PICS
Okay- big changes in life happening right now. Big changes.
We finally moved into our new house and things were great- but I had reached my limit with my employer and had to give them the big heave hoe. They ASK for one month of notice. What is that? I gave it to them, because I am their bitch and have been since day one. Resulting in burn out. I will not miss the passive aggressive emails from the chics in other departments, seriously. Good. Bye.
With that being said, I am not sure why this change is so scary for me? I feel a level of anxiety that I have never felt before. I am trying to make more than one change in my life currently, one is I am going to try and smoke less, and I do not mean cigarettes, because I want to maintain some balance in my life. So, we will see how that goes and maybe right now is not a great time for me to be implementing these changes with all the stress that has been accumulating in me bones. OH GAWD!
My poor husband.
Anywho, I do not have the internet currently. I am in the middle of bum fucked egypt and enjoy being away from everything and everybody. It really is a stress reduction overall and I think we fit in nicely with the crazies down the street. But for the next two days, I may want to punch children.
Wish me luck, or the children...they may need it.
XoXo
We finally moved into our new house and things were great- but I had reached my limit with my employer and had to give them the big heave hoe. They ASK for one month of notice. What is that? I gave it to them, because I am their bitch and have been since day one. Resulting in burn out. I will not miss the passive aggressive emails from the chics in other departments, seriously. Good. Bye.
With that being said, I am not sure why this change is so scary for me? I feel a level of anxiety that I have never felt before. I am trying to make more than one change in my life currently, one is I am going to try and smoke less, and I do not mean cigarettes, because I want to maintain some balance in my life. So, we will see how that goes and maybe right now is not a great time for me to be implementing these changes with all the stress that has been accumulating in me bones. OH GAWD!
My poor husband.
Anywho, I do not have the internet currently. I am in the middle of bum fucked egypt and enjoy being away from everything and everybody. It really is a stress reduction overall and I think we fit in nicely with the crazies down the street. But for the next two days, I may want to punch children.
Wish me luck, or the children...they may need it.
XoXo
Whew, okay....so things are a-changing around here.... which I am starting to become okay with.
I have decided that right now is not the right time for me to competing in a show. I have a plethora of excuses, I can come up with about fifty right off the bat. However, it comes down to plain and simple: it is not a priority to me at this time. Because, if it was, I would follow through with it.
We are closing on our house in less than two weeks from today, the 15th to be exact. I want to enjoy moving into our new home and giving myself a chance to relaxe and find my place.. a new gym maybe? Maybe make a friend or two? Lord knows I need them. LoL. Seriously lacking in that department.
I also need to know when to let things go. Oh lordy, I can not wait to get out of my unstable twenties. Sometimes it is appropriate to let things or people go from your life when the time comes, usually it comes and we desperately try to hold on....friendships has been the big one for me..... Sometimes friendships run their course!
Well, that is all for now. Must go find something to keep me occupied until husband gets home. I am so bored.
I have decided that right now is not the right time for me to competing in a show. I have a plethora of excuses, I can come up with about fifty right off the bat. However, it comes down to plain and simple: it is not a priority to me at this time. Because, if it was, I would follow through with it.
We are closing on our house in less than two weeks from today, the 15th to be exact. I want to enjoy moving into our new home and giving myself a chance to relaxe and find my place.. a new gym maybe? Maybe make a friend or two? Lord knows I need them. LoL. Seriously lacking in that department.
I also need to know when to let things go. Oh lordy, I can not wait to get out of my unstable twenties. Sometimes it is appropriate to let things or people go from your life when the time comes, usually it comes and we desperately try to hold on....friendships has been the big one for me..... Sometimes friendships run their course!
Well, that is all for now. Must go find something to keep me occupied until husband gets home. I am so bored.
A Prayer:
I do not understand men, I do not understand why they do what they do and sometimes if they have any feelings whatsoever (this is not including my husband)... but I would like to send some energy into the universe as a prayer for a friend of mine.
