By giving a little bit at first. Then you just sorta start chipping away. It won't happen quickly, but with some time you'll learn to compromise without too much difficulty.

Indeed.

I've spend my own fair chunk of time thinking about this too. Never came up with a clear set of answers that can be spelled out in a few sentences though. But you gotta spend the time figure out the best way to deal with you. No shortcuts, it doesn't get easier on its own. And it's worth doing.

It's economics. Every choice has a trade-off.

It's a complicated dance between selfishness and altruism though I'd argue that altruism has what are ultimately self serving goals...even the sacrifice of life but that's a long long discussion.

Bottom line, you already see the trade offs and, if I read your posting right, you aren't happy with what you gave up for whatever it was you got.

Sacrifice and gain must be agreed between people to have lasting relationships.

Or, you've got to serve somebody some of the time, the boss, the spouse, the sibling, the parent, the friend, the self. It's a question of balance.

[edit] That was a very honest and thought provoking posting by the way. You're pretty impressive.

[edit 2] There is something to be said for living life on your terms. There will be people who will accept and respect you. But that is not without pain though it is an extraordinary way to live.

[edit 3] The trick is to really know yourself and why your "terms" are as they are. If this is what makes life productive and enjoyable for you then you have to walk away from those who cannot accept you on your terms. It is the price authentic individuals pay. And there is always risk.

I wish I had lived all my life in that way. But that's another story.

And the first step in any mending you must do is to forgive yourself. If you've gotten some things wrong it only means you've been pushing the envelope of self-knowledge. You're young and mistakes and failures are to be expected...even big ones. To be authentic carries with it the risk of failure.

And don't confuse forgiveness with absence of regret. Indeed, that's what makes self-forgiveness so damn hard in some cases...that is, if one really regrets the consequences, particularly unrecoverable loss, forgiveness is very difficult. But to not do so is to become poisoned with self-contempt.

I think a lot of this is autobiographical. I'm probably reading too much personal experience into your posting.

[Edited on Feb 12, 2006 6:06PM]

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You really can't avoid compromise. It sucks sometimes.

You're so right to live by your OWN standards and morals... the trick is to include the happiness of others in those standards by realizing that making other people happy can be one of the more rewarding things in life And you HAVE to find somebody else who lives the way you do - not in sharing your opinion on everythingm (yuck how boring), but in sharing the philosophy of staying true to yourself and nobody else. Once you do that, compromise will come naturally and be pretty much painless. You can't date somebody who thinks they know what's best for you - you need to date somebody who trusts that YOU know what's best for you.

Your new set is great. Congratz on it going live.

Love the new set!!!

Yay! new Absinthe - happy day

Human nature always points to self-content, and it's PERFECTLY ok to do that. If other people don't like the way you live or do things, then I think it's really more their problem. It's when you go OUT of your way to make people unhappy where the problem arises.

Now I will tell you this, sometimes going out of your way to make someone else happy is better than anytihng else, because it reminds everyone of the true nature of love (and reminds everyone else that there is still hope in the human race) and that's really what it's all about. Enjoying yourself and sharing that joy with people. If you're happy the way you live, then as long as no one is losing a leg over it, you're fine. If you want to be happier, make other people happy too. It sounds strange, but it makes sense in a wierd way.


Hope enlightenment comes to you soon. I'm going through these wierd high school/college changes myself. It's tough. I feel ya.

Wow, gorgeous! Congrats on the new set.

I think elpuffy summed it up most succinctly. I'll add that as a first step, you may try giving totally on certain occasions. Compromise is all well and good, but it can be hard when you know neither person will be really happy. But if you do something totally to make someone else happy, then you're sacrificing of your own choice, unprompted. That can be a lot easier to swallow as opposed to someone wanting something from you.

I wish you the best in this! I've spent the past year or so working really hard to tear down some of my own flawed choices/ideals. It's slow going.

hey

i don't smoke or drink or do drugs, most of my friends do all of the above. i am able to be friends with them anyways. i don't preach to them, they respect my choice and don't pester me about it. i think that works best for me. i am not going out of my way to only hang out with other straight edgers. i am open minded - i hate country music, but i would date a girl that loves it. i maintain my beliefs and opinions always. i don;t compromise them, but at the same time, i am not looking for friends or lovers that have the exact same list as myself. (granted, i like them to be at least kind of similar most of the time). i like diversity, i respect people with real opinions, even if they are opposite from mine, more than people who have no opinion.
you have to just let your guard down a bit when it comes to other people and their view or experiences about life. a strong minded lady is very attractive. i respect that more than a girl who turns into a chameleon for ever different type of guys she dates.
you just stay true to yourself, no one knows you better than yourself. you know what really makes you happy. if you have to go out and find some new friends in order to feel invigerated and rejuevenated - then go for it - we only live once - just do your best to spend it with a happy heart

do you go to Reed?

The willing sacrifice IS the freedom. It all depends on the garden you want to grow. Sacrifice is freedom from your ego. This all depends on what you are willing to sacrifice: What your priorities are. But there's no bringing back the lamb. That's the point. Once the blade enters, it's good and done. The freedom is in your acceptance of what you've done. That is the path that you've chosen, when the left hand forgives the right hand. It's called redemption. But what the fuck do I know? I'm a douche bag with a map of Uzbekistan trying to navigate New England. If you need more blood I'm available.

"For her, all equals everything. The father's instruction, on the contrary, is: all equals nothing--- unless it be precisely discriminated."
----James Hillman----

But remember: I's a

The willing sacrifice IS the freedom. It all depends on the garden you want to grow. Sacrifice is freedom from your ego. This all depends on what you are willing to sacrifice: What your priorities are. But there's no bringing back the lamb. That's the point. Once the blade enters, it's good and done. The freedom is in your acceptance of what you've done. That is the path that you've chosen, when the left hand forgives the right hand. It's called redemption. But what the fuck do I know? I'm a douche bag with a map of Uzbekistan trying to navigate New England. If you need more blood I'm available.

"For her, all equals everything. The father's instruction, on the contrary, is: all equals nothing--- unless it be precisely discriminated."
----James Hillman----

But remember: I's a