SuicideGirls love to get knitted, rock & rolling with ripping yarns that add color and flair. Those that take to the needle can express the punk rock DIY ethic with easily affordable, one-of-a-kind designs, that are as fun to create as they are to wear. (image) (image) (image) (image) (image) (image)... more

SuicideGirls love to get knitted, rock & rolling with ripping yarns that add color and flair. Those that take to the needle can express the punk rock DIY ethic with easily affordable, one-of-a-kind designs, that are as fun to create as they are to wear.

























Fashion Notes
KnitzAndFeltz offers handmade scarves knitted in eco-friendly bamboo blend yarn. There's a range of styles, but we like this long and skinny, open knit one, which is finished off with a 5" fringe at each end ($25 from Etsy.com). * Fair Indigo sell fair trade fashions for men, women and children. We like their handknit popcorn hat, made from 100% merino wool ($34 from FairIndigo.com). * Those with a DIY aesthetic will love these striped, punk rock corset gloves. You'll find the pattern, detailed instructions and 'how to' videos at TheRunningYarn.com. * And for the ultimate punk rock knitted accessory, head over to Knit-Head.com. They sell handcrafted Mowhawk hats, which can be custom ordered in a variety of styles and colors -- we like the subtle all black Punk Is Not Dead and the outrageous red, white and blue, God Save The Queen versions. * Those who don't have $110-$175 to invest in a head gear right now might want to take a look at Knit-Head's Pretty in Punk book. It features 25 projects for needle lovers inspired by the designs of Vivienne Westwood and John Galliano, and is available in paperback ($13.57 from Amazon.com).

Did we miss your favorite woolly shot? If so, upload it to our Woolly Remix Album HERE (the girls are also name-checked at this link).

Check back every other Saturday for more Dirty Laundry and let SuicideGirls show you the best way to (un)dress.

Manny Ramirez can get back to being an intermittently-entertaining nutcase now that he finally signed that fucking contract. The all-world slugger/all-universe flake is staying with the Los Angeles Dodgers after he nearly haggled his way out of $45 million for two measly seasons. Most people would regret... more

Manny Ramirez can get back to being an intermittently-entertaining nutcase now that he finally signed that fucking contract. The all-world slugger/all-universe flake is staying with the Los Angeles Dodgers after he nearly haggled his way out of $45 million for two measly seasons. Most people would regret possibly losing a shot at $4.50 these days, but reality's standards have never applied to this baseballer, who is either a careless free spirit or a detestable weirdo jackass -- it's your call.

What's indisputable is that Ramirez is the equivalent of a slightly less productive and much less drunk Babe Ruth. He may be the only member of the 500-home run club who is both 1) untainted by accusations of steroid consumption and 2) not in the AARP or Baseball Heaven. Ramirez doesn't just swing for fences, either, as he owns a fantastic career .314 average; he hits the ball both frequently and far.

It's that sublime aptitude that has allowed him to get away with being a character that borders on brattiness. His eccentricities have spawned the nauseatingly familiar phrase "Manny being Manny," an expression as irritatingly clichéd to sports fans as "Deal or no deal?" is to everyone else. The contrast between his tremendous abilities and weirdness was most prominent when he played for the Red Sox: Boston fans who grew weary of his harebrained tendencies will nonetheless adore him eternally for helping the franchise win two World Series in four seasons. They hated someone they also loved; it's as if the fans and player were married.

While he helped bring titles to a squad that last triumphed during Charlemagne's reign, he also frequently acted foolish for the same reason that a dog will lick its balls -- because he can. For one, Ramirez faced allegations about loafing his way out of Boston; unhappy for whatever reason, he supposedly made an effort to make a lack of effort. Specifically, observers accused him of not running out ground balls, becoming so thoroughly unproductive in the process that the team was forced to trade him. Not trying hard enough is the one thing all sports followers consider unforgivable, as games are worthless without the integrity of effort. Pout if you want, but play hard, ya bastard.

It's both unfortunate and unsurprising that he was also once spotted in a bar during a stretch when he was missing games with a sore throat; the sort of medicine to which he would have access to in a tavern doesn't really cure anything. As for more active unruliness, there was the moment last June when he slapped then-teammate Kevin Youkilis in the dugout. He should have at least had the sense to engage in face-smacking in the privacy of the locker room so as to avoid having his "Rick James, bitch" moment caught on camera.

Accosting a fellow employee is best done in private, a lesson he applied later that month, when he shoved the team's traveling secretary during a dispute over a request for free tickets. Couldn't he just have asked nicely -- of paid for more seats? Then there was the incident last season where he high-fived a fan in the outfield stands after making a catch; it was a moment that induced grins among even somberly hardcore baseball purists. The fact he then doubled off a runner didn't hurt, either, as Manny characteristically followed foolishness with a phenomenal athletic feat.

Ramirez is also known as much for how he looks as how he plays, as his lengthy, borderline unruly dreadlocks are part of his charm. Imagining him without them would be like seeing John Shaft without the moustache.

That's why news about his excruciatingly slow contract talks seemed especially dreadful: Ramirez seems like the most un-businesslike human being imaginable. The tedious drama as reported by the even more tedious sports news networks, would feature an update each day about how there was no update that day. Even more frustrating is that nothing changed despite all the bargaining: he ended up pretty much accepting the same offer the Dodgers made ages ago. His agent wanted him to get all his money immediately, while the team wanted to defer some payments for a few years; the team won, if paying $25 million over time for him this season and $20 million for a player-option year in 2010 can be considered a victory.

There's nothing worse than a rich asshole agent and an unfathomably wealthy sporting club bitching about stipulations for a ludicrously prosperous outfielder. All parties should've inked the agreement weeks ago. But signing immediately would have made sense, and that wouldn't conform with Manny's odd take on existence. The question has always been how many of his quirks fans should embrace. Is he an entirely colorful individual who stands out in a bland world of corporate sporting automatons? Or just a flaky ditz who lucked-out by being born with ungodly talent? Yes, and...yes. At least now all is agreed, Manny can get back to goofing effortlessly toward baseball immortality.



Anthony Bialy is SG's no-jocks-required Sweaty Pursuits sports columnist. He follows sports religiously even though he's quite bad at them. He ran cross country and played rugby in college, and was horrid at both. He schedules his life around his favorite NHL team's games, and sadly lists his alma mater winning the NCAA basketball championship as his happiest moment. He likes other things besides sports, too, and requests a minute to think of them.

Geoffrey Rickly has been singing for the critically acclaimed, post-hardcore band Thursday for over ten years. But only now could he release an album as acomplished as Common Existence. Finding a balance between his bookish smarts, taste for social and personal awareness, and a decade of being in a band,... more

Geoffrey Rickly has been singing for the critically acclaimed, post-hardcore band Thursday for over ten years. But only now could he release an album as acomplished as Common Existence. Finding a balance between his bookish smarts, taste for social and personal awareness, and a decade of being in a band, Thursday have compiled their most aggressive, mature and best work to date. We called up Geoffrey to talk about it -- and share a 'Common Experience.'

Auren Suicide: Can I tell you a funny story?

Geoffrey Rickly: Absolutely.

AS: I actually met you on the Warped Tour. I'm in a band, and the first day we were on the tour, my band and I were wandering around, completely miserable in the heat, and you let us come on your bus to hang out in the air conditioning.

GR: I remember that! What's the name of your band?

AS: Rocket.

GR: I totally remember that. You gave me some stickers! We totally had Rocket stickers up.

AS: We did give you stickers! You do remember! We were so grateful the whole rest of the summer. We were like, "What a nice guy that Geoff is!"

GR: [laughs] Alright! Can I tell you something kind of funny?

AS: Sure.

GR: To tell you the truth, I was sort of wondering about this interview because the last time I did an interview with SuicideGirls was at Warped Tour in LA, and there were three women who interviewed me. I didn't know what SuicideGirls was yet. This was maybe in 2002 or 2003. After the interview they were like, "It's a really bad neighborhood, can you walk us to the bathroom?" And I was like, "Yeah, sure."

AS: Okay...

GR: And then they were like, "Can you come inside with us actually?"

