The legendary Larry Tee first hit the mainstream radar when his group The Fans produced the B52s' hit single "Rock Lobster/52 Girls" back in Atlanta during the late '70s. He left the Sweet South for the Big Apple in the late '80s and went on to collaborate with RuPaul, co-writing... more

The legendary Larry Tee first hit the mainstream radar when his group The Fans produced the B52s' hit single "Rock Lobster/52 Girls" back in Atlanta during the late '70s. He left the Sweet South for the Big Apple in the late '80s and went on to collaborate with RuPaul, co-writing "Supermodel (You Better Work)." In the early 2000s (a decade he calls the naughties) he coined the name electroclash to describe a burgeoning genre of music. He's a true pioneer of electronic-based music, turning club music inside out and upside down with the renowned Electroclash Festivals and his various NYC club parties Love Machine and Disco 2000. Larry Tee has produced artists such as Avenue D, Richie Rich, W.I.T., and Spalding Rockwell. He is also known for championing artists such as Peaches, Felix Da Housecat, Scissor Sisters, and Fischerspooner.

Last month Ultra Records blessed the U.S. with Larry Tee's sexiest release yet, Club Badd. Featuring collaborations with Princess Superstar, Jeffree Star, Perez Hilton, Amanda Lapore, Hervé, Roxy Cottontail, and plenty more, Club Badd is a symphonic pleasure powerhouse. With songs like "Let's Make Nasty," "My Penis," My Pussy" and "Clap That Ass," Larry Tee is guaranteeing we all get a piece of the action at any party playing his cuts. Furthermore, seeing as Larry Tee has been sober since 1997, Club Badd proves you don't need drugs to be dirty -- all you need is his latest CD!

Read on to find out what Larry shares with SG, revealing his secret fondness for old country songs, what he thinks of black metal, and his beef with Mac.

Jaime Winters: Where are you now, Larry? Are you on the road?

Larry Tee: I'm in my car going to Phoenix.

JW: Oh, I used to live in Tempe.

LT: So, you lived near Phoenix?

JW: Yeah, totally.

LT: It should be fun tonight; I'm looking forward to it.

JW: It is fun there. You'll get a good crowd; a lot of people go to shows there.

LT: Oh good, I'm ready for them, gonna bring the smut to Phoenix. I'm gonna have them all over "My Penis."

JW: Oh yeah?

LT: Which is my new song. Oh Jaime, you have such a dirty mind. It's with Perez Hilton, and it's called "My Penis."

JW: I heard it on Club Badd. I like it; it's fun!

LT: You like "My Penis"?

JW: Well, I don't know if I like your penis, but I like your song, "My Penis."

LT: You have such a dirty mind, Jaime. They warned me about you.

I don't want everyone to have it just yet, you gotta hold back a little bit. They've gotta discover it with this album. Then they're like, "Damn, I like this Princess Superstar song, and this Roxy Cottontail song is hot. And then 'My Penis' -- Damn!" Actually, when I did this album I thought, "I want the sexiest workout tape, the funniest, most contemporary workout tape ever made."

JW: Is that your goal now?

LT: It's one of my goals. I think that's an admirable goal, to try to help America get back into shape.

JW: You know how there is this whole fad with stripper exercise?

LT: That is such a good tie-in!

JW: You need to market Club Badd as a cardio-polework soundtrack, and send it to all the stripper-cise studios. America's housewives need Club Badd, real bad.

LT: The stripper pole is such a metaphor for "My Penis." We do a video of strippers going up and down poles, to my horrible, nasty music -- that sounds irresistible -- and it's doing a community service because it's keeping people in shape.

JW: Exactly. And it's spicing up their love lives.

LT: Oh my god, it could totally be a romantic couples kind of theme going along with the exercise aspect.

JW: Yeah, like an educational video.

LT: I could sell it to porn shops, opening it up to a whole new audience.

JW: Definitely.

