PICS
i'm starting electroconvulsive shock therapy this summer. you know your fucked when thats your last resort. last night i was almost 5150'd for the second time but managed to talk my way out of it. things are really getting out of control and i'm trying so hard to keep it together. with finals next week i don't even know how i'm going to manage, and i'm usually a straight A student, but with the recent death of my best friend, the mania, the depression, the psychosis, it's all making things really, really fucking hard on me. i hope i get through this. i want to do great things. i want to write profound things. i want to be like hunter s thompson and write gonzo journalism and gritty and realistic shit- i want to inspire people- i want to help people- i don't want to die young. sometimes though i can't envision the future, and it scares the hell out of me.
AND PS earnest hemingway had this to say about ECT: "Well, what is the sense of ruining my head and erasing my memory, which is my capital, and putting me out of business? It was a brilliant cure but we lost the patient."
makes me really fucking skeptical.
there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too tough for him,
I say, stay in there, I'm not going
to let anybody see
you.
there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I pour whiskey on him and inhale
cigarette smoke
and the whores and the bartenders
and the grocery clerks
never know that
he's
in there.
there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too tough for him,
I say,
stay down, do you want to mess
me up?
you want to screw up the
works?
you want to blow my book sales in
Europe?
there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too clever, I only let him out
at night sometimes
when everybody's asleep.
I say, I know that you're there,
so don't be
sad.
then I put him back,
but he's singing a little
in there, I haven't quite let him
die
and we sleep together like
that
with our
secret pact
and it's nice enough to
make a man
weep, but I don't
weep, do
you?
-charles"hank"bukowski
-CV
AND PS earnest hemingway had this to say about ECT: "Well, what is the sense of ruining my head and erasing my memory, which is my capital, and putting me out of business? It was a brilliant cure but we lost the patient."
makes me really fucking skeptical.
there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too tough for him,
I say, stay in there, I'm not going
to let anybody see
you.
there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I pour whiskey on him and inhale
cigarette smoke
and the whores and the bartenders
and the grocery clerks
never know that
he's
in there.
there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too tough for him,
I say,
stay down, do you want to mess
me up?
you want to screw up the
works?
you want to blow my book sales in
Europe?
there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too clever, I only let him out
at night sometimes
when everybody's asleep.
I say, I know that you're there,
so don't be
sad.
then I put him back,
but he's singing a little
in there, I haven't quite let him
die
and we sleep together like
that
with our
secret pact
and it's nice enough to
make a man
weep, but I don't
weep, do
you?
-charles"hank"bukowski
-CV
JUN 01, 2011 01:58 PM
Gotta start reading Bukowski. 
JUN 01, 2011 02:21 PM
JUN 01, 2011 02:29 PM
JUN 01, 2011 03:04 PM
JUN 01, 2011 03:07 PM
i'm sad to hear that. i hope you feel better 
JUN 01, 2011 03:19 PM
JUN 01, 2011 04:53 PM
JUN 01, 2011 05:26 PM
JUN 01, 2011 05:55 PM
JUN 01, 2011 06:39 PM
JUN 01, 2011 08:03 PM
Take care of yourself Carrina.
Always remember, I love you my friend.
JUN 01, 2011 09:12 PM
JUN 01, 2011 09:25 PM
JUN 01, 2011 10:22 PM
JUN 02, 2011 02:44 AM
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