I like to use my blog as a forum for more than just daily updates on my life...I'd like to think I can contribute something to the interwebs. Ya know, like my last blog about the importance of political orientation of LEGOS. (Even if it is poor attempts at whitty banter.)

But, what do you do when men peeing on streetcorners in the middle of the day, naked protest rallies, and alien abductions have become mundane? (Ok, that last one is still pretty cool.)

You continue doing what you do best...bitch about video games.

Of course, I couldn't let a little thing like Xbox Focus's gamer girlfriend article go by without adding my own two cents...

* I should also add the disclaimer that I never went the Xbox route trying to get my girlfriends into gaming...I went straight for the finest boxed wine I could find and a copy of Katamari.

I'm not going to be the one to promote healthy women-power role modles in gaming. I fully support and fund the development of better breast-physics and I think that Ivy Valentine shares my opinion (in looking at the development in character design). I even have a theory...(yes theory...which means it's been tested, and tested to prove accuracy) The current representation of women in games is not only positive, but accurate and true-to-life. All of thoes tiny outfits are just an affirmation of the fact that women are stronger than men. Look at any Dynasty Warriors (and, I do mean any...they're all the same) Cao Pi (pronounced Cow Pee...while making a snorting noise through your nose because of uncontrollable nerd-laughter) is in full battle regalia and takes the same ammount of damage as the bikini-clad (and basically armor-less) Zhu Rong.

But, I am going to bitch about the promotion of the view of the girl gamer. I saw a statistic a long time ago that said that girls make up only about 30-ish% of the gaming market...but that number has probably changed since the last time the survey was taken. And, I think the average girl-gamer has moved on from the Cooking Momma (accept for the awesome Engrish "Are you ready for some hot cooking action")...into the awesome world of demanding a better female character in Gears of War 2. (Don't get me wrong, I LOVE the Cole Train...but I need more in my life).

All that being vented...Here goes the list...(and it's worth mentioning that this endeavor could only be undertaken by a man named Dick...he was gonna get it no matter what).


Top Ten Girlfriend Games
10. Viva Pinata: Ok, I'll give them this one...I own the promotional pinata from EB Games and I still sing the song...DON'T JUDGE! And, they're right. If there are two things that distract women...it's shiny objects and cute creatures.

9. DoA 4: Breast physics...no complaints. And, lest we forget, "She kicks high."

8. The Elder Scrolls: Oblivion: I played through the thieve's guild and the assassin's guild. This may introduce your gf to the world of games...but like WOW, you'll never see her again.

7. Halo 3: They also suggest Army of Two...Army of Two? LAME. That game was so bad I couldn't even make it through the tutorial...and I had such high hopes. Yeah, if you want to show your girl that the gaming world is a bunch of bros killing stuff suggest Army of Two. Why not suggest Gears, Bioshock, or Vegas...I know they did it for the co-op, but that's why the gods invented online play. Show her the best...don't settle for the rest just because of co-op.

6. Dance Dance Revolution Universe: I suck at this, so I'm sort of bitter. But, I like that their first reason for suggesting this game is that it's good excersize. Which is why I avoided it in the first place. I can see it now, choruses of, "Are you calling me fat?" get her Wii fit if you like to get slaped.

5. Rock Band: Played it last night...if she doesn't love it your in a loveless relationship with a robot.

4. Marvel Ultimate Alliance: While I fully support the two-birds idea of getting her hooked on comics as well, the, "and a simple, easy to grasp game mechanic" irked me...It's been proven that we women have better hand eye cordination and fine motor skills. You want to think about rephrasing that description before you get another Wii fit slap?

3. The Simpsons Game: Taught a class on this in college. And again, if she doesn't know of the Simpsons or doesn't approve of the NEED to play this then drop the bitch as though she were scalding your prescious gaming thumbs.

2. Lego Star Wars / Indiana Jones: See yesterdays blog re:bitterness. How can you introduce her to the world of nerdom whe the storylines aren't even accurate? It's only going to confuse our small girl brains. (It's science.)

1. The Orange Box: Portal: The girlfriend is a lie! You know gamers don't have girlfriends. We are all just figments of your warped, nerdy imagination...just like tasty baked-goods.


Oh and...Make today go faster!!!

