every amoeba within ime is going to try and get this out
this is a once in a lifetime pooptunity for you|||!!!
stupid french keyboards. youd know what i meant ieff you lived here.
i posted some copyrighted apparently```v ideos up there so check it out
im lost in the sound
they got dleeted off youtube but nooobody ever suspects the suicidegirl!!!!!
typing is fucked up.
blood veins flesh skeLETON.
im only doing this for another month okay?
tis whole internet world. i prostitute my soul to you!!!
thats WHAT THIS IS OKAY
im just tired of paper im tired of SHOES and beasts and veganism.
i want to tear my skin off. its amazing in can still understand that this will get to you.
whoeever yo uare.
my eyes are leekin.g.
will this get cesnsured????? perhaps.
i want lto live within the bass. right in the light that brings it to our heart.
transmission is almost over!!!
in the stars.
i have an email! it has wings. black raven wings. feathers. dust. boop boop her eyes are black. i can see the blue in there somewhere. THE PHONE IS RINALINIGNGEG.
i cant bea rit!!!!! the reality that is microscopic!!! if i press on one box another will come up with more choices.
WE ARE ROBOTS.
PROGAMED.
i want to deprgam!!!! DO YO UHEAR
if i look into his eyes, ill fall back to the world again. but distance is anothe rword for FAR!!! or im not there yet.
its always YET!!!! im soooooo cold if i had wings id be beside a cactus.
i dont understand thatn stand is a under of a stand? WTF.
why do you understand wtf.
im running out o fhere in SOCKS. one blue. one red. no sweater.black black says the sky in april .

walk out of my 1 month home. i have limited time here, im told. for whatever reason i fail to care about.
i feel like trash shouting. You think you know me!?!? You have no idea!!!! and have a falling-out junkie scream fest. but everyone thinks that way about themselves. i realize words have little importance when directed to others and drink a silent response.
Ever feel like your response to certain stilmuli is already decided beforehand? I can answer questions like everyone else and react to what your doing to me but sometimes im lazy and i just pick something from the drop-down list to make you go on with things. Horrible.
i wonder if running to a purpose will change things, or if thoughts are already burned mirrored to each other stuck there until i decide my time has been long enough. i dream of sweltering heat and jungle leaves maybe being a saviour.
im not a fucking poet. i think you have all just not realized i failed to grasp language or study its importance.
i made an appointment to get out of this waking life feeling, trying not to listen to that crunch crunch styrophoam noise boots make through snow. i fall down hard. on my two-day fresh broken tailbone. i lay there breathing carefully to wait for pain to reside and focus. people are stepping over me. a man falls behind me. i lay there like a piece of gum and think about having a picnic with the orange in my backpack.
Whatever. There are children in somalia holding AK`s trying not to watch their mama die from Aids and starvation, so therefore a broken ass is nothing too serious to lament about.
I put one foot in front of the other and repeat until i come to a dark lump next to a boarded up church. Everyone else is passing by him too. He isnt just a hobo taking a nap in puddle, cause his face is lying right in it.
Hellooo? I ask the lump.
I roll him out of the puddle. His eyes are rolled back. I put him on his side.
I look up at the rest of the crowd. I hate people. Individuals I can stand, but people, thats a no go in my department. The situations that come afterwards are very baffling and hard to comprehend and leaf through, but two hours later I find the man getting kicked in the head by two cops, his face in the snow, arms tied back with tie wraps.
I tell the police that I think they would get calm, clear answers out of him if they just get HIS FACE OUT OF THE SNOW. A man with a long black trenchcoat proceeds to follow me around but fails to understand that it takes much, much more than that to make me feel uncomfortable.

Game: Dodge trees !

Huron nests. I should have left with them.



In other news, I went dogsledding, have continued puking in all sorts of public and private areas thus concluding to try and accept this daily bodily function that is the tictok clock, and final thoughts i guess ive decided is that i miss dreamers and skippers and all others who i dont see or meet anymore since ive become a slave to whatever-describing-word-youd-like-to-end-this-with.

