PICS
last nite i walked outside and found my mother crying. i sat beside her, held her, comforted her. she asked me, 'do you think animals go to heaven?' and i lied to her, because i thought that might make it hurt less.
this morning i sat on the floor with my cat and pet her until she was too weak to lift her head, so she stared up at me and flicked her tail every so often.
then i said to her, 'im sorry. i could have loved you more.'
what a terrible thing.
and i dont really feel like going out
&hearts &hearts &hearts
things that suck:
i just found out that my cat has cancer.
ive been lied to a lot lately. ive been ignored a lot lately. ive been fucked over a lot lately.
but i havent been fucked much lately.
i wish i werent only attracted to guys who dont give a shit about me
&hearts &hearts &hearts
things that dont suck:
last nite i got to see a dear old friend. we had a living room dance party and giant blue donkey pinata filled with mexican candies. i woke up cuddling with a nice boy who didnt even try to take my clothes off.
rachelle and i got tattoos
last weekend i received a drunken hair cut on the sidewalk in front of stained skin by my new friend mindy
photo courtesy of the lovely miss alissabrunelli
&hearts &hearts &hearts
meh. i dont know.
i have been:
&hearts working a lot
&hearts drinking a lot
&hearts kind of slutty
YAY!!!
ive been lazy and obnoxious and irresponsible, and i dont feel bad about it at all
i keep thinking that im going to update, but then i go smoke, and suddenly doing a puzzle or watching several hours of ren & stimpy sound like a much better idea.
i have oh so many photos to share. most are stolen. and im only showing the ones with me in them. HA!
1. EAST COAST CAMPING TRIP was a terribly good time.
i would like to issue a blanket apology to all attendees who were beaten or molested by myself. god i was so drunk and shitty.
please observe (and dont worry, i know that i look all kinds of nasty and fucked up in these.):
ohhhhhh man, those pictures make me laugh. good times, good people. im going to resize them, because the whole cutting off thing is driving me mad. you cant even see whose titties im licking!! (hint: its karma) i want to make some shout-outs, but
DAMNIT
now im high and fargo is on amc. i dont think i can type that much, but im going to post a shit ton of photos. i should have some free time tomorrow to talk to you guys, edit my post with some outrageously witty captions, and send love to you wonderful east coast folk.
comfest photos from my lovah. try not to be jealous. it must be hard.
more fabulous drunkeness (and hair extensions)
my darling finnish friend jaana came to visit
took out the extensions, cut my hair, and took some real faggish pictures to show you
weeknite drunkeness with the little sister. mmmmm cheap college beer
pulled up some old figure modeling from when i had virgin skin and was much thinner
oh yeah, when i got back from camping i had this huge red welt on my hip, which has since turned into some dark red scaley rash/sore thing. last week it started to do the same thing on my back, and yesterday i found that my thigh is turning red, bumpy, and scaley. its pretty gross and i dont know what the fuck it is.
ill be at alissabrunellis art show at stained skin this saturday, if youre stopping in you should say hi! sunshine and i will be there, and will most likely be drunk as hell. ahhhhhh i love that woman. anyway, alissabrunelli and i will be discussing the possible shooting of a set (!!!) very excited about that.
i am 85% sure that i will be at the boston tattoo convention in september. we will have to see if i get the time off. but i do expect all of you new englanders to come and visit (and maybe if one of you could give me a place to stay, that would be sweet, too 
).
my birthday is in 10 days. i have to get a new drivers license and buy my underaged friends lots of liquor. sunshine and dave are taking me out, and god help anyone who witnesses the debauchery that will take place that nite.
i say this from time to time, but
recently i have rediscovered my ginormous crush on the hansen brothers
ONE WORD: GANGBANG
(two words: incestual gangbang?)
im going to go watch some gay porn and probably fall asleep masturbating
because: im an asshole
and: i just spent all day getting beat up by a 7 year old
but mostly, i realized that the elite have the power. dont fuck with the elite.
ps: i love stealing sunshines photos
naked swimming in the apartment complex
i wish she would stop cropping off our titties
pps: my last entry was way better, i swear.
this whole 'not being able to edit' thing is no good.
i am an editor by nature. i love to edit. not being able to look at an entry 27 times and alter it to my satisfaction is brutal. just brutal.
anyways, i am updating two days in a row.
this either means that i am tremendously bored and kind of sad, or that i lead a life that warrants daily updates. you may choose which, but id prefer you chose the latter, as it makes me feel like less of a nerrrrrrrrrrd.
i cleaned out my car today.
i dont like cleaning out my car, so i do it as infrequently as possible. i am fairly sure that the last time was about 6 months ago, and that is a very long time for someone who drives as much as i have to.
i inventoried:
(11) empty packs, camel filters
(2) empty packs, marlboro reds (from erin)
(1) empty pack, winstons (who the fuck is smoking winstons in my car?)