I'm so excited for Saturday. It's Maxx's birffdae...and i'm pretty sure that's the biggest event to hit SLO since they invented cows.

But, that's not to deminish the awesomeness of tonight. We're going to see

I've been at work since about 8:00...it is now currently 9:40 and I have spent all morning battling PayPal. The battle was SO intense I even used the PHONE. That never happens.

But, the spoils of war are worth the loss...

Also...LEGO Indy came out and I have already begun preparing for my heated debate of the Nazi LEGO Hitler...not that I'm a fan of Hitler, Nazis, or...well, I am a fan of LEGOs...BUT it's integral to the game. And, SO hilarious. How can you deprive children of the hilarity of a LEGO Hitler?

I kind of sit back at my desk and wonder if they really thought this through at the inception of the project, or was there an *OH SHIT* moment when you get to the storyboards of the third movie.

I actually kind of hope it was the latter.

I know it's really not that big of a deal...but I can see mother's across America now, "Won't somebody PLEASE think of the children?"

Kawai says I'm like the reverse of Jack Thompson, but not the cool Jack Thompson (my brother), the crappy one who runs around runining video games and bitching on CNN...



'Cause I haven't played through the game yet...but I told him...I'm just preparing for battle.

My battle against no opponent that he'll have to listen to when he gets off work while he tries to play LEGO Indy. Poor Kawai.

EDIT:
It's official...I can start my Naziless Indy bitching: LEGO Indiana Jones: The Original Adventures Review: Whip it, Whip it Good

I'm all for strange and off-putting...It's some of my favorite adjetives all smooshed together.

I even enjoy thoes awkward moments when you see someone staring at you and there's that tension between wether or not you want to ask why they're staring, mention it to your friend, or realize they're looking at you because your creepily staring at them...

Then the world goes cross-eyed.

But, when I go get lunch at Rico's and I'm followed in by a guy who stands behind me in the order line, stands at the counter, *doesn't order*, and goes and sits across the bar from me...that's a little more off-putting than I'd like.

What makes it worse is when I look up from my sidekick and notice that *HE'S STARING RIGHT AT ME* and doesn't stop...that puts me a little more "off" than I'd like.

He didn't even order anything...just sat there, stared, and left.

Great.

If there's some sort of hair doll floating around...THEN I'm going to get worried.

In other news, Andres from White Walls just sent me some of the new pics of Sylvia Ji's stuff for her new show. I don't think I'm allowed to show it yet, until he puts up the preview, but I just wanted to be the first completly random person to say, "YAY" and keep your eyes peeled on the website for her new work (and check out some past shows). I'm so excited to see a new show from her. The last one was so cohesive, moving, and dramatic...I'm going to be completly out of money in milliseconds.

I've never baby-sat children in my life. Actually, I've really never even held a baby. Just one--which doesn't really count...I worked at a girls clothing store and a woman handed me her baby while she was shopping. (If you've seen Mr.&Mrs. Smith you know how I held the baby and what happened.)

Combine that lack of understanding about children and the whole sitting-on-them concept with my complete and utter disdain for incompetancy...and you have MY BOSS.

Mind you...this is not the pot calling the kettle incompetent and childish.

I know there are a lot of important things I suck at:
Math
Spelling
Using cotton balls
Turning any direction other than left

But, this goes above and beyond normal strengths and weaknesses.

It all starts with a casual enough business meeting in which my two bosses arange for two more meetings. Like any good employee, I take down the information--that they planned--and imput it into the company callendar. This automatically sends a confirmation email to all parties involved.

My boss, in his infinite wisdom, sends me a reply saying that he didn't have the first meeting on record and he doesn't have time for it because he's scheduled something else in it's place. I try to explain to him that HE set up this meeting because it was the best time for HIM. He wrote it down in his book, it's up on GCal, and it's in a reminder email. Jokingly, I suggest that I need to send an seperate reminder email AFTER he schedules theses meetings to remind him to put the schedules up in his Outlook calendar. Of course, he thinks this is a MARVELOUS idea.

Great.

So, during the same scheduling debacle, a second meeting was scheduled for tomorrow. Of course, my boss has managed to screw up his email accound and can't send emails internally...double great. (But, that's par for the course.)

