reposting an update on my treatment program here in santa monica.... cause i also forgot to let you guys know! this is coming soon: January 22.... shot by P-mod, a lovely soul by the way. This was at the top of a canyon in the Santa Barbara foothills and the winds were soooo strong! We decided to name the set after just that.



*update*

i learned today in dialectical behavioral therapy that acting on emotions with a sense of urgency isn't wise. and i know this, i just don't follow my own fucking advice. though, i'm coming to find i really don't know it all, in fact i don't know much at all. i can look at that in a negative light, or see it as how i possess an innate capacity to learn new things and grow to prosper.

i'm also realizing the biggest and hardest part of my life lately has been the fact that i graduated with my bachelors in biology and i've been out of school since june. this meaning: for the first time since 1st grade, about 20 years ago I suppose, i'm not in school. this poses a crisis situation, one of my therapists told me... for a lot of people. this lack of structure and radical change really threw me for a loop.

in any case, my treatment here at bridges to recovery is going well. i am learning to strategies to deal with the things in my past that i haven't let go of, and that i've been triggered by to fall into my pity party... i also learned it's cool to feel upset, depressed, antisocial, angry, moody, crazy, what the fuck ever... but not to let it consume me, add to it, and then thing of an opposing feeling that can overcome the negative one.

well koom bay yah i sound like a goddamn shrink swear i never believed this shit i was always very science driven, only believing in the empirically tried and tested theories and laws of physics and chemistry and every other "hard" science- not presumptions about social behaviors or trauma responses and complexes and all that...but obviously what i was doing before wasn't working.

so, i'm putting my faith in the hands of people who i'm told know what they are doing. and i am trusting them, and taking every ounce of energy in my body and devoting it to learning everything i can here.


wish me luck! oh, and if you would like to write me: (or send a care package... just no baked goods...lol)

Noelle
C/O Bridges to Recovery Facility Manager
1820 San Vicente Blvd
Santa Monica CA 90402

I will try to write everyone back! And everyone who has been supportive through this whole thing, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

and as you can tell, i might not be going anywhere. we'll see what the future holds.... i'm keeping an open mind to both archiving and staying but i need to be certain that this is something that is going to further my goals and fulfill the potential i know that i have.

anyway, wish me luck. love you all.

CV

wishlist (care packages would be much appreciated and put a huge smile on my face at this moment in time!)

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