PICS
ok, so i have a shit load of new pics but its been so long that i've forgotten how to post them...silly me right?
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i feel like i've come home from being away for years and i'm a totally different person now.
i feel about 10 years older but it doesnt feel bad, i actually feel more like a whole person then ever before, everything seems a lot clearer and i can see whats important other then all the things i thought were before.
i dont know how that makes me stand with this place, i think it means i'm either gonna throw back in and start spending proper time here or it means i might disapear altogether.
chase xx
i feel about 10 years older but it doesnt feel bad, i actually feel more like a whole person then ever before, everything seems a lot clearer and i can see whats important other then all the things i thought were before.
i dont know how that makes me stand with this place, i think it means i'm either gonna throw back in and start spending proper time here or it means i might disapear altogether.
chase xx
i stopped feeling so alone today.
i've pretty much left alone for about two years, i mean, i have great friends and shit but no-one who connects with me, or leaves a mark.
i dont know if i feel less alone now because i got used to it or because i stopped caring.
your only truely strong when you dont need anyone else.
i've pretty much left alone for about two years, i mean, i have great friends and shit but no-one who connects with me, or leaves a mark.
i dont know if i feel less alone now because i got used to it or because i stopped caring.
your only truely strong when you dont need anyone else.
i feel messed up today. i went out last night, could be why.
also someone i really care about kinda hurt me alot. i guess i'm nieve but we've blatently both moved on but he still treats me like an enemy.
which is kind of ironic becuase the reason i didnt want to get together in the beginning is cause i didnt want to loose or ruin our friendship. and i stupidly believed it wouldnt, becuase people will always tell you want you want to hear when they want something.
but it turns out i was right all along. maybe a week ago i wouldve said that we're still moving on so its normal to not be mates and to be distant.
but last night he'd clearly moved on. and still we treat each other like strangers.
it feels like the last 5 months has been a waste, like you spend all this time getting to know someone and then its all wasted at the end, because you seem like maybe it never happened at all and you just imagined it because now he could just be some stranger on a bus.
fuck me, shut up. you'd think i'd know better then this by now.
without sounding even more nieve at least hes happy, because really, thats all you should want for the people you care about.
xxx
also someone i really care about kinda hurt me alot. i guess i'm nieve but we've blatently both moved on but he still treats me like an enemy.
which is kind of ironic becuase the reason i didnt want to get together in the beginning is cause i didnt want to loose or ruin our friendship. and i stupidly believed it wouldnt, becuase people will always tell you want you want to hear when they want something.
but it turns out i was right all along. maybe a week ago i wouldve said that we're still moving on so its normal to not be mates and to be distant.
but last night he'd clearly moved on. and still we treat each other like strangers.
it feels like the last 5 months has been a waste, like you spend all this time getting to know someone and then its all wasted at the end, because you seem like maybe it never happened at all and you just imagined it because now he could just be some stranger on a bus.
fuck me, shut up. you'd think i'd know better then this by now.
without sounding even more nieve at least hes happy, because really, thats all you should want for the people you care about.
xxx
yeah...single again.
in my flat we never used to have the internet and i wasnt bothered, i never really wanted it, and then we got it and now if it crashes i feel lost.
we dont have a house phone either becuase i know if i get one i wont be able to cope without it.
in a strange way thats what i hate about relationships. no-one likes change do they?
another thing i hate about it is that the guy i was seeing, although it wasnt working being a couple, he was one of my best friends, and i do love him. and now i've really hurt him, and the natural reaction when you've hurt a good friend is to want to comfort them, except i know thats the last thing thats gonna help right now. so i'm useless.
the next time i get tempted to get with someone i'm gonna remember how this feels.
because i know i'm not cut out for relationships, so i'm bound to just hurt the other person.
so if i care about them at all i should just walk away.
wow, sorry. i've been ignoring this place for ages and the first thing i do is have a moan!
in other news i have a super fantasic new job, i work for the ambulance service and i love it
in the business of saving lives people, saving lives!!!
love
send me something random
xx
in my flat we never used to have the internet and i wasnt bothered, i never really wanted it, and then we got it and now if it crashes i feel lost.
we dont have a house phone either becuase i know if i get one i wont be able to cope without it.
in a strange way thats what i hate about relationships. no-one likes change do they?
another thing i hate about it is that the guy i was seeing, although it wasnt working being a couple, he was one of my best friends, and i do love him. and now i've really hurt him, and the natural reaction when you've hurt a good friend is to want to comfort them, except i know thats the last thing thats gonna help right now. so i'm useless.
the next time i get tempted to get with someone i'm gonna remember how this feels.
because i know i'm not cut out for relationships, so i'm bound to just hurt the other person.
so if i care about them at all i should just walk away.
wow, sorry. i've been ignoring this place for ages and the first thing i do is have a moan!
in other news i have a super fantasic new job, i work for the ambulance service and i love it
in the business of saving lives people, saving lives!!!
love
send me something random
xx
SEPTEMBER 2010
AUGUST 2010
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