LT: With people like Jeffree Star, appealing to emo girls in the Midwest, and Perez Hilton who is the secretary for the gays of America, and Roxy Cottontail and Princess Superstar keeping the hipster dudes occupied; I don't think I really covered anything for pervs.

JW: Well, now you've found a way. See, I helped you.

LT: I'll tell you what, if it blows up Girls Gone Wild style I'll throw you a little something. It's funny, when I was getting ready to do this album I was thinking more Girls Gone Wild then I was thinking Tiesto or Paul Van Dyk mixed CDs, trying to sell it as a concept thing -- it's definitely gotta have much more of that Girls Gone Wild exercise feel to get it out there. If you just do an old school mix tape thing, nobody really remembers the songs. People say they like it, but they can't name one song off of a mix. I have to make something so sick everybody will have to remember every song.

I'm trying to do remixes with producers like Hervé, Edu K., Blogula, and all the guys that are making the hot new beats right now. I'm letting them redo my songs after I've released them. Then I have the freshest sounding beats I could get with my new material, and I'm really happy with the way it turned out. I really do think it's glamtronically.

JW: I love how the music on Club Badd is hard hitting dance, but with just enough grimy noise to make it stand out more than average dance songs, and how lyrically it's really dirty but still fun with an element of facetiousness.

LT: It's totally not meant to be taken too seriously. I wanted to touch on all my favorite subjects at the same time. "Hipster Girl," for example, is a real song. I thought, here are these miserable girls that are so hot but they don't seem to have any fun, and they're always complaining, so I decided to do a song to them. With the latest "Supermodel," which, I originally did RuPaul's "Supermodel" in '92, I thought I should really do a song for Agyness Deyn, she's so hot. She has short hair, she's not gonna be a Sports Illustrated girl. There's a short-haired rock & roll model out there for a change. She's not like everybody else. So, I thought, let's celebrate her. You know, I like to work with everything. On this album I even did a song with a 7-year old girl. I don't know how people are gonna respond to her song being sandwiched between "My Pussy" and "My Penis." They're just gonna be like, "What is this girl talking about rice crispy treats in the middle of this album?"

JW: Right!

LT: So, I'm number 3 right now on the Hype Machine, which is this hipster thing that takes all the blogs and they take the most popular songs online. I did this mash-up of Carmina Burana and my song with the 7-year old girl ["I Love U"] and nobody picked up on it. At the same time Steve Aoki and MSTRKRFT were using it to open up their live shows, so MSTRKRFT sent me an edit with Ghostface Killah from Wu-Tang on it, so I posted that to see if people would pick up on it. Sure enough by putting MSTRKRFT and Ghostface Killah on it, it wound up number 3 on the Hype Machine. That's the hipster seal of approval. I'm finally hip!

JW: Larry, you've always been hip. You coined electroclash as a genre and have discovered a lot of amazing artists and have produced a lot of great bands.

LT: You know what I'm up to next? I'm thinking of starting a fight.

JW: What?

LT: Mac is using my trademark term electroclash in their launch program. They could use electro but they had to take my copyrighted term. Tell me, if I were to call my album iPod, don't you think Mac would come for me?

JW: I never thought of something like that becoming a legal issue. What are you going to do?

LT: I started looking for a lawyer that'll take it on, because I'm sure Mac has the bucks over there. I had my lawyer tell them I'm unpleased with them using the term and they were like, "Well, everybody uses the term, dude, so you're outta luck. " And I'm like, "Everybody uses the term iPod, dude. I should've called my new album iPod." If they were to come for me, it's just telling everybody they run over the little guy, that Mr. Little Electroclash can just get run over, even though he's helped so many artists get out into the mainstream.

JW: I love how you've done that. When you champion counterculture artists and you see them being well received into the mainstream, it's an accomplishment.

LT: They can get turned onto "My Penis."

JW: They can, and they gotta "Work It Out" [Licky].

LT: With this record, it's so much about me trying to introduce people to new sounds, new artists, and new music producers; it's not very far from what I do normally.