AS: No!

GR: I was like, "Uh, no, I don't think I can do that, that's not appropriate, there are probably other girls in there." And they were saying, "No, we'll check-there's no other girls in there." So I just said, "No, I'm not going to do that." I really didn't know what was going on. *Then later it just hit me and I realized that they were trying to get me to go in the bathroom and make out with them. So...I seriously didn't know what was going on. I couldn't figure out why they were trying to make me go in the bathroom with them!

AS: Well at least this interview is on the phone, so don't worry, there is no danger of that happening.

GR: I was worried that this interview was going to be with one of those girls and that they were going to be like, "Man, you had no idea what was the fuck going on."

[No previous interview with Geoff has been featured on SG -- we therefore must surmise that some imposters tried to lead him astray -- Ed.]

AS: That's incredible. Are you sad you didn't go in the bathroom?

GR: I don't know. Truth be told, if I had known what they wanted to do I might have been into it. I was a lot younger then, and it was before I was attached or anything.

AS: Speaking of which, I've been reading up about your new album, Common Existence, and your writing on this one seems to have a lot to do with the fact that you're more grown up now. The press release even says that this record is your first from an "adult perspective." When did you realize you were a grown-up?

GR: If anything, a lot of realizing that I was a grown up happened as soon as I felt very out of touch with a lot of things that I felt very in touch with when we started the band. We've been a band for almost eleven years now. I've done all my gowning up in this band. Eleven years later, the Geoff that sings for Thursday is a different Geoff. I'm not hanging with a bunch of punk rock kids throwing shows in my basement anymore. I'm not trying to make rent in a shitty small apartment, you know? It's just very strange to realize that I'm about to turn thirty and my whole twenties will have been spent in a band.

AS: Is it weird for you to relate to younger bands now? Or to your audience?

GR: It is. I don't feel any connection to a lot of the culture that's going on now with young people. But at the same time I think there are a bunch of kids who like bands now who all grew up on Thursday. So I can see, sometimes, where they're coming from musically. If anything, it's more of a lyrical standpoint where I feel a major disconnect [with younger bands]. I don't sing about girls, I don't sing about a lot of the things that today's bands are singing about. I don't know if it's good or bad, it's just one of those interesting things that developed over time.

AS: Well I'm sure a lot of the bands on the Taste of Chaos tour you're on now were influenced by Thursday. That was most likely one of the first bands they liked that was cool!

GR: [laughs] That's funny! You know I've heard that some of the other bands are psyched to tour with us. I really like the Cancer Bats, so I'm looking forward to seeing them.

AS: Of course, I know at certain points you have sung about love and girls. But you do have the reputation of being a very literate, cerebral, bookish band. I mean, the time that I met you on the Warped Tour, you we're actually sitting outside reading short stories or something.

GR: [laughs]

AS: We were seriously like, "Who is this guy?'

GR: I do get that rep. But I feel so lucky that my job gives me so much free time. And I write, so why would I not read everything that I can possibly get my hands on?

AS: What books or writers influenced Common Existence?

GR: Almost every song on the record is connected to a different writer. The first song, "Resuscitation of a Dead Man" is influenced by Denis Johnson's Resuscitation of a Hanged Man. Another song is based on a book [Martin Amis'] Time's Arrow. The whole record also has a lot of themes from Roberto Bolano, a poet who wrote The Savage Detectives and a few other things. The song "Circuits of Fever" is very influenced by [writer] David Foster Wallace.

AS: There seems to be a lot of medical references on the record.

GR: Oh, that's interesting.

AS: Yeah I was wondering where those came from.

GR: There are a lot of postmodern cues on this record, one of them being medical, or scientific, so there are a lot of those references on the record. One of the recurring themes of Thursday records is transportation and the idea of moving through the world very quickly. Transportation has always been kind of a postmodern tenant of literature, too. That's something that I've always grabbed on too. Someone told me today that our records are like Planes, Trains & Automobiles because they all get mentioned in lyrics...

AS: That's cool! I didn't think about that. After I heard the title, knowing how into literature you were, the first thing I thought about was existentialism and existential dilemmas. Now that I've listened to it, it seems like it was definitely something you were conscious of -- especially how humans tend to always think their own shit's the most important...

GR: Absolutely.

AS: Which is kind of hard to realize! To me that's a growing up thing. When you can look out and realize it's not all about you! Do you have a favorite existential writer?

GR: I mean, everyone kind of loves [Albert ] Camus, I guess. What really interests me about existentialism is that nothing was ever the same after it. All modern literature has tinges of existentialism in it, whether it is [Charles] Bukowski or [William S.] Burroughs. It all has the theme of overarching loneliness creeping into everything. Existentialism is a door that once it's opened, you can't close. As soon as you think to yourself, "Ooh shit, maybe God doesn't exist," then if you think, "Oh no, maybe he does" -- it doesn't matter, that door is opened. You know what I mean? It's the possibility that will haunt you no matter what. It makes itself more and more obvious to you in different ways.

AS: When I discovered that stuff I felt so much better about myself. I realized that everyone feels like shit all the time.

GR: It can do that, and it can do the opposite, too. I think that if the feeling has never occurred to you before it can make you seriously depressed [laughs], versus reassuring. I guess that's what a lot of Common Existence is about. Not only is it "common" in the sense that it's not meaningful, that is to say it's cheap, everybody feels this, it's common, but "common" is also "shared" with everyone. I like that duality, you know? That in the end, all of our little petty concerns mean nothing, they're just common. But the big stuff, we all share. We all get old, we all die. At the very least the stranger that you see on the subway is sharing the same crisis that you are, at heart. We're all staring into the same void. [laughs]

AS: It took you a year to do this record. Is Thursday a democracy in the writing process?

GR: Haha. Yeah, it is. But it's like the United Nations. I remember this quote from [Radiohead's] Thom Yorke where he said, "Radiohead's writing is like the U.N., only Thom Yorke is the United States of America." So basically he does whatever he wants and everyone else can deal with it. I think that we're more like the rest of the U.N., where sometimes some countries have more power than others, it's always changing. In Thursday sometimes you get your voice heard and sometimes you don't. Sometimes you get to tell everyone, "Fuck you! I'm going to bomb you if you don't listen to me!" It's a struggle, it's a fight, but this time it turned out great.

AS: It did turn out great. I think this is the best Thursday record.

GR: You know, I think it is too. And a lot of my friends have been calling me and saying the same thing. That feels really good. It's interesting because we were so big in 2003 when the [post-hardcore] genre just exploded. We were at the forefront, we were the leaders of it, and now it's a totally dead genre. Nobody wants to have anything to do with it, for the most part. Everybody's moved on. But we're making our best music now, so it's kind of funny.

AS: Well, fuck 'em. You know what? Trends come and go, but at the end of the day how many bands have been around for eleven years?

GR: Yeah! [laughs] It's true.

AS: Not many!

GR: People are asking, "Oh is this record going to appeal to the indie rock scene kids?" And I'm like,"No, it's not." I don't think there's a ton of indie rock kids out there that are dying to get into a band they liked in high school. I just don't really think so. But I do think that if we keep on doing what we're doing and do it well and do it for years, then maybe we won't be a genre band, we'll be a band that's just a fact of life. When you think of NOFX or Bad Religion, you don't think, "Well those are just punk bands." You think, "Those bands have been around forever." And those bands would not have stuck around if they hadn't been good bands.

AS: Are the goals of what you want to do with the band different from when you first started?

GR: Totally different. When we started we just wanted to play basement shows with our friends, do it for a year and then go off, finish school and be teachers and artists, shit like that. Then we surprisingly had a career that just blew up out of nowhere. Once we were given that career we felt like we were given such an opportunity and a platform to just make some beautiful art. We decided to just roll with it and try to accomplish something really great. Not only did none of us think it was going to happen, but it wasn't even a dream. We were like, "Let's just be a punk band." We just wanted to do it and have fun. It had nothing do with having a career.

AS: You know sometimes that's how it works out. It's the stuff that you least expect and put the least amount of pressure on that happens. It's more natural.

GR: So true.

