PICS
i stumbled upon the columbine memorial the other day
i was waiting for my laundry to dry so i took a walk around. it was freezing, raining and gray. it felt really strange to be there..like i was imposing. or some sort of sick hungry dramawhore. they had plaques for all the kids who were killed and it was sort of hard to not get emotional about it (well...me being emotional about EVERYTHING lately anyway...)
i cant say that i dont understand why the dudes did it. i do not sympathize or agree with it, but part of me truly understands. i bet a lot of us here could. i wasnt treated very well in high school by most of my peers. i remember sitting in study hall and talking about how easy it would be to corner all these people in and how easy it would be to shoot and kill them because of how the room was set up. of course, we were just TALKING about it but i cant imagine if that had been 5 years later and someone would had overheard us and taken us seriously. my junior year one of my classmates built a small-ish bomb that went off in the basement. no one was even close to getting hurt but they just sent him to night classes for a semester and he was back with us for senior year. if this had happened AFTER shit went down at columbine he would have been kicked out of school, probably arrested and splashed all over the news.
schools now have 'lockdown' drills. at the agency i worked at they actually would have someone wearing a ski mask walk around the campus during the drills. HOW UNBELIEVABLY FUCKED UP IS THAT?! and its not like its just schools in colorado who are closest to columbine. its like when they used to have atomic bomb drills at schools and make the kids get under their desks, only this time they have a designated area of the room where someone looking in the window or door wouldnt be able to see them easily (we had signs in every room) these two kids had such a huge part to play in building our culture of fear. they really did leave themselves famous. i remember both of their names. i dont know a single name of one of the kids that died. or the teachers name. and as i walked around the memorial i certainly was on the lookout to see if they were included within the memorial. they werent.
*ahem*
this is what 30 looks like
i was waiting for my laundry to dry so i took a walk around. it was freezing, raining and gray. it felt really strange to be there..like i was imposing. or some sort of sick hungry dramawhore. they had plaques for all the kids who were killed and it was sort of hard to not get emotional about it (well...me being emotional about EVERYTHING lately anyway...)
i cant say that i dont understand why the dudes did it. i do not sympathize or agree with it, but part of me truly understands. i bet a lot of us here could. i wasnt treated very well in high school by most of my peers. i remember sitting in study hall and talking about how easy it would be to corner all these people in and how easy it would be to shoot and kill them because of how the room was set up. of course, we were just TALKING about it but i cant imagine if that had been 5 years later and someone would had overheard us and taken us seriously. my junior year one of my classmates built a small-ish bomb that went off in the basement. no one was even close to getting hurt but they just sent him to night classes for a semester and he was back with us for senior year. if this had happened AFTER shit went down at columbine he would have been kicked out of school, probably arrested and splashed all over the news.
schools now have 'lockdown' drills. at the agency i worked at they actually would have someone wearing a ski mask walk around the campus during the drills. HOW UNBELIEVABLY FUCKED UP IS THAT?! and its not like its just schools in colorado who are closest to columbine. its like when they used to have atomic bomb drills at schools and make the kids get under their desks, only this time they have a designated area of the room where someone looking in the window or door wouldnt be able to see them easily (we had signs in every room) these two kids had such a huge part to play in building our culture of fear. they really did leave themselves famous. i remember both of their names. i dont know a single name of one of the kids that died. or the teachers name. and as i walked around the memorial i certainly was on the lookout to see if they were included within the memorial. they werent.
*ahem*
this is what 30 looks like
ugggggghhhh
i just shot a video blog and realized i dont have a clue where my cord is to connect it to the computer.
i have a funny feeling it no longer exsists.
i realized today that my SEVEN year sgversary was two days ago.
i think i need to go buy a cord. i was trying not to leave the house today.
oh well.
i suppose i should at least attempt to update my resume and start looking for a job.
i have made the decision that one is allowed a week long vacation once they get fired/resign from their job.
i *promise* i will answer all my emails soon. pinky swear.
i just shot a video blog and realized i dont have a clue where my cord is to connect it to the computer.
i have a funny feeling it no longer exsists.
i realized today that my SEVEN year sgversary was two days ago.
i think i need to go buy a cord. i was trying not to leave the house today.
oh well.
