Thank god my son is home ... I was getting bored and lonely.

I signed up for school, but they havent told me how much money I am getting for school yet. They said the check would come in the mail. Grrr. I want to knowwwwww! If the check is big enough, then it'll cover my cost of living and I wont have to work very much. The classes for this semester are psychology2, humanities, sociology, and art appreciation.

I had soooo many things I planned on buying with that money ... but I may have to forget abt all of them. My last apartment is trying to give me shit about moving out ... and they want me to pay $2,144 for clean up costs and time they "could have" rented out the apartment but didnt. Now, how is *that* my fucking fault? I sent them a letter 2 months in advance telling them that I was moving out. *and* I cleaned that place spotless before I left ... so any "damages" they are claiming could have been covered by my $1,500 security deposit. So how can they charge me this money??? Im so confused. I asked my dad what to do abt it, and he said as long as it's at a collections agency theres nothing I can do to fight it. Is this really true? I have heard of apartments screwing ppl over, but this is ridiculous!

Im so upset abt that ... I have never had to pay that kind of money for something before! It's like taking a couple grand and flushing it down the toilet!

This weekend was so lame for me ... now you would *think* ... that being without child for a weekend would drag me out of the house to go party my ass off, but nooooo. I was LAME-O supremo!

accomplishments: zero (zlich, nothing, none)

Tuesday Im getting my lebret pierced. It wont interfere with my piercing fetish shoot ... I plan on getting my two lip piercings for that shoot, along with the others I mentioned. I *really* have the strong desire to get more tats. I just dont have the money right now. I hate that! Having kids means never having money for any of the things you "want". Which is good in its own way ... gives you discipline... something I need desperately. I have never really been too materialistic ... so not having "that hot skirt I saw" doesnt bother me as much as not being able to afford my art supplies and things like that.

I got my SG package in the mail a few days ago ... spent all the money on late xmas gifts. Those stickers will be all over this city in no time!

Tomorrow I sign up for school, yippeeee! I took a much needed break from classes ... an almost 2 yr break! HAHAHAH! (whoops!) I didnt intend on taking that long of a break ... but since Im semi-new to chicago, I had to wait an entire yr before I went to school here otherwise I would have had to pay out of state tuition, which is five times more expensive!

Im thinking abt getting another job, since my full time job has been slowing down in the winter months. I just dont know how I could make that work ... Id have to get something that has a night shift, like a gas station or something lame like that. I couldnt send my son to daycare, no way!

I need some more weed. I hate the part of town I live in, the stuff is virtually non-existant.

The best thing abt suicide girls is the ppl you meet ... all you ppl on my friends list ROCK so damn much. If you are not on my friends list ... then theres a problem. Get there. Come on ... everybodie's doin' it!

Ok once agn ... I have no time to respond to my pretty ppl who left messages for me on my journal. *sigh* Tomorrow I will ... I'll be here all day tomorrow with nothing to do.

Well, tonight I have nothing planned but going to work with my hubby. We work at a concert venue up here, so theres some hippy band playing tonight, oh jeez. We'll probably be there until 3 or 4am, which leaves hardly any time to party. Grrr, on my favorite holiday!!! WHY??

This weekend is a huge convention for models/photographers in the chicago area, so all the ppl from the industry will be there. I hate boring functions. And I hate when I have to behave myself. The cool part? Well, since I aint no cindy crawford type model ... I get to wear my japanese bondage dress and 7 1/2 inch heels all night. Muahahahah!!

Gawd, ok ... so I promise to do that piercing fetish thing, I didnt know u guys would like it so much! I already promised another fetish photographer I would get pierced for her to photograph, so I'll just have to take those out and get them re-done for SG. (not a problem when u have a needle fixATION)

Matt was sweet enough to re-size these new pics for me by Jim Hewitt ... Ill post a few of them for ya's.

I hope everyone has fun tonight ... because I sure aint havin fun tonight.

Well my love muffin went away yesterday morning. Now it's ASH TIME!

I worked with Jim Hewitt agn yesterday with his kick ass new SLR digi camera ... and boy did it rock! I have a cd full of brand spankin new images ... but the camera produced such high quality images that the files were TOO BIG for my computer to open them! I guess I will have to go to a jpg compression site ... and one by one .. make them smaller. That will take forever, and since I cant open them to see which ones they are ... I cant like, pick only my faves and just do those, noooooo, I have to do them alllllll. *sigh* But hey! The new images *might* be up on Jim Hewitts site (www.cunningarts.com) if not now, sometime in the near future. The stuff we did was a lot different from his other work, which is typically darker type stuff. Nothing too fancy ... but different. Which is always good. January and Febrauary will be some really busy months for me as far as modeling goes.

Today I woke up and didnt know what to do with myself. I played video games in my sons absence just to hear the "ding ding" noises that I usually hear when he's around .. then decided that this was pretty pathetic and I should probably call a friend to hang out. That worked, Im at my best friend Kevins house now with a few other ppl and its kinda nice not to have any responsibilities. I can stay out as late as I want ... and sleep all day tomorrow if I want ... and ... oh jeeez, the list goes on!

