Benni's January 23, 2005 blog

Benni likes Innuendo.

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Sunday blog

JANUARY 23, 2005 @ 03:55 AM

my hands are my hands, but they dont listen to me anymore... ignoring my brain, sending signals to brush the hair out of my eyes; swing and a miss! attempt to rub my tired eyes and wipe the tension from my forehead instead...

maybe my hands are not my hands. they seem to have a mind of their own, as of late... all they can think about are my arms...

the insomnia is getting worse... a full night of sleep marred by nightmares has evolved to a couple of hours of death like sleep punctuated by a gasp awake and a couple of hours of terrified confusion before exhaustion takes me away again...

at least im still getting some sleep.

im back to work after the latest mutant arm day... the first week back is the worst... all my strength and coordination disappears, and i have to build it back in... and its hard to get pretty and leave the house when all you want to do is hibernate...

today a beautiful boy cried and it was my fault... i was sorry, but hurting too.

everyone thinks im out to get them, when in actuality i think theyre out to get me.

maybe thats the lack of sleep talking...

i cant wait to see tegan again. la for her birthday... wouldnt travel that far for many birthdays...

what can i say? i love the ladies.

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fdnymedic

Brooklyn, NY

December 2003

JAN 26, 2005 03:35 PM

i wish i could say what i really want to say.

_alice_

Calgary, AB

August 2004

JAN 26, 2005 06:44 PM

i`m a lady!... if you do indeed love the ladies, i think you should also take a nice trip up to moose country...... for some moose watching!.

squee_

Grand Marais, MN

September 2004

JAN 26, 2005 08:21 PM

Hi. Hope the new year is treating you well.

Hornbeck

Tempe, AZ

January 2005

JAN 26, 2005 11:52 PM

Scorpio: Extreme, one side or the other, right? Insomnia's nice cuz It's autopilot - numb. Not exactly reality. So fuck it. Freeze.

relapsed_eric

Minneapolis, MN

February 2004

JAN 27, 2005 05:04 PM

how interesting.
i was thinking about writing a story about induced nightmares.
maybe you have some that i should write about?
and if that doesn't pan out...maybe you know where i could find a real job?

comicking

Rosemount, MN

May 2004

JAN 27, 2005 11:02 PM

So I might be sick now...

Anyway I was remembering that time I was in prison and you sent a friend of yours to have a conjugal visit with me. Remember that? I tell you, when Bruno got done reaming my ass for the 5th time, I happened to ask him and he said he never met you before. Some friend he was huh?

And then you sent that cake to me with a file in it, only you forgot to put the file in it. I ate that cake you know, and how I survived I still don't know cause you forgot to mention that you laced it with cyanide..

Ahh, good times... good times...

TheJuanupsman

Hopkins, MN

April 2004

JAN 28, 2005 02:43 AM

Have fun in L.A.

MoralityDies

Berkeley, CA

October 2003

JAN 28, 2005 11:55 AM

i had a weird flashback yesterday evening when i was sitting in traffic on the freeway. i looked over and you werent in the pasenger seat, but it still made me feel pretty good.

oh yea, and one of these little guys.

Lily

SUICIDEGIRL

New York, USA

JAN 28, 2005 01:23 PM

The last time i saw you, i don't know, it was like something between us died, not like i knew you very well before but the first time i met you i felt this raging connection that i wanted to hold onto and it just got lost in the wind, anyhow i hope you are well, i hope you stay safe, i wish nothing but the best for you beautiful benni.

Tegan

SUICIDEGIRL

California, USA

JAN 28, 2005 01:59 PM

yes i got your email.

ill see you soon.

im here now.

you can call me on my 415 number.

Click_Here

Glen Head, NY

October 2002

JAN 29, 2005 05:39 AM

i love da ladies also

i think you need one of those posturepic beds with the space aqage material and one of those special japanese pillows

hows the mutant arm coming along?

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