Ash's August 09, 2008 blog

Ash Good .. bad ... I'm the guy with the gun

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AUGUST 9, 2008 @ 05:37 PM

Well ... what can I say? We all have our defense mechanisms, some healthy, some not. I have both. Its hard to concentrate right now on anything but feeling so ... incomplete. I dont wanna do shit lately .. and to be honest, I havent done a damn thing. Laundry & dishes pile up, mail piles up, I dont wanna move ... absolutely nothing gets done anymore. I hope I snap out of it soon. I didnt go home for the first week after Will left, and when I did it was like torture. Everything at home reminds me of him, so I left again. I'm staying with my best friend and shes been wonderful.

I keep sitting down here, wanting to go thru and reply to my messages ... but my mood is never in the right place to do that. Right now, I dont feel like Ash , it's like I feel traces of Ash but a substantial part of my soul is . I miss all of you, and I genuinely *want* to reply to all of you .. but not when Im like this. I feel like I'm just not focused enough on positive energy to enable me to make even a halfway decent reply to your journals. I feel selfish for not being able to bring myself to do it just yet ... and I feel like a million yrs have passed since I've been in contact with any of my friends here. All I can say is ... Im sorry. I miss u guys. I just need some time to re gather my inner mental badassedness.

**Trivia question for you guys**

Who was the first Chicago sg?

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Turbulence

Austria

November 2005

AUG 10, 2008 06:20 AM

Just get a big *hug*. I hope a more active Ash is back soon!

jonnytrrrash7

Vatican City

February 2004

AUG 10, 2008 07:37 AM

i know these feelings well. take your time, you'll be back!

FrankDelgato

Carlisle, PA

November 2007

AUG 10, 2008 08:25 AM

A: No frickin clue. If it gets off my list of "things I worry about cuz I have nothing more important to attend to" I'll get right on that....

More importantly,do what you gotta. If someone doesn't get like that once in a while, their life is too easy. Yours is rough, so prioritize and get your mind right. I can wait *whistles "Jeopardy"*

BygBadWulf

East Longmeadow, MA

July 2005

AUG 10, 2008 12:06 PM

wanna borrow some of my badass-ness? I got some to spare, I'm not using it all when I'm not wrestling chin up gal, we're with ya

thefreak

NEWSWIRE

Gardner, MA

AUG 10, 2008 12:47 PM

I've had those days. I wish you the best of luck in sorting everything out.

-TM

tastycorpse666

Port Lavaca, TX

November 2006

AUG 10, 2008 01:52 PM

If you need me to burn the house down let me know.

BrightRedScream_

Stoney Creek, ON

April 2005

AUG 10, 2008 05:14 PM

All that matters is that you take care of you and get yourself back to where you need to be. ♥

Thinking of you, and sending you positive energies.

TheJuanupsman

Hopkins, MN

April 2004

AUG 10, 2008 08:40 PM

No need to be sorry. We'll still be here when you are up to it. You'll be in my thoughts. I hope it all gets better soon.

I'm not going to even try to answer your trivia question. The only Chicago SG I ever really noticed was you.

Apexxx

I'm lost

August 2004

AUG 11, 2008 10:31 AM

im gonna guess YOU were the first Chicago SG
curious to know the answer!

Sioux

SUICIDEGIRL

Illinois, USA

AUG 11, 2008 10:42 PM

Ophelia was the 1st Chicago SG to have a set in March of 2003, but that is hard to tell because many girls who may have been a Chi-town girl may have moved and is not coming up on the search as being in Chicago anymore.

JekyllAndHyde

Baltimore, MD

April 2005

AUG 12, 2008 08:07 PM

I've felt a bit similar (I just moved, too).

As for the trivia, if it's not you, I have no idea (but really, if it's not you, does it even matter? )

jermhawk

Tidioute, PA

December 2004

AUG 12, 2008 08:32 PM

I just moved too, I bought a place. Its the last house on the electric grid.
Buck up, things will get better! I wish I could go into some motivational rant for you, but i am physically drained as well. I will leave you with this thought!
I've been elbow deep in raw sewage for the last 2 nights and no shower.
No idea on the trivia question, sorry.