So wandering around in the snowflakes, I decided to throw myself into some sort of government assistance.
Id seen the building, and the people huddled outside of it, the lost and found box always already raided, so i took the elevator up. Im passing all these signs, wondering where the welfare office might be hiding, and end up asking the Janitor. "Youre standing in front of it" oh. A big blue sign saying "Social Assistance." whaat? is that supposed to be funny?
So, after the 1 week scavenger hunt they send you on, and prying into every aspect of your personal life, I get a check. WHOOP. So, after gorging my face with delicious foods I always want to eat, I went out in search of somewhere to live.
With all the money given to me, there is not one apartment that I can afford. Not even a room. Not even a hotel for random stays. What kind of help is this shit? Thank you, Government of Canada. You just carry on pretending to be the states, bombing people across the world, giving hockey players multimillion dollar salaries, and dont any of you worry about lil ol me. Back to the drawing board.
There is a HUGE rediculous difference in my life. You should see what eating good food is like. I feel like a completly different person. I have energy and thoughts are more clear. What a difference eating good food makes.
Theres a really fucking wicked girl coming onto the site, I dont know what name she has picked out but you better believe we will be dirtying it up a bit more on here. We were hungry. Mouse took three random cans and put them into a pot. Chicken noodle soup, strange squares of what is supposed to be vegetables but is really just cubes of orange and green, and a tin of cat food. I couldnt even begin to explain it, but the night ended, as morning came, with us dancing to Bikini Kill with cans of peas on our heads.
If you remember, I wrote some words almost exaclty a year ago, and its featured with some new photos taken last night.
You can see them at this website :
Lapin Junkies
Heres a sneaky preview

Hitchiking anywhere is always an epic adventure anyhow. This run was deceitful to begin with.

First mistake: trusting the weather network.
Clear skies! Sunny temperate seasonal highs!
AHEM Says me walking the side of the highway in the snowstorm with the 2 inch visibility.
I see no more road.
I turn my black jacket inside out orange.
I hug the treeline because the highway is filled with drivers who think they can see, and nobody is picking me up anyfuckinggoddammhow.
The snowflakes so many make it hard to see which way im going, and all the trees are around me and the same.
My toes get all crumply and numb. I am a limping animal next to the forest wall but I keep walking walking, because somewhere, eventually, I will find a heater in the corner of some random restaurant/roadside attraction and give it all my attention. And that is all i think about.
The moon is very big, very bright, and low in the sky. The big trucks zoom by and I wonder which one will skid sideways and send me flying with a crunchy noise.
The time says 2am. It was about when I stopped feeling cold. I stand in one spot for a bit, im not sure how long, and think that is a very odd time for the sun to be waking up at. Somehow, minutes between 2 and 7 am are completly obliterated and gone gone.
A highway worker zooms by me talking to a raven, which at that point in my deleriousness i thought was a stray dog. I do remember making noises to it, and wondering what a stray dog was doing in the middle of nowhere, as Im sure he was wondering what a stray human was doing in the middle of nowhere, which could explain all the strange noises it was making to me.
I was confused as to how the worker saw me, I hadnt expected anybody to ever pick me up again. I had forgotten I was there which i suppose was sorta comforting given the current state of things. We sit in his truck with the heat thrown at me and I see I am not coherent anymore because of his expressions.
Remain quiet.
I keep going because somewhere there is a little freckled marble and white rabbit waiting for me just 3 hours north. I am walking not counting all the tires passing by me.
I am asleep in the last car ride before I even say oh why hello fancy meeting you here. I am asleep still.
My toes and legs are purple, a stepdown from the previous blue, and nursing my rotten hitchiking stomach, which is just an excessive combination of dumpstered fast food, bad coffee and cheap cigarettes.
Kickin my free ticket around in the wind, as always.

The patriotic city! Fascism on the black flags!
My little freckleyed brother is bunnysitting DinDin. I felt bad. I feel very alone without her. But her brain is pretty flitty, so sometimes i felt alone with her even. But shes only a baby, an abandoned one at that. I hope that she is being fed lovely green leafy things. Sadly, without her, my apple cores get neglected and thrown to the dirty ground.
Kicked off the bus!! For playing with the buttons!!!! Whaaaat. Happy New Year -30C.
Slutty exhibitionists!!! WHY DID YOU SPILL MY WINE!!!!
I run around castles. I play in castles! I FOUND A CASTLE CUT IN HALF!!
I sit on cannons. I pretend I have a purpose.
I oogle the bourgeois. I want the things in their pockets, and the hot chocolate they dont finish.
I have good mittens, but wear plastic bags in my shoes.
I get a ride here, I get a ride there. There are two large holes in my boots.
When i thought all was lost, a WHOLE shopping bag full of candy!!!! Who could forget such a thing???? I think of their sadness while i eat all the best things first. Like Rockets. And Lollipops with bubblegum on the inside.
My little mouse, please hope he doesnt go to jail.
The snow!! THE SNOW!! It is piled higher than houses !!!
I cannot find one simple little sled to borrow.
Ketchup on everything! Ketchup soup! And then I ran out.
Sipping hot water. Stealing creamers.
Sometimes, I can take the elevator really fast and grab a muffin while she isnt looking.
I want to run. Really. Get me out of here.
Everything is the same! AutoPilot stricken brain!
GET ME OUT.
I WANT SANDY BEACHES AND PEOPLE WHO STILL JUMP IN PUDDLES!!!!

gotta go.