I know I am not the best friend anyone could ever have. I am unavailable in just about all senses, I skip out on plans (not with malintention), but one thing....I do care. I care more about my friends than most...even if I am not always there...and I want the best for my friends....
So this is a shout to the roof top for my friend Kelly. This girl is amazing, she is everything that any guy could possibly want and yet not deserve, she is attractive, she would be an excellent mom, she has an amazing career, the woman can cook, sew, etc. She has won two physique competitions... SO here is a question!? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU DUDES? Fucking recongize a good girl when you see one dipshit and fucking treat her right....seriously...so my prayer is to the universe....please send someone...someone for my friend Kelly...
Please make him kind and sensitive and available. Make him not be attracted to every piece of ass that walks by, make him appreciate her and give her what she wants in life. I wish this more for her than I wish for happiness for myself. IS THIS TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR?
Please don't let me down universe....
I do not understand men, I do not understand why they do what they do and sometimes if they have any feelings whatsoever (this is not including my husband)... but I would like to send some energy into the universe as a prayer for a friend of mine.
I know I am not the best friend anyone could ever have. I am unavailable in just about all senses, I skip out on plans (not with malintention), but one thing....I do care. I care more about my friends than most...even if I am not always there...and I want the best for my friends....
So this is a shout to the roof top for my friend Kelly. This girl is amazing, she is everything that any guy could possibly want and yet not deserve, she is attractive, she would be an excellent mom, she has an amazing career, the woman can cook, sew, etc. She has won two physique competitions... SO here is a question!? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU DUDES? Fucking recongize a good girl when you see one dipshit and fucking treat her right....seriously...so my prayer is to the universe....please send someone...someone for my friend Kelly...
Please make him kind and sensitive and available. Make him not be attracted to every piece of ass that walks by, make him appreciate her and give her what she wants in life. I wish this more for her than I wish for happiness for myself. IS THIS TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR?
Please don't let me down universe....
The weeeeeeeeeeeeeeekend is finally here and I am crabby as fuck.
Will update once the gym workout is done..........
Will update once the gym workout is done..........
Just kinda browsing through my facebook and stumbled across a friend that got me to thinking...it was about a year ago three of us friends went to the dance club. One of the clubs down South where there used to be a dress code and women weren't allowed to wear sweat...well, pretty much anything into the club.
I was going through some rough times then and was a completely different person then and so was this friend of mine. Within the last 6-7 months, he has found out that he is a father to a child that was already about 3 years old...Now, he has full custody of his child and you can see the amount of love that he has for his son in all the pictures that he posts of his little guy.
It just amazes me to see how much life can change, unexpectedly. Sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. I think there was a quote that said, some things fall apart so other things can fall together. Live and let live...or whatever the fuck it is.
If someone would have attempted to predict my future a year ago and told me accurately what was going to happen in the next year. I would have been full of disbelief.
But enough with the corny shit...I am very bored and had to take a day off from the gym...waiting for my husband to get home and diligently avoiding doing anything that might resemble productivity. I can't wait for Christmas.
I appreciate everything that life has given me, and I will continue until my time has come. Nirvana...
I was going through some rough times then and was a completely different person then and so was this friend of mine. Within the last 6-7 months, he has found out that he is a father to a child that was already about 3 years old...Now, he has full custody of his child and you can see the amount of love that he has for his son in all the pictures that he posts of his little guy.
It just amazes me to see how much life can change, unexpectedly. Sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. I think there was a quote that said, some things fall apart so other things can fall together. Live and let live...or whatever the fuck it is.
If someone would have attempted to predict my future a year ago and told me accurately what was going to happen in the next year. I would have been full of disbelief.
But enough with the corny shit...I am very bored and had to take a day off from the gym...waiting for my husband to get home and diligently avoiding doing anything that might resemble productivity. I can't wait for Christmas.
I appreciate everything that life has given me, and I will continue until my time has come. Nirvana...
Today reminds me of that song by Ice Cube... It was a good day!
