then i began to dream of my past lovers. they came to me one by one, each night, a parade of ended affairs. they loved me and they left me, again, each morning, and i woke, as usual, alone.

the world turns and returns. love to the gut, to the gutter. straight, no chaser.

sometime i'll tell you a story about that.

the only cure for drought is rain.

abra got a computer in her little attic room. now she never needs to leave.

heart,
a.

for what it's worth, i did survive october.

i promise to post something good soon.

until then
&always

abra.

october is hard for me. it always has been. oh, it's beautiful, of course. all blue and gold, all bright and dying, all falling and fallen. i don't know what it is, exactly, but it's so beautiful it makes me want to die. it's too much -- the world surpasses itself, and i can't stand it. my heart tries to burst out of my chest and everything is too much, and i want to die.

i am quiet, i know. here, and elsewhere. i lurk, forgive me. i am a lurker. there are people i adore, people who have changed my life. i lurk in the corner, nervous and awkward, drinking my drink. and i don't say anything.

days pass, and nights. life passes in days and nights.

and every october, i want to die.

and every october, i wake up to blue and gold.

i have been thinking i should retire. i am so rarely here.

but there are people i adore, people who have changed my life. will you know, even if i can't tell you?

i have been told that just at the moment one finally decides to give up on me and vows to never think of me again, i show up unannounced with apologies and cookies.

it's october, again. october is hard for me.

i know, i know. i've been away for months. i've been neglecting you all terribly and i really have no excuse. i will try to make it up to you. in the meantime, check out Darling Killers and submit. please and thank you.

xo
abra.

courtesy of cuteoverload

i like little weird-looking creatures.