I cant be the only girl who's ever dreamed of running away to join the militia.
Terrorists. Capitolists. Western Culture. Importance?
Throw the dictionary away, while were at it.
I laugh in the world's face, everyday.
I cant change much from under a bridge, under a tarp, in the snow.
But I can choose to not partake in the madness.
Running like a feral animal. My heart bleeds because yours does too.
I have never believed.

It was going to be all that was left. Everything was forgotten.
Eyes were set in a cylinder peephole with headphones loudloud CrystalCastles. I like those boomboom earphones that drown. Hit by bus windows is a regular occurance. Somewhere is perpetually playing peaches. Out with the rest. Especially the snow. You come to us.
BZZBZZ Do you know who this is? BZZBZZ no but do come in.
I walk with my head down to pack my bag. How did I know? Girls know things.
I do that thing where you dont think you just go.
Dont think of it
Dont think of
Dont THINK.
Carefully picked out the best people in the world, and they are all around me and paws on my head that makes it all better. Bobo-Mentale, we say. Im still not thinking. Playin tricks with my own self.
2000km west. 1 week. Air gets colder. Much colder. Time passing or higher altitudes? I dont own a sleeping bag anymore. It was a silly act of thinking I needed not a thing. I remember what regret is.
Reasons different ones i guess all us happy campers reunited in the waterfront city that looks like a fort, pretty cool playground. A winter coat. INTO THE WILD I cry because its happy and I cry because its sad and then I cry because we are leaving the theatre and then I cry because I want to find trees and live in them but Im going back to the things that dont work in my bag.
I take all the screws out of things within a metre of me.
Changes, yes but the midnight move away like always.
"extremist tendencies" and "unrealistic view of reality" I am a very sick girl who needs to be force-fed medicated to BE. These people wouldnt know happiness or the non-meaning of reality if it hit them in the junk. I let them have themselves, but never myself. This is important. Never surrender!
Growing up is only the act of learning how to perfect your acting skills. I protest.
Please do hold on, I think my rabbit is pretending to have angst.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

See, i told you id show you he sucks himself off. Dont tell me you wouldnt. I try to be understanding.

We are friends until spring. Babies need to be taught things.

Its important for your appliances to get exercise and fresh air.

This story could very well have too many possibilities. It would be madness.

Remember I was a street waitress with dead bird? They were pretty. I buried and came back for the bones but they rotted perhaps. Or maybe even I wasnt digging in the same spot at all. Things are funny like that. Like how socks go missing.

Lovers on stage. C'est moi et le petit Mulot.

Haha! I like that she likes silly. Unconventional. I hide bottles for her in strange places. Please dont look behind cafe chaos.

He likes it like that.

My bed! But wheres my organ? And my police hat? Peanut butter? What happend to the wall? I went back for the wall made of books.
Landlord: "Can you believe it? These people were disgusting!"
Me: <sigh> "Kids."

I had two Mulot's. One walked on two legs, one walked on four.

How was this programmed.

They tore it down to make an unused parking lot.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
End transmission.

first off, theres been sorta lotsa questions so heres sorta lotsa answers backatyou.
1. yes. it is the same skirt as the first set. you see, theres only so many things that can fit into a packsack and that means not so many clothes. also, i think its important to yell out there a big FUCKYOU to consumerism that involves big wardrobes and all that crazy stuff.
2. yes. the laurier bus was a wicked little squat. until some douchebag broke out most of the windows so all the cold wind got in. it remembers me of the boy i met in there, his crazy blue eyes, and frustration with me not being whorey. he dissapeared too. i wish id see him again. anyhow, bus mysteriously dissapeared a few days after the shoot. i dunno how, it having no wheels and all, and there were no signs of conflict with its departure. maybe it thinks of me in bus scrapyard heaven. I feel awful if it was my fault for bringing the attention to it that me and shazzy did, being all nakked on private property when people were getting off work. Shazzy did an excellent job as partime security officer, also.
3. i dont remember if there was going to be a 3. or what would be put into that 3. i like shazzy. you can see the yellow in my eyes in one of the photos. when i was small sprite id say that the yellow was because i was part wolf. grrr.
that wasnt really lots, was it.