AS: I heard you once said, "I wish I was a woman because then I could be a feminist," which I thought was hilarious. Did you say that?

GR: Oh, wow. I wonder how old I was when I said that. I'm sure I did say it, I used to say crazy shit like that all the time. I've always felt like music isn't worth anything if it's not making life better for everyone -- not just you and your group of friends. Music should be focused on bringing compassion and freedom to everyone. So gay rights and women's rights and transgender rights have always been a huge part of what we do with Thursday. I've just always felt like it's really hard to express yourself when you're not engaged in trying to help people be free.


Thursday's Common Existence is out now. You can also catch them on tour through April 19. Go to their MySpace page for further details.

Smell that? That’s the smell of Asshole Fuckfaces. It kind of smells like someone opened up a pig’s anus and inserted hate. It’s not pleasant at all. Now you understand my suffering. I spend my week knee deep in this nonsense for you. Someday I’ll just snap and take a few of you... more

Smell that? That’s the smell of Asshole Fuckfaces. It kind of smells like someone opened up a pig’s anus and inserted hate. It’s not pleasant at all. Now you understand my suffering. I spend my week knee deep in this nonsense for you. Someday I’ll just snap and take a few of you out. But until that time, I mine the world for the worst of the worst. I then present them to you for mocking and scorn, which you seem to have mastered quite well. So, put on your favorite rubber sheet because this is going to be ugly.

First up, some past president Asshole Fuckfacery.

George W. Bush. Don’t expect that name to disappear from the Roundup for a long, long time. For the next few years, we will be wading through his plethora of heinous and criminal acts. This week, we learned of some very disturbing Bush activities, though it was not at all surprising. Would you be surprised to know a rat gnawed on the eyeball of a corpse? Well, you shouldn’t be, especially around my house. Same goes for the activities of one George Asshole Fuckface Bush.

Fuck yeah! Why not? Let’s tear this fucker up! Someone attacked us, we don’t know who it is, so it’s a government free for all! Weeeeeee.

Goddamn press and their dirty reporting. First thing we need to do to save the country is to get rid of that horrible number one thing the Founding Father put on that stupid Constitution thingy.

Timely. Thanks for getting around to that.

Remember all those “crazy conspiracy nuts” you were making fun of because they kept talking about Bush giving himself the power to declare martial law and take over the country? Well, they were saying that because Bush was giving himself the power to declare martial law and take over the country. How about that? Now go apologize, you dick.

John Yoo, one of America’s greatest Asshole Fuckfaces. Disbar the fuck and fire him from UC Berkeley, immediately.

Next up, more Republican Asshole Fuckfacing.

Let’s face it, the Republican Party is so full of duplicitous hypocrites it is astounding. There is no end to their shocking activities and shameless threats. This week, they rolled out an epic warning, so staggering in its audaciousness, it should be framed and put in the Smithsonian in the “What the fuck?” wing.

First, lets climb into the old time machine and go waaaaaay back to 2004. Republicans were running the show and they wanted to do things their way – all the time. They especially didn’t like the Democrats keeping Bush’s radical right wing judges from receiving Congressional approval.

Yes. The “nuclear option.”

TYRANNY! Those motherfuckers were using their powers given to them by The Constitution to stop extremists from being put on the bench! How fucking dare they!

The Republican majority never used the nuclear option, mostly because using the talking point was more effective politically than altering the way Congress works to approve 4.3% of Bush’s nominees. But now the crazy Asshole Fuckfaces are the loser party and well, they are Republicans...

Wait. What? Did I just drink seven bottles of tequila? Are these crazy fucks, who are vastly outnumbered in the Senate, actually telling the president to pick the last Asshole Fuckface’s nominees?

Um. No. Welcome to not winning.

I don’t….they….but…I thought…wait…

I’m sorry. Do you Asshole Fuckfaces seem to believe you are engaging in bipartisanship? Because you are actually engaged in dickishness. Right now I want to punch something, then explode. I now want to be tiny chunks of flesh covering my walls. It’s the only reasonable reaction to complete and total insanity.

Obama should just copy Orren Hatch’s letter from 2005.

Perish slowly. Thank you.

Next up, some Spanish Asshole Fuckfacery.

Spain. Wow. Not only do fans in their soccer stadiums make monkey noises when black players touch the ball, but they also have a bit of a problem with gay people.

Isaac Ali Dani Peréz Triviño and Julio Anderson Luciano were a gay couple living together in the Spanish province of Vigo. On January 13th, 2006, they met an Asshole Fuckface named Jacobo Piñeiro Rial. Isaac worked at a gay bar, where Jacobo went to do some coke and have a few drinks. At the end of his shift, Isaac invited Jacobo back to the couple’s apartment –– because he needed a place to stay. Julio arrived around 10:30.

After they went to bed, Jacobo decided to kill them at around 4 in the morning. He stabbed Isaac first, and then went after Julio, who he stabbed 24 times. Isaac barricaded himself the bedroom. But Jacobo broke in and stabbed Isaac 34 times, until he died. Jacobo tried to make it appear that a robbery had gone wrong, then set the house on fire. He was caught two days later, with a suitcase full of the couple's possessions.

His trial was this week and it went very well for him. He used the “I’m scared of gay people defense.”

The old double gay rape knife strip. Also known as “fiction.”

Look, if I do blow and get ripped for two days, I can kill what whomever I want. Know why? My judgment is all fucked up. That’s how blow works. Also, after almost being raped and murdered, I will always wash up in the shower and set the home on fire. That’s just how I roll.

Jacobo was acquitted of the murders by the jury of Asshole Fuckfaces. Protests are planned tomorrow in Vigo, Madrid and Barcelona.

Finally, some epic Asshole Fuckface mothering.

Genine Compton was having a bitch of a morning. First she had to take the kids to school. Total bummer. Second, she had to feed the baby. Double bummer. So why not combine the two?

It’s called managing your time. So what if a tiny fender bender would crush that baby’s skull like a grape? Shit is getting done. Oh, hold on, I have a call.

Obviously, she was steering with her other breast. What is she supposed to do, not take the call? Let the baby go all hungry and shit? It’s called parenting.

Fuck yeah you will. Because you are mom of the year.



FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday and Friday for more from FearTheReaper

For most moviegoers, Watchmen is just some big movie. To fans of the graphic novel, it's a highly anticipated event, with a behind-the-scenes backstory that's almost as dramatic as the one told on-screen. It has taken more than 20 years to get a film version made. Filmmakers as well-established... more

For most moviegoers, Watchmen is just some big movie. To fans of the graphic novel, it's a highly anticipated event, with a behind-the-scenes backstory that's almost as dramatic as the one told on-screen.

It has taken more than 20 years to get a film version made. Filmmakers as well-established as producer Joel Silver and director Paul Greengrass have attempted the feat only to find their efforts frustrated. Many considered the property unfilmable.

Zack Snyder is the one to finally get it done. He became attached to the film before 300 hit theaters. Now the studio is proud to advertise "From the director of 300." However, the filmmaker, who has battled with Spartans, didn't get an easy ride. A lawsuit from rival studio Fox, who was involved in early development, almost blocked the release of the Warner Bros. film, though an undisclosed settlement restored that.

Watchmen was comic scribe Alan Moore's alternative take on superheroes, which was illustrated by Dave Gibbons. In their world, where costumed avengers and energy gods exist, America won Vietnam and Richard Nixon remained president through the 1980s. The film remains a cold war tale in this skewed period of history.

Snyder walked us through his interpretation of the film, which includes a montage of alternate historical events set to Bob Dylan's "The Times They Are a Changin'."

Qestion: How does it feel to be the guy who finally got Watchmen made?

Zack Snyder: I don't really have the history with it. I feel like it's an achievement just in the last three years of my life. Like it's cool to have built this thing, so that part does feel really good, and it feels good to finally now let it loose on the world a little bit. So I'm proud of that. Then when you do look at it from the historical standpoint, [producers] Lloyd [Levin] and Larry [Gordon]'s experience being 20 years of trying to get this movie made, that's pretty amazing too.

Q: Did you know your opening credits sequence would be something really special?