JW: Lately it seems like genres are merging. I love all music so I get really excited when I hear artists incorporating different styles.

LT: I'm with you. I'm really sick of the one sound all night long thing.

JW: It's one beat forever.

LT: I hate that. All that progressive house or minimal or trance or that big room tribal garbage, it's like, I can't imagine anyone I know that would really want to be subjected to that. When I DJ, and with my new album, I try to incorporate rock, like, with "Hipster Girl," and to incorporate rap and electro, whatever's out there, even some Brazilian beats, whatever is moving us at the moment; it's all in there. I did not include d n' b or polka.

JW: Why not? I love polka.

LT: I'm saving something for my next album.

JW: It's a little off subject, but, what do you think of black metal? I'm not into all of it, I'm pretty selective, but I just love the fast yet melodic soundscapes.

LT: Maybe I have to hear some black metal. It's a primal urge to hear something fast and loud. I can find something to love in every genre. My secret, coming from Georgia, I kinda like some old school country.

JW: I love old country. What's your favorite old country song?

LT: "'Til I Can Make It On My Own" by Tammy Wynette.

JW: That's a great song. Have you heard "Fist City" by Loretta Lynn?

LT: I love some of it, the ones that are trashy. Actually, most of the ones I found I like are produced by this one guy, that produced Charlie Rich, Tammy Wynette, and he produced George Jones and Tanya Tucker. They were all produced by this one genius guy and he made them sing about what they were really going through. It was just so raw. So, there's no country on my album, though, no black metal either. I hope that's OK.

JW: Of course that's OK. You can't include everything on one album.

LT: It's true. Someone could get a heart attack if they were working out to black metal.

JW: Can you imagine?

LT: Do you know that video where people are working out to that corny indie pop song, where they're on the conveyor belt? We're doing the black metal version of that video. There will be strippers in high heels running really fast to black metal.

JW: That would be so hilarious.

LT: I for one want to see that.

JW: You've done a lot of videos recently, right?

LT: Yeah, we did a "Licky" video with Princess Superstar. We did "I Love U" with Amanita. And, of course, the new Perez Hilton just went up. This guy in Australia did a whole cartoon about the Amanda Lepore one, so it looks like we're gonna do a new version of that.

JW: You've been releasing them all online. Are you going to put out a DVD?

LT: Not yet, but almost every song on the album has a video, so I think it's a no-brainer. I think the idea of a CD is old fashioned; it's dying. To really get it out to people you have to make it next generation so they can watch it on their iPhones or their little DVD player.

When I was on the plane and some dude next to me was laughing, staring at his crotch. I thought, "What is this dude doing?" Then I look down and see he has one of those mini players and he's watching a TV comedy on it. That's so how people are going to be getting my album.

Check LarryTee.com for Club Badd info and tour dates.

Holy shit there were a lot of Asshole Fuckfaces this week. I almost couldn’t fit all the nominees into my man purse. But, I did. Then I whittled them down to a manageable number and sorted them by color. After that, I lathered them in butter and dried them in the sun. Once dry, I threw them on the... more

Holy shit there were a lot of Asshole Fuckfaces this week. I almost couldn’t fit all the nominees into my man purse. But, I did. Then I whittled them down to a manageable number and sorted them by color. After that, I lathered them in butter and dried them in the sun. Once dry, I threw them on the roof and the first four that slid back down became this week’s picks. It’s called science and it works very well, so put on your favorite leather lab coat because this is going to be ugly.

First up, some border protecting Asshole Fuckfacery.

This one is epic Asshole Fuckface Hall of Fame material.

Meet Shawna Forde. She’s from Washington State, used to be the executive director of Minutemen American Defense and was named Bush's "operations director" for the Minutemen’s actions along the border. She even hosted an anti-immigrant “Summit” which was attended by Tom Tancredo, Duncan Hunter and Fred Thompson. Obviously, being a leader of the Minuteman, Shawna is a complete lunatic.

