PICS
It's raining today and I walked through the canyon to work waving a stick to brush away the spiderwebs. It's July, I'm sure back in California its ike 105 degrees but here the weather keeps up it's cloudyness. It's kind of a cheerful rain though, or maybe I just feel content so it doesn't bother me.
I didn't think working part time and living in a house could feel so full and easy. Doing things like picking raspberries or ironing my shirts of making dinner or watching the OC with my friend. I think its because for the first time in many years I'm not really stressed out about anything. Not about school or love or sports or work. It doesn't feel apathetic either - I have concerns (esp about love
) and ambitions - but it just feels really tranquil. 
Work in the Print Shop is getting underway. Yesterday I had the biggest suprise when I went down there to show the maintenence guys which stuff was trash, and they were scraping all the thick black grime - emulsion and ink and dirt - off the floor, and the floor was white underneath! They'd done the sink too and I couldn't believe how good it looked! It's really amazing when people work so hard to help you and to make something rise to a level of awesome you wouldn't think possible.
I didn't think working part time and living in a house could feel so full and easy. Doing things like picking raspberries or ironing my shirts of making dinner or watching the OC with my friend. I think its because for the first time in many years I'm not really stressed out about anything. Not about school or love or sports or work. It doesn't feel apathetic either - I have concerns (esp about love
) and ambitions - but it just feels really tranquil. Work in the Print Shop is getting underway. Yesterday I had the biggest suprise when I went down there to show the maintenence guys which stuff was trash, and they were scraping all the thick black grime - emulsion and ink and dirt - off the floor, and the floor was white underneath! They'd done the sink too and I couldn't believe how good it looked! It's really amazing when people work so hard to help you and to make something rise to a level of awesome you wouldn't think possible.
If you havent seen the banner thats up today, you should know it has my full approval. I feel quite hypocritical, because this little Absinthe has never actually drunk Absinthe and is too poor at the moment for that kind of debauchery.
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If you havent seen "me and you and everyone we know" yet you should so you'll laugh when you see:
)) <> ((
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It's been one week. I've been going out and about with my friends who I'm staying with, to the movies, to gelato, but tonight I made sure they went on a date alone. I want to make sure I'm ot imposing on their infinite amounts of hospitality and not getting in the way of things.
Yesteray we went to Alberta to see the art and it got me really exited and ambitious for what I'm going to make next year in the print shop. Would you buy a tshirt or a hoodie from me?
I went to see the potential house and it's everything this bohemian girl wishes for. ♥ Keep your fingres crossed to me. I've been happy to get more hours at work and to start my internship at the children's museum. It was all I could do to come in this afternoon and crawl into bed after getting up so early, but next time I'll be working at 11 which is more my time of day.
I'm in the process of trying to get my money back for summer school. I decided that attending would be unbearable, not only for the two hours on the bus a day, but for the unbearableness of bussig by Boy's fight-club house two times a day and resurrecting bad memories. I think that combination would suck my life-force right out my ears.
I'm trying to live a little more in the moment and let myself be creative without too much anxiety about the future, let myself enjoy the good luck I've been having and if it rus out to let it. I think that's the only way I can cope with the many sudden changes in my situation and the sadness that could so easily engulf me. I'm thinking more and more about living my life with more openess and integrity then it has been lived in recent years.
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If you havent seen "me and you and everyone we know" yet you should so you'll laugh when you see:)) <> ((
_______________________________________________________
It's been one week. I've been going out and about with my friends who I'm staying with, to the movies, to gelato, but tonight I made sure they went on a date alone. I want to make sure I'm ot imposing on their infinite amounts of hospitality and not getting in the way of things.
Yesteray we went to Alberta to see the art and it got me really exited and ambitious for what I'm going to make next year in the print shop. Would you buy a tshirt or a hoodie from me?
I went to see the potential house and it's everything this bohemian girl wishes for. ♥ Keep your fingres crossed to me. I've been happy to get more hours at work and to start my internship at the children's museum. It was all I could do to come in this afternoon and crawl into bed after getting up so early, but next time I'll be working at 11 which is more my time of day.