ZS: I mean, I didn't know how it would stand out in the world but I knew that I wanted to make it. I got excited about it when I was drawing it. It was fun to do and think about, just musically and all that. It's one of those things when you're doing it, you're like, "Okay, this can be cool."

Q: How many of the opening images are from the comic book and where did you add your own?

ZS: It's about fifty/fifty -- fifty from the comic book and fifty from the text, and a couple from just things I thought would be interesting. Like for instance, Adrian [Veidt, played by Matthew Goode] outside of Studio 54, that image to me does a lot of stuff. Even though it's a kind of ridiculous shot, it's still great to me because just the idea that you put it in the context of superhero and everyone's like, "Well, superheroes are ridiculous because they dress up in costumes and no one would ever [do that]. That's not normal." Then you look at him in the context of Studio 54, everyone's dressed up in a costume. He's not that ridiculous within the context of David Bowie and the Village People. Suddenly he has cultural context. He fits into some weird pop culture kind of vernacular that I find kind of fun.

Q: How did you choose music to exemplify the era?

ZS: It was funny because when I drew the movie, I pretty much had just this iPod playlist that I put together of music that I felt like inspired me, felt Watchmen-y to me, whatever that means. I would just have my headphones on and I'd be drawing and had my script, my comic book and this weird, amorphous world of music and pictures and words and stuff. I just kind of went into that cocoon and just drew. Almost every song from my playlist is basically the soundtrack for the movie, so that stuff made it through.

Q: Was there a ratings issue for showing Dr. Manhattan naked?

ZS: No, we didn't like get an NC-17 or anything. I was wondering if we would -- like how much nudity can you show before you get an NC-17? I didn't know but we didn't cross that line, I think partly because he's CG too. For whatever reason, that's easier than just a naked guy standing there.

Q: Being blue makes it okay then?

ZS: I guess so.

Q: We know you like slow motion. Is that to make you focus more on the composition of the frame like you would in a comic book panel?

ZS: It is. I restrained myself from slow motion in this movie I think. Look, I love fight choreography and I like to see the human form in motion. It's a thing that I enjoy. So it's difficult for me to sort of separate [myself from it]. I did do that big slow motion shot of Jeffrey [Dean Morgan] getting punched at the beginning but that was partly because I knew I was going to revisit it when Rorschach [Jackie Earle Haley]'s at the grave. That would be the kind of slow motion vignette sequence of The Comedian [Morgan] doing wrong or wrong being done to him. So I kind of needed that moment so I could put it later. That was really my slow motion philosophy for the movie.

Q: When the lawsuit happened, were you worried or was it someone else's problem?

ZS: Well, I kind of treated it like it was someone else's problem. Then it looked like it got a little hairy, like maybe it would be a bigger issue. Then cooler heads prevailed, thank God. Really it had very little to do with me. They would just keep me informed what was happening. No one ever asked me to testify or anything like that.

Q: But when you hear that it's just some red tape snafu that someone forgot to clear before you got started on all this work...

ZS: Yeah, that's difficult. I was prepared for the movie to be locked away in a vault for all time.

Q: What did you want to bring to the film world of Watchmen?

ZS: I guess in making the movie, really the point of view of the graphic novel, sort of the essence, the feeling of Watchmen which is the indescribable, impossible, the smell, the texture, the tone. That was the thing that I felt like I wanted people to feel in the movie. That was the hardest part too in a lot of ways, was just to get that feeling, that Watchmen feeling from the movie. I know that sounds like bullshit but it's the thing that I also like the most in the movie.

Q: How do you follow Watchmen?

ZS: It's difficult. Someone was like, "What comic book movie are you going to do next?" I'm like yeah, I don't think I'm doing another comic book. What am I going to do, Archie and Jughead? What's the follow up?

Q: In slow motion.

ZS: Yeah, it's like fwoosh, [army flying], R rated. I'm doing Guardians of Ga'Hoole, which is a kids movie...Then I'm working on Sucker Punch for the fall. Sucker Punch is an original thing that I wrote so I kind of feel like I've had enough George Romero, Frank Miller, Alan Moore. If I pick another, I'm going to have to do like Catcher in the Rye next. I don't know what the cultural equivalent is to Watchmen. It's difficult.

Q: What do you want "A Zack Snyder Film" to mean?

ZS: I don't know. The truth is I never really thought about it like that..My favorite movies are movies that have personality, you feel the personality of the director. Though I would say the best way to do that is not really think about it too hard. The advice I always give to people who are like, "I want to be a director. What should I do?" I'm like, "Well, just be yourself. You can't copy someone else and you don't want to be just like a journeyman filmmaker. What is that original thing that you feel, your point of view?"

Q: Do you expect to have a really different style for the kids' movie?

ZS: It's pretty much like A Zack Snyder..., whatever that means. It's a little violent but it's not too bad.

Q: A little scary, like the best kids movies always are?

ZS: Yeah, I think so. It's definitely a little scary. It's pretty hardcore I think in a cool way, I think for kids. In the same way that the second Harry Potter movie or Fantasia is scary I think. I mean, Coraline, have you seen Coraline? It's pretty cool. I think that's pretty great.


Watchmen opens in theaters nationwide on Friday March 6.

The Kurt Warner story would be bullshit as fiction, and it still seems too astounding despite its veracity. The entirely wholesome quarterback was considering retiring when his contract with the Arizona Cardinals expired after last season, but he’s now rejoined the team that he led to respectability;... more

The Kurt Warner story would be bullshit as fiction, and it still seems too astounding despite its veracity. The entirely wholesome quarterback was considering retiring when his contract with the Arizona Cardinals expired after last season, but he’s now rejoined the team that he led to respectability; it’s pleasant news even for fans who don’t share his churchy zeal. While he’s been successful at throwing the ball, Warner’s personal tale is even more impressive.

Thanks to talentless talent evaluators, Warner’s sporting life could have ended before it started: he wasn’t drafted in 1994, meaning professional football geniuses thought there were 222 players who deserved selection ahead of the borderline Hall of Famer. Denied a chance to pursue NFL splendor after being cut by the Green Bay Packers as a free agent that summer, Warner chose a somewhat less glamorous vocation, namely splitting time between serving as a graduate assistant for his alma mater’s football team and stocking shelves at a Hy-Vee supermarket. On the plus side, he didn’t have to worry about concussions or wearing out his throwing arm thanks to excessive autograph requests.

Still unwanted by big-boy football, Warner then settled for spending three seasons in the Arena Football League, a pinball-type joke of an excuse for athletics. If the NFL is rock music, arena football is a Lynyrd Skynyrd tribute band named Gimme Three Steps. Warner then went on to NFL. . . Europe; that’s like being big in Japan, even if it’s geographically inaccurate.

But he did what he could with his chances. Instead of succumbing to worldly temptation and stoning himself into oblivion as a member of the Amsterdam Admirals, he played well enough to finally earn his place in the big leagues as the St. Louis Rams’ backup, where he became that one understudy who found stardom when the lead fell.

It all began when Rams’ quarterback Trent Green, penciled as starter, wrecked his knee during the 1999 preseason. The wholly unknown Warner famously stepped in and played out of his mind all year, culminating with a Super Bowl win. It was the motivational story equivalent of a Disney film bonking a Rocky movie.

He’s also come up just short in two other title bouts. In addition to leading St. Louis to another championship game appearance two years later, he of course got eternal doormats the Cardinals to the last Super Bowl. That’s comparable to being the lead actor in a National Lampoon film production that gets a Best Picture Oscar nomination: winning the trophy would be great, but simply getting to the ceremony is an implausible accomplishment in itself. And he’s been frequently impressive between title game shots: since being fortuitously thrust into starting, he’s thrown for 28,591 yards and nabbed two MVP awards. Both, for the record, are huge achievements.

At the same time, he’s not the type who would have a membership here, as he likes Jesus probably way more than you do. His personal web page’s introduction features a quote from a book called the Bible; the passage is Matthew 6:33, if you’d like to check your home copy. The main page speaks of how he’s working at “promoting Christian values,” which isn’t everyone’s cup of booze. But holy rolling has clearly provided him with meaning and direction, even if it’s not a path every SGer might also choose. It’s also hard to give grief to someone whose charitable endeavors include working with Habitat for Humanity to aid flood victims.

