flicker (Colaptes auratus cafer). They are incredibly distinct looking and very soft with these beautiful spots but it's not until they take flight that you really see why they are so striking... the underside of their wings and tails are anything from salmon to bright red and it really flashes at you when they take off, it's so bright. It's amazing that such flashiness is almost completely hidden when they're not flying.
Unusually the females are just as colourful as the males. You can hear their amazing calls here: http://identify.whatbird.com/obj/181/_/Northern_Flicker.aspx
The PEW sound reminds me of a toy laser gun (:
Pretty girls are always hiding from me...
(AnnaLee, Spleen, Dwam)
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A pair of Northern Flickers moved into my neighbourhood this summer. I cannot tell you how happy this makes me. They are one of my very favourite birds and they are so beautiful. I'm amazed at how many people I see walking around and not noticing birds... especially when they have such interesting or striking and loud calls. It makes me realise how little of the world around them many people take into account. Perhaps it's just who I am but I feel like I'm bombarded with things happening around me every day and I just can't ignore those little sounds or flashes out of the corner of my eye. I often stop everything I'm doing to stare out of the window to find out what's making a certain sound.
I can hear the flickers right as I finish typing this. It's pretty magical. There are a couple of different subspecies but here in the west we get the Red Shafted Northern Flicker (Colaptes auratus cafer). They are incredibly distinct looking and very soft with these beautiful spots but it's not until they take flight that you really see why they are so striking... the underside of their wings and tails are anything from salmon to bright red and it really flashes at you when they take off, it's so bright. It's amazing that such flashiness is almost completely hidden when they're not flying.
Unusually the females are just as colourful as the males. You can hear their amazing calls here: http://identify.whatbird.com/obj/181/_/Northern_Flicker.aspx
The PEW sound reminds me of a toy laser gun (:
"Her memory was burning at the land of the wind."
My reading of this poetic piece of graffiti may not be accurate as my French isn't very good, but I hope this helps you appreciate it too if you don't know French. Paris is so rich with beautiful and interesting street art and this struck me as one of the most poignant and yet simple graffitis I have ever seen; especially as the square was full with a couple of hundred people yet no one seemed to pay it any attention.
But I am getting ahead of myself...
For the past month I took my first trip back 'home' to Europe in four years. It was a bit of a whirlwind but I don't think I could have done it any other way. To tell you about it in its entirety I would need several days and so much screen real estate you wouldn't be able to open the page.
So, while I wait for my several rolls of film to develop and I try to break free of this post-adventure come down I'll show you the polaroids I took in order to record the memories that we might forget.
http://suicidegirls.com/members/Cherry/videos/14014/
(see higher quality here)
Annalee, Dwam and Spleen
Funny story, both Dwam and Annalee told me that without photos it would be difficult for them to remember many occasions in their life. It is nice to be reminded of one of the most simplistic and basic needs for documentary.
After a very quick and brief trip to Leeds and London to spring a surprise on one of my favourite people, to visit GoGo and Sean and to shoot some sets, I found myself finally back in Edinburgh; my second home.
The most difficult thing to leave behind when I moved over 4000 miles was the closest friend I've ever had. To be back in the city where we spent so much time having endless conversations, adventures and tea was just wonderful. It was like I'd never left but at the same time we've both grown up in so many ways. I often feel so young still but I realised that it really isn't a bad thing to grow up a little.
So, Annalee and I spent a wonderful few days catching up, going for walks, eating a lot of good food, drinking tea and wine and even sketching together. It was just exactly what I'd needed for so long. After 8 months of working over 70 hours a week I didn't even realise how much I needed some time to be myself and let go. To have been able to do this in a city I have missed dearly and with my best friend I kept thinking I would wake up and it wouldn't be real.
Perhaps this sounds over dramatic and romanticised but it's been an incredibly long time since I poured my emotions out on to a page, so forgive me.
