PICS
So I sat down a little over 2 months ago and I typed out the most pessimistic thing I've ever written. A whole blog about how people fucking suck and how I was done trying to connect with or understand humans. And how you can not put your trust or faith in anyone because every single person has the ability to change how they feel about you with the blink of an eye. And when people have come to the conclusion that they no longer need you, your feelings are nothing any longer. Ex lovers, friends, family members even, can suddenly hurt you just because they once knew you well enough to be able to. I wrote about how terrifying the idea of opening up to anyone in any way was and how it was so much less stressful to just be alone and avoid any form of close relationship with anyone. Because that's how you protect yourself. I literally wrote that I just wanted to be single and alone forever and how I didn't understand why no one else felt that way or why people couldn't let me feel that way without feeling like I was too damaged to feel any differently. I even left the 'Hopeless Romantics' group because I could no longer relate in any way.
I ended up deleting the blog instead of posting it because even that felt like a bit much to share with anyone. I have, over the years, written quite personal blogs about my whole life and I never gave a shit until I went through my last relationship and realized how public I had made it. It's pretty humiliating when something like that ends and you have to go through a public heartbreak. As I'm sure some of you remember, that relationship fucked me up a bit. It made me question who I am and made me wonder if I was crazier than I thought. We had just recently started to try to rebuild our friendship and then I realized he only wanted to get back together and I couldn't offer that. So we are no longer even speaking which pissed me off because I've also always wondered why its been impossible for me to stay friends with any of my exes. They all want nothing to do with me if I won't be with them and it makes me wonder if any of them ever actually appreciated just my presence in their lives. However, I got the closure I needed to see that know that I was not who he tried to make me feel like I was when we broke up. It was all his issues and I could finally stop feeling guilty over something I never did, if that makes sense.
Very shortly after this realization, this man came into my life.
Completely out of the blue, nothing I would have ever planned or been looking for. It's been 1.5 months now, which I know is short but it has changed my way of thinking completely. I don't date just to date and I don't waste my own, or anyone else's time. So the few times I've actually been "in a relationship", I've taken it pretty seriously. This is by far the most serious yet. I honestly never thought I could trust someone again or believe in any sort of future but I took a chance and I am so very happy that I did.
Yet again, I have found myself in a long distance relationship, which is pretty crazy. At first I thought after being single for so long preceding this (almost 2 years!), I would appreciate my space. But I don't
And now I am sad every time we are apart. But we have done so well with making as much time to be together as possible and we have future plans to not be apart any longer. Which is absolutely terrifying, by the way... planning a future with someone, especially so quick. Though we have months and months before we can begin to do anything about it, it's crazy to me that I was SO set on never opening up to anyone again and now I am head over heels and I trust this man with everything in me.
I feel like it shows that we are so much more than our heartbreak and our past mistakes. That maybe I really was just being bitter and self conscious because of what one cheating douchebag made me believe I was. That closing yourself off to the idea of love will not stop what may be meant to be. I even re-joined 'hopeless romantics'
Anyways, I am finally excited for something. I've spent 2 years with the idea that I didn't have that kind of future and that I needed to just worry about getting through each day. Now I have this amazing man to plan things with and every single thing seems a little brighter. I am not naive to the fact that relationships can end and that long distance is hard as hell, but I really believe we can make it. I have something to look forward to for the first time in a really long time and I'm really truly excited for it. He is a really wonderful human being and I honestly feel like I need to pinch myself when I am with him to really believe I am with him. I have never felt so loved and cared for in my life and so far, our relationship has been nothing but beautiful.
If this blog isn't long enough yet, I'm gonna pimp him out a little so you can lurk him and tell me how adorable he is. If you like his facebook page for his radio show, I will be your friend forever: The Barley Show
Also you can't tell me we aren't the cutest
I ended up deleting the blog instead of posting it because even that felt like a bit much to share with anyone. I have, over the years, written quite personal blogs about my whole life and I never gave a shit until I went through my last relationship and realized how public I had made it. It's pretty humiliating when something like that ends and you have to go through a public heartbreak. As I'm sure some of you remember, that relationship fucked me up a bit. It made me question who I am and made me wonder if I was crazier than I thought. We had just recently started to try to rebuild our friendship and then I realized he only wanted to get back together and I couldn't offer that. So we are no longer even speaking which pissed me off because I've also always wondered why its been impossible for me to stay friends with any of my exes. They all want nothing to do with me if I won't be with them and it makes me wonder if any of them ever actually appreciated just my presence in their lives. However, I got the closure I needed to see that know that I was not who he tried to make me feel like I was when we broke up. It was all his issues and I could finally stop feeling guilty over something I never did, if that makes sense.
