brrrr.
Apathy here doin a whole lotta sighin this morning feelin much alone. Hang my head it doesnt hurt but all too numb try not to block too much out, something needs letting in you know.
Travelling friends I miss you much...
In just 2 days home life has proved to be more violent and hurtful and overflowing with bullshit than during all my times out there on the sidewalk. Im not set out for this. This roof. That roof. You. Her. Him. Im not sorry but I tried. Cant cry. Why cry? Whats the use in that. What horribleness. Much reminder of how life on the road is so much safer, peaceful, fun. Yknow... I leave. Soon. Again. Without a direction this time I suppose. Wherever I end up....
Ottawa was interesting, so interesting that I had to leave a piece of myself there - - my camera. If you find it, please let me know. There would have been a few good road pictures to share. Perhaps it will make its way back to me when its ready. The big O- Pretty girls.. Pretty boys... What do you do with all these interesting people. I will venture out to visit again. Or maybe not. I cant decide whats sweeter... leaving it all on that note or discovering what could become of it all.
Really for the winter I think about how to live in a little cabin and see how long it takes me to go crazy snuggled inside with fire, blankets, and cigarettes all alone. The cold stuff.. ever get frostbite? I have a million times. Its not so fun. Or should I go south, real south, I mean beach south. No snow. That would be fabulous living. I will make a sand christmas tree castle. And eat it. Really.
Speaking of EATING things... so im out on this walk, in this beautiful creepy forest with a few others who made me very happy inviting me along and all, and I see this creepy flower. Look at those creepy flowers i say, and somebody says "eat it" like the sound maybe my brain itself would say. So, i eat it. THISTLE FLOWERS~!!!! oh horrible. Im mad doped up, the next morning my tongue is so fat I cant eat my delicious fire beans and fire toast. Prickles everywhere. It still isnt better.
Soo many vivid thoughts, dreaming girl. Spent the morning in the wet wet leaves happy with my new blanket that appears to be water resistant. Really. The smell of beer on my jacket was mingling quite well with the rotting leaves. Trying not to live too too much in the head, get something done, think this through. I never live like that. Right now, in this moment, its needed.
Wheres this traveling soul, I feel as though Im searching for someone.