More importantly, he chased what he wanted despite the fact his goal was impractical, improbable, and logically foolish. During the times he was wallowing in the supermarket or inferior football leagues, some confidantes undoubtedly advised him to give up maintaining NFL hopes and instead find a grown-up livelihood. And he responded with a polite, non-blasphemous version of “Get fucked.” Warner knew he was a quarterback, and wasn’t going to settle for selling out.

And he’s still dealing with crap. He was benched in 2004 during his one season with the New York Giants, and didn't play at various points during his first three seasons in Arizona thanks to injury and/or bouts of poor team performance. He’ll apparently have to prove himself forever, but the plus side is that he’s not a whiny quitter bitch: he’s had the integrity to stick at his calling when it would have been easy at numerous points since '94 to pack up and get temp-to-hire work. Warner inspires every painter, author, and bass player who hasn’t given up on their dream.

After a flirtatious visit with the San Francisco 49ers, Warner’s finally signed a two-year, $23 million deal with the Cardinals; the latter should have been offering him vats of cash and the private tropical islands of his choosing this whole time to keep him from leaving via free agency. Blowhards will likely announce that, at 37, he’s doomed to rapid decline; those are the same sorts of miserable realists who would have urged him to choose grocery store management as an occupation 15 years ago. Warner will continue to have a career and live life on his terms; it’s part of being the most clean-cut of all punks.



Anthony Bialy is SG's no-jocks-required Sweaty Pursuits sports columnist. He follows sports religiously even though he’s quite bad at them. He ran cross country and played rugby in college, and was horrid at both. He schedules his life around his favorite NHL team’s games, and sadly lists his alma mater winning the NCAA basketball championship as his happiest moment. He likes other things besides sports, too, and requests a minute to think of them.

Evan Williams describes himself as "an American entrepreneur, originally a farm boy from Nebraska, who's been very lucky in business and life." This statement might be true if he was merely responsible for one giant leap in the Web 2.0 world. However, as someone partly responsible for two... more

Evan Williams describes himself as "an American entrepreneur, originally a farm boy from Nebraska, who's been very lucky in business and life." This statement might be true if he was merely responsible for one giant leap in the Web 2.0 world. However, as someone partly responsible for two monumental jumps forward, one has to conclude that he's being over-modest by attributing his success to luck rather than his capacity for vision, tenacity and good judgment.

In 1999, Pyra Labs, a company Williams co-founded, launched Blogger, a web-based service that put easy to use blog publishing tools in the hands of the masses and helped fuel the proliferation of the web log phenomenon. The company was sold to Google for an undisclosed sum in 2003. Williams however had caught the start-up bug, and left Google the following year to co-found Odeo.com, an aggregator and search engine for podcasts. The Odeo concept never really took off, but a side project started at the company did. The original five-character SMS shortcode-friendly name for that venture was Twttr.

Odeo was reorganized and re-branded as Obvious Corp. in 2006, and Twitter, which had added a couple of vowels to its name, became the center of attention. After winning SXSW's Web Award in March 2007, Twitter was spun off as an entity unto itself. Since then, Twitter has grown exponentially, with usership increasing by 900% this past year. The site has leapt over giants like LiveJournal and Linkedin in terms of monthly visits, rising from #22 (in Jan '08) to #3 (in Jan '09) in Compete.com's list of the Top 25 Social Networks.

Unlike other, increasingly cumbersome, social networking sites, Twitter's success lies in its simplicity. It has stayed true to its original concept: delivering brief Facebook style status updates to social groups in real-time via SMS. The service, which can also be accessed via RSS and the web, combats our propensity for digital diarrhea (which was, ironically, enabled by the likes of Blogger), by asking one simple question and limiting posts in response to 140 cellphone-friendly characters.

We tracked down Evan Williams (Twitter's CEO as of October 2008) -- via Twitter of course -- to ask him about the rules he tweets by, the people he follows, and his vision for the service's future.


Nicole Powers: Twitter has progressed way beyond the "What are you doing?" concept and has become a hub for group dialog and a place to let random thoughts fly. Have you thought about replacing that question?


Evan Williams: Yes, we have thought about that. It's a question about the question, because it worked really well to make Twitter approachable, and clear, how to use it. This was something I saw when I worked on Blogger for a bunch of years, we didn't have any direction at all for people, and it was this intimidating thing...kind of like a blank sheet of paper, so we tried to make Twitter very focused. Just say what you're doing, it doesn't have to be profound, or interesting, or anything. But, obviously, it's also limiting. Most users get beyond that and realize just from observing how people use it that they don't have to take that terribly literally. But in some ways I think it trivializes what's going on, and it does limit people's perceptions -- especially new users I think. We're still struggling with that. I wouldn't be surprised if we change it at some point, but we haven't made any decisions.

NP: Have you any thoughts on what you'd change it to?

EW: My favorite option is "What's happening?" That sounds a little too like we're trying to be hip, but I think the most accurate thing to say would be "What's happening?" Because what Twitter really is is what people are doing and what's happening around them, and some of the most interesting news cases are when people are reporting on things that are around them, or events. "What's happening?" can also apply to yourself, what you're thinking about or what's happening in the world that you're commenting on.

NP: How about a simple "Wassup?" That covers what's happening and what you're thinking.

EW: Yeah. Maybe.

NP: Because it's so new, we're still figuring out social etiquette on Twitter. What rules do you personally tweet by?

EW: I personally don't like to have a lot of rules. I'm sure I do have my own rules but I always hesitate to imply that there's any rules, because I think the beauty of Twitter is that people use it however it works for them. I think it changes depending on how many followers and what people are expecting from you. For the majority of users Twitter's very much about people that they know or people who are close to them, the friends and family type use. It's very casual. You can tweet about things that would be mundane except for the fact that you care about this person, and maybe you're interested in what they're doing at the moment. Right now I have over a hundred thousand followers so I try not to let that freak me out, because, if I did, I think I'd become much less interesting, trying to be interesting too much. So I don't know if I have any rules beyond that, but I try to just still be personable and personal and not trivial but not think about it too much.

NP: In a way "micro-blogging" is a very confusing moniker for Twitter because those that blog and tweet like yourself, know the two forms of communication have a very different feel and purpose. A blog is a more formal, well thought out thing, and Twitter takes the pressure off blogging because it really is just a thought thrown out into the world. What mental criteria do you use when you express in the different forms?

EW: They definitely overlap. One comment on the term "micro-blogging", it's not one that we've ever used to describe Twitter. We see micro-blogging as one of the many use cases for Twitter. There are people who use it very much like a blog, although blogs are used in every possible way so it's hard to even define what that means. Twittering has definitely impacted how much I blog. I hardly ever blog now, and I've blogged for years. I think, in a lot of ways they serve the same basic purpose, which is having a thought and wanting to share it with the world. The main difference for me is whether or not I want to take the time to flesh out something a little bit more on a blog, and that just comes down to the length I think.

NP: I like your less is more approach. I sort of feel that when photos went from print to jpeg, and when text went from paper to websites and blogs, in a way we became overwhelmed with a compulsion for what I call digital diarrhea. All of a sudden there were no limits imposed by cost, and we're actually learning now that we need to impose limits on ourselves, and that's a lesson that Twitter's teaching the masses with the strict 140 character count.

EW: It's something that goes very well with the fact that there's more and more voices out there, and more and more people who are publishing and saying things that are interesting to pay attention to. At least having some constraints on the verboseness of everyone's thoughts is helpful in order to tap in and listen to more voices.

NP: It's like a conversation that no one's allowed to hog.

EW: Yes. Exactly.

NP: Twitter has created a new hierarchy of celebrity. [At the time of writing] Stephen Fry, who's a relatively unknown here in the U.S., is the leading non-presidential Twitterer* (according to Twitterholic Barack Obama has the largest Twitter following). Fry is way ahead of Britney Spears for example. Are you enjoying how Twitter members have reshuffled the world order, and created one of their own?

