PICS
I feel like I'm coming out of this tunnel of dark rainyness, stress and confusion, sickness and calamity, like I'm slowly being lead out into the sun and greenness of summer and the end of the year.
I am convinced that timmayj's housemate is up to something in the basement which he keeps shut all the time. It gives me shady vibes.
Absinthe: timmayj, I have this theory
Absinthe have you noticed .... how all you co-workers have shaved heads? and your housemate too ?
Timmayj: not all
Absinthe: many do
Absinthe: suspiciously many
Absinthe: i think they are all fight-club space monkeys, and that they are organizing in your basement
Absinthe: that is my theory
Timmayj: ah
Timmayj: chris said I needed a haircut today, he told me i should just shave it off
Absinthe: i KNEW it !
There's a little Nacy Drew in all of us. Or a little Marla Singer at least. 
Absinthe: timmayj, I have this theory
Absinthe have you noticed .... how all you co-workers have shaved heads? and your housemate too ?
Timmayj: not all
Absinthe: many do
Absinthe: suspiciously many
Absinthe: i think they are all fight-club space monkeys, and that they are organizing in your basement
Absinthe: that is my theory
Timmayj: ah
Timmayj: chris said I needed a haircut today, he told me i should just shave it off
Absinthe: i KNEW it !
There's a little Nacy Drew in all of us.
Or a little Marla Singer at least. Boy and I had a lovely weekend of Vicodin, junk food, and Final Fantasy 3. I'm hoping this regimen has cured us of our respective ailments. 
Only one more week of classes !!!
Only one more week of classes !!!
Yuk, what a mood I've been in lately. I really should stop cruising the internet until my eyes hurt. It's such an addiction, especially when I'm sick and bored like today.
Life is for living, right?
/and fingers are for feeling
fists are for beating
scabs are for healing
and blood is for bleeding/
I'm waiting for something wonderful and exiting to happen, but am running a temperature so I don't feel like going out and finding it. I hope Boy brings me a snack from work (mexican food) if he comes to see me. g'night.
this is not how I feel today. I feel like crap.
Its finally a beautiful day outside, and I'm sick sick sick. Gross.
I am hot. I am magically babelicious.
Have you ever woken up and realized you've gotten ...icky? It's been far too long since I've done all the combing, waxing, clay-ing, painting, tweezing, scrubbing, shaving, and cutting (etc, etc) that being a girl demands. The hair is the main issue. No matter how much I wash it, I get these yukky dreadlock snarl-balls.
This got me thinking about the many ways we poison ourselves on a day-to-day basis. Like, I know I'm using shampoo that was tested on rabbits. I know the chemicals in the printshop will probably give me cancer. I know eating pop-tarts or standing near my social room's decrepid microwave (thats two in one, I was microwaving poptarts!) are unsafe and unhealthy. I know spiders weave crappy webs when exposed to caffiene.
And then I started thinking about the other ways we poison ourselves, mainly, with stress and anxiety and those big, big problems we face all the time that really arent so big that they transcend the grand (but actually quite tiny) spectrum of human affairs into the rest of the universe. I just want to sit on the beach naked without worrying that I'm poisoning myself with worries and processed food and bleached cotton tampons.
Apart from these concerns the storm of recent events is starting to blow over. I'm getting used to being the daughter that is self-reliant. I guess I thought i always was and havent been uncomfortable until now when someone else thinks I am more than I do.
I was watching "thirteen" last night and have been thinking about the horrible/wonderuflness of been an adolescent. Some people seem to think that adolescence is a place where children act horrible and then grow up. But I think it's horrible to be a teenager and realize that you can have these amazing, abstract thoughts and no one thinks you're capable of or allowed to think for yourself and design your life the way you want. I know that my adolescence drew to a peaceful close within minutes of me moving out of the house.
were you a bad teenager? lets hear some movie worthy tales.
Crises
Recently a few things have happened to put my recent stresses in perspective. Yesterday Boy got in a very bad car accident which left his car totaled but fortunately he only has a sore neck. I did have to go get him from the emergency room tho, poor guy. I'm so glad he's okay; it was really scary. It made our petty fights, however gigantic they seemed, seem meaningless. I love that kid. We ordered late night pizza and watched cartoon network and got stoned (boy got a big fat perscription for vicodin filled this morning too) and went to sleep, then got groceries in the morning. I dont want to think about what happened too much; he is really lucky cause it was a really scary accident.