But that’s just talk. Now we have proof of her lunacy because she entered the home of some brown people and killed them.

Thanks for protecting us from that 9-year-old girl, Shawna.

Right. If you can’t raise money to protect America from donations, go rob and kill a drug dealer and his child.

Well, she was Mexican or the daughter of a bad person or something, so she deserved to die. Please put Shawna and her Asshole Fuckface friend in prison with the Mexican Mafia. Thanks.

Next up, some GOP racist Asshole Fuckfacery.

It’s pretty difficult to go an entire week without stumbling across some delightful Republican racism. See, back in the old days they sent hilarious racist emails to each other and laughed and laughed and laughed. But now they have a huge problem: The president is black. So, when they try to take their fantastic racist jokes and apply them to the president, it brings them a whole bunch of attention. Bummer.

First up, South Carolina GOP official Sherri Goforth posted a hilarious picture up on Facebook. It’s of all the presidents. The last one is a bit weird, though.



Ha ha ha! He’s black! I get it! You can only see black people’s eyes. Because they’re black! Get it! Weeeeee.

Fucking wrong list. Clearly that was the problem.

Second is South Carolina GOP operative Mike Green. (Good week, South Carolina!) Mike has discovered Twittering, which means he can spread his hilarious racist jokes further.



Ah ha ha ha ha. Get it? Obama is black, so he’s against everything white and good. I love it! But, Mike realized he had made an error.



Totally. Your error being you made your racist comment in public, believing everyone thinks the way you do because all your friends are racist.

Next up, some presidential Asshole Fuckfacery.

Barack Obama took a deep dive into Lake Asshole Fuckface this week with some heinous bullshit. First, Barack and his hoard attacked gay Americans in a way religious zealots would be proud of.

Sweet. Nothing like shitting on people who supported you.

Oh, good, you compared gay marriage to incest. Nice work, Obama peeps. I’m going to go out on a limb and say it was probably not a good idea to have a Mormon, who was hired by Bush, to write the brief, especially considering it was not even necessary. But, hey, it’s working out well, because the gay community is furious and bailing in droves. (Pssst, you're supposed to be on their side)

Good work, all around.

Next up, more presidential Asshole Fuckfacery.

Obama is having one hell of a week. First his crew spit in the face of gays and then he went and pulled a big, fat Bush.

Now, that is the transparency we were looking for.

Yes, let’s ignore the TWO RULINGS by the courts and go on about our merry way because we didn’t have enough presidents ignoring the law over the past eight years. But, hey, he did warn us he was into this kind of stuff.

Hell yeah!

You tell 'em!

Whatever it takes to win, eh, liar?

FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday and Friday for more from FearTheReaper You may also enjoy his blog, Stop All Monsters.

Ed Begley Jr. was not even part of the bulk of publicity for Whatever Works. In Woody Allen's latest comedy, he enters the film only in the third act. Even with less than a half hour of screen time, his character, John, has a full arc. He goes from overprotective father oblivious to the reality of... more

Ed Begley Jr. was not even part of the bulk of publicity for Whatever Works. In Woody Allen's latest comedy, he enters the film only in the third act. Even with less than a half hour of screen time, his character, John, has a full arc. He goes from overprotective father oblivious to the reality of his daughter's situation to a man opened up to the world.

The film centers on aging genius Boris Yellnikoff (Larry David). Boris sees young ditz Melodie St. Ann Celestine (Evan Rachel Wood) and takes her under his intellectual wing. It's a situation built for Allen's comic observations about relationship mismatches. John, Melodie's father, shows up to rescue his runaway daughter, who he just assumes was kidnapped against her will. Shocked by the world she now inhabits, John has no choice but to embrace all walks of life in New York City.

By this point in his career, Begley is better known as an activist than an actor. While he still works prolifically in film and television, he more often appears on talk shows or the public speaking circuit to promote environmental causes. He lives in a solar powered house and makes it a point to bicycle wherever he can, even to glitzy movie premieres.