What to focus on here is the fact that he asked when our next group meeting was...more importantly...if we were having one today. (We're not.) I politely explained that we had one scheduled for tomorrow and he got all flustered and said he didn't have it on his callendar and he had something already scheduled.

Vu ja de (That's deja vu all over again...)

I AGAIN explained that he is the one who scheduled the meeting in the first place, he wrote it in his book, that it's posted on the company calendar, and he has SEVERAL emails confirming this meeting date and time.

He said that he now needs some sort of way to automatically sync up his outlook to his GCal (which is totally possible).

So,I sent him a step-by-setp instruction list for how to set it up and even offered to do all the back-end admin configuration (which consists of clicking about 3 boxes) but he can't do it himself (even partially)...I have to do it for him...BUT I have to do it during a time when he's not using his computer.

Which means I get to stay late. Yay.

It's official...

It took two days to pack everything I've ever loved and horded like the rat that I am into Shadowfax (my car) and the trash can underneath my old apt. Mr. Snoofleburger and I are now residents of Oakland with Kawai, Fancy, Eloise and Filbert.

I think I am a happier cat co-habitating again.

We can't get to the kitchen...the bed...or the closet...because of all of the piles of my stuff, but it's home.

Ours.

It's a weird word to get used to...I still don't know how I feel about using it...maybe when the dust has settled onto more of my toys and books...

In the interim I am excited to cook dinner and dance around a new living room in inappropriate boy-shorts.
The 360's will be synced and we'll be able to co-op till we drop. And, TEA...tons of TEA!

I am happy.

I just had the most surreal conversation with a photographer...

I'm still shaking I'm so upset. Read the following string of emails exchanged over Model Mayhem and tell me what's wrong with this picture...

Angel Hess
05/30/08 11:24 AM

Geeze...that's all I can say.

I have a special request. but first look at my websites and then email me.
www.angelhess.com
www.purple53.com


xBOBx
05/30/08 11:29 AM

What's your request?


Angel Hess
05/30/08 12:14 PM

this is going to sound really stupid and unprofessional. some of my friends always joke around telling me I need to find someone to rape me because I've never done it. I'm laughing while I'm writing this. some of your pictures are really drastic in my opinion and I was just thinking about this whole thing. anyways. I'm sure you're too busy for that!


xBOBx
05/30/08 1:13 PM

UNPROFESSIONAL? You think that simple word covers it?

Did you ever stop to think about the fact that every 2 minutes someone is sexually assaulted...one in six women and one in thirty-three men has been a victim of rape. More to the fact that I might be among one of those unfortunate statistics?

How sick are you to proposition someone on basis of one of the most invasive and disgusting crimes of violation that you can do to someone's body and soul?

Do you understand what rape does to a victim? Are you even remotely aware of how it can completely destroys their entire world in an instant? There are times when the emotions and pain associated with a rape or any sexual assault can be overwhelming it can lead to the point of which it is 6 times more likely to cause post-traumatic stress disorder, 3 times more likely to result in depression, and is 4 times more likely to lead to suicide. And, these thoughts, pains, regrets, blames, NEVER go away. That violation is relived over, and over, and over. And indelible stain that can't be removed...as vignette of pain and suffering that plays over a chorus of "why me's" and if "only's" that just tear your dreams and waking moments apart...

And your laughing...

This past month or so has been filled with all of the trials and tribulations that could be thrown at a person...

My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer and went through two rounds of surgery...she's now going to start radiation and something called Tamoxafin (sp?). My mom is my world; my best friend, my caretaker, and my confidant. I can't even begin to tell you how hard this was/is...so I won't.

...Change brings stress, even good change.

Kawai and I are working on moving me out of my apt. Which is good for billions of reasons: proximity to Kawai; proximity to work, the lake, Whole Foods, ect., and the price, but it's all still super stressful. I think the most stressful thing is that I don't own a truck...I have a Firebird, so the four closets filled with crap are going to take forever to move from Berkeley to Oakland. The landlords are asking for 1600 for the place, so it's really hard for me to find someone who can afford that (now that the UC is out for the summer).

Don't even get me started with the photographers (granted they're good friends) who are pestering me to shoot with them (for free) and get frustrated when I tell them I'm going to have to take some time to work through all of this. Don't get me wrong I love LeDeux and the boys...but damn, give a girl a break. I love to work with them...but it is work and I have to have the time to relax.