i suppose i should at least attempt to update my resume and start looking for a job.
i have made the decision that one is allowed a week long vacation once they get fired/resign from their job.
i *promise* i will answer all my emails soon. pinky swear.
things that have happened since last blog-
i moved in to a little pink cottage dollhouse
i turned 30
i got fired
free.as.a.motherfucking.bird.
i moved in to a little pink cottage dollhouse
i turned 30
i got fired
free.as.a.motherfucking.bird.
watching the debate......
my only political statement:
both candidates are left handed
i am too. im not sure how thats related
moving on...
top 10 things that have happend since my last blog entry
(in no particular order)
1. went back home to visit. it was nice. i realized the other day i cant go home for christmas and this is making me very sad
my only political statement:
both candidates are left handed
i am too. im not sure how thats related
moving on...
top 10 things that have happend since my last blog entry
(in no particular order)
1. went back home to visit. it was nice. i realized the other day i cant go home for christmas and this is making me very sad
2. my best friend and her family decided to move to denver! no more missing my bean!
3. bought a motorcycle
4. survived the democratic national convention
5. quit drinking
6. went campling in wyoming
7. watched my sister get married
8. realized my eyes are wicked fucking blue
9. found really odd seaweed in california
10. made the decision to postpone event #5
upcoming ten!
i shot a gun for the first time
i adopted a grandfather (who wont be alive much longer) who was proud of my progress
xo
This weekend marks both my 29th birthday and my 6th anniversary of being a suicidegirl. SIX FUCKING YEARS. thats freaking me out more than the fact that im 365 days away from being 30. i cant wait to get out of my 20s.
anyway,
im having an overwhelming flow of emotions lately for many reason.
lets start with nostalgia.
May 20, 2002
August 21, 2002
September 3, 2002
October 15, 2002
December 11, 2002
June 14, 2003
November 2, 2003
September 8, 2004
July 29, 2006
October 23, 2006
August 17, 2007
its been an amazingly weird six years
moving on to minor annoyance
excitement
Grateful
Loved
this is probably the most personal entry ive made in a long time. and it doesnt really even come close to all that is in my head.
NOW GO BUY ME STUFF!
haha.
hi!
lets update:
1. in case you were curious, the X swatch was indeed representing what i thought it was.
2. im fitting in most amazingly at my new job. i LOVE it. i sexually harrassed my boss today. she was way into it.
3. my office is very sad and empty. anyone wishing to send me (appropriate) art is more than welcome. *please?*
4. i handed over my first months rent yesterday. i had to go to a bar to give it to my landlord. we shall get along just fine, i think (please see above request, however disregard the "appropriate" label)
5. we were on lockdown for awhile today at work. i didnt even think about the fact i am in colorado, a half hour even from littleton, until today.
6. i got a sunburn on SUNday. . fitting..i guess.
7. i watched 'lars and the real girl" last week. it made me cry.
8. my SIXTH year sg anniversary is next month. woah...like, woah. i need to shoot a new set to celebrate...i look so fucking young in my first set. im a little scared of the fact that there are girl on her that are 18. crazy.
9. ill be back in boston in late june/early july for a visit
10. i cant think of a ten, other than to say.....
life is good.
lets update:
1. in case you were curious, the X swatch was indeed representing what i thought it was.
2. im fitting in most amazingly at my new job. i LOVE it. i sexually harrassed my boss today. she was way into it.
3. my office is very sad and empty. anyone wishing to send me (appropriate) art is more than welcome. *please?*
4. i handed over my first months rent yesterday. i had to go to a bar to give it to my landlord. we shall get along just fine, i think (please see above request, however disregard the "appropriate" label)
5. we were on lockdown for awhile today at work. i didnt even think about the fact i am in colorado, a half hour even from littleton, until today.
6. i got a sunburn on SUNday. . fitting..i guess.
7. i watched 'lars and the real girl" last week. it made me cry.
8. my SIXTH year sg anniversary is next month. woah...like, woah. i need to shoot a new set to celebrate...i look so fucking young in my first set. im a little scared of the fact that there are girl on her that are 18. crazy.
9. ill be back in boston in late june/early july for a visit
10. i cant think of a ten, other than to say.....
life is good.
