WHOAHMIGOD, okay here's the thing. i love to blogging. mahaha. but i'm lazy to reply to people reading ma shiz... so from hereonin i'm just guhnna write wtf ever i want and you can TAKE IT, or mother fucking LEAVE IT. i kind of want people to start hating me.

i am so FUCKING sick of being this god damn SOFTIE under all this hard exterior. i need to start doing something that is going to make me legitimately badass rather than just looking the part! something like owning a crotch rocket, or being really good at kickboxing, or carrying around a mickey of jack daniels in my purse.

i've been thinking so so much lately about the way i treat people and the way i portray myself and i'm so god damn fucking sick of it. i hate having enemies because they make me upset but what i hate even more is inviting people into my life with a fake attitude and fake opinions just to make these people like me.

i need to learn how to stick the fuck up for myself so the next time somebody i'm genuinely not interested in asks for my number or e-mail or facebook, i can tell them to jog on. the other night some drunk assed dyke pinned me against the wall and started licking her lips in excitement. all i could do was laugh but now that i think about it i wish i would have kneed her in the vaginal region and told her to suck a dick, that sick fuck.

i need to get to the gym and hook up with a personal trainer who wants to whip my booty into shape so that i can piss people off in confidence; plus i need more energy and someplace neutral to be that isn't my bedroom or the workplace. i need to find $100 to get my hair stripped so that i can start down the path to bleached-blonde goodness because i want hazel contacts and restylane injections.

i want to feel as good as i look when i try to look good, because i want to peace to los angeles where i can use the way i look to make a living and finally gain some status. i need more outlets than this because calgary can't cater to my needs or wants or god damn mother fucking desires. i need to be somewhere where it's warm, all the time; somewhere modern, where wearing a cowboy hat is a flat out joke; somewhere dirty where i can get completely fucking lost in the scene and be as materialistic and vain as i please. i need an apartment that can be my own personal space to fuck, read, sleep, bathe, and cook. i need to be dating a psuedo-famous rocker boy so i can be the envy of all them pathetic little groupies. i need to be around freaks and deviants who don't feel the need to ask me a billion fucking questions about my hair; my mods; my ink. i'm sick of being complimented. im sick of having to fake a smile and give people what they expect which is for me to act bashful and humble and embarassed and greatful for their honesty and courage in telling me im beautiful or different or that i "pull it off well." SHUT UP. I ALREADY KNOW. i think i want people to think i'm full of myself. i think i want people to start talking so i can offend and piss them off even more so.

you know how you hear goodlooking people say that their beauty is their curse? ok, it is so fucking true. being beautiful or striking or in my case different is a thousand times more stressful AND difficult than simply looking like your average Sara Plain and Tall. i just want everybody to leave me alone and admire me from afar, because i do not want to be a part of their lives. and IF i do? i will approach THEM!

i'm going to start an old-fashioned fund with the hundreds of dollars in five dollar bills and two dollar coins i get from work; by next FALL i'd like to promise myself that i'll be on a plane to L.A. with nothing but my makeup bag, a head of freshly installed synthetic hair, and a dream to get what i deserve.