(6) empty wrappers, jack links original beef jerky ( i have a problem)
(4) twin bed sheets ( long story)
(1) winter coat (lying on the passengers floor for months)
(2) bridal magazines
(1) xzibit compact disk
(1) laura viers compact disk
(1) cocorosie compact disk
(2) partially eaten snickers bars (melted to the center console)
....... along with many other things. jesus christo, im not inventorying everything.
but.... in the glove box, i found these:
that made me giggle, as i wasnt expecting to find them in there.
they are amazingly easy to rip out of the box.
only recently did it occur to me how many perverts have fingered these, and if i cared about anything germ-related, how disgusted i would be. but to be honest with you, i would probably eat them if someone told me to.
im not going to lie to you kids, im a little high right now.
......ON LIFE!!!!!
(but seriously though, i am)
{gives massive and exuburant thumbs-up}
so, i have some new pitchers (god i cant fucking stand it when people say that) to show you. and, since my others were EATEN BY THE ANGELFIRE DEMON, i am going to try and find a safer place for those. just thought you should know. because.... i like to make you guys look at them.
i really wish i had someone else to photograph.
yes, i know that the edges are a little funny. i was in a hurry. and that half of my face isnt necessarily pleasing to the eye, but half of my face was smushed up against a pillow, and i didnt care for it. i still liked the lighting, though. also, those are my extensions. i love them.
there are so many things that i want to tell you! hmmmm....
i never told you that....
-tilly and the wall was very, very wonderful. i had seen them before, but this venue was much more personal, and the mood was jovial and joyous and jubilant and many other adjectives that start with 'j' that mean the very same thing. and i danced, that always makes me happy. afterwards we went to the hookah bar and smoked strawberry tobacco out of a hookah which had previously been packed with mint, and i found the resulting strawberry-mint combination to be both engaging and delightful.
-david lindley was terribly entertaining. i love slide guitar more than many, if not most, things in life. and i got to hear a lot of it that nite. fabulous. he wore shiny green cowboy boots and looked very much like a bloated, (even more) haggard neil young. he spoke of man boobs and vietnam, of eating cat food and the smell of goat crotch.... and im really not kidding.
-last week i went to columbus with rachelle to see the independents. the police were called and not much of a show was had. now we are going this thursday to see the buzzcocks. yeah, i have no idea what im talking about. no need to worry about miss anna losing her love of girly music and stringed instruments - but i am expanding my musical horizons, and that feels good. i pretty much just go where rachelle takes me. but i am (secretly) loving it, very much so.
i wish i had the power to inflict upon my enemies very nasty yeast infections.
i mean really massive ones, ones that look like someone pumped their labia full of collagen and it appears as though their vagina is violently vomiting cottage cheese.
sure, its not going to kill them (maybe eventually, via piv). but it will make them extremely uncomfortable. unbearably uncomfortable. you dont know discomfort until your vagina is swelling shut, is very nearly on fire, all you can think about is taking a hard-bristled toothbrush and scrubbing your genitals raw, and your are sitting through a school day or are at work for 8 hours.
not fun, let me tell you.
erin is going to chicago on august 2nd to attend a live taping of the judge mathis show.
she asked if i would like to go, which i replied to with a hearty 'hell yes!' and then i danced, like so:
it wasnt exactly like that. actually, i didnt dance at all, that was a lie. but the rest is true, i swear to you!
the point is, if i can get the time off, ill go. erin has been wanting to do this for years. i know, my sister is the coolest.
i am also dying to go see anais mitchell on september 16th, again, in chicago. it is the closest she is getting to me, and this is the only hope i have of meeting her and making her fall in love with me.
fuck. she is so amazing.
but im not sure if i can afford all of this driving i am planning on doing in the next couple of months....hmmmm.... money.
holy fuck
its later than i thought.
im going to update this, and immediately see that i forgot something or completely fucked something up, and i will not be able to edit it.
sucks.
ps: if you think ive been ignoring you lately, i apologize.... i havent been around much, and when i do the journal thing i spend hours doing it and by the time its done i dont want to spend another few hours replying and then i forget about it and ive got 4 entries full of lovely comments that ive yet to respond to and i am overwhelmed.
excuses aside, im glad im back. i think you guys are pretty neat (for the most part).