*sigh* Abt SG ... I dont know much abt pc's, but every time I go to a website ... the page doesnt come up right and I have to go to the "view" then "encoding" and select a different encoding for *every* single page I go to ... which makes it extremely difficult to view this site because every time I click ... I have to go in and fix the encoding. *sigh* This makes it very hard to keep up with journal postings. So if by chance you post something to my journal and I dont get back to you .. Im sorry, it's just so difficult to respond to everyones messages when my damn computer never lets me view their pages.

I wish there were more suicide girls in chicago ... or somewhere near here. I have a few photo shoot ideas that I want to try out with other girls. One of them is a body painting photo shoot ... I thought it would be very sexy to grab some body paint, and fingerpaint another girl and have her paint me. My photographer and I have similar visions, so we would be working with some very interesting angles with the camera to give it more of an origional touch. I try to be different ... no one wants to see the same old shit. The other idea I had wasnt so origional, but would be fun... I wanted to do a domination/submission shoot with another girl ... the ideas I have for that shoot would simply be endless!

I also want to do a piercing fetish shoot ... but havent found a piercer in the chicago area that I know would do a good job. The shoot would basically be me in a tatoo shop getting pierced in all the right places ... nipples, "down there", tongue, belly button, lip ... I have all these but would like to get more and I think it would make for some sexy images... if you dig that kinda shit. (which I think you would if you are on this site!) What do you guys think?

crap this is a long journal entry, sorry!! I feel like I could go on and on and on and on and ....

Today is the last day I will have to spend with my son before he goes away for an entire week. Every once in a while he goes to florida to visit with his grandparents, and I usually go with him to visit my friends and family down there ... but this time I just didnt have the cash. I have no idea what I'm going to do without him here. I will be so damn lonely.

I should at least *try* to look at this as an opportunity to get out and have some quality "Ash" time. Go to clubs, parties, shows ... things I cant do when he's around. The more occupied I am, the less I will think abt being sad. There are so many time where I want to have a break from him and do my own thing ... but then when the time comes, I wish it away! Hahahah! I dont think anyone in this world is ever "truely" satisfied.

I will be shooting a lot once the new year starts, then I'll be super busy and wont have as much time to spend lurking around the internet. Tomorrow I have a shoot with Jim Hewitt again ... a totally awesome guy! If you havent seen his stuff ... go to www.cunningarts.com
I think we're supposed to do some artistic nudes for a site called "michelle 7" ... but I am not sure what the exact website is yet. Stay tuned for that!

Thanks to all of you beautiful people who made me feel so at home here ... it really means a lot to me.

Im going to make a list of all the ideas I have for my next shoot for SG ... I want to know which ones you think are the best ideas.

Well I hope everyone is having a good day. Most of my family is back home in Florida, so theres virtually no celebrating going on here. I hooked up with my dad earlier and asked him what he wanted to do for xmas dinner. He says to me "well, I got some really awesome left-over chinese food!"
::shakes head::

I guess I never really made a big deal about xmas, but ever since I moved to chicago it's become less and less of a holiday. None of my family members up here give a shit abt each other, so trying to set something up with everyone for the holidays is virtually impossible. (hence the reason why I am sitting at my computer right now)

My son is really excited abt his new video games and has been playing "Ratchet and Clank: going commando" all morning and afternoon.(the most fun game in the universe!) I anticipate this going on until bedtime, and even then he wont be stopping easily. He'll probably kick and scream and tell me Im the worst mother alive, hahahah! I wish I had a robot to tell him what to do instead of me having to be the "bad guy" all the time.

All I wanted for xmas this yr: to have dreadlocks weaved into my hair the "safe" way (cost:$250) Since no one has expressed any interest in supporting my hair obsessions, I think I will buy myself an xmas gift MUAHAHAHAH!

Well everyone here seems to be really cool so far. (well, except for that one bitch in the chat sectionb, I dont know *what* her problem was!) Yes, I do believe Im gonna like it here. ::kicks off shoes and leans back in chair while puffing on a cigarette::

Tomorrow is xmas and I'm really excited! My son is six years old and at that age where he still believes in santa, it's so awesome. He's been doing all kinds of nice things around the house for me lately because "santas watching", lol!

The more I look around on this site ... the more beautiful ppl I see. It's crazy. I feel like I am over-using the word "beautiful" and must come up with different and more origional words. I was rather surprised at how many responses I got from my first journal post, I didnt think anyone would read it! Hahahaha! BTW .. I have no idea what in limbo means, or archived ... can anyone tell me what the deal is with this?

that face is funny ... I just thought I'd add that. Hehehehe ... more later, I have to shower and play with my cat or else he'll keep jumping on the keyboard.

Well all this journal stuff is new to me, so we'll just see how this goes. I never really had the desire to keep a journal for fear of someone reading it ... then I realized ... no one would probably even care to read it!

Anyways ... today was my first day to tour the site. LIKE ... WOAH!! Fuck, holy shit ... these girls are amazing creatures. I wanted to post comments on their pages, just to let them know how stunning I thought they were, but then realized that it would probably take me weeks to do this, so I decided against it. Worth noting: Katie caught my eye the most. Her eyes are just so ... entrancing.

It will probably take me a few weeks to completely figure the site out. Anyone willing to give me some tips? It would be much appreciated!

~@sh