I'm in the process of trying to get my money back for summer school. I decided that attending would be unbearable, not only for the two hours on the bus a day, but for the unbearableness of bussig by Boy's fight-club house two times a day and resurrecting bad memories. I think that combination would suck my life-force right out my ears.
I'm trying to live a little more in the moment and let myself be creative without too much anxiety about the future, let myself enjoy the good luck I've been having and if it rus out to let it. I think that's the only way I can cope with the many sudden changes in my situation and the sadness that could so easily engulf me. I'm thinking more and more about living my life with more openess and integrity then it has been lived in recent years.
The house I'm staying at with my friend and her boyfriend is the house of my dreams. They're housesitting for a professor at our college and his wife. The house is all windows and odd-angled corners and painted a tranquil blue, It's got a front and backyard without a fence enclosing it, with flowers and lawn and shady trees and a hammock, the big good kind that doesn't smother you when you lay in it. It has raspberry bushes in rows and blackberries and grapes. Not to mention the inside is all thick dark wooden baseboards like the 1920's, hardwood floors with persian rugs, staircases that go everywhere and shiny cut glass windows. The kitchen is clean and bright with organic food in it. The whole place radiates good vibes.*
Tomorrow I'm meeting Scylla's friend to see if I can move in to her place. It has a door that reads "love letters only" above the mail slot. I'm very hopeful (read: anxious and desperate) about this place because I don't want to intrude on the summer lovenest that my friends have built in this house and I am trying my best to stay out of their way and be as unintrusive as possible. Still if I had it my way i'd live in a house like this forever. I just wish I could give this place to the person I wished to have built a love nest with.
*sigh*
I've divided this entry into good vibes
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
and bad vibes.
*Where I am now is in stark contrast to the fightclub esque (as in, creepy and falling apart) house where I found myself living only two days ago. But instead of Brad Pitt and Edward Norton there was a creepster jockster guy who lived in the dungeony serial-killer basement below us and his many loud, lewd friends who came over and then went out to the "nudie bars." I guess I shouldn't be so intolerant of others but I can't ignore the bad feeling I got from living there. I couldn't have ever lived there without Boy as my shield from all that.
Tomorrow I'm meeting Scylla's friend to see if I can move in to her place. It has a door that reads "love letters only" above the mail slot. I'm very hopeful (read: anxious and desperate) about this place because I don't want to intrude on the summer lovenest that my friends have built in this house and I am trying my best to stay out of their way and be as unintrusive as possible. Still if I had it my way i'd live in a house like this forever. I just wish I could give this place to the person I wished to have built a love nest with.
*sigh*
I've divided this entry into good vibes
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
and bad vibes.
*Where I am now is in stark contrast to the fightclub esque (as in, creepy and falling apart) house where I found myself living only two days ago. But instead of Brad Pitt and Edward Norton there was a creepster jockster guy who lived in the dungeony serial-killer basement below us and his many loud, lewd friends who came over and then went out to the "nudie bars." I guess I shouldn't be so intolerant of others but I can't ignore the bad feeling I got from living there. I couldn't have ever lived there without Boy as my shield from all that.
The past two and a half days have been this blur that's left me shaken. The Boy of nearly a year and a half and I broke up on Sunday after our first physical fight, which I initiated. I moved out the next day and this afternoon picked up the rest of my things. He's leaving at the end of the week for home.
I have a lot to say and find myself trying to censor it for fear of being dramatic or tragic or giving too much away. But I guess I'll say that on the whole I've been terribly lucky in the sense that we both got out with a couple scratches and a bruised lip for me; that my friend happened to tell me I was invited to stay at the house she's housesitting just the day before the fight; that one of my co workers was around and gave me a ride to the house so I didn't have to walk ten blocks in the rain with my bags; that another friend just happened to be in town to help me move out; that I ran into Scylla who put me in touch with a friend who's looking for a roomate in July, which is when I have to be out of this house by. It makes me think that things will be okay even though I feel so sad and worried and scared.