"were you scared?"
"No. I saw it happen before."
Do you ever feel like that? Today when I got home I just had this weird urge to call home. When I finally did get through it turned out that a loved one of mine was commited to the hopital. I really shouldnt say more out of courtesy, but my parents were pretty worn out an broken up about it. I felt bad trying to make them feel better because I used to be the problem, and now I feel like its me taking care of them, but I'm still a dumb kid to them ... I feel unequipped. But I'll try; I like it when they tell me they are happy to hear my cheerful voice; its just hard when I'm not cheerful.
Well at least no one's really injured and I hope things start looking up. This is a pretty heavy way to start the week
.... and it's only monday!
Recently a few things have happened to put my recent stresses in perspective. Yesterday Boy got in a very bad car accident which left his car totaled but fortunately he only has a sore neck. I did have to go get him from the emergency room tho, poor guy. I'm so glad he's okay; it was really scary. It made our petty fights, however gigantic they seemed, seem meaningless.
I love that kid. We ordered late night pizza and watched cartoon network and got stoned (boy got a big fat perscription for vicodin filled this morning too) and went to sleep, then got groceries in the morning. I dont want to think about what happened too much; he is really lucky cause it was a really scary accident."were you scared?"
"No. I saw it happen before."
Do you ever feel like that? Today when I got home I just had this weird urge to call home. When I finally did get through it turned out that a loved one of mine was commited to the hopital. I really shouldnt say more out of courtesy, but my parents were pretty worn out an broken up about it. I felt bad trying to make them feel better because I used to be the problem, and now I feel like its me taking care of them, but I'm still a dumb kid to them ... I feel unequipped. But I'll try; I like it when they tell me they are happy to hear my cheerful voice; its just hard when I'm not cheerful.
Well at least no one's really injured and I hope things start looking up. This is a pretty heavy way to start the week
.... and it's only monday!Last night I went to this drag show, it was amazing. Alohra and Ally and i (and our prospective students we were taking care of) dressed like hipster boys and attempted to catcall at the "girls" (our guys friends in drag) and dance "manly." I never even realized that drag isnt just for boys to be divas - the hottest thing i saw all night were these super-cute drag kings dancing. The whole thing made me so hot ! and marvelling at the fact that gender pretends to be so rigid but isnt really at all!
That was the good part. The rest of my day was buffered on either side by two bookends of terrible. I had a million things to do and managed to flake out or screw up pretty much every one. I just want school to be over ... then Boy came and wasnt exactly enthused with the drag stuff or me dancing around like a dude, or that I had last-minute prospective students I had to take care of. It feels like it was just one more thing I failed at yesterday. It made me so depressed. Sometimes I feel like everyone and everything is just pulling on me all the time, pulling me one way or another and getting let down when I cant give them everything they or it demands. School is like this. Life is like this. I keep thinking, who am I pulling on?
I have so many issues. I thought I had it all figured out. Maybe I wouldnt have so many issues if people didnt seem to be taking issue with me all the time. But then I cant act like I'm the victim of others when I'm the one that seems to be failing.
That was the good part. The rest of my day was buffered on either side by two bookends of terrible. I had a million things to do and managed to flake out or screw up pretty much every one. I just want school to be over ... then Boy came and wasnt exactly enthused with the drag stuff or me dancing around like a dude, or that I had last-minute prospective students I had to take care of. It feels like it was just one more thing I failed at yesterday. It made me so depressed. Sometimes I feel like everyone and everything is just pulling on me all the time, pulling me one way or another and getting let down when I cant give them everything they or it demands. School is like this. Life is like this. I keep thinking, who am I pulling on?
I have so many issues. I thought I had it all figured out. Maybe I wouldnt have so many issues if people didnt seem to be taking issue with me all the time. But then I cant act like I'm the victim of others when I'm the one that seems to be failing.
you know when things pass you by without you realizing, and when you look back its just really sad and scary? I'm thinking about my friend who passed away my junior year of highschool, April 8th. I was even thinking about him just the other day and still I let the date just slip by me. I dont know what this means I know I havent forgotten about it or him. I guess without the cues of life at home as constant reminders of his absense it was easier to let it just slip by.
