(This is a continuation of a series of articles on the fundamentals of conversation. The first one is here. You should probably read it first.) Almost everyone says you should ask a lot of questions on a date. Almost everyone is full of shit. If you’re self-disclosing properly, the conversation will... more

(This is a continuation of a series of articles on the fundamentals of conversation. The first one is here. You should probably read it first.)

Almost everyone says you should ask a lot of questions on a date. Almost everyone is full of shit.

If you’re self-disclosing properly, the conversation will flow so naturally you won’t need to ask a lot of questions, provided the other person isn’t Ed the drummer from Almost Famous. By minimizing questions, you make the ones you DO ask that much more powerful. Here are eight other commandments (*) to improve your question-mileage.

Thou shalt only ask a question if you care about the answer. If you are asking questions to fill awkward silences, “just to be nice,” or as a segue into a cool story you want to tell about yourself it is often a sign that you are a) shouldering too much of the conversational burden or b) trying too hard either to impress or to be liked. Either way, it’s counterproductive.

Thou shalt not ask too many questions in a row without revealing something of yourself in return. You aren‘t a therapist or a job interviewer. Besides, conversation is supposed to be a game of catch. If one person does all the asking and the other does all the answering it turns into a game of fetch. And that‘s going to get boring for at least one of you.

Thou shalt only ask one question at a time. Sometimes when you’re nervous, there is a temptation to ask a second question before the other person has a chance to answer the first one. (Ex: “Is the food good? Do you like it?”). Pick one question and ask. You can always stop and correct yourself if necessary. (Is the food good? Do you like--? Sorry about that. What I meant to say was: How do you find your meal?”)

Thou shalt focus on emotional content. Some personality types tend to be most interested in facts: How do I get to the bank from here? Who led the NBA in rebounds in 1996? Where are my goddamn car keys? Unfortunately, fact-based questions tend to lead to conversational dead-ends. A question like “What’s so interesting about the NBA anyway?” will get you much further.

Speaking of avoiding dead ends…

Thou shalt ask open questions. A closed question is a question that can be answered with one or two words, (ie: “Are you high?”) Open questions require more in the way of a response (“What‘s your take on decriminalization?”)

Thou shalt not get too fancy. Some people go to great lengths looking for the perfect question, but that kind of creativity is often counterproductive. Elaborate questions come off as trying too hard, contrived, or awkward. They also tend to narrow the conversational field instead of broadening it. Unless you‘re dating a marine biologist “How has your choice of seafood been affected by the recent findings in the scientific community on the environmental impact of commercial fishing?” is another dead end waiting to happen.

Remember the point isn’t to ask a great question. The point is to get a great answer.

Thou shalt--if necessary--use follow up questions. Sometimes you’ll ask a question and get a response that‘s too short, too vague, or lacks emotional content. In such cases, you can use follow-up questions to get them to elaborate. What was that like? How did you feel about that? Then what happened? Are all great examples.

Thou shalt remember to gather information you need to move things to the next level. If you think this might be the night she comes back to your place to “check out your collection of Ethiopian carvings,” asking “what time do you have to get up tomorrow?” can often tell you everything you need to know. Similarly, if you meet a distinguished gentleman at an art exhibit, remembering to ask “Are you married?” should probably come BEFORE you make the decision whether or not to go for drinks.

If you catch yourself asking too many questions, you can always pull the slick move of turning a question into a statement. Instead of saying, “What are your hobbies?” you can say “I’d like to hear about what you do for fun” or “Tell me more about your 80s cartoon lunchbox collection.”

So there you go. Questions 101. If you have any questions, I’d love to see them via the comments section below (See what I did in that last sentence? Thank you, I‘m here all week).


(*) Commandments might be a little strong. You won’t be damned forever if you don’t follow them. They are useful, although ‘8 Useful Hints’ doesn’t have the same alliterative ring.