It's so hard to say goodbye to someone when you love them with your whole heart and have still done them wrong. When you've been so codependent for years that it seems impossible to ever really love anyone as much. And feeling like you can't really convey that is the hardest thing. Not to mention the last night together, the last shower or dinner or TV show. Not to mention a last kiss or glance or hug goodbye or last I love you to the sound of an ll to familiar song in the background.
But we did them all and Im just trying to breathe deeply and keep going. I know there's not really anything to say when someone lays this kind of stuff on you so if you're reading out there in internetland, not commenting is fine. And I know I'm not the first or last or truest person to have loved and lost, but it's easy to feel like that anyway sometimes.
I have a lot to say and find myself trying to censor it for fear of being dramatic or tragic or giving too much away. But I guess I'll say that on the whole I've been terribly lucky in the sense that we both got out with a couple scratches and a bruised lip for me; that my friend happened to tell me I was invited to stay at the house she's housesitting just the day before the fight; that one of my co workers was around and gave me a ride to the house so I didn't have to walk ten blocks in the rain with my bags; that another friend just happened to be in town to help me move out; that I ran into Scylla who put me in touch with a friend who's looking for a roomate in July, which is when I have to be out of this house by. It makes me think that things will be okay even though I feel so sad and worried and scared.
It's so hard to say goodbye to someone when you love them with your whole heart and have still done them wrong. When you've been so codependent for years that it seems impossible to ever really love anyone as much. And feeling like you can't really convey that is the hardest thing. Not to mention the last night together, the last shower or dinner or TV show. Not to mention a last kiss or glance or hug goodbye or last I love you to the sound of an ll to familiar song in the background.
But we did them all and Im just trying to breathe deeply and keep going. I know there's not really anything to say when someone lays this kind of stuff on you so if you're reading out there in internetland, not commenting is fine. And I know I'm not the first or last or truest person to have loved and lost, but it's easy to feel like that anyway sometimes.
I've finished my first week of summer school/work/domestic life with Boy - I'm very proud of myself!
So I'm back home, in the land of trees and thunderstorms, working and going to school. Riding the bus for two hours a day is prety mind numbing, but my super-easy french class is kind of fun in a dorky sort of way. Its the kind where you have to listen to tapes and say the stuff out loud and say pretend dialouges in class. I'm hoping to add a PE class too.
Today at work the storm made the school flood and I had to deal with at least 10 distressed phone calls about it. Since its only my third day and I havent been briefed on how to handle things and my bosses arent there everything sort of hits my panic button a little.
Still the rain was erally exiting, thunder and ice and all of the great stuff that comes with a torrential downpour
I talked to my family today and it made me miss them, especially my sister who I was sort of starting to really bond with. And not to mention my dear lessthanthree who I spent almost every day with. Alohra called me today from her summer job and just when the gossip was starting to get really good we got cut off (damm cell phones) and I feel bad!
Boy and I are getting used to domestic life together. Life in his old house was so chaotic that this is the first time its really us living together. It's become clear that we have some fundamental differences about how we want our lives to go from day to day, like yestereday we went grocery shopping and I wanted organic eggs and juice "not from concentrate" and suddenly we were arguing about ideals. I like to think that my principles are strong ones (and it really got under my skin to hear him saying he didnt care about processing or DDT or chickens living in cages or any of that) but then I think about how at my parents house even the dish soap is organic, so maybe what we really want is the familiarity of buying the groceries we always had at home, having things the way we know.
I hope we can work it out and I think we will. Despite some grocery differnce things have been really pleasant and happy around here.
Over and out!
Absinthe
Today at work the storm made the school flood and I had to deal with at least 10 distressed phone calls about it. Since its only my third day and I havent been briefed on how to handle things and my bosses arent there everything sort of hits my panic button a little.