Begley made himself available for a private phone interview with SuicideGirls one afternoon. While scheduling logistics about picking the kids up from school threatened a distraction, Begley remained focused and engaged. He was surprised to find out about Suicide Girls' interest in him, but went along with it as a good sport.

Fred Topel: Did you ever thing you'd be interviewed on Suicide Girls?

Ed Begley, Jr.: Well, no, I never did but I'm very happy to talk to you. Will I be talking to you or one of the Suicide Girls themselves?

FT: Just me, I'm afraid.

EB: Happy to talk to you, buddy.

FT: But are they your type of girls?

EB: Were I not married, definitely.

FT: We hear how Woody Allen works. Did you get the whole script or just your pages?

EB: 15 pages is all I got.

FT: Had you ever worked that way before?

EB: Never. Very interesting but it was fun. It was kind of improv acting in some ways because what happened the first day on the set, I'd never met Woody Allen, so I get to meet Woody Allen. "Hi, Ed Begley, nice to meet you, Mr. Allen." "We're very happy to have you," said he. "Very glad you're here. Any questions?" "No." As he indicated in the pages that I saw, perhaps his letter said NRA Republican. I got that from the 15 pages as well so that's all you need to know. He's that guy. He's from the South so he has a Southern accent. I went, "Oh wow, that wasn't in the 15 pages." He said, "Well, he's an NRA Republican." I said, "Yeah, but he could be an NRA Republican from Vermont. I didn't know he was from the South, and you want a Southern accent?" "Yes, can you do a Southern accent?" "Sure."

FT: How did you get cast if you hadn't met him before shooting?

EB: They just sent me the script, the script again being a relative term, 15 pages of the script and said, "Read this." There's a letter that comes with it from Woody Allen. It says, "We thought you'd be great in this part. Tell me what you think." A guy sits or stands there when you read it because it's not like they mail it to you. They send you this script and then you read it and then you hand it back to the guy and he drives back to the production office with those 15 pages. So then you call your agent and say, "I like it. What do I do now? Do I have to meet him or go read?" He went, "No, no, no. I'll call but I think it's an offer. I'll let you know," says my agent. Calls back, "Yeah, it's an offer. If you want to do it, the part is yours." "Great, I want to do it." Who's going to say no to Woody Allen.

FT: What did you think when you saw the whole film?

EB: I haven't seen the whole film. I don't know what the film's about. I mean, I know what my 15 pages is about. I put two and two together in a few instances. I'm going to see it Monday.

FT: Do you think there is a message to your character or is it just good fun?

EB: I think it's just good fun and I suppose there is some message in that, I don't want to give anything away, but "what you fear you become" is all I'll say. My character has a tremendous amount of fear about certain groups. It certainly affects things down the line for him.

FT: There might be a message about gay rights in the movie. You're an environmentalist but do you work with that cause too?

EB: I do. I was very much opposed to Prop 8 and worked hard to defeat it. I was not successful, and lots of other things. There's a lot of groups that I work with that are certainly involved in gay rights, so I do what I can. We'll see how this all works out.

FT: Is it easy to be environmentally conscious in New York? Can you bike or walk to the set?

EB: Totally. I didn't get in a cab even the whole time I was there. I didn't need to. I walked, I took the subway. Every day they'd say, "Are you sure? We'll send a car for you." "No, why would I waste a car, a driver and the gasoline expense. I'll take the subway, I'll walk." That's what I did the whole time I was there. Whenever I'm in New York, that's what I do.

FT: Wood Allen has that neurotic persona. Is he neurotic about the environment too?

EB: I don't know what his thoughts are on the environment. I didn't broach the subject with him. He's a very private guy. We spoke on the set. He wasn't so closed off that we didn't speak. We spoke several times and had conversations but people are very respectful of his privacy and I'm one of those people. So I spoke to him when I felt he was receptive to being talked to, but otherwise I certainly didn't.