my saiboy has returned to me
there was a ruckus coming from the garage, and upon inspection i found sai saici climbing the screen door. i screamed and then i cried and held him for several minutes. he makes me all mushy..... *sniff*
he has been very tired and very cuddly. i have no idea where he was, but he is safe now and that is all that matters.
last nite i got a tattoo to celebrate
i also got piss fucking drunk last nite at sunshines house. im pretty sure i wandered outside naked. kill_yourself picked me up and we got very very lost on the way home. i took my pants off and hung out the window, then i pissed on the truck and myself. hahahaha
speaking of sunshines house, she posted some fantastic pictures of a little get together last week (last week? i dont remember). now i am going to steal a couple
that hot bitch with the red hair is the newly-live miss meow. i met her that nite, along with vectrexxx & opaque. i am telling you people, as beautiful as these women look on the site, its nothing compared to real life. its amazing. hopefully i get to hang with them again, very soon.
i am on a severe naughty by nature kick. those motherfuckers have some serious skills. i always think i must look funny as the little white girl blaring 1,2,3 and dancing in my little honda.
had a small get together on the 4th, cassiopeia stopped by, and was lovely company, as usual. there was even talk of a.....multiple.....set?
i am going on the east coast camping trip next weekend!! i am wayyyyyy excited. sunshine and i will be heading over to pennsylvania on friday, and i will get to hang out with lots of lovely ladies, like fatality and gadget and zui. sweeeeeeeeeeeet.
i have had the pleasure of waking up next to a beautiful boy several days this week, and that makes me happy. im going to go now because he is on his way to my house as we speak....
ive been pacing around the house, thinking that i am going to turn a corner and find him lounging in a favorite spot. its not going to happen.
my eyes are swollen from crying, and everytime i think of never seeing him again i feel as though i am going to vomit.
o-ren is crying and pacing as well. so i pick her up, stroke her little head, and we talk about how we miss him.
i know he is just a cat, but it hurts. a lot.
please send good thoughts my way, if it is at all possible.
man, i am feeling good. im making some major progress with the money situation. progress is good.
i have nothing of substance to say. just random thoughts and rants.
who the fuck am i kidding. this is going to be long. real long.
went to comfest this weekend with the lovely miss sunshine and husband. easily two of my most favorite people in the world. so sweet and fun and hospitable, really just lovely folks to be around. they always feed me, too. i like that. we saw the fabulous alisa as soon as we walked in, holy crap i love that woman. soooooo beautiful, and sweet as can be. i spent a good half hour lying on my back on a blanket staring at the people walking by. some strange boy ran up to me, told me he loved me, and kissed me on the lips. that was nice. we drunk dialed eliska, pet lots of pretty dogs, and i was pretty lit (as usual). then we went skinny dipping, followed by hot showers and ohhhhhh.....
i am one lucky girl, this much is the truth.my sister graduated from nursing school last weekend. i am super proud of her. she is making loads of monies now. pictures! pictures!
im preeeeetty sure i will be stealing that hat and taking pictures fairly soon.
holy shit, HELL CITY. i havent had a proper update since then, have i???
it was fucking incredible. i had so much fun, and i am counting down the days until i can go to another event. i know its hard to believe, but these ladies are even more amazing and sweet and beautiful in person. i miss them a lot.
i didnt take any pictures, it would have driven me crazy to carry my camera around. so i am going to steal photos from other people. muhahahahaha!!! only the ones that i am in though. im vain like that.
&hearts i got naked on a table at skullys and _SEVEN_ shot a set for little ol me. loe was there to guide me and hold things and make shirley temples and just be fucking cute as hell.
&hearts ooooo ooooo AND i got to watch him shoot a set for iso, who is, by the way, amazingly beautiful and sweet as could be. and i totally got to watch her get naked. on a bar. hot.
&hearts we went to a party and had people take pictures of about 10 sgs molesting a passed out drunk kid
&hearts i drove eliska, sunshine, and dave back to the apartment, where we drank, talked, and ate FUCKING AMAZING SANDWICHES while watching porn. oh, i also ate tater tots off of sunshines boobs. sweet.
&hearts i got to cuddle with eliska so damn much, and you are so jealous. trust me, her boobies are softer and comfier than you have ever imagined.
&hearts wendy gave me a bikini with..... oh gosh youll just have to see it. its fucking weird. maybe ill take pictures?
&hearts i shot a video with mikewillpukeonu (which is way hot and kind of vulgar, by the way. the video, not mike.....errrrrr...), and ended up spending hours in his hotel room talking, listening to music, and eating gas station pizza. he is good company, and i absolutely adore him.