EW: [laughs] Yes, definitely. I think it's very early, and very exciting for us to see the celebrities outside the geek world adopting it. It's really exciting with someone like Stephen; Stephen is really understanding it and using it as a medium of its own rather than just a promotional vehicle for other things.

A lot of celebrities are looking at social media, and are considering that they have to have a social media strategy, and Twitter and Facebook and all these things need to be incorporated. It'll be really interesting to see how that fleshes out over the next few months. I remember in the early days of blogging, when I was a popular blogger for the first year or two -- it was a very good sign when I became not a popular blogger and people who were much more skilled in that medium became the attraction rather than the geeks.

NP: Are there any celebs that you might not have followed in the real world that you now follow because of the way they tweet?

EW: Yeah. I don't follow many in the real world, but the ones I've been enjoying on Twitter, well Shaquille O'Neal is an interesting example. I'm not a basketball fan, in the same vein with Lance Armstrong, it's not a world I would pay much attention to, but I follow their twitters and it's interesting to see their lives and what they're talking about. Rainn Wilson is another one. Rainn plays Dwight in The Office, the U.S. version, and he's hilarious. His Twitter persona is somewhat like his character on the show. He just started but he seems to be taking to it.

NP: The way certain celebs use Twitter actually takes the power away from the paparazzi and the vacuous celebrity mags and blogs. Celebs are actually letting followers know what they're really thinking and doing, which is a genius way to combat the rumor-mill.

EW: Yes. And some have become very aware of that. Certainly Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore have been talking about that aspect. It was hilarious, a couple of weeks ago Demi actually posted a picture of a paparazzi on TwitPic, completely turning the tables, and she made some jokes laughing at him.

NP: It seems like a very special time on Twitter right now, very reminiscent of the early days of MySpace, before it became commercialized. One of the beauties of Twitter right now is that you're focusing on building it and getting it right before you monetize it. As a user and a fan of your own service, do you worry what will happen once the twits invade Twitter?

EW: [laughs] I don't worry about the things that we're going to do because I think there's a lot of opportunities for monetization that actually enhance the user experience, and enhance what people are already doing. I think the dynamics are different than say a MySpace, where they sort of had to put a lot of ads on there on the pages that maybe work against the flow of what people are trying to do. With Twitter, I think there's a lot of opportunity to help people and make money at the same time.

Once of the things we've been talking about for a long time is search, and how we want to build that more and more into the product -- search is an area of course on the web that's always been highly monetizable. We don't expect Twitter search to have the same type of ads or work as well as web search, but I think when people are seeking particular information there is an opportunity to answer their queries, and there are people who want to be among the answers to their query. So monetizing search I think will make a lot of sense in the same way that Google have ads in their search that don't interfere, and in many cases help the user experience.

What I do worry about more, and we're seeing it somewhat today, is as Twitter gets bigger and bigger there are people who are trying to game the system, and basically spam it for their own gain. It gets harder and harder to deal with. Most popular properties, Google and Facebook and MySpace and everybody else, have to deal with spammers, and we are now too, and we'll have to invest more and more into that. I think that's the bigger threat...obviously I'm biased, but I don't think our own monetization efforts will be something that users reject.

NP: Your service is free, as is much of the internet. Are we getting to a point where people need to start valuing the stuff on the net? Now that we have micro-blogging should we have micro-payments for the content and services that we use?

EW: People have talked about that for years and it hasn't seemed to work for one reason or another. I think the economic climate that we're in, and getting deeper into, is definitely going to bring up these questions again. How should these things be paid for? Obviously they cost money. Advertising has been the default answer, it hasn't been the only answer, but over the short history of the web it's been the one winning answer time and time again for most mainstream services. Whether that will still be the answer -- I don't know. I tend to think that a combination of subscription and advertising probably makes sense for most services, and we see a likelihood that the same will be true for Twitter.

I think there's pretty good reasons why micro-payments for content haven't worked out that well, and, in part, it is there's just so much competition for attention -- it's still the scarcest commodity -- and there's always people who are willing to do something for free, and so you have to be really special and rare to be able to charge money, at least for content.

NP: You've recently announced a $35 million injection of venture capital. You still have a relatively small 29-person headcount, so what are you planning to spend it on?

EW: Well, we also have a good amount of money left in the bank from our last financing. But the reason the we did that, took that investment, is basically because we feel like we're just getting started, and our growth is phenomenal, and as that continues over the next few months and couple of years, our cost is definitely going to go up substantially.

We need to grow the team in a lot of ways right now. I mean it's great that we're so small but it's also painful in some scenarios, so we have pretty ambitious hiring goals across all aspects of the company. We're going to keep the majority of the people technical, and product and engineering will continue to be the bulk of the company, but we're really thinking long term.

We don't know all the ways we're going to use that money, hopefully we'll keep a lot of it in the bank. If we never need a lot of it, that's great, but in the climate we're in we don't want to assume too much, and we don't want any short term concerns to distort the potential of our long term vision, and our investors and the boards and everybody is very on board for building a very long term viable company. We need to do that step by step, and we need to invest a lot to get there.

NP: What additions and refinements would you like to see on the site?

EW: There's a ton of stuff we want to add and improve but the interesting thing is for most of Twitter's history the vast majority of our resources have gone into just keeping up with the growth. There were some fairly publicly painful scaling issues early on. Really, up until about six months ago, we had really bad reliability problems. The product has really changed very little since we launched it, and it a lot of ways that's very good.

I think simplicity is definitely key, but we think there's a ton of ways it can be enhanced. One is to make it just a lot easier, especially easier to get started. As we're seeing more and more mainstream users coming on the service, we have a lot of awareness right now but we want to get a lot better about turning that awareness into engagement. It's still way to hard when you first find out about Twitter to really make it useful and interesting -- that comes down to finding people to follow, connecting with your friends, understanding even what it does and what the concept is. There's a lot to do just on the user experience.

NP: It's interesting how you do adapt Twitter, and make it work for you. For me, the initial idea of having all these updates by cell phone horrified me, because I'm one of these people that's over-connected rather than under-connected. So the way I use it -- I don't even connect it to my phone -- but I use it as almost a ticker-tape of the collective consciousness on my computer.

EW: Do you have a client on your computer of just the website?

NP: I guess I should use a client so it automatically updates. I mean, talk about collective consciousness, today the one thing that dropped onto our Twitter radar has been TwitterFox, the Naan Studio application which does updates via Firefox.

EW: Yes, and we hear that a lot, people find how Twitter works for them, and a lot of times they love the SMS or they hate the SMS and a desktop client or an iPhone client really works for them. That's one of the beauties of it. We've been really fortunate with our third-party developers, who have built a lot of these alternative ways to experience Twitter, and they've added a lot of value. What we haven't done enough of, and this goes back to were we need to improve, is helping people discover those different ways, and really walking them through what the different options are, and just ramping them up from an uninitiated state to get them engaged.

NP: As you expand, and get more mainstream users, and perhaps less responsible users, will you have to police the site more? I know that you say you hate rules, but for example, Google have recently started more aggressively policing Blooger's content. Can you see a point where you're going to have to have a department to police in the same way other social networking sites do?

EW: I probably wouldn't use the term "policing." We already do have people dedicated to suspending accounts if they spam or are otherwise violating our terms of service. That will definitely have to continue and be a bigger part of our efforts. Part of that will be technical and algorithmic ways to discover fishy behavior and part of it will always have to be manual review.

In cases where it's clear cut and people are definitely being nefarious, then it's actually a little bit easier to deal with than when people are gaming the system in some way but are fairly legit users in other ways. For example there's what we call aggressive following. It's something a lot of people do in order to get attention. As you know when you follow someone, most people will get an email and then they'll check out your profile and those people will follow you back, out of obligation or some other reason.

NP: Right. There is this social etiquette that makes you think if they're following me I should follow them to be polite.

EW: Exactly, and we really hate people feeling obligated to follow someone, especially when that person's just following someone in order to get attention. So part of that is user behavior and the social norms that need to develop around Twitter, so people understand that they don't need to do that. And then also discourage or de-incentivize someone from doing the aggressive behavior, because I think that lessens the value of the network for everyone.

NP: You don't want it to be reduced a popularity contest, with people collecting friends but not adding to the conversation.

EW: Exactly.



*Since writing this article, Britney Spears has overtaken Stephen Fry, marking the end of an era of geek rule at Twitter.

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The Republican self-destruction has transitioned from amusing to completely ridiculous. I’d like to say Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal’s response to Obama’s speech is their bottom, but I really don’t think it is. Republicans appear to be a rare type of animal that have no ability... more

The Republican self-destruction has transitioned from amusing to completely ridiculous. I’d like to say Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal’s response to Obama’s speech is their bottom, but I really don’t think it is. Republicans appear to be a rare type of animal that have no ability to learn and adapt. It’s not often you get to watch people run into a burning house, but that is exactly what they are doing.

It is, quite simply, amazing to watch.

For those of you who missed Bobby Jindal’s epic career ending speech, take a look.



This is the guy Republicans decided was going to out Obama Obama. Maybe Republicans haven’t noticed, but Obama is pretty good with words. Jindal speaks like he’s meeting each word for the first time. But that’s not even the most disturbing aspect of this mess. The content is the problem –– and it’s something Republicans still don’t get.

For quite a long time, I thought Republicans like Jindal were members of the Reagan cult. But they are not. It is now clear they are members of the George W. Bush/Karl Rove/Rush Limbaugh cult. This speech was littered with lies, spin and shockingly outdated ideas. It’s as if they haven’t learned a thing since 1992. They came to power during a time when the press was, quite simply, not doing their job. Republicans were free to do as they liked, without any sort of pesky oversight. Now these clowns are attempting to operate in the same manner and they are being eviscerated as a result.

Bobby had no idea his remarks would be picked over and analyzed, (because he doesn't know how the Internet works), so he lied. He lied to make Republican policies fit reality. Here’s a tip: If you have to lie to make your policies seem decent –– you’re not doing so well. Here’s another tip: Just because a guy has brown skin, it doesn’t mean he’s the answer to the new black guy.

The fact that Republicans chose this awkward man to make their rebuttal speech is quite sad. This is supposed to be their new shining star. This was the guy who was going to hit it out of the park. Why? Because he is clinging to the same ideas that lost Republicans control of the House, the Senate and the White House. Not only is he sticking with those failed ideas, but he’s also brown. What's not to love? He's saying stuff old white guys say –– BUT HE'S BROWN. It's like God gave the GOP a gift basket, except when they opened the gift basket, they discovered it was full of turds.

Jindal is far from the only Republican who doesn’t realize it’s not the '90s. The new Republican Party leader, Michael Steele, explained to the faithful at CPAC this week that the GOP made some mistakes.

“My bad?” Really? Well, I guess we’re going to act like we’re surfers who just fought over a wave. Yes, your bad with the whole ruining the economy and lying us into war. And in true Republican style, Michael then decided to keep on keeping on.

Good. Keep it that way. CPAC is a disaster for the GOP. Every year, conservatives get together to watch their leaders give speeches they can masturbate to. And the press goes –– and they report back on the insane, completely out of touch nonsense that has taken place. The GOP's rhetoric and fear-mongering about “socialism” is a classic example from this year’s cult gathering.

Totally. Stalin would probably have voted for Obama. Stalin was super into Universal Health INSURANCE. Historians say that each day upon waking, Stalin would say to himself, “How can we get more insurance up in this bitch?” Stalin was all about keeping private businesses, which people need to survive, alive and kicking, instead of replacing them with government run healthcare. If anything, he is best known for working with private companies to implement national health INSURANCE. Oh, and he killed 20 million people.

Every time these idiots open their mouths, they show themselves to be extremists. The last thing Americans want is extremists running the show. We sort of had that for the past 8 years and it didn’t go too well. Republicans should be taking things in a new direction. That’s what anyone with awareness would do after two brutally devastating elections in a row. Instead, they have decided the best thing to do is go full steam ahead, deeper into the valley of lies and insanity.

Totally. Get back to calling Democrats Socialists. Go backwards. Way, way backwards. To a time before the Internet, when one could blatantly lie during the State of the Union rebuttal. Constantly throw the term “socialist” around, even though most people under 30 could give a shit and don’t see it as the terrifying threat the old folks do. Why don’t they see it as a threat? Well, probably because you clowns have been calling people who are not socialists, “socialist” for so long, the true meaning of the label is gone. Poof. You ruined your own boogyman, idiots.

Sure, some of you tools will say that liberals do the same thing. You are right, many liberals called Bush a fascist. Many. Just not THEIR FUCKING LEADERS. Not the people running the party. And they certainly didn’t do it when Bush was insanely popular after 9/11, mostly because they have a brain in their head and the tiniest bit of political awareness. People love Obama. His ratings are very high. Which means the way to beat him is not to attack him and call him names, but to come up with what you consider to be better ideas. By attacking him, you are attacking the majority of people who support him. That’s obviously a FAIL.

But Republicans have decided the way to go is in the direction of willful and blustery ignorance. Those arguing for another way, well…

You're not in good shape when Tucker Carlson is the voice of reason. But that's their answer. “No.”

No to reality.

No to facts.

No to a future.


FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday and Friday for more from FearTheReaper

You know, I've been accused of having weird taste in films. I'm okay with that, and do you know why? Because sometimes I just want to watch a guy's arms get violently bitten off by some other guy's chest-mouth. *spoilers* This time around, we're holding up one of the great sci-fi... more

You know, I've been accused of having weird taste in films. I'm okay with that, and do you know why? Because sometimes I just want to watch a guy's arms get violently bitten off by some other guy's chest-mouth.

This time around, we're holding up one of the great sci-fi horror classics to the harsh light of day –– John Carpenter's The Thing (yes, that's the official title).

If you've been living in a fucking cave since 1982, let me give you a quick rundown on the plot. A team of research scientists in Antarctica stumble across a shapeshifting alien, and spend the rest of the movie trying to figure out who's real and who's secretly hiding more tentacles than a Japanese rape hentai. The end result? A delicious blend of some of the best special effects ever captured on film and a nasty little story about paranoia, infection, and, ultimately, death.

The reason why The Thing stands up after all these years comes down to two things. The first is the effects work done by a young Rob Bottin, who worked (and slept on the set) for thirteen months straight. After filming was completed, Carpenter had him admitted to a hospital for exhaustion. It paid off, though. The sequences involving the Thing's transformations, in all their KY-covered, foam rubber, animatronic glory still look great –– in fact, I'm hard pressed to think of a movie made in the last five years or so with such mindbending effects sequences.

The other reason why this movie is great? The damn acting, that's why. A solid ensemble cast with Kurt Russell as MacReady, the main character, do one hell of a good job selling us on sheer terror –– a particularly nice job done by Wilford Brimley (yes, the "diabeetus" guy) as Blair, the biologist who goes absolutely batshit crazy.

Really, this movie isn't about the effects, or the acting –– it's about fear. Most of Carpenter's movies have some heavy-thinking stuff going on behind the gore. In this case, it's paranoia so palpable you can feel it.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to assimilate an entire meatloaf. I predict the results will be as messy as in the film.



MisterSatan writes these things whenever he sees a movie he deems worthy, so if you've got recommendations, make sure they're not absolute shit.

In times like these, you would think that now wouldn't be the best time to try to sell a vintage comic book, especially one as rare as "Action Comics No. 1," the very book that introduced us to everyone's favorite goody-two-shoes, Superman. CNN reports: Several buyers have already... more

In times like these, you would think that now wouldn't be the best time to try to sell a vintage comic book, especially one as rare as "Action Comics No. 1," the very book that introduced us to everyone's favorite goody-two-shoes, Superman. CNN reports:

Several buyers have already begun to make offers for the book, which is officially listed as being in "fine" condition, including one person who offered his Ferrari as part of a trade.

The book was originally purchased for 35 cents in a secondhand bookstore in the early 1950s, and remained part of a "Aw, Mom, why'd you throw all my comic books into that moldy old basement box?" collection for several years. The owner eventually remembered he owned a piece of American literature history and recovered the book from its basement tomb, and has kept it in storage until today, when online comics retailer ComicConnect.com will officially begin taking bids.