FT: Do you have to be careful when you're picking Hollywood projects that it's not going to be a wasteful production?

EB: Big time. I work with some groups that are trying to green up every set in Hollywood and around the country. The Environmental Media Association, we have green guidelines for sets and for production offices and for films and television shows in general. So we have been fairly successful in greening up a lot of TV and film productions. We need to do more. Television and film has been a very wasteful industry for many, many years. They have a 2 x 4, cut off a small piece and put the rest in the dumpsters, and leave cars running with the air conditioning on just in case an actor might want to jump in it eight hours later. That kind of waste, it was celebrated for years, lighting cigars with $100 bills and limos and champagne and caviar. It's an industry based on excess so it's been challenging over the years, really starting in 1990, the 20th anniversary of Earth Day, begin to move into another direction. Now with some success, it's nearly 30 years later, we've come a long way. A lot of productions are greener on the set and a lot of the productions are greener in the production office. It's gotten better.

FT: You said in your UCLA speech that you're not overboard about it. Do filmmakers have that misconception about you?

EB: Yeah, it was a challenge in 1992 in this movie Pagemaster, they literally thought I wouldn't sit in this car for this one shot. They couldn't find an electric station wagon on this movie. It's kind of sweet that they even tried. They came to me talking about what we're going to do, because I had to sit in the car, I had to drive the car in the shot. I said, "It'll be fine. I'll drive it 10 feet down the driveway is all the shot call for. It's fine." It wasn't like it was supposed to be an electric car in the movie. It was just a regular car and there was no such thing as an electric station wagon back then. I don't think there is today. But, people were of the mind, they had the impression that I wouldn't even sit in a car with the engine off. They were wondering if they could just roll it down the hill. I like that people think I'm that dedicated but I suppose it cost me some work. They thought I was a little more radical than I am.

FT: Do you ever get in trouble for showing up to a glamorous premiere on your bike?

EB: I think for a time, people were scared a bit or turned off by it. I was never blacklisted. My name was not on a list in a drawer somewhere but I think people, when faced with a choice of me or someone else, would go, "Mm, give me someone else." They thought I was going to say angry words at them when they got into their limo or their SUV. I never do that but people don't know that. They know what I stand for and they don't know how that's going to translate on the sets or at a meeting or production office. So I think it definitely cost me some work in the '90s but I made it through that and now people are very much into doing everything they can themselves.

FT: Would you have to get permission because it's so different from how everyone else is arriving?

EB: Yes, you do. You have to let people know when you're coming to an event that you're going to come on a bicycle. Certainly, I've been to the Vanity Fair party for the Oscars on a bicycle. I've never been to the actual Oscars on a bicycle because my wife is coming with me and it'd be just like for show. It wouldn't be for show, I would come on a bicycle, but then she's coming in a separate car. What's the point? I might as well get in that car. That car is an electric car so it's as clean as the bicycle really because I charge it on the sun, so there's no real point to riding the bicycle to the Oscars other than making a statement and getting photographed that way. The point of this whole story is that if I were to do that, you'd have to let security know or some cop somewhere would say, "You can't come in here with that bike." "No, but I'm a governor." "I don't care what you are." "I'm a governor of the Academy." "Sir, you're not hearing me. You can't come in. you have to have an authorized vehicle." "But I have a ticket." "I don't care." You might get somebody who'd say that so you have to let people know. Whenever I'm doing anything unusual like that, I've learned over the years to just let people know.

FT: Are there any new initiatives you're involved in?

EB: There's so much going on, I wouldn't know where to begin. There's a wonderful site called Fixingtheplanet.com. I've been helping them get awareness. It's a great resource for people to get more involved with the environment, so I'd give them a plug if you'd allow me.

FT: That's not a link on your site.

EB: No, I've got to get that up there. Thank you for reminding me.

FT: You were in the original Battlestar Galactica. Did you want to be part of the new one?

