humanity can die. just DIE.

isadora and i went to go help a friend move her mattress today. while we were waiting outside we saw this kitty sitting on someone's stoop so we went to go pet it. we then realized the cat has a MASSIVE TUMOR on its face. this cat is not a stray. he's friendly to people, though a little shy, probably because he's in huge amounts of pain. he had on a nasty old flea collar, and someone in the neighborhood said that he hangs out by that house and they feed him, though don't claim ownership to him. why, WHY, could someone not take him to the vet? why couldn't someone just take him and surrender him to the humane society? why did they just let him suffer and suffer until it was probably too late?

he's in our bathroom right now. we don't really know what to do. it's honestly probably too late for him. he's not eating, and his tumor exploded a bloody furry mess into our bathtub.

we're taking him to animal control tomorrow morning. if they won't take him, we're just going to have to get him euthanized. i'm about to cry right now. this is just disgusting, that no one could take a look at this poor cat and think "hmm, maybe he needs veterinary help." rescues here only take in animals from the pound, and it's kitten season. no one will want this poor boy. no one will want to help him. if i had the spare cash to take him to the vet and help him, i would. but the most i can afford to do is help him die. and the only thing we can give him is a night indoors, safe, and someone to be with him when he is put down.

this isn't fair.
warning: graphic pictures










what he exploded into our bathtub:

There is a bugbite on my crotch.

we went over to the neighbor's house last night for a barbecue and ate bison burgers. they always have karaoke and then we all sing. it's really weird having neighbors i actually really like, since everywhere else i've lived my neighbors have annoyed the crap out of me. one apartment we lived in had an old man that would dig through the trash and find your personal items and keep them. his name was kenny and he fucking scared me.

thunderstorms all week apparently. we were going to have a bbq ourselves today but cancelled it due to the forecast. it's sunny and bright out right now and i'm pissed. stupid weather.

there are so many tiny sleeping animals strewn about my house. i think i'll join them.

ALSO
i am enjoying that two of the tags on my first set are "vag" and "pussy"

WTFFFF

what a fuckin weekend

haha monday.

i actually had two whole days off despite 3-5 calls from work to answer questions. we cleaned the bathroom and isadora cooked a chicken. yays.

if you want to hear something hot...there is sweat, under my boobs. it is hot. my ass is sweating.

mid october 2007 i will finally leave richmond. only 16.5 months to go. we're looking into buying a house when we get there. hud loans mean small down payments. we were already going to save up about $4000 for first/last/security deposit on an apartment there. we might as well buy and pay mortgage and have something to show for all that shit. we're poor so we'll probably end up living in fucking tacoma where the air smells like rotting cunt. how's that for a recommendation?

we're getting all spoiled by living in a house with a yard. we don't want to go back to living in an apartment with the neighbors and the people and the lack of yard and such. apartments aren't awful, but they're not house.

GOD i'm such a grown-up sometimes.

machiko soga died

i totally didn't mean to leave that last entry up forever. i've just been incredibly busy with work, etc, life, whatever. stuff. i keep thinking of all the stuff i want to do when i have time, but it just doesn't happen because hey, i never have time. oh well.

i'm sorry i'm not around much/don't return comments. i do read all of your journals all the time, just so you know. sometimes i just dont' have a lot to say.

i'm hoping to shoot a new set friday. i'm excited about it. it's gonna be really "me".

one day i'll get some time off and get caught up on things. i miss you.

i am just so tired of people. i am so tired of fucking idiots who have no concept of how to take care of animals. i am OUTRAGED.

we went to a pet store today. this pet store sold puppies. this is something that makes me really sad on a normal basis, but this was worse. they had a sign on the TANKS (yes, the puppies were kept in tanks, on pine bedding) saying that the store was against puppy mills and their puppies came from USDA certified breeders. BULL. SHIT. how DARE they have the audacity to lie to people like that. USDA liscensing is for large scale (almost always commercial) breeders. You must be USDA liscensed if you make more than $500 a year selling animals (to someone who will resell, not to the final owner). AKA YOU ARE A PUPPY MILL. NO decent breeder would sell their dogs to a pet store. NO decent breeder is out there breeding those messed up looking lhasa apso-maltese mixes and pug-beagle mixes. they are MUTTS. you can go to a shelter and get them for EIGHTY DOLLARS. they wanted SEVEN HUNDRED DOLLARS for these dogs. yes, my dogs cost more than that. but you know what? my dogs' parents have their CERF, OFA, and von Willebrand's certifications. they came from a good man who has no more than three litters a year (from his six dogs), who loves his dogs and loves their puppies and actually CARES about what happens to them.

