I just got back from watching Batman and, as always, I've got a ton to talk about. So, if you haven't seen it yet, you should click away now.
Seriously, if you haven't seen it and you hate spoilers I'm about to ruin all your hopes and dreams...like Bane, but a real Spanish Bane...not like Tom Hardy's weirdly-accented-like-a-congested-Bronson Bane.
(That's not to say I don't LOVE Tom Hardy and think he's an amazing actor...but his accent choice really rubbed me the wrong way.)
I'd actually avoided spoilers up until this point...except for the fact that a friend of mine assured me there was an amazing reveal that would totally blow me away.
Needless to say, I texted him immediately after to say I didn't know what the big reveal was because nothing blew me away and nothing really came as a surprise.
Let's go through all the plot twists and reveals and talk about why none of them are the least bit shocking.
The whole "Miranda being Talia thing" is not a thing. When Marion Cotillard signed onto the project, the internet immediately exploded with speculation that she was Talia. But, even if that didn't happen, by the time you see Daggett killed, you HAVE to know her character is there to be a "bad guy"...otherwise her character serves no real purpose.
Plus, let's talk about the "writer's privilege" of not sinking the reactor when they had the chance (before this whole charade of "you have 5 minutes to get the ball to the end-zone." (Is that a correct use of sports? I know nothing of sports.)
Sure, you could argue that Bane didn't sink it immediately upon leaving because then Talia's cover would be blown as she was the only other person who knew how the fail-safe worked. But, she could just as easily have said Bane forced her to do it the same way he forced her to activate it in the first place.
Honestly, the writers just left it in there to have five minutes of tension at the end of their movie. But, how stupid do they think we are? This highly-trained, well thought out mission that's been years in the making is finally executed without a hitch and you leave the ONE way your whole plan could be brought down still active even though you know exactly how, and have the power, to stop it? What the fuck are you a Scooby Doo villain?
And,speaking of "writer's privilege," let's talk about the pit for a minute. In a day-and-age where there's a bouldering gym down the street in pretty much every major city, it's ridiculous to think even a couch potato like me wouldn't look at that wall and think, really? No one's made it out? Then, when they showed the first person try it it was IMMEDIATELY obvious the rope was holding people back.
After that point, all of the pit-related character development/exposition was unnecessary.
Are you really telling me that Batman can't figure out how to boulder up that wall? Sure, he's taken an 8 year hiatus, but it's a wall. Batman should know how to climb up a wall. He does it all the time in Gotham.
Plus, he didn't even need to make that jump. There were handholds EVERYWHERE on that wall...he could have just climbed straight up.
Now, let's get to the real issue. The BIG "reveal." While we all assumed that Joseph Gordon Levitt was going to take up the cape and cowl we didn't know quite when or how it was going to come about.
Revealing his first name is Robin is STUPID. If it's simply a nod to the franchise it's the stupidest nod ever...now your next Batman's name is Robin. Just think about it for a second...Batman IS Robin. Congrats. Not only is it fucking confusing, but your leading hero has the first name of a 25 year old waitress at Chili's.
Oh, what's that you say? They didn't intend for him to be Batman? Robin is Robin? Let's analyze that gem for a second.
So, at this point, Blake is left with everything that's in The Bat Cave. Which is all Batman's stuff. Unless he's going to mold a new costume out of the crazy-kevlar armor the bat costume was established to be made out of...or he's somehow going to know to get in touch with Fox to have a new one made, he HAS to use the existing Batman suit. Thus, he's the new Batman. Not Robin, not Nightwing, not Red Hood (not that it makes any acceptable sense for him to be Red Hood).
OR, an equally horrible alternative: Alfred's moving speech that he gave to Wane about starting a new life in Florence with a wife and maybe some kids means nothing and the reference to it when we see him at the table in the end is just Wayne on holiday and he's going back to Gotham at the end of the week to be Batman and Blake's going to be Robin after the vacation's over.