&hearts oh shit, i also shot a video with amina. it was the interview part. she was super sweet and made me feel very comfortable. problem is, we shot it in the morning, and i was still drunk from the nite before. i was nervous enough about the damn thing, then i had to go do that.... i dont even know what i said. i think i rambled for like 20 minutes. and i had been chainsmoking all weekend, so i sounded like a 90 year old woman. shit.
&hearts why was i still drunk? well, to make a long story short, eliska and i got ourselves locked out of the hotel room at like 2am, and we were both in our undies. we proceeded to wander around the hotel, looking for people who would let us in their room. we rode the elevator down with a drunk guy who was stealing potted plants from the hotel and hoarding them on the elevator. a man who wanted us to tell him if he had a small penis kindly let us in his room, where i snorted some pills of questionable origin and drank the last of his whiskey. a few hours (?) later we were chased down by hotel security after running through the lobby in our panties, and were escorted back to our room. well at least we made it back, right?
ok ok ive got to stop now, or this will just get ridiculous.
but do you see why i love these girls? i want them all to live with me. we can build a commune. on an off-shore oil rig, so we are safe in the event of a zombie invasion.
erins boyfriend graduated from high school! yay!
look at how pretty my baby sister is:
jeeves is goofy, but he is a good kid. and i have never seen two people so unbelievably perfect together, especially so young? ah, its refreshing, really.
this is him playing the piano. hot.
one time my sister, our friend annie, and myself were at jeeves house, and erin made up a game for us to play. we blindfolded jeeves, took his pants off, and took turns touching him. he had to guess who was touching him, and if he was wrong, we beat him with a belt. fuck, i love my sister.
im getting new glasses, because i cant afford contacts anymore. ive had the same glasses since 8th grade, so i am very excited. i just ordered these today:
today i also bought hair extensions, which i will hopefully have in sometime next week. i am excited, like whoa. i and for good reason. i look hot with long hair. observe:
that was totally an excuse to get you to look at me naked. i tricked you!! hahaha!! oh man, im sneaky.
time is wearing thin, so im just going to start pulling photos out of my ass. seriously, thats where theyre coming from. my ass. you love it.
these are such fucking awful pictures of me. but i love them so i dont care.
we drank a lot and drove 40 minutes to a porn shop at 1am
that is not my bra. i dont wear bras, ewww. mike is super incredibly awesome, though.
the real question is.... why swallow if you can get a load on your face?
i dont know how dave manages to look so fucking creepy in all of my pictures. we are going to have to work on that.
my sisters friend got a cow butchered and she bought 1/4 of it. she gave us some steaks and i ate a couple. but first i molested them.
im giving up my dream of avoiding the sun all summer long. im outside at work for several hours a day and its just too damn hard. now i have a serious farmers tan, and the rest of my body is still a milky pasty white. im going to have to start sunbathing, because i will not tolerate such things. at least the sun is making my freckles come out, like so:
i have new hair, its pretty cute
the corn in the fields is growing fast, 'knee-high by july,' as my grandma always says. when i get home from work, especially on a windy day, i sit in my rocking chair on the front porch and watching the sun set over the fields. everything is green, green, the most brilliant shade of green youve ever seen. and the wind, when its blowing fierce, makes the stalks turn and sway until you swear youre rocking back and forth on a boat in the middle of a green sea. then the rustling, the sound of the leaves sliding against eachother, the whispering and the hissing that has such an oddly soothing quality to it. its times like these, i dont know how i could ever leave this place.
im going to vegas in...... a little over 2 months? ive never been on a plane. chicago is as far west as ive ever been. giant groups of people both excite and scare the hell out of me. this will be interesting.
i told myself i was going to try to stop eating so much meat. and then friday i ate a steak and a cheeseburger, saturday i had a cheesburger and a hot dog, and sunday i ate another steak. the need for meat must be in my blood. i truly believe that i could not live without it.
it is very important that you watch these videos. columbus' pride and joy. andy just bought the tapes, and also a damon zex shirt for me. amazing.
i (being a person terrified of telephones) have been having 3+ hour long conversations and running up phone bills with international calling, and i couldnt be happier about it. i have the biggest crush anyone has ever had. in the world. ever. and i have discovered the amazing world of phone sex. fuck. yes.
so there you go, kids.
an update.
this one wasnt very funny, so i lose points for that. -but- it had lots of pictures, so i guess i gain those points back and break even. i cant complain about that.
leave me a comment. tell me something. anything, i dont care. i am a whore for comments. id let comments run a train on me. id let comments piss in my hair. id let comments jizz in my eyes. all of them, at the same time. bukkake? its time for bed, i believe.
until next time, my chillins