Who knows? Maybe in times like these, with our financial "experts" now in disgrace and their institutions teetering on the edge of oblivion (if not already there), banks are the last place any American wants to put their money –– investing in comics might just be the way to go. Go bust open those piggy banks.

I have a strange fascination with servants. I’m not saying this as a blue-blooded person who thinks that the “help” are quaint. I’m fascinated with them on a level of their potential and their use in fiction. Butlers, secretaries, assistants, nannies, so many people on the service... more

I have a strange fascination with servants. I’m not saying this as a blue-blooded person who thinks that the “help” are quaint. I’m fascinated with them on a level of their potential and their use in fiction.

Butlers, secretaries, assistants, nannies, so many people on the service end of things get no respect but could completely sink the people that they serve, if they chose. They are the pillars upon which the rich and famous rest.

Who does Batman rely on? Not Robin the Boy Hostage; he relies on Alfred Pennyworth, his long-suffering butler. Alfred is not just good at keeping the house, he keeps the secrets, manages the house network, is an accomplished field medic, and, depending on which one of the many plotlines you read, is also good at boxing, swordsmanship, and archery. And he's deft with a shotgun too!

I know CEOs who would be lost without their assistants. These people who do the real work while those on top think the great thoughts and make the big bucks. Assistants and service people are overlooked and underpaid, but man, what potential.

Alfred is probably the most magical for me. His number one job is serving the Wayne family. He wears his suit and is dapper and proper. All about the etiquette, Alfred is never mussed or out of sorts. And still he kicks ass.

When I was writing for the World of Warcraft RPG books I was given a group to flesh out, a group of caretakers who are trained to care for and protect magical weapons. I had so much freaking fun with those guys, giving them combat abilities, trap-making abilities, and repair skills. There was a school they had to attend -- very difficult to be accepted to -- and multiple vows of secrecy to adhere to (on pain of death, natch.)

That was the most fun I’ve ever had writing in an RPG world. Perhaps my love affair with this kind of character has to do with the unexpected. No one pays attention to the janitor or the maid or the receptionist. They’re perfect assassins and spies and bodyguards.

Geeks, forgive me for the next example, but dammit, it fits (despite the weeping pile of bantha-shit that the movie was) but in The Phantom Menace, Padme got a lot more intel from masquerading as a servant than from being all gunked up with LOOK AT ME, I’M A DECOY makeup.

I was talking about butlers with some friends last summer, and just this week one of them sent me this link. Apparently, there is a butler school. It’s an eight week program in The Netherlands. It costs twelve thousand euros but they do point out this covers lodging, food, not to mention your dapper outfit complete with white gloves(!).

The problem is, I’m finding myself obsessed with this idea. I want to apply and go, count it as research, and find out the world of butling from the inside.

Do they have secret training on ass-kicking? Martial arts? I know from my years in kung fu that there’s not much you can learn in two months of training, but maybe it’s extensive -- a morning of etiquette, an afternoon of efficient and effective housekeeping, then four hours of martial arts training. They not only train you to kick ass, but to do so in a way that when you’re done, you don’t have a hair out of place or a rumple in your suit.

The site does have a “specialized training” area, but I couldn’t find “weapons,” “martial arts,” “hidden room architecture,” or “espionage.”

I was somewhat disappointed, I have to say. But maybe they don't advertise that part of the school.

Someone on Twitter told me that as a writer, I should probably just visit the school instead of spending the dough to enroll, but I disagree. Do you really think they’re going to show their secret assassin training area to a writer? I have to get inside, I have to experience it.

Whether I can learn from the inside or not, the service/butler character is a beloved one in my mind. Someone whose job it is to hold shit together is a powerful person indeed and should be trained in more than wine-meal pairings. So if I want to learn more, but don’t want to go to The Netherlands, what can the US offer me? More importantly, what can they offer me nearby?

Most of US etiquette training organizations I came across offer seminars instead of school-based learning, and nearly every one emphasized the value of getting darn kids off our lawns in order to learn some goddamn manners. And a school in South Carolina was a disappointment. Their Butler School's website has pictures of men and women you just KNOW could give Alfred a run for his money, but this page features a nervous guy holding flowers and tugging at his collar. I have no idea what this is trying to tell me.

I find myself wanting to learn more etiquette, as if it would lead me down a path of forbidden and mystical knowledge. Etiquette is so lost on the world, put aside as “stuffy” or “holier than thou,” that it’s becoming somewhat magical. Wow, if that guy knows what fork to eat his salad with, or how to properly mix chemicals to get a stain out of satin, I wonder what ELSE he knows?

Yeah, my imagination is probably making way too much about this, and I doubt I’ll be looking to enroll in butler school any time school. But from now on I’ll be looking at door men, janitors, and concierges with a bit more respect and, yes, wariness.

(Notice I didn’t list butler there -- it’s cause I’m never invited anywhere where a butler works. It might be cause I don’t know any fucking etiquette.)


Mur Lafferty is an author and podcaster who recently released her first novel, Playing For Keeps. She Speaks Geek every month on SuicideGirls.com. Click HERE for more of Mur's musings.

In her book, Vintage Tattoos: The Book of Old-School Skin Art, music writer and author Carol Clerk traces the history of the art form. In this excerpt she pays tribute to America's pioneer tattooed ladies. (image) Tattooed Ladies It was in New York that America's first professional tattooed lady... more

In her book, Vintage Tattoos: The Book of Old-School Skin Art, music writer and author Carol Clerk traces the history of the art form. In this excerpt she pays tribute to America's pioneer tattooed ladies.



Tattooed Ladies

It was in New York that America's first professional tattooed lady made her debut, in 1882. Nora Hildebrandt was the daughter of tattooist Martin Hildebrandt, a German who had set up shop in the Big Apple in the 1840s. When Martin was not applying his trademark freehand designs to soldiers, sailors and sideshow exhibits, he was working on Nora's skin. With a different tattoo for every day of the year, Nora stepped into the public gaze for the first time at Bunnell's Museum, a gallery of oddities set up by George B Bunnell in the style of Barnum's American Museum.

In the 1890s, Nora took to the road with the Barnum & Bailey Circus and showed off as much pictorial flesh as was decent, aiming for glamour in a corset top and matching bloomers, with strings of pearls wound round her neck and a feathery hat coquettishly tilted on her head. Nora talked the talk, breathlessly explaining to spectators that she and her father had been seized by Native Americans and forcibly tattooed. In other renditions, Martin had been ordered to tattoo his daughter by no less than Chief Sitting Bull; Nora was tied to a tree; and she was tattooed every day for a year. Then suddenly, for no apparent reason, she began confessing the rather more mundane reality to her audiences.

Within months of her debut, Nora must have been disappointed to be upstaged by Irene Woodward. Irene had been comprehensively tattooed by Sam O'Reilly and his apprentice Charles Wagner, although, naturally, she didn't admit it. According to some sources, Irene announced, rather blandly, that she'd voluntarily been inked by her father. Other stories say she claimed to have been tattooed in Texas as some sort of protection against, yes, those bad old Native Americans. Graduating from Bunnell's Museum, Irene went on to tour Europe, performing in London in 1890.

Tattooed women would soon earn much higher performance wages than their male counterparts. They became enormously popular. Not only were the women displaying extreme body art, a rarity in itself, but they were also permitting men to ogle parts of the female anatomy that were never willingly exposed in polite society...The sideshow freaks, however, were doomed to extinction. By the end of the Second World War, the public had lost interest. They'd been there, seen that - and, today, they can even buy the T-shirt.




Images –– Top: Irene Woodward, known as La Belle Irene, pictured here on a postcard from the 1890s. Bottom: A nude tattooed lady, circa 1928.

Excerpt from Vintage Tattoos: The Book of Old-School Skin Art courtesy of Universe Publishing, a division of Rizzoli International Publications Inc. Text copyright (c) Universe Publishing 2009. Printed with kind permission of Universe Publishing.