Terrible.
There are other things that bugged me about the movie, but these are the highlights. I figured I should stop here.
Since you made it this far, here's some random hilarity:






Seriously, if you haven't seen it and you hate spoilers I'm about to ruin all your hopes and dreams...like Bane, but a real Spanish Bane...not like Tom Hardy's weirdly-accented-like-a-congested-Bronson Bane.
(That's not to say I don't LOVE Tom Hardy and think he's an amazing actor...but his accent choice really rubbed me the wrong way.)
I'd actually avoided spoilers up until this point...except for the fact that a friend of mine assured me there was an amazing reveal that would totally blow me away.
Needless to say, I texted him immediately after to say I didn't know what the big reveal was because nothing blew me away and nothing really came as a surprise.
Let's go through all the plot twists and reveals and talk about why none of them are the least bit shocking.
The whole "Miranda being Talia thing" is not a thing. When Marion Cotillard signed onto the project, the internet immediately exploded with speculation that she was Talia. But, even if that didn't happen, by the time you see Daggett killed, you HAVE to know her character is there to be a "bad guy"...otherwise her character serves no real purpose.
Plus, let's talk about the "writer's privilege" of not sinking the reactor when they had the chance (before this whole charade of "you have 5 minutes to get the ball to the end-zone." (Is that a correct use of sports? I know nothing of sports.)
Sure, you could argue that Bane didn't sink it immediately upon leaving because then Talia's cover would be blown as she was the only other person who knew how the fail-safe worked. But, she could just as easily have said Bane forced her to do it the same way he forced her to activate it in the first place.
Honestly, the writers just left it in there to have five minutes of tension at the end of their movie. But, how stupid do they think we are? This highly-trained, well thought out mission that's been years in the making is finally executed without a hitch and you leave the ONE way your whole plan could be brought down still active even though you know exactly how, and have the power, to stop it? What the fuck are you a Scooby Doo villain?
And,speaking of "writer's privilege," let's talk about the pit for a minute. In a day-and-age where there's a bouldering gym down the street in pretty much every major city, it's ridiculous to think even a couch potato like me wouldn't look at that wall and think, really? No one's made it out? Then, when they showed the first person try it it was IMMEDIATELY obvious the rope was holding people back.
After that point, all of the pit-related character development/exposition was unnecessary.
Are you really telling me that Batman can't figure out how to boulder up that wall? Sure, he's taken an 8 year hiatus, but it's a wall. Batman should know how to climb up a wall. He does it all the time in Gotham.
Plus, he didn't even need to make that jump. There were handholds EVERYWHERE on that wall...he could have just climbed straight up.
Now, let's get to the real issue. The BIG "reveal." While we all assumed that Joseph Gordon Levitt was going to take up the cape and cowl we didn't know quite when or how it was going to come about.
Revealing his first name is Robin is STUPID. If it's simply a nod to the franchise it's the stupidest nod ever...now your next Batman's name is Robin. Just think about it for a second...Batman IS Robin. Congrats. Not only is it fucking confusing, but your leading hero has the first name of a 25 year old waitress at Chili's.
Oh, what's that you say? They didn't intend for him to be Batman? Robin is Robin? Let's analyze that gem for a second.
So, at this point, Blake is left with everything that's in The Bat Cave. Which is all Batman's stuff. Unless he's going to mold a new costume out of the crazy-kevlar armor the bat costume was established to be made out of...or he's somehow going to know to get in touch with Fox to have a new one made, he HAS to use the existing Batman suit. Thus, he's the new Batman. Not Robin, not Nightwing, not Red Hood (not that it makes any acceptable sense for him to be Red Hood).
OR, an equally horrible alternative: Alfred's moving speech that he gave to Wane about starting a new life in Florence with a wife and maybe some kids means nothing and the reference to it when we see him at the table in the end is just Wayne on holiday and he's going back to Gotham at the end of the week to be Batman and Blake's going to be Robin after the vacation's over.

Terrible.
There are other things that bugged me about the movie, but these are the highlights. I figured I should stop here.
Since you made it this far, here's some random hilarity:





















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