You don't know much about my life, mostly because I don't want to be criticised or judged. Of course I'm already judged by the little you know and that's fine, I created a shell hard enough for that. But now I feel like I'll never get anywhere if I keep hiding myself with fear of criticism and failure.
I've suffered tremendously because I never really knew what I wanted till very late in life and because I'm so afraid of being put down and mistreated like before.
I suffer from depression and my self esteem regarding my soul and purpose in life is deeply low and hiding from the situation has obviously not improved it.
I wish now I could go back and be stronger and endure the society's (teachers, work colleagues and superiors) criticism to my options of clothing and now tattoos, that literally made teachers hate me in uni and made me be fired with no right to benefits or deserved money for the 4 years of hard work I gave them. I'm a very bright person, which actually always went against me, and I'm very perfectionist and hard worker, so why would people be so mean to me and put me down for my private choices if they don't change at all the working bright person I am.
I really need a break, I need to be able to find a job where I can finally develop my areas of expertise, where I can develop a future and be recognised by my efforts, even if the pay is ridiculously low to start. I've no money anyways, anything will be better than nothing.
Unfortunately I live in a very close minded society, with to many lobbies and to little job offers, specially for someone my age with no experience and no finished degree, and unfortunately no one will be convinced by my amazing life experience and diversity of areas of expertise.
If you are asking yourselves what do I want? Anything in arts would be awesome since its my main area of interest and also of expertise since I almost finished the degree of architecture and have also a technical course of fashion design and fashion communication (which I proudly did in CSM the best fashion school in the world). My biggest dream would be to be a writer, but not having any degree in literature or communication means I'm screwed and will never get a job in that area, will never be able to write professionally unless I do it on my own with no income to support it (which I'll have to grow confident enough to do one day) unless I'm able to find at least some part time job to support my dreams, hopefully one in which I don't have to change my hair color and hide my piercings and tattoos.
I really need some opportunity to show what I really can do and to prove to others and myself that I can do it and better than most.
If anyone is out there that can help me, with good vibes, good intentions and a chance of better experiences even if small please send them my way, please I really need to feel that choosing to be me and individual will not outcast me forever from this money driven pseudo society, where no dreams can come true unless you are lucky enough to have the dream to work in a corporate environment were you'll work till you die and live for the few vacations days you've. (I'm not anyway criticising who has that dream or is able to feel happy with that, I just don't think that's for me).
And that's it, you know me a bit better now and you're free to judge me all you want.

If by any chance you can and want to cheer me up a bit, here's my wishlist.
I never ever received anything from it

Don't be discouraged with the first items, I do have expensive tastes (for things I can't afford to buy), because in the midst of it all there's things from $7 too

Have a wonderful weekend

P. S. : I don't know much how the wishlist works but in case you need my address just ask pvt here.



Afternoon Break by ante, on the 30th of March in MR.

LOVE YOU ALL