EB: I loved that show. I'm very happy my friend Edward Olmos is doing it as you know. I just hear all about it from him. He's a dear, dear friend and he's terrific in the show as you know and he's directing a Battlestar Galactica movie, [The Plan].

FT: Would you be in the Arrested Development movie?

EB: Oh yes, whatever they want. I'll go and do craft service on that movie. I will be a fan and just watch it. I love that show. I was very happy to be in the episodes that I was but I'll experience it as a fan or be part of it if they need me. That's a great series.

FT: It seems they're trying to get a lot of the great cameo players to come back.

EB: Well, I can only pray that Stan Sitwell would have some minor role or anything, because I'm a big fan of Mitch [Hurwitz] and the whole experience.

Whatever Works opens in New York and Los Angeles on June 19. For more on Ed Begley, his green bible, Living Like Ed, and the environmental causes he supports visit EdBegley.com/.

(image) We love the content of our games: the characters, the environments, a great lighting trick or a memorable score. But let's be honest. Gameplay trumps all. Without the Portal gun, you wouldn't have Portal. Left 4 Dead proves that you can get more mileage with less plot. And Tetris, arguably... more

We love the content of our games: the characters, the environments, a great lighting trick or a memorable score. But let's be honest. Gameplay trumps all. Without the Portal gun, you wouldn't have Portal. Left 4 Dead proves that you can get more mileage with less plot. And Tetris, arguably the king of games, comes with no content at all.

You could argue that the content is just frosting - except in a few cases. And one of those cases is the oeuvre of game designer Tim Schafer. Schafer's new title, Brütal Legend, due this fall, has stirred up raves and praise from the gaming press after favorable demos at GDC and E3. With Jack Black as roadie Eddie Riggs helming a saga set in a '70s metal fantasy world, Brütal Legend ticks off many boxes on the list of Things That Rawk. The game features the voices of legends such as Lemmy Kilmister, Ozzy Osbourne and Lita Ford, as well as celeb cameos from the likes of Tim Curry. But the main attraction is Scahfer. If he's behind it, the thinking goes, the game will be massive. It'll be hilarious, yet thoughtful. The characters will be larger than life but true to their hearts. You won't even want to skip the cut-scenes.

But will you actually have fun playing the game?



I've never played Schafer's earliest works. He was a co-writer and co-designer on LucasArts' first two Monkey Island games and Day of the Tentacle, and he made his lead designer debut with 1995's Full Throttle. I first fell for him with 1998's Grim Fandango, a brilliantly executed and head-bashingly tough graphical adventure set in an afterlife that crosses Day of the Dead imagery with Art Deco architecture, Aztec motifs, and classic movies like Casablanca. This pastiche, which served as a background for the adventures of Manuel "Manny" Calavera, a travel agent for the Department of Death in the fictitious land of El Marrow, blended perfectly thanks to Schafer's direction and his sense of humor. Across four acts, clever puzzles stemmed not from abstract logic games, but naturally and believably from the sui generis environments and the masterfully-told story.

I mentioned humor, and his sense of it is Schafer's greatest strength. The humor that he and his team bring to their games is surprisingly broad and all-ages, without crossing the line to "corny." The jokes are witty but heartfelt, and they're free of geek-bait, fan service, or other short-lived references. They reflect a creator who's not in love with his jokes, but with his worlds.



Grim Fandango roosts high on the list of all-time great games. But Schafer's next work, 2005's Psychnoauts, is better known as a great game that nobody played. On its first release it racked up critical praise but dismal sales. And while I liked it enough to finish it, I can see why it didn't "click."

Psychonauts takes place in a summer camp - except this is a summer camp for psychics. The students are Psychonauts-in-training, who jump into people's minds and dreams to battle their nightmares and cure their neuroses. This gave Schafer's team the chance to combine a folksy, familiar setting with a panolpy of surreal dreamscapes, where psychedelic discos and black spy helicