PICS
I've been painting all week! Hooray 
I wake up every morning with creation on my mind, I make my morning coffee, smoke a cigarette, and immediately rush to get a paintbrush in hand. It's such a wonderful feeling to be able to make something come out on paper or canvas, especialy when it just flows out on its own. I do my best work when its spontaneous. For me creativity is something that just happens. I can't turn it on or off. It comes when it wants, thats why I always have a sketchbook on hand, if not an entire bag full of various art goodies. I must always be prepared.
This explosion of creativity was definately a much needed one. I have been feeling pretty low lately, painting helps to take my mind to a better place. I'm just terribly frustrated with this town, and I want out of it. I've been feeling trapped here and its been tearing me apart. As soon as my hubby and I can save enough money we are getting the fuck out of here! Unfortunately I'm having such a hard time finding a job right now, its difficult to find places around here that want to hire someone who looks like me.
"If at first you don't succeed
you gotta recreate your misery
'cause we all know art is hard
young artists have gotta starve"
... some lovely little lyrics from the song "Art is Hard" by Cursive. Wonderful band, all the CD's are good but "The Ugly Organ" will change your fucking life!! Check it out it's amazing.
I want to be back in art school so bad, or at least in a place where I can sell some work and make money as an artist. I would love to start selling some pieces, or showing them in a gallery. After all what do I need a room full of my own paintings for? I make them so share with others, for other people to enjoy and interpret. Right now they are just taking up space in my room People in this town just dont get it...
Here is a photo of the painting I just finished. It doesn't have a title yet, maybe you all could give me some suggestions?
I will put more up when they are finished, I'm going to go work on a piece right now.
Hope you all have a beautiful day
XOXO
Bullet <3
I wake up every morning with creation on my mind, I make my morning coffee, smoke a cigarette, and immediately rush to get a paintbrush in hand. It's such a wonderful feeling to be able to make something come out on paper or canvas, especialy when it just flows out on its own. I do my best work when its spontaneous. For me creativity is something that just happens. I can't turn it on or off. It comes when it wants, thats why I always have a sketchbook on hand, if not an entire bag full of various art goodies. I must always be prepared.
This explosion of creativity was definately a much needed one. I have been feeling pretty low lately, painting helps to take my mind to a better place. I'm just terribly frustrated with this town, and I want out of it. I've been feeling trapped here and its been tearing me apart. As soon as my hubby and I can save enough money we are getting the fuck out of here! Unfortunately I'm having such a hard time finding a job right now, its difficult to find places around here that want to hire someone who looks like me.
"If at first you don't succeed
you gotta recreate your misery
'cause we all know art is hard
young artists have gotta starve"
... some lovely little lyrics from the song "Art is Hard" by Cursive. Wonderful band, all the CD's are good but "The Ugly Organ" will change your fucking life!! Check it out it's amazing.
I want to be back in art school so bad, or at least in a place where I can sell some work and make money as an artist. I would love to start selling some pieces, or showing them in a gallery. After all what do I need a room full of my own paintings for? I make them so share with others, for other people to enjoy and interpret. Right now they are just taking up space in my room
People in this town just dont get it... Here is a photo of the painting I just finished. It doesn't have a title yet, maybe you all could give me some suggestions?
I will put more up when they are finished, I'm going to go work on a piece right now.
Hope you all have a beautiful day
XOXO
Bullet <3
Lovely little photo of me being rebellious....
"are you hungry?
are you sick?
are you begging for a break?
are you sweet?
are you fresh?
are you strung up by the wrists?
we want the young blood
are you fracturing?
are you torn at the seams?
would you do anything?
flea-bitten? motheaten?
we suck young blood
we suck young blood"
I believe that today will consist of drowning myself in music, smoking entirely too many cigarettes, and trying desperately to vomit my emotions onto a canvas (this is my overly dramatic term for "painting"). I woke up at 4:30 am, and I couldn't go back to sleep. That makes for about 4 hours of sleep last night, four hours which were so frequently interrupted by some of the craziest dreams I have ever fucking had. I don't know if you would call them nightmares or just plain insanity. I can't even begin to describe them, anyway if I did you would all think I was off my fucking rocker...(however this may not be terribly far from the truth)... But anyway I'm done bitching about it, because I figure its a pretty good recipie for a day of maniacal painting adventures. I need to be surounded by creativity today. I'm feeling a bit under stimulated.
Picture of this fall in my studio. Pondering what to paint. (god how I miss that place.)
It seems as though lately I've been wandering aimlesly through life. I am generaly the kind of person that does well with constant change and being spontaneous, but this way of life is wearing on me a bit. It's not that I need to be comepletely stable, that can be pretty boring if you ask me. I enjoy a bit of a challenge, but constantly wondering when the next source of income will come is something I find harder to deal with everyday. I don't need much in life, coffee, cigarettes, music, and my sketchbook and some paint and I'm a happy camper. I've been through so many situations where I have had to learn to do without. The phrase "starving artist" isn't a fucking joke. But seriously, how long do I have to put up with this shit? I've been constantly applying to jobs and I'm really trying to find something, anything to keep my head above water for now. It just seems like everyone in this goddamn town thinks just because you have tattoos and piercings you are some sort of unpredictable or dangerous person, a satan worshiper perhaps, and therefore not job material. I'm so tired of those close-minded fucks, I am more dedicated and hard working than half of those uptight straight laced motherfuckers. Thank god I've got my best friend, (and as of Feb. 14th my most wonderful hubby!! Yes Little Miss Bullet tied the knot!) to keep me sane. He makes everything worth while. Someday soon we are going to leave this hell hole behind. Somedays I just wish we could get in the car and keep driving, I want nothing more than to watch this town fading away in the rear-view and to never return again. I think the deftones put it best "I dont care where, just far..."
.Bullet the Wanderer.
.Bullet the Wanderer.
Random thoughts for February 11, 2008...
Feeling quite restless again, I need to get out of this little hell hole I have come refer to as Nowheresville, Ohio. I am becoming increasingly fed up with the inhabitants here. Everyone is a copy of a copy of a copy. It seems that the majority of people here missed their ride on the think for yourself train... Of course there are a scarce few who make my time here at least tolerable. I plan to steal them away with me of course. The other day I was discusing how this town should be made into a prison for those who prefer to keep quiet and never challenge their existance, or the ideas that have been fed to them for so long. Who am I kidding, those people have already created their own fucking prisons. I don't mean to be so fucking hostile, I'm just fed up with this place.
Not so sound like Gloomy Mc. Gloomerson, but I'm starting to question the majority of the human race these days. It just seems as though everyone is so eager to be placed into a little mold, with a fancy little label... To that I give a big "Fuck You", I will not be defined, I will not be boxed in, and I do not abide by anyone elses rules. I am confident in my desicions, and I'm tired of others questioning my ability to make the right ones. I am my own person and anyone who doesn't like it can piss off! (Whew that felt good, I feel a bit better now. Sorry for the angry rant, it just happens sometimes.)
On the bright side of things, I've been looking through lots of info on some art schools to consider (plotting my escape perhaps?) I am desperate to be surrounded by other creative people who will challenge my ideas, and push me to be better. I've been working on lots of painting and drawings lately, but I desire an environment where I have more resources available, not to mention a nicer scenery... (call me crazy but corn just doesn't do it for me.) I can't be stagnant for any longer, I desire bigger and better things than this place will ever offer, I'm going to make it out of here alive damn it! I wont let this place imprison me... Not for too much longer atleast.
<3 Bullet, the angry ranting machine
Feeling quite restless again, I need to get out of this little hell hole I have come refer to as Nowheresville, Ohio. I am becoming increasingly fed up with the inhabitants here. Everyone is a copy of a copy of a copy. It seems that the majority of people here missed their ride on the think for yourself train... Of course there are a scarce few who make my time here at least tolerable. I plan to steal them away with me of course. The other day I was discusing how this town should be made into a prison for those who prefer to keep quiet and never challenge their existance, or the ideas that have been fed to them for so long. Who am I kidding, those people have already created their own fucking prisons. I don't mean to be so fucking hostile, I'm just fed up with this place.
Not so sound like Gloomy Mc. Gloomerson, but I'm starting to question the majority of the human race these days. It just seems as though everyone is so eager to be placed into a little mold, with a fancy little label... To that I give a big "Fuck You", I will not be defined, I will not be boxed in, and I do not abide by anyone elses rules. I am confident in my desicions, and I'm tired of others questioning my ability to make the right ones. I am my own person and anyone who doesn't like it can piss off! (Whew that felt good, I feel a bit better now. Sorry for the angry rant, it just happens sometimes.)
On the bright side of things, I've been looking through lots of info on some art schools to consider (plotting my escape perhaps?) I am desperate to be surrounded by other creative people who will challenge my ideas, and push me to be better. I've been working on lots of painting and drawings lately, but I desire an environment where I have more resources available, not to mention a nicer scenery... (call me crazy but corn just doesn't do it for me.) I can't be stagnant for any longer, I desire bigger and better things than this place will ever offer, I'm going to make it out of here alive damn it! I wont let this place imprison me... Not for too much longer atleast.
<3 Bullet, the angry ranting machine
Havana was an F-ing blast! Wreaking havoc and raising hell, it's just what I do!
The night began with Warning and I downing a bottle of wine on the drive to Columbus. It was very classy... we had to knife open the bottle, we then proceded to drink the wine from the bottle, in the paper bag, through a straw. This made for quite the interesting trip. Before we knew it the bottle was gone and we were at Mike Martin's house to pick him up for Havana. Thankfully, His room mate Hope decided to drive to the bar, there was no way either one of us could have drove home from the bar. We were TRASHED! Oops!
Havana was great, good music, good drinks, and lots of pretty girls! Things got a bit crazy, somehow I even managed to loose a shoe! I dont know how the hell I lost one seven inch heel and still managed to walk. But it appears that only one made it home with me. ((pout)) Those were my favorite shoes! The shoe wasn't the only thing that was lost that night. Warning and I were stranded for the first half of the next day. I left the keys in Hope's car, and she left for work before we could get them! Warning left her phone, and shoes in the car as well. As for my phone, and spare shoes, those were locked in Warning's car! So for the first half of the day we were Bullet and Warning the phoneless, shoeless wonders!
Even though we were stranded our morning proved to be quite eventful anyhow, AlissaBrunelli was shooting all day and I got to meet some of the girls I was a bit too intoxicated to remember from the night before! Sorry ladies! I know I was a wreck. Needless to say it will be quite a while before I decide to take on a night of drinking like that again! Regardless of the hang over, it was quite an enjoyable time. Everytime I come to Columbus things seem to wind up getting crazy, I'm surprised they haven't banned me! Next time I'm going to try and be a bit more reserved... HA! Bullet and reserved in the same sentence? Maybe not, but I will try and be good. I hope to be back there before too long, lots of people to visit, and Columbus is just soo much better than Shit-town USA where I'm from. Back to the corn and conservatives for now... YUCK!
The night began with Warning and I downing a bottle of wine on the drive to Columbus. It was very classy... we had to knife open the bottle, we then proceded to drink the wine from the bottle, in the paper bag, through a straw. This made for quite the interesting trip. Before we knew it the bottle was gone and we were at Mike Martin's house to pick him up for Havana. Thankfully, His room mate Hope decided to drive to the bar, there was no way either one of us could have drove home from the bar. We were TRASHED! Oops!
Havana was great, good music, good drinks, and lots of pretty girls! Things got a bit crazy, somehow I even managed to loose a shoe! I dont know how the hell I lost one seven inch heel and still managed to walk. But it appears that only one made it home with me. ((pout)) Those were my favorite shoes! The shoe wasn't the only thing that was lost that night. Warning and I were stranded for the first half of the next day. I left the keys in Hope's car, and she left for work before we could get them! Warning left her phone, and shoes in the car as well. As for my phone, and spare shoes, those were locked in Warning's car! So for the first half of the day we were Bullet and Warning the phoneless, shoeless wonders!
Even though we were stranded our morning proved to be quite eventful anyhow, AlissaBrunelli was shooting all day and I got to meet some of the girls I was a bit too intoxicated to remember from the night before! Sorry ladies! I know I was a wreck. Needless to say it will be quite a while before I decide to take on a night of drinking like that again! Regardless of the hang over, it was quite an enjoyable time. Everytime I come to Columbus things seem to wind up getting crazy, I'm surprised they haven't banned me! Next time I'm going to try and be a bit more reserved... HA! Bullet and reserved in the same sentence? Maybe not, but I will try and be good. I hope to be back there before too long, lots of people to visit, and Columbus is just soo much better than Shit-town USA where I'm from. Back to the corn and conservatives for now... YUCK!
So today I was pondering quite a few things... I just wish I could be certain about the decisions I make. I am a very spontaneous kind of gal, but sometimes I wish I would think things through a bit more. It just seems like my life is constanly changing, which is great because I DO NOT enjoy feeling stagnant. However, sometimes I feel like in caught in such a whirlwind kind of life, I'm feeling a bit disoriented. I just dont want to be stuck in a situation that will hold me back, or keep me from experiencing something... I crave companionship, but I fear it just as much. UGH! I'm in a fucking conundrum ... I think I will go spend some time with a bottle of wine and my sketchbook, that always seems to bring a voice of reason to things. My artwork keeps me sane, sometimes I think it will be the only constant thing I have in life... Art nerd 4 life! WORD!
<3 Bullet
<3 Bullet
So it's been quite the crazy month so far. I'm in the process of moving, changing jobs, making plans... so much to accomplish in so little time. Sometimes I get ahead of myself, I just feel so god damn ambitious these days. I feel like there are a million things that I want to be doing right now, sometimes it's just hard to focus my energy on one thing at a time. I know there are lots of good things in store for me this year, I can just feel it. I still can't believe I'm finally an offical SG model! It's been something I've wanted for quite some time. I was previously accepted when I was 18, but I had trouble finding a good photographer, so I just quit trying. It took me meeting warning to take the time to apply again. She was already accepted and motivated me to apply again. When she and I get together, there is nothing we can't accomplish! I am so happy with how fast things have progressed this time. I am so lucky to be working with the wonderful alissabrunelli. So far SG has been an amazing experience. SOOO excited about Havana! I can't wait to meet some of the other girls. It should be a pretty good time. Only four more days! See all of you soon!
<3 Bullet
<3 Bullet
