The cold rainy weather this weekend has me a little home sick. I've been craving fresh air and clean water for a number of months now.

Right now I am working for a local magazine. I'm kind of the all-around-do-everything-girl there but last month I was assigned an article. My first published-anything-ever will be debuting in next month's issue. And because they were content with my work, I will be contributing every month. This holds a lot of triumph for me. Studying literature and being an aspiring writer, it means a lot to have your first work published in a magazine with 32,000 subscribers. It is a big happy step for me.

Today marks two years of me being naked on this website. Two years doesn't sound that long sometimes. But for me two years is a huge commitment. Hm.

I found an old photo card of mine a couple weeks ago. I found pictures that I thought were long lost of my travels to South America. And because my camera got stolen, I can unfortunately no longer update with new photos..
Here are a few;

This last photo is kinda special. Unexplainably, I can remember exactly how I felt four years ago when I took that photo. It was taken on Santa Cruz island, the only inhabitable island in the Galapagos. I can remember exactly how my body felt in the humidity, the noises, that sweet and sour tropical smell, how heavy my breathing was, how oily my hair and skin felt and most importantly how remote and free you feel when you're on a tiny island in the middle of a never ending ocean.

I understand that you're here for naked girls actually, so in that case I give you my favorite pictures from Napalm's new set I shot:




I can only hope that Meville is turning in his grave right now. That or the scholarly english professor that gave me that book.

sometimes, I wish I could stay in bed all day.

I have spent the past two weeks of my life trying to find hard evidence that women are naturally more curious than men. I've been searching and praying for some psychoanalytical answer that would explain thousands of years of didactic tales of "feminine curiosity".

It doesn't exist.
Even Freud won't touch it.

I am doing some spring cleaning and listening to Billie Holiday right now, nothing too exciting for a friday.

It has been a long interesting week. I somehow found myself in a relationship with some one, something I have mostly avoided and haven't been in for a while. But I suppose every now and then cliches apply and sometimes it just feels right.

I've been thinking about this lately and am curious if anyone here has a "happy place"? I know when I do yoga and am trying to turn off my brain I like to pretend I am on a beach in south america. I find the thought extremely tranquil. I'd be interested to hear others...

Now how bout some people and things I saw in the past couple weeks?

Cheers.

A couple nights ago I had a dream I met myself as a child. I was standing in line at a grocery store and this old woman approached me and said "oh, I know who you are. Hold one one minute, I have something to show you." She left and returned minutes later with a little girl holding her hand. When I looked closer I realized the little girl was me. The me as a child looked so happy. We hugged. I started crying uncontrollably, harder than I've ever cried and then I woke up in a cold sweat. I wonder what Freud would say...

I don't really have much to say. My mind has been 3,000 miles away lately.

Edit:
Sash found my necklace and I am happy again.

I want to thank everyone who commented on or PMed me about my new set. I wish that I could reply/thank everyone personally but I have so little time these days. Thanks, really.

Here's what I have been seeing and doing the past couple weeks, excluding all these explicit and/or illegal:

















And it is back to business.

I spent my morning peeling pasties off my tits and wishing my world would stop spinning.

Sometimes I don't trust my brain, but I have learned to always trust my subconscious. Like right now for example, I woke up craving a peanut butter and banana sandwich with chocolate soy milk... and now I am eating a peanut butter and banana sandwich and drinking chocolate soy milk. I know not to deny myself what I crave because often times it goes way deeper than just something you put in your mouth. Peanut butter and banana sandwiches remind me of my father because he used to make them for me when I was a kiddie. I obviously miss my dad every day of my life but right now when I am feeling particularly over worked and under loved I find myself searching for comfort in something tangible like a sandwich. Hello, comfort food.

Last night I went to see the Mars Volta and now I can't hear anything out of one ear.

On tuesday I got a new tattoo;



Tomorrow my application for my master's program is due. I feel pretty sick to my stomach just thinking about it. It's all done and ready to be sent off but just the thought of putting all my dreams and aspirations into one envelope makes me wanna throw up.

I have started going to yoga almost every day. I am really trying to ground my thoughts these days. I think yoga helps.

Here are some people and things I have seen in the past week:

I wish I had the time to write about all the disorder and disturbances that I've caused in the past month but I just don't. So long story short, list status:

I went home for the holidays.
I spent christmas eve in north beach, eating crab cioppino and drinking limoncello, family tradition.
I got a new camera for christmas because I lost of my old one in Mexico.
I got a pot cookie from my father, which was equally as cool.
On actual christmas I went out, got really drunk and and dropped my phone in a toilet I had just peed in.
I spent lots of time with my best friends, lots of drinking, eating chocolates, nuts & berries, laughing, trying to stay warm.
I cut all my hair off. Really, all my hair. I was drunk and said I had always wanted a mohawk and a mohawk I got. I really miss my hair.
New Years, had two parts. One part with my Japanese family, mochi, sushi and kohaku. The rest, I spent on the bus. Probably the best New Years ever. At midnight I was at the Embarcadero with the rest of the city watching fireworks and drinking champagne out of a plastic bottle.
New Years day I spent on a train. 14 fucking hours on a train. It was hell, to say the least.
When I got home I got sick and stayed sick for over a week. I blame the train.
I quit my job. It just wasn't worth the stress and the bullshit.
My boys from back home showed up at my house one day and we went to Disneyland. I smoked on the alice in wonderland ride, yes I did.
I went to the Fountain with Napalm, which was much needed.
I started school and that's pretty much where my life ends as we know it.
Now, I begin my last six months in California.

Some things I saw in the past month:












It's funny how the new year begins, full of optimism and resolutions and positivity. Even funnier is how the year progresses and it all fades and we fall back into our old habits and suddenly we're back at the start. This year I decided not to make any changes, no cheesy resolutions, well, except for one. This year I am going to stop caring, stop caring about things like, hm, change for example. I am going to keep smoking and drinking and eating ice cream in bed. Who gives a shit, right?

Enjoy.

A typical monday night with Cake.

Buenos noches!
I am home.
As some of you know, I have been traveling in Mexico for the past week or so. I arrived home this morning around nine. I had an absolutely amazing time and I am pretty disappointed about having to come home.

What I did :

I made it to Mazatlan, Puerto Vallarta and Guadalajara.
Took lots of pictures and then lost my camera.
Managed to spend less than $100 and lived like a princess.
I got to visit a significant escape point of Herman Melville's.
Feel deeply in love with a handsome Chilean fellow. Deeply in love.
I cut off all my hair.
Improved my Spanish significantly.
Drank a lot of cerveza y tequila.
Swam in the ocean amongst flying fish and dolphins.
And more.

I admit it is nice to be able to be in my undies in my own bed but coming home is always such a let down. I wish I could travel the world forever. I could forget about it all. I could be wild and free as nature intended.

Maybe some pictures to illustrate my point . . .

I took those in Mazatlan. The one of me was taken in Puerto.

I'm not done yet.
Before I left I had a wonderful birthday party:

xeyesxthatxliex captured the moment.
Alls I can say is that it was no easy feat dragging my ass to Mexico in the morning. Lots of love and lots of alcohol.

My actual birthday was pretty neat as well. I woke up and started writing in my journal about all the drama in my life, people and work and blah blah blah. About a page into it, I said to myself, you know what, fuck it, today I'm not gonna think about tomorrow and I'm not gonna think about yesterday, I'm going to be 100% in this moment and make SURE my birthday is grand. And guess what, it fucking was. I got up, I got stoned, I went to my 11 o'clock class, I rode my bike to the beach, I went shopping with vice_vice_baby, we came home, got stoned again, got Chen's (best Chinese food EVER.) take out delivered and watched movies. And for the first time in my life, I realized that I actually am completely in control of my life and my happiness.

Right now, I am too exhausted to think about things in depth.
I know in the morning I will wake up lonely, wondering what could have been and missing people dearly.
Well, It was fun while it lasted, but now it's back to business. Or is it?