At the end of the week the most wonderful Dwam and Spleen joined us in our little flat and we had yet more wonderful adventures, delicious food and hours of conversation. Dwam made a crown up in the hills and frolicked in the grasses. Spleen made us pancakes, told us stories and we all laughed over and over; seemingly sharing exactly the same funny bones.
Before Dwam could get to making her crown (and Spleen and Annalee collected flowers for her) we had the most delicious picnic of amazing fresh foods and watched many of the bird species I've missed a lot. Getting reacquainted with Scotland has made me want to go back again even more.
On another day with a little sleep under our wings we took off for another long adventure along the river to browse a powerful photography exhibit of August Sander.
The wee hike was magical and serene and again we laughed at every turn in the path. It is amazing how many jokes and conversations four girls can have over the course of a couple of days but it never seemed to end and and we definitely ran out of time.
I'm looking forward to getting my rolls of film back as in my memories I was too shy to take many photos and I really hope that I'm remembering wrong. Spleen took some incredible photos on her Hasselblad and I can only dream that my little 35mm photos come out as beautiful and as accurate to my memories as hers. She is incredibly talented. I urge you to go and see them here: http://emilialombardo.com/blog/
This was one of my favourites:
As much as I wish I could gush on and on I fear that I'm becoming repetitive and so mushy that it's sickening you. Just know that I don't know how but I continue to meet some of the most incredible and inspiring women on the planet and just when I think the limit has been reached the universe proves me wrong.
After seeing two very special friends get married in Leeds and later in my trip I went to Paris and was proven wrong again and again. I met some very special people on this part of my trip and saw some incredible things. For the first 25 years of my life when I was living so close I never even had a thought that I would want to see any of Paris; I'd lived in London and hated Rome so what else was there to know? Now I'm older and far away I realise how mistaken I was.
I'm pretty certain that while I could never live in London again (even though I love it in its own way) I could possibly live in Paris; if only for a short while.
I'll save my stories from this city for another time when I hopefully have many more photos to show you. For now I'll leave you with the very few polaroids I took and some special mentions to old friends and yet more new friends I already miss dearly: Lapsus, Aneria, Sinnah,P_Mod, Opale, Nya and mrmonsieur
On my final evening I was very lucky to also meet Geisha, Valium and Louis_XIV
You see? The laughter never stops. (Thanks Geisha!)
xx
WARNING: Picture heavy blog!
In February little miss Radeo came to visit me in Vancouver.
We had more adventures than I think is right to have inside of 10 days. Not least we built a spaceship...
And sent her into space...
Of course we shot an SG set even though she got lost out there (it's in MR on Wednesday!)
Here's a little teaser video I put together. If you've already seen it on Radeo's page, never fear there's bonus footage at the end of this one!
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Aside from space adventures we had a lot of fun down here on old planet earth. Evidence is in the spoilers...
In February little miss Radeo came to visit me in Vancouver.
We had more adventures than I think is right to have inside of 10 days. Not least we built a spaceship...
And sent her into space...
Of course we shot an SG set even though she got lost out there (it's in MR on Wednesday!)
Here's a little teaser video I put together. If you've already seen it on Radeo's page, never fear there's bonus footage at the end of this one!
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Aside from space adventures we had a lot of fun down here on old planet earth. Evidence is in the spoilers...
Radeo really made herself at home in my spare room... She fit so well in there I was tempted to never let her leave!
Of course we shot a couple more sets that you'll get to see over the next year...
Then we packed up, jumped in the car and popped down to Seattle for Emerald City Comic Con: My absolute favourite convention!
Radeo was our road trip DJ until her laptop died...
Then of course, we had to put Radeo back on a plane to Ohio. I miss her so much! Even if she does pull my pigtails non stop
And make silly faces at me
And look like Mr Bean
But don't forget to Call Radeo
And most of all... these miss the abuse:
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It's adventures like these that make me sad that all of my best friends are spread over the world, but at the same time I realise I'm SO lucky to have made such wonderful friends that are so important to me. I can't wait to kidnap her again.