I had a great and productive day at work, a great and productive day at the gym, cleaned the kitchen, boiled chicken and eggs and now relaxing till the husband gets home...
Oh and listened to a little Disney music....Yep....certainly did.
My shoulders are starting to cap more, but I am still nervous that I am not big enough. Self doubt is enslaving....
Xoxo
I had a great and productive day at work, a great and productive day at the gym, cleaned the kitchen, boiled chicken and eggs and now relaxing till the husband gets home...
Oh and listened to a little Disney music....Yep....certainly did.
My shoulders are starting to cap more, but I am still nervous that I am not big enough. Self doubt is enslaving....
Xoxo
Dear Universe,
Why am I so flakey?! Is it really hard to make friends after highschool? Someone that won't get pissed off if you have a full time job, a husband, a hobbie and no time to be hanging out anywhere that has junk food because I can't eat it and it just makes me sad being around it? No, well fuck it. Who needs them then.
Matter of fact, I am pretty sure the guy on the machine next to me was barking like an ankle biting dog each rep. No lies....you should have been there.... Can I get a spot brah? Put another plate on, put another plate on, where is my peanut butter? mmmmmmmm....
I am listening to Disney songs, sometimes I forget to silence my ipod when people walk in and realize that the Little Mermaid is on. I am a 27 year old lady...or pretending to be. God, I turn so red when that happens...
I mean, Dear god.
Anyways, have a good night! I am going to put my laundry away now.. go me...
Xoxo
Why am I so flakey?! Is it really hard to make friends after highschool? Someone that won't get pissed off if you have a full time job, a husband, a hobbie and no time to be hanging out anywhere that has junk food because I can't eat it and it just makes me sad being around it? No, well fuck it. Who needs them then.
Matter of fact, I am pretty sure the guy on the machine next to me was barking like an ankle biting dog each rep. No lies....you should have been there.... Can I get a spot brah? Put another plate on, put another plate on, where is my peanut butter? mmmmmmmm....
I am listening to Disney songs, sometimes I forget to silence my ipod when people walk in and realize that the Little Mermaid is on. I am a 27 year old lady...or pretending to be. God, I turn so red when that happens...
I mean, Dear god.
Anyways, have a good night! I am going to put my laundry away now.. go me...
Xoxo
Dear Universe,
Why does it take my husband longer to get ready and out the door than it does myself? Does this not defy the stereotype? Seriously...put some pants on.
Just finished out two weeks on the diet and have lost probably about 3 pounds, but still looking leaner each day, so I hope the fact that I have not lost much more is due to muscle gain. I have an idea of what I want to look like on stage and I won't stop until I get there.
Although, I did have the weirdest dream while napping today about a competitor showing up with only enough fat that her skin clung to each bone. She had abs but nothing else as far as muscle goes, quite creepy in fact. Sadly, I am sure there is someone in the world that looks exactly how I described above.
I want to go to the Casino and enjoy the lights, sound and people watching...with a little bit of gambling to tide me over. The husband wants to go to the Mall so we can buy things. I wish the mall as the flashy lights and stores that made sounds with old people walking around. Good times.
Why is he still on ready, WTF are you doing in there?
XoXo
Why does it take my husband longer to get ready and out the door than it does myself? Does this not defy the stereotype? Seriously...put some pants on.
Just finished out two weeks on the diet and have lost probably about 3 pounds, but still looking leaner each day, so I hope the fact that I have not lost much more is due to muscle gain. I have an idea of what I want to look like on stage and I won't stop until I get there.
Although, I did have the weirdest dream while napping today about a competitor showing up with only enough fat that her skin clung to each bone. She had abs but nothing else as far as muscle goes, quite creepy in fact. Sadly, I am sure there is someone in the world that looks exactly how I described above.
I want to go to the Casino and enjoy the lights, sound and people watching...with a little bit of gambling to tide me over. The husband wants to go to the Mall so we can buy things. I wish the mall as the flashy lights and stores that made sounds with old people walking around. Good times.
Why is he still on ready, WTF are you doing in there?
