what do you do when you wake up every day crying because you realize the beautiful dreams you were having, they are just dreams? and you'd rather be asleep than awake because you don't have to feel anything, at all, just this other planet that i can go to and imagine a life where i'm stable, happy, content. im living with my head in the clouds. i feel so gone right now.


and i need a fucking vacation... to get the fuck out of santa barbara because this weekend is hallioween which essentially means a shit show of about 10000 drunk freshman in the streets of a 1 square mile radius and a bunch of out of towners. literally, google this shit. the statistics on the number of arrests, hospitalizations, deaths even, it's absurd and baffling. i'm suprised they haven't put a stop to this shit. in any case, i don't want to have any part of it.

sean has been kind enough to offer to keep me company in LA which I'm really looking forward to, and we've got some ideas for a really unique set....maybe something sexy coming your way

in any case, if you believe in god, satan, mohammed (spelling?), science, whatever the fuck, please pray for me. i just want to wake up and feel alive.