Very shortly after this realization, this man came into my life.
Completely out of the blue, nothing I would have ever planned or been looking for. It's been 1.5 months now, which I know is short but it has changed my way of thinking completely. I don't date just to date and I don't waste my own, or anyone else's time. So the few times I've actually been "in a relationship", I've taken it pretty seriously. This is by far the most serious yet. I honestly never thought I could trust someone again or believe in any sort of future but I took a chance and I am so very happy that I did.
Yet again, I have found myself in a long distance relationship, which is pretty crazy. At first I thought after being single for so long preceding this (almost 2 years!), I would appreciate my space. But I don't
And now I am sad every time we are apart. But we have done so well with making as much time to be together as possible and we have future plans to not be apart any longer. Which is absolutely terrifying, by the way... planning a future with someone, especially so quick. Though we have months and months before we can begin to do anything about it, it's crazy to me that I was SO set on never opening up to anyone again and now I am head over heels and I trust this man with everything in me. I feel like it shows that we are so much more than our heartbreak and our past mistakes. That maybe I really was just being bitter and self conscious because of what one cheating douchebag made me believe I was. That closing yourself off to the idea of love will not stop what may be meant to be. I even re-joined 'hopeless romantics'
Anyways, I am finally excited for something. I've spent 2 years with the idea that I didn't have that kind of future and that I needed to just worry about getting through each day. Now I have this amazing man to plan things with and every single thing seems a little brighter. I am not naive to the fact that relationships can end and that long distance is hard as hell, but I really believe we can make it. I have something to look forward to for the first time in a really long time and I'm really truly excited for it. He is a really wonderful human being and I honestly feel like I need to pinch myself when I am with him to really believe I am with him. I have never felt so loved and cared for in my life and so far, our relationship has been nothing but beautiful.
If this blog isn't long enough yet, I'm gonna pimp him out a little so you can lurk him and tell me how adorable he is. If you like his facebook page for his radio show, I will be your friend forever: The Barley Show
Also you can't tell me we aren't the cutest
And here is some Zombiecat from instagram (follow me @AlkalineSuicide if you dont already! And my love @BarlesGnarkley because he posts a lot of awesome as well)
And my own face:
I haven't even posted many pictures of myself the last few years because I've been incredibly self conscious and really just disgusted with myself 
But that's slowly melting away with everything wonderful
Finally a happy blog, hey you guys!?
I'll try not to wait 3 months between blogs again. Love y'all.
CALLING ALL SCI FI NERDS!!! Or friends/family of said sci fi nerd. Or anyone who thinks Ray Guns are AWESOME!!!
I'm having a sale in my Etsy shop on all my Ray Guns! ALL RAY GUNS are BUY ONE GET ONE HALF OFF!! Thats a savings of $12.50! This also includes custom orders if you want a color/design you don't see.
The sale is on until Nov.16th so you have time to get them for Xmas gifts! They are super unique, I can't find anything like them out there and are all one of a kind.
I've been trying so hard to make up for my lack of a real job by having more success with my shop (what I really LOVE to do) so I appreciate any and EVERY sale.
Find all the Ray Guns HERE Enter code: RAYGUN2012 at checkout to receive your discount
And the rest of my shop HERE
Help a girl out and get something awesome!!
I'm having a sale in my Etsy shop on all my Ray Guns! ALL RAY GUNS are BUY ONE GET ONE HALF OFF!! Thats a savings of $12.50! This also includes custom orders if you want a color/design you don't see.
The sale is on until Nov.16th so you have time to get them for Xmas gifts! They are super unique, I can't find anything like them out there and are all one of a kind.
I've been trying so hard to make up for my lack of a real job by having more success with my shop (what I really LOVE to do) so I appreciate any and EVERY sale.
Find all the Ray Guns HERE Enter code: RAYGUN2012 at checkout to receive your discount
And the rest of my shop HERE
Help a girl out and get something awesome!!
Does anyone else here notice that people on the site got jumped on so hard about "double posting topics" in all the groups that now the beginning of EVERY thread is, "Sorry if this has been posted already... I did a search... delete this if I'm dumb...."
Not complaining. Just observing. But sometimes I feel like the jerks on the site nitpicked everyone so much that no one wants to post anymore and the groups are more and more dead.
Maybe everyone is just bored.
Maybe I'm wrong.
I'll post my real blog tomorrow.
meowmeowmeow
Not complaining. Just observing. But sometimes I feel like the jerks on the site nitpicked everyone so much that no one wants to post anymore and the groups are more and more dead.
Maybe everyone is just bored.
Maybe I'm wrong.
I'll post my real blog tomorrow.
meowmeowmeow