XoXo
Dear Universe,
Do you like to be happy? I do! If you are having a bad day, something is stressing you out or you like to smile, please watch the following video= good times!
Laughing Man
A few days ago I went to Wally world and got myself the best lunch box (IMO). It fits my meals great! I can fit a whole days worth of meals in the box, it stays cold which will make it less likely for me to cheat. With that being said, I am feeling extremely motivated.
Day 2 of diet is today and I am feeling super sore, which is unusual for me. I am attributing it to the new diet and hopefully fat loss. When everything is said and done, I hope to hit 10% body fat! Wish me luck!
XoXo
Do you like to be happy? I do! If you are having a bad day, something is stressing you out or you like to smile, please watch the following video= good times!
Laughing Man
A few days ago I went to Wally world and got myself the best lunch box (IMO). It fits my meals great! I can fit a whole days worth of meals in the box, it stays cold which will make it less likely for me to cheat. With that being said, I am feeling extremely motivated.
Day 2 of diet is today and I am feeling super sore, which is unusual for me. I am attributing it to the new diet and hopefully fat loss. When everything is said and done, I hope to hit 10% body fat! Wish me luck!
XoXo
Dear Universe,
Life seems to go better when you just let it happen. I have found that although I try to keep control of most things in my life, life is still out of my control. and the more that I let it go and just float along, the happier I am.
In any context, I am happier than I have ever been before. I am starting to second guess doing another show. For many reasons, I can't seem to pin down which one would actually be the show stopper, but let me make a list:
1) Doing a show would cost at least $300, which I am not sure I want to spend. At least not on that, when our house is being built.
2) I do not think I am good enough to place and for some reason, I never feel like I am muscular enough to be competing. Although, if that were the case, than I should have never attempted in the first place. So, this is me being too hard on myself per usual.
3) I am not sure I want to diet....ever really. I fucking hate the diet. It makes me gag, no really, YOU try eating grilled chicken for 13-15 weeks straight and tell me you still want to eat it. I may be forgetting to mention that I am not the best cook, and I am pretty sure the chicken I make is dry...which makes it hard to swallow... fml. Ew.
4) I have become aware of the politics of the sport and realize that the more I know, the less it becomes about bettering myself and more it becomes about receiving the acceptance of others. With my increasing social anxiety, or my severe need to stay far away from "people" makes this sport seem less and less attractive....
Wait, what am I saying? The sport is extremely attractive, but I am being a lazy bum and I think I am not good enough. No matter how much weight I am able to lift....
I thought my cat was neutered. Why does he keep trying to hump my other cat?
Life seems to go better when you just let it happen. I have found that although I try to keep control of most things in my life, life is still out of my control. and the more that I let it go and just float along, the happier I am.
In any context, I am happier than I have ever been before. I am starting to second guess doing another show. For many reasons, I can't seem to pin down which one would actually be the show stopper, but let me make a list:
1) Doing a show would cost at least $300, which I am not sure I want to spend. At least not on that, when our house is being built.
2) I do not think I am good enough to place and for some reason, I never feel like I am muscular enough to be competing. Although, if that were the case, than I should have never attempted in the first place. So, this is me being too hard on myself per usual.
3) I am not sure I want to diet....ever really. I fucking hate the diet. It makes me gag, no really, YOU try eating grilled chicken for 13-15 weeks straight and tell me you still want to eat it. I may be forgetting to mention that I am not the best cook, and I am pretty sure the chicken I make is dry...which makes it hard to swallow... fml. Ew.
4) I have become aware of the politics of the sport and realize that the more I know, the less it becomes about bettering myself and more it becomes about receiving the acceptance of others. With my increasing social anxiety, or my severe need to stay far away from "people" makes this sport seem less and less attractive....
Wait, what am I saying? The sport is extremely attractive, but I am being a lazy bum and I think I am not good enough. No matter how much weight I am able to lift....
I thought my cat was neutered. Why does he keep trying to hump my other cat?