i am just disgusted. i'm sick and fucking tired of these people. i just want to walk up to them and ask them if have any fucking clue what they are doing. they had eight large rats in a tiny (10 gallon) tank (again on pine bedding), one of which was hugely pregnant and covered in scabs. they told the woman looking at a "puggle" puppy that sure, she could leave it outside during the day. sure, this (the smallest one) was an appropriately sized crate for it. NO. NO, THAT IS NOT FUCKING OKAY.

i feel like i can't do anything anymore. i can't even walk into a store without feeling sick to my stomach. mmm, ferrets with diarrhea! sure, sell the kids some bunnies for easter! these people make livings off of misinforming people and selling them sick, poorly bred animals. and people eat it up!

no one wants to listen anymore. i try to tell people (gently, in a nice tone of voice, with sources to back it up) that the food they feed is crap. i try to gently suggest things to help people's animals, because in my heart i don't want to believe that people really want their animals to have crappy lives. but they do. they are too fucking lazy and stuck in their own ways to open up their eyes and try to make things better. they don't want to believe that what they've been doing their whole lives is wrong, so i must be wrong.

i have just been feeling so helpless about it all lately.

I'M TOO BUSY EATING MEAT TO UPDATE.
MEAT MEAT MEAT.

on a more serious note, here is a link to a video I helped my friend camille make. not safe for work, contains nudity. if you have issues with rape/have been raped this video may be triggering for you, so watch at your own risk. last warning: this video might make you cry.

okay then! enjoy!

tell me about your first REAL kiss.

i fail at using my journal!

so um, i have like 60 friends requests from people i've never heard of. i'm not going to approve them. please talk to me or something if you actually want to be my friend.

i work too much. it might get worse. today my district manager came to visit my store and observe us and shit. apparently i impressed him so much that he offered me a job as manager. i don't know if i can do it because i have transportation issues, and i don't know which store i would be assigned to. it would probably be too far away, and i would be more hours and more work every week...but at the same time, it would be at least twice what i'm making now. which would be so nice.

right now he said just to consider it. so i don't have to make a decision right away. i also would feel bad ditching my manager because she really needs good employees and it fuckign sucks for her when everyone won't do their work.

for those of you who are unfamiliar with retail, this is kinda a big deal. i would be running a whole store by myself and be in charge of 3-5 employees and like, paperwork and scheduling and shit. scary. i've only been with the company about two years. almost every other manager i know of is at least in their late 20s.

ANYWAY. sorry all i write about is work. i miss steve and fenny. and janie. and stuff. puppies sleep upside down. yay puppies.

SPELL CHECK IS FOR PUSSIES/.

some girl at work today INSISTED i was dorothy from the wizard of oz. she kept asking her mom what dorothy was doing and where dorothy was going. it was actually kinda cute.

i guess it was the pigtails?



you know, there are worse people children could mistake me for.

thanks everyone for condolences about my uncle. he basically went crazy toward the end there, which is why he did what he did.

thanks also for comments on my set, i'm so happy it went up- we had a blast shooting it, even though it started to rain and i had to use barbasol to shave my crotch in the wilderness.

AND it's my sister's birthday! go say hapy birthday to tomahto, the most awesome sister ever. DO IT.



yeah, i put my mouth there.

um.

so my uncle killed himself.

he shot himself next to the river he was baptized in.

i'm not sad. i'm upset because it's weird and messed up and strange saying was and had instead of is and has. suddenly everything is past tense.

i'm glad to put him in the past though. he's done a lot of fucked up things to my family recently, and him being gone does make things easier for everyone. it's just really weird that a person that was there is gone now. i keep wondering what will happen to his kids. i keep wondering what went through his head when he did it. he was never a smart man. for most of the time that i can remember, he wasn't a bad man. he was just unintelligent, and made stupid decisions. doing what he did to my family was one of those decisions.

i'm not really mad at him anymore, at least. it's over now.