i recently made nice with an old friend of mine. we have had an interesting relationship over the years... when this friend and i were in junior high school, we dated for a while. we broke up and lost contact after junior high school. then in my sophomore year in high school, this old friend enrolled in my high school and through mutual friends we became friends again. after my highschool sweetheart and i broke up, my old friend and i began to date again. round two, hahaha. we broke up again and this time it was bad... even though we had mutual friends we did not speak a word to eachother for years. this long time friend of mine absolutely hated me. this devastated me to no end. well, about 6 months ago or so we were reunited through one of our mutual friends. i am soooooo glad that me and this old friend of mine are talking and hanging out. he is such a wonderful funny person, but i think we have both learned now that we do not work as a couple. friends yes, dating no. dont get me wrong, this guy is super good looking and sometimes i wonder what the fuck is wrong with me but then i remember that we tried twice before and had no luck. anyway, i got a text message from this friend today and he said "oh man remember 5 years ago? i dont either but i found all of my old videotapes lol."
my first thought was, "oh no!" ahahahaha im sure there is all kinds of incriminating evidence on those tapes. probably be pretty funny to watch! so i made a suggestion that we should get together with the people in the videos from the good old days and watch the videos over some booze. how fun! drunken silliness on us on video while we are getting drunk and silly in real life! film mirroring life! i cant fuckin wait...

so nobody liked my half assed poetry, huh? fine. fuck you guys then... no more poetry for you.

my hair is soooooooooooooo ugly right now i hate it i hate it i hate it. i wish i could cut it or color it or something but im stuck. damn working for the man. normal hair makes me cringe.

the LA county fair is rockin and rollin until the end of this month. i need to go before it closes. anyone else going?

i think that i am becoming more and more bitchy as every day passes... maybe its becos i havent been laid in such a long time!!! im going crazy man. i guess if i really wanted to i could get laid. but its quality over quantity man. im not settling for shit. i've been single for almost a year now. i dated some hot ass guy for a couple weeks in there but he was too clean for me... damn that guy was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO fucking hot. anyway, you should see the muscles on my forearm, ahahah... nothing on my body is muscular but now my arm is so buff!!! ahahaha

xoxo

going through old boxes today. here are some words i scribbled a few years back. lets see if anyone can decifer it. i dont scribble anymore... i wish i did

as i go into this
with wide eyes and white knuckles,
a blur of emotions sweep over me.

quite some time ago i felt like this,
yet not as true as this right now.

feeling like a deer caught in the headlights though not fighting to free myself...

shunning away from the light while quickly walking towards it...

i dont want to be in the dark anymore.

your scent is so inviting, so warm...

however, i am cold.

who the fuck is this matt lauer dude? since when has he become the hot shit? more importantly, why has he been the number one interviewer lately? from ann coulter to the hot teacher who molested her male students to george bush. this matt lauer fuck seems like a douchebag...

p.s. fuck bush

some interesting responses... thanks guys... i think you might have made me think... its so funny that we as a human race can differ so much in regards to our opinions...

so today, im in class all morning long. i get home and go straight to the pisser. on my way past the mirror in my bathroom i noticed that i had a GIGANTIC booger on my septum and NOBODY told me all day. ahahahahaha i wonder how many people were staring at my nose thinking "ewwwwwwwwwww!" ahahahahahaha

hey man, shit happens.

so there is something i have been struggling with. well actually, there are many things i am struggling with right now but the one i want to talk about is tattoos.

i love tattoos, i love getting tattooed, i love the look of tattoos, and i love the scare factor.

i do not love the fact that EVERYONE AND THEIR MOM has full sleeves.

i am an anti-conformist to the bone. therefore, the logical deduction for me to do would be to not get anymore tattoos.

that being said, my decision sucks. i wish lames would quit being imposters and give up the whole bad ass attempt. having tattoos dont not make you a bad ass. maybe at one point in time when there was actually pain involved, then you could be a bad ass. however, in this day in age of numbing solutions and shows like miami ink and shit... its sooooooooooooooooooooo played out and trendy. by the time our generation is 80 we are all going to be a bunch of tattooed wrinkly look-a-likes.

fuck that man. i will not "baa" along with the rest of the sheep.

what do ya'll think about everyone being sleeved?

more than 1/2 of them are not subculture in any way. ex: bro's, bitches with bleached hair and spray on tans with pants from the GAP, etc etc.

i dunno man i hate it.

i have felt this way for quite some time but i try to avoid actually speaking to these people at all costs so i dont really know how lame they are but last night two girls who were sisters came into my restaurant last night and i served them. they were both fully sleeved and they were the most normal, boring, stupid, illiterate, uneducated, trendy girls i have ever spoken to. if they had not have opened their mouthes i would have assumed that they were into some subculture, but as soon as they started speaking i realized that they were just the typical blonde cheerleader types. such a dissapointment.

there has been a police helicopter circling directly over my house for over an hour now. oh dear, i think the bush administration was reading my blog from yesterday. help! they're after me!

fuck bush

added later:
i just saw a clip of some movie coming out next month about a fictional story of bush being assasinated... interesting... anyone know anything about this film?

"we will never forget." bullshit. so many people already forgot. thats terrible.

do you know what is even more terrible than people forgetting about 9/11? the fact that the fucking putred bush administration spun the 9/11 shit as a terrorist attack. i dont believe it for one fucking second. our government is evil and corrupt with greed. so many men in the administration made money off the twin towers falling.

check out a documentary called "loose change". it raises some startling points.

i have a question. why is this 5 year anniversary so fuckin important? the 1st year after wasnt made into such a big deal as this 5th year is... maybe its being thrown in our faces again because it is all the republicans have to hold onto. elections are coming up, you know.

i refuse to vote because i do not believe that it counts, BUT if you do vote... vote for someone other than a republican this election. not all republicans are evil but the ones who are running for office during the bush administration are evil. all they have brought us is fear and ridiculous price gouging.

im done now.

heavy day man, heavy fuckin day.

my only day off this week, today.

im supposed to read The Prince by Machiavelli today. just curled up in my comfy armchair, reading.

i smoke a bowl before i sit down to read such heavy literature and my father drops a bomb on me. he wants to talk about the divorce with my mom. bad news.

now i cant even concentrate enough to get through The Prince.

someone quick! gimme a run down of the 30 points Machiavelli makes in The Prince so i can write a short answer summary about the book for my western civilations class! im totally screwed man.

fuck.

karma is a bitch ahaha

rot in misery xoxo