Still the rain was erally exiting, thunder and ice and all of the great stuff that comes with a torrential downpour I talked to my family today and it made me miss them, especially my sister who I was sort of starting to really bond with. And not to mention my dear lessthanthree who I spent almost every day with. Alohra called me today from her summer job and just when the gossip was starting to get really good we got cut off (damm cell phones) and I feel bad!
Boy and I are getting used to domestic life together. Life in his old house was so chaotic that this is the first time its really us living together. It's become clear that we have some fundamental differences about how we want our lives to go from day to day, like yestereday we went grocery shopping and I wanted organic eggs and juice "not from concentrate" and suddenly we were arguing about ideals. I like to think that my principles are strong ones (and it really got under my skin to hear him saying he didnt care about processing or DDT or chickens living in cages or any of that) but then I think about how at my parents house even the dish soap is organic, so maybe what we really want is the familiarity of buying the groceries we always had at home, having things the way we know.
I hope we can work it out and I think we will. Despite some grocery differnce things have been really pleasant and happy around here.
Over and out!
Absinthetoday is my last day before heading back for summer school. So far this morning I havent been able to bring myself to pack, do laundry, or anything. I don't want to go.
worst sunburn ever at the beach the other day. Go me.
Alohra called me from her horrendous summer job and she brightened up my day. I also got a rad letter from her which makes me think I'm lame for not sending her one.
I've been babysitting for the past few days and its really nice to make some money and just hang out with the neighborhood kids. I let them eat candy and take them to the pool.
The other night lessthanthree and I saw Jonah of Onelinedrawing, Far, New End Original ... Jonah of all those bands and more. We got to sit right on stage at his feet like little kids and lessthanthree got to introduce him. It was totally sing-along perfect and his voice just soared over us. The opening bands were good but not as good as Jonah, nevertheless the show was definintly worth 8$.
I caught up with my high-school best friend (the other one, not lessthanthree) who went to the show. It was weird weird weird. She knows that I'm on here (and doesnt like it) and she knows I've been seeing her old bf for years (and doesnt like it) but we still managed to laugh and get along and slip into the conversation all the important tidbits about where our lives have been heading. It was really good to see her in truth.
I feel like I'm running out of time to do all the things I want to. We're leaving on Sunday morning and theres still so much to do!
Alohra called me from her horrendous summer job and she brightened up my day. I also got a rad letter from her which makes me think I'm lame for not sending her one.
I've been babysitting for the past few days and its really nice to make some money and just hang out with the neighborhood kids. I let them eat candy and take them to the pool.
The other night lessthanthree and I saw Jonah of Onelinedrawing, Far, New End Original ... Jonah of all those bands and more. We got to sit right on stage at his feet like little kids and lessthanthree got to introduce him. It was totally sing-along perfect and his voice just soared over us. The opening bands were good but not as good as Jonah, nevertheless the show was definintly worth 8$.
I caught up with my high-school best friend (the other one, not lessthanthree) who went to the show. It was weird weird weird. She knows that I'm on here (and doesnt like it) and she knows I've been seeing her old bf for years (and doesnt like it) but we still managed to laugh and get along and slip into the conversation all the important tidbits about where our lives have been heading. It was really good to see her in truth.
I feel like I'm running out of time to do all the things I want to. We're leaving on Sunday morning and theres still so much to do!
Yesterday I went out to Marin and we hiked around the lighthouse and in the forest. It was nice to breathe the clean air and stand on the edge of high cliffs looking out at the strangely flat-looking world.
Today I'm going to the beach with my sister and her friends (dissapointingly, no Boy or lessthanthree to keep me company). I plan on laying in the sun getting tan then playing in the ocean until my hair turns to dreadlocks and my skin is covered in sand and salt and seaweed.
Today I'm going to the beach with my sister and her friends (dissapointingly, no Boy or lessthanthree to keep me company). I plan on laying in the sun getting tan then playing in the ocean until my hair turns to dreadlocks and my skin is covered in sand and salt and seaweed.