on with the show....
its that time of year where i remember that doc boots were not meant for slippery places. my butts sore.

i hop the little french train that brings me to the heavensent that is FlyingJ truckstops. I like these places cause you can get a ride juuuuustabout anywhere.
NObody wants to pick up cold little girl whos doing the pee dance. So i take a ride in the dark somewhere outside of the province. It takes me 3 more rides after. Much love and everything to the girl who forced me to take her exacto knife. Im not so sure if id be around to write now if she hadnt. Ive never cried on the road before. I balled my eyes out like babies.
Im there Im there and its RAINING. its ALWAYS FUCKING RAINING in that city. Why. A passerby argues that maybe its ME who brings the rain THERE. interesting concept. Which way am i going? thats the thing with finding the street your looking for, is it right, or left, to downtown? I choose, right, i think it was. rights right. I find a wool jacket next to a box of popsicles. WHO THROWS OUT POPSICLES. But really, i encourage you all, keep throwing things out so i can reap all the benefits. Someone throw out a pony. With a blue ribbon.
My face is full of chocolate and vanilla stuff. Two boys offer me their apartment, but after those rides, i have no wanting to be around anything with a dick. Walkwalkwalk. Its the longest street in the world, it really is.
HEYYY who woulda thought, a HEATED squat. Right on that street. Its a funny way to get in. A hole in the wall. Up some stairs, through another hole. Pick a room! Any room! Except that one, cause i hear lotsa people in it. My new friend falls asleep, with the most monsterous snore, I wake him up cause im giggling alone. Whatso funny? I made a poem. A funny poem? I think so. Write it on the wall. I do. So here it is, my great poet talent. Now that i write it, it isnt so funny. But i was in good mood cause im sleeping next to a heater with my socks stinking up the whole area.
AHEMhemhem.
"The 5 hour drive,
was a 12 hour ride.
The 4 rape attempts, left Girl,
sweating with contempt. (or dopesickness, we arent sure. Test results pending.)
Got to a town thats POLLUTED
as the bar drinks are DILUTED.
Smoggy city, whatchyou got in store for me?
But more importantly, WHERE in this squat DO I GO PEE?
Where are my friends?
Hopefully, out making money for me to spend?
Dollars in pocket: 1.
Dicks sucked: NONE!"

harharhar. Applause sign lights up. Crowd is confused.
A few phone calls later and im good on that awesome sinky couch that im going to make a campaign for, since its being substituted for a futon. SAVE THE SINKY COUCH!!! I like good friends. Yknow, the kind of friends you can babble on and on truthfully about everything and know that nothing is being judged negatively. I am what i am and thats that. Exzema on my elbow and all.
A crazy pookie told me and Dallas to watch our Carbs when dealing with Beer. He says that while i have a big bag of donuts im shoving into my face. Silly things with penises that will never understand things without penises. I stole a pair of shoes off somebodys front porch two houses left of Dallas`. Sorry. But they were just THERE and appeared drier than mine. Also, we took the frog statue. But it was put into Lemmy the turtles tank so he can stop bashing his head off the side. At least its being put to use. It wasnt doing much in the snow is all we thought.

So, HUGE shameless publicity here for that tattoer at Black Line Studio on King st in Toronto MIKEY STOREY. He fixed the sad affair that was my dancing skeleton. Im so very proud of it now. He gave me super ideas on how to make it bigger piece like i wanted. Seriously, go check that guy out. He`s pretty gentle too, because im the biggest motherfucking pussy when it comes to a tattoo on the side, ive noticed. Im going back for more as soon as i am able too. I wont even eat id prefer his ink that much. Har, i eat out of the garbage, i think i only spend money on bananas. Cause nobody likes mushy brown bananers. AND STRAWBERRIES! Chinatown market, you can get 3 big buckets of strawberries for $2 and if your cute he will give you that lollipop youd also like to buy for free.

Lily, come back, we miss you.

Your dearest confused neighborhood squeegee girl disguised as a rabbit,
(thanks for the lack of pocket change tonight, guys.)
Apathy.

p.s. somebody throw out a camera. I want to make a video regarding things.