And, work is actually going well...now. But, it was SUPER stressful only a couple of weeks prior with the launch of the new CMS.

I AM ONLY ONE MAN...I can only fix so many bugs, code, and idiot bosses who manage to lock themselves out of their own Outlook at 9:00 on a Sunday night.

Busy, busy, busy...

But, though it all, I have to say that I am the LUCKIEST person in the world.

And, every night I try to remember to say it out loud and hug to my right.

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who left a little luv on my new set. It really does mean a lot to me. The positive feedback and the constructive suggestions have been great.

This was a super fun set to do. Jack (my brother) was the disembodied hand...I can't even tell you how hard it was to keep a straight face during the shoot with him in my car.

Oh, and I know a lot of people asked about the two dollars...that's an homage to South Park (two dollar..sucky, sucky...it's my body, I do what I want) It's also all of the money that all four of us at the shoot had at the time. ( I never carry cash.) And, the idea of trying to work in swiping a credit card was a little too much at seven o'clock at night.

Mo (aka metalheadgrrl) is one of the best photographers I have ever worked with (and the first girl.) And, we've got one more set up our sleeves...So, stay tuned. It's going to be sweet.

But, it's also probably going to be my last attempt at an SG set. (3rd time's either the charm...or time to take a hint.)

Take care...and thanks again to everyone. Oh, and if you haven't left a comment...leave one. They make me smile...and when I'm coding at work they help break up the monotony.

Ah, Greenpeace how I love you. Let me count the ways...

You're like the Peta for hippies...oh, wait...

Well, anyway...Your investigatory journalism is beyond reproach.

Like in the introduction of your new report "Playing Dirty" you chide the next gen platforms for having *gasp* chemicals in them.

Electronics run on chemicals?

Who knew?

(Well, for those with a red ring...or a first-gen PS3 they really don't run at all)

I say we go back to the old-school method of running electricity through potatoes and mice on wheels.

Cited as the biggest offenders: Microsoft's 360 and Sony's Playstation 3 Elite.

Sony's Playstation...WAA?

How did such an enormous typo make it to the front paragraph on Greenpeace (in bold)?

Well, they must have been thinking of the new model...

I love it when my little worlds intersect, collied and form black holes of awesomeness that tend to blow my mind.

(Mind you, I'm easily entertained.)

So, part of my job here is to be a "ghost" blogger for some bigger names who don't hav time to upload their content across platforms. This used to be a grueling task (considering I was hard-coding...and created all of the pages prior to our new CMS), but now is actually a nice break in my daily coding routine. I now get some editorial leeway and some slight satisfaction for my rampant blog addiction.

My day got brighter with a discussion I was having this AM back at the ranch segwayed into a blog I was posting this morning.

Around 8:00AM PST I was pretending to be Marc Gunther and posting his story, "It's All Too Much"

I read through it and began to get excited. There has been much talk around the house about belt sanders and time machines (we're talking about painting the floor) and the general movement of all of my stuff (which is A LOT). I've been on this organizational kick (mostly in my brain...it hasn't made it into actionable form yet).

But, I digress...this is relevant in a roundabout way.

We're going to be launching a full blog in September and the most important part of this rediculous excuse for a press-release, is that I get to blog...for reals!

WOO!

I'm super excited about being an editorial contributor on the front end in addition to all of the work behing the sencens on the intranet I do every day.

Marc's blog in particular got me excited because it's exactly the kind of thing I want to talk about (in additon to the obvious IT foucs I will have) greenwashing and everyday issues regarding businesses (and how it relates to the personal consumer...me).

The whole blog is about how green and organization go hand in hand...and is just another excuse for me to clean the bathroom (I know, I'm one of those sick, twisted people who like to clean the bathroom).

As much as I try to live a sustainable and footprint-neutral lifestyle there are certian things I can't live without (like the new Malfi doll that's on the way), but I think that this next round of organizational extrvaganza will be decidedly greener (as well as the new floor).

And, the blogs isn't going to know what hit it.

OH...and I'm going to this tonight:


I've never seen Hedwig before...I'm like veal (I don't get out much).