Hi Hi!! So here are the pictures from SG's day at the Criminal Minds set on Monday Sept 28th. I got to hang out with beauties: Atlas, Radeo, Chloe, Rambo, Sash, Rigel, Morrow, Tristyn, and Zoli! mostly they were taken in the trailer where we waited to be called for our scenes!! I hope you enjoy... more

Hi Hi!!
So here are the pictures from SG's day at the Criminal Minds set on Monday Sept 28th. I got to hang out with beauties: Atlas, Radeo, Chloe, Rambo, Sash, Rigel, Morrow, Tristyn, and Zoli! mostly they were taken in the trailer where we waited to be called for our scenes!! I hope you enjoy them x0x0x

Fall is officially here, which means beautiful colors, piles of leaves and time for your favorite girls to get naked and roll around in all of nature's glory. You've gotta love this time of year! (image) (image) (image) (image) (image) (image) (image) (image) (image) (image) (image) (image)... more

Fall is officially here, which means beautiful colors, piles of leaves and time for your favorite girls to get naked and roll around in all of nature's glory. You've gotta love this time of year!

























Fashion Notes

Take a hint from nature, Forever21 has some cute ways to incorporate the Fall leaves into your wardrobe.

If you are living in a warmer climate (like here at SGHQ) this Leaf Print Maxi Dress is perfect and on sale for $10.99! For everyone else, you can match this Vintage Paisley & Leaf Tunic with a tall pair of chocolate boots and a coat to make a stylish Fall outfit and its only $19.80. Not into dresses? Take a peek at this Leaf Trim Knit Top for $14.90 or this Marabou Print Tee for $8.80.

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Bling

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Forever21 has some cute choices like these Lacquered Leaf Dangle Earrings. At $4.80 they're the perfect accent to your ensemble. Forever21 also has the layered look, which is very in this season. Check out the Fallen Leaves Necklace for $14.80 or the Leafy Pearl Chains for only $6.80!

Betsey Johnson has some great must have leaf jewelry pieces, like this Stretch Beaded Jungle Bracelet for $50.00 and this matching Large Lucite Leaf Ring on sale for $35.00.

You should also check out her Lucite Leaf & Chain Earrings for $45.00 and the
Layered Chain & Leaf Necklace on sale for $31.50

Over Sized Sweaters

Over sized sweatshirts are the perfect way to keep cozy this Fall. Match it with the perfect pair of leggings and you've got one cute outfit! Urban Outfitters is a one-stop-shop for all your baggy needs, try their Ecote Crop Cable Dolman Sweater for $48.00 or this BDG Cozy Pullover for $38.00. You can also match dresses or tunics with leggings or tights to get the same look, like the Silence & Noise French Terry Tunic on sale for $29.99.

Colors

Use the season as a color pallet. Warm, rich, cozy colors are always in for the Fall.

Guess has a great selection of coats. This bold Charlotte Belted Coat for $198.00 is a must and it comes in three different colors. Kenneth Cole's New York Satin Trench is a fun way to brighten up any outfit and it's 50% off, on sale for only $199!

Fun Extras

Scarfs! What more is there to say. Check out this Nubby Striped Scarf with Lurex from Urban Outfitters packed with Fall colors now on sale for $10!

Want to spend a little more? ShopBop.com is the perfect fix for all you designer needs. Try this Virginia Johnson Leaves Scarf for $198.00.

Check back for more Dirty Laundry and let SuicideGirls show you the best way to (un)dress.

Gwen Cooper traded her ho-hum career as a policewoman to work as a professional alien catcher at Torchwood, an organization which legend has it is "separate from the government, outside the police, and beyond the United Nations." Eve Myles, the Welsh actress who plays Gwen, in turn, has traded... more

Gwen Cooper traded her ho-hum career as a policewoman to work as a professional alien catcher at Torchwood, an organization which legend has it is "separate from the government, outside the police, and beyond the United Nations." Eve Myles, the Welsh actress who plays Gwen, in turn, has traded her life in very legitimate theater for one in the warped and sexy science fiction universe.

Torchwood is the adult-orientated spin-off from Doctor Who, the world's longest running sci-fi TV series. Created by Doctor Who writer/producer/guru Russell T. Davies, Torchwood debuted in the UK in 2006. Picked up by BBC America in 2007, it has since become one of the station's hottest properties to date.

In part that is due to the on-screen chemistry between Eve's character and that of her charismatic boss Captain Jack Harkness (played by John Barrowman). When the two aren't doing battle to save the planet, they're battling to resist their mutual compulsion to get it on.

