Smoking pot is VERY bad for teh Bebe. Smoking pot when Bebe is on a diet, has nothing good to watch, and everyone she knows is asleep is even worse. Thank god for lots of old episodes of South Park, Law and Order, and Nyquil.


+

=

*edit, next day....on my kitchen counter.....empty string cheese packets, shredded cheese sprinkled everywhere, empty beer bottles (I hate beer, but must've had some), empty carton of OJ, open bottle of vodka, empty fire sauce packets, and an empty pack of cigarettes.

Last weekend, I stayed with my bff in NYC.
She works at a club, and inherently, she deals with a lot of assholes. But she is the biggest asshole of all.


A guy came in and asked to check his coat. She said something to the extent of:

"Of course you can check your coat, in fact, if the building were to catch fire, I would guard your coat with MY LIFE."
Thinking that she was being a smartass, the guy made some sort of retort, to which she replied,
"No, sir. I am completely serious. You see, checking coats is all I know.I never went to school, and this is all I have. I love my job, I am dedicated. Please, let me check your coat. It would make me so happy. You can count on me, sir. Maybe one day, I will get a good job, and see the world. Maybe I will then be able to pay my bills,
and maybe...learn to read as well. I am just a simple southern girl, trapped in the big city."


This is how I imagine people up here see my friend and I...pretty close to the truth, actually.

Apparently, he came back later feeling really bad, and said that he knew some people in the NYC Sanitation Dept., and that he could get her a job. Pretending to be overwhelmed by his kindness, she said, "Oh, you are so kind to me. If only I could get a job as good as to work for the Sanitation Dept., my dreams would come true. You have really made my night. Thank you."



Here is the e-mail that he sent soon after,
(the subject line was "I hope you can read this"):

> Hey there m******. It was nice meeting you last night. I can't
> wait to
> hear you play the piano! One time, I heard a record of unchained
> melody
> at my aunts house and I think that's definitly a classic. Do you
> know
> it? Jk. For real though. I want to hear you play. And I mentoned
> your
> name to someone at work. They are going to keep your email in case
> they
> need ya for something. Well. Have a good day!
> N***

Here is her brilliant reply:

"Ah reckun Ah kin read an' all. Ah jes' plumb fergot which uh dem dere
buttons to push to turn thisyer dangblasted com-puter on wit'. Yessuh,
Ah does enjoy me sum unchaint melody, dat be one of da fahnest songs
writ fer de pianny dere, don' even pertind it don' git ye lahk right
dere in duh heartstrangs lahk. I kin recollect mah maw dere sangin' it
bah mah crib dere when Ah wus jes' a lil' babe, all a-boo-hooin from de
colic 'n all. Dat song wuz de onliest thang dat would git de sandman to
come and put de sleep on mah poor lil' fevered haid. Whar ye work, all
big city lahk fancy, is ye? I ain't but an ol' broke down coat check.
But oncet, I had dis a-here dream of a-pickin' and a-totin' de white
folks' trash, an' maybe it sounds lahk some kinda high-falutin' puttin'
on airs an' all, but Ah really do thank Ah could do dat kinda work, if'n
I git me some larnin, yessuh."

He never replied. Ahhh, sooo great.
Off to eat more quesadillas and watch my favorite infomercial, "The Knife Show"!
Tonight's special....hooray!