You don't know much about my life, mostly because I don't want to be criticised or judged. Of course I'm already judged by the little you know and that's fine, I created a shell hard enough for that. But now I feel like I'll never get anywhere if I keep hiding myself with fear of criticism and failure.
I've suffered tremendously because I never really knew what I wanted till very late in life and because I'm so afraid of being put down and mistreated like before.
I suffer from depression and my self esteem regarding my soul and purpose in life is deeply low and hiding from the situation has obviously not improved it.
I wish now I could go back and be stronger and endure the society's (teachers, work colleagues and superiors) criticism to my options of clothing and now tattoos, that literally made teachers hate me in uni and made me be fired with no right to benefits or deserved money for the 4 years of hard work I gave them. I'm a very bright person, which actually always went against me, and I'm very perfectionist and hard worker, so why would people be so mean to me and put me down for my private choices if they don't change at all the working bright person I am.
I really need a break, I need to be able to find a job where I can finally develop my areas of expertise, where I can develop a future and be recognised by my efforts, even if the pay is ridiculously low to start. I've no money anyways, anything will be better than nothing.
Unfortunately I live in a very close minded society, with to many lobbies and to little job offers, specially for someone my age with no experience and no finished degree, and unfortunately no one will be convinced by my amazing life experience and diversity of areas of expertise.
If you are asking yourselves what do I want? Anything in arts would be awesome since its my main area of interest and also of expertise since I almost finished the degree of architecture and have also a technical course of fashion design and fashion communication (which I proudly did in CSM the best fashion school in the world). My biggest dream would be to be a writer, but not having any degree in literature or communication means I'm screwed and will never get a job in that area, will never be able to write professionally unless I do it on my own with no income to support it (which I'll have to grow confident enough to do one day) unless I'm able to find at least some part time job to support my dreams, hopefully one in which I don't have to change my hair color and hide my piercings and tattoos.
I really need some opportunity to show what I really can do and to prove to others and myself that I can do it and better than most.
If anyone is out there that can help me, with good vibes, good intentions and a chance of better experiences even if small please send them my way, please I really need to feel that choosing to be me and individual will not outcast me forever from this money driven pseudo society, where no dreams can come true unless you are lucky enough to have the dream to work in a corporate environment were you'll work till you die and live for the few vacations days you've. (I'm not anyway criticising who has that dream or is able to feel happy with that, I just don't think that's for me).
And that's it, you know me a bit better now and you're free to judge me all you want.

If by any chance you can and want to cheer me up a bit, here's my wishlist.
I never ever received anything from it

Don't be discouraged with the first items, I do have expensive tastes (for things I can't afford to buy), because in the midst of it all there's things from $7 too

Have a wonderful weekend

P. S. : I don't know much how the wishlist works but in case you need my address just ask pvt here.



Afternoon Break by ante, on the 30th of March in MR.

LOVE YOU ALL

Nakedness?? uhmm


by ffphoto


Alright I've procrastinating this blog post hahah, so it's gonna be a tad long

First, I'll have my new set shot by ante in MR in a long time, lol, which means 27th of March

Also you'll see a bunch of portuguese hopefuls and suicidegirls going up in MR, support your favorites they deserve it



I can't wait for the beautiful Pinkzilla to be an SG she's so pretty you'll see all on Valentine's day how appropriate


I also love the new set of the lovely _mermaid_ shot by Gossip, you should check it Sunset Stripes


I've been doing tattoos, will do more this week and two dermals next Monday Can't wait to show it.

I've been shooting for Zivity and I already have a few sets there, you should check them if you can.

And can you SHARE this photo on the suicidegirls FB page if you love it



Plus a bunch of this and that


my new tattoo not yet finished

some bloppers of sundies on IG



I also started p90x work out. I really want to tone and get stronger and healthier



week one

Alright I think it's all for now... I'm sorry I forgot to warn you about the phot dump

Love you all

Some slightly censored nakedness to awake you



Do have some attention now

Ok so for this year I had 3 resolutions, to stop smoking (it's been 3 weeks now YAY), lose some weight (story about this will be below) and start trying to have a baby (not yet).

Although I've been able to stop smoking, up till this day, This 2013 has been quite rough on me, so 2 weeks ago I had a severe infection on my bladder and kidneys, in the midst of this I got the strongest food poisoning ever, I'm in a real tough diet that I cannot break otherwise I fall terribly sick again, so losing weight is being to quick and strong, and I'm weak and need to get good to start working out, doing some yoga, otherwise I'll be all shabby.


me sick and thin and smoke free

So two things done I guess

Now the present is the wish to move with my husband to Switzerland, fingers crossed we can

Also I'm visiting Paris for the 1st time, I'm going with my husband and a couple we are super close friends with. I think it's going to be awesome and I can't wait. Also I hope that I get to meet Marlene and Jupiter and maybe shoot something, who knows

PLUS I'm on Zivity now - KittyVader and I already have one set online and another on the way, which I was able to shoot last Friday

And now I leave you some photos of me turning blue and sassy

me my friend and hubby

my cuddling cats

I'll share some more when I can, love you all

Having a great Sunday you peeps?

How was my Halloween...



and when I arrived home I decided to take some photos to remember my costume



And yesterday... SURPRISE SURPRISE Suicide Girls Portugal (some us at least) and Lavezzaro prepared a xmas gift to you all

the girls getting ready






I hope you enjoy my Sunday gifts

Also I'm thinking on doing a vlog answering some questions and curiosities, so leave any question here and I'll make sure to reply in it.

Last...

Muchos kisses and have a nice week cuties

Sorry if I've been so absent...

I really wanna do a new proper blog, but I just feel so demotivated lately...

So just leaving some basics:

- Tomorrow Halloween party with all my lovies Discordia, Plum, Silvi, Aeterna, Gossip, Joker, Sakura and some new dears Einnis_, _Mermaid_, Whisper_ and some new hopefuls to come. BTW I'll be going as a vampire gogo dancer LOL and you?

- I've an etsy shop and I'm selling prints, I really need financial help so if you would love a pic of me don't hesitate on buying - caia etsy shop

- I also have 4 sets in MR needing a lot of love, because I don't know how else to convince staff they deserve FP

Last I've a new look, as some might have seen already





I'll see you all soon