At the end of season two Jack and Eve lost two of their colleagues. Season three picks up where two left off, and takes the form of an epic five-part mini series called, Children of Earth.

We called Eve up while she was on a promotional trip in New York to get the inside scoop on Torchwood's other worldly success.

Nicole Powers: Congratulations! I understand Torchwood is one of BBC America's most successful shows.

Eve Myles: Yeah, I'm shocked. It's always lovely to be received so positively over here. We're over the moon with the response.

NP: You have a proper thespian background. You went to drama school and did Shakespeare at the National Theater starring opposite Michael Gambon. Acting doesn't get more legitimate than that. So how does such training help you chase aliens?

EM: [laughs] I think there's more aliens working in theater than there are in Torchwood!

It just kind of teaches you a craft. It really prepares you. If you can get on stage in front of thirteen hundred people every night, you can do anything in life really, you can do anything you like. It's my first love and it's been a tremendous help to me in all areas, having a theatrical background.

NP: Some might say you're over qualified for the job, but I always think sci-fi works best when it's anchored by the gravitas of true thesps. For example Patrick Stewart, in my opinion, made the best Star Trek captain. He had an air of authority that an actor can only get when you know you're a master of your craft. As a viewer, you feel comfortable in his hands. Would you agree with that?

EM: I think that's a very astute observation. That's incredible. I think that whatever job you take, you have to do it with one hundred per cent commitment. Whether it be sci-fi, whether it be Shakespeare, you try and do it to the best of your ability...I'm kind of blessed that I've got that background, and I think that everyday it helps me in my job. So personally, I think I couldn't do it without it really.

NP: You got your break in Torchwood after playing a smaller role in the sister show Doctor Who in an episode called "The Unquiet Dead". How did that come about?

EM: Well I was actually booked on a different job actually, a theater job, and I just got a phone call to go in for the audition. On the sly, I knew the director, Euros Lyn. I hadn't met [writer/producer] Russell T. Davies then. But I went through the normal process of auditioning for the part, got the part, and that was kind of my biggest audition for Torchwood, so I was very happy.

NP: And Russell was so impressed with your work on Doctor Who that he actually wrote the part of Gwen in Torchwood for you. And you're one of the reasons that the series is set in Wales -- that's very flattering!

EM: To say the least, yes. I get asked the question all the time, and I've never got an answer. It's beyond flattering. It's my own personal Oscar, that Davies wrote the part for me, and it's been incredibly successful.

NP: The character you play is a bit of a strumpet. She's married, has had a relationship with a co-worker, and lusts after her pan-sexual boss. Do you think she needs to go on a 'sexual practices in the work place' course?

EM: [laughs] Oh god, wouldn't it be boring if she did. I might ask Russell if I can do that in the next series -- that'd be quite funny. No, I think that the one affair in the first series was of a younger [Gewn]. As we say in Britain, she didn't know her arse from her elbow. She really didn't know what was coming at her and she wasn't allowed to share that experience with anyone, and she shared it with Owen. And I think if you were ever to meet a character like Captain Jack, I think the most monogamous woman in the world would probably go for him -- it'd be hard not to. And so, I try to play it as real as possible. Straight, gay, animal, whatever you may be, everybody tends to fancy Jack, so it's pretty fun to have that to play off.

NP: I have to say at times I do feel sorry for your on screen hubby. I mean he's such a brick, but he's never going to be Jack is he?

EM: He's not, and I think it's so fantastic to have those two characters because he highlights how extraordinary Jack is, and Jack highlights how ordinary Rhys is. She's very lucky to have both of them in her life. Certainly she wouldn't be the strong character that she is if she didn't have her ordinary life, which is Rhys.

NP: Ultimately the audience want you and Jack to get together. The tension between the two characters is one of the key dynamics of the show. How do we see their relationship progress in the new season?

EM: Well the new season is one epic story [told] over five nights. It's very clever, and there's more important things to be dealing with. "Children of Earth" is the title, and we have to protect what's rightfully ours, with devastating consequences. But in and amongst that there are definitely certain little moments knitted within that kind of play off of the horrendousness that happens in the story line. There's certain situations with Jack and Gwen, where it's always going to be there, it's always going to be will-they-won't-they? I think personally, if they ever did get them together it would kind of spoil it.

NP: I agree. It's like Moonlighting.

EM: Yeah! Yes.

NP: The moment Bruce Willis and Cybill Shepherd actually got together it spoilt it.

EM: Yes. I think the chase is more interesting than the actual catch.

NP: Absolutely, it's the same in life too.

EM: [laughs] Tell me about it. It's always proves rather disappointing after the catch.

NP: I guess the same goes with aliens. It's hunting them down that's more interesting than the catch. Once you get 'em you just shove 'em in one of your cells.

EM: We shove them in the old basement, and you just realize it's a guy in a mask.

NP: It's very unusual for a sci-fi show to be so focused on relationships -- and so sexually charged. In a way you've created a new hybrid genre. Do you see that?

EM: I think you've absolutely nailed it. I think one of the reasons it's so successful is that they've married a domestic drama with sci-fi, and the marriage is working really, really well. I think it's the first time that you actually get true-to-life characters. You get relationships, you get rows, you get love, you get lust, and you get ordinary situations in there as well. That highlights the extraordinary-ness of the monster, of the alien, or whatever the "other" is, and they balance each other out beautifully I think.

NP: It makes it more real with it being less emotionally sterile.

EM: It does, because you start caring about the characters...Everybody knows somebody like a Gwen, or a Rhys, or a Ianto. You try to make them as real as possible...because this sci-fi isn't about numbers and figures...

NP: ...And computers

EM: Yeah, and kind of the other. It's also about relationships, and love, and hate, and commitments, and people sitting down and having dinner and talking about catching aliens all day. It's bizarre, but it works.

NP: Even though it's not about the technology, you do have some killer gadgets. Out of all the stolen and found bits of alien technology, what would you like to take home and use?

EM: Oh, god!

NP: What'd be useful around the house?

EM: [laughs] Ooh, that's a really good question. I'm not sure. Do you want the honest truth?

NP: Yes.

EM: I wouldn't be able to take any of it home because I can just about work a microwave. To my own detriment, and I mean this with all my heart, I'm completely a technophobe. I don't like mobile phones, I can just about get on the internet, I can just about work the keys to my door. I'm pretty ridiculous with most things. If I was in charge of anything, or hanging around Torchwood, I'd be in deep trouble.

NP: You sound like my granny. We bought her a microwave and she used it as a cupboard.

EM: [laughs] That is brilliant. I might just do that...start stashing my books in there.

NP: And my sister uses her dishwasher to store her vases in.

EM: You're joking me.

NP: No.

EM: I really like your family. I should move in and get adopted. I'd blend in really well. I love that. No seriously, I have problems [about] where to store vases. I think that is such a good idea. Put them in the dishwasher. That's a cool idea. [laughs]

NP: So the third series of Torchwood is this five-part mini-series. Are there plans for any more episodes beyond that?

EM: I have absolutely no idea. It depends very much on how this one is received I suppose, and we'll take it from there.

NP: I'm concerned. I've grown to love these characters, and I care about what happens to them.

EM: So do I! My god! I think it's very likely that we'll go for a fourth, but it very much depends on how the third one is received because it's a very new format. But personally I think it's the best. I'm not just saying that because I'm out here promoting it. I'm very true to my word, and I truly believe that this is epic and devastating, and beautiful at the same time, and I'm the proudest person in the world to be promoting it. I truly think that if this doesn't get us another series, I have no idea how we've got this far.

NP: Well I hope we continue to follow the trials and tribulations of Torchwood, because apart from anything else, what's Doctor Who going to do without you? I mean, you hop into each other shows to save the day when things are at their most dicey.

EM: Yeah. We're his little helpers.

NP: And you've totally saved his ass several times now, so if Torchwood is not around, there's really no one else he can rely on.

EM: We adore it. And I will play Gwen until I fall out of love with her. I'm totally in love with the program, and long may it continue in my eyes. I adore it, and I get to do funky stuff like this, and talk about it, and get to talk to people who are equally as passionate and supportive as myself, so it doesn't get much better than that. It's super.


Torchwood: Children of Earth premieres on BBC America on July 20. A new episode premieres each night from Monday July 20 through Friday July 24. An encore of the previous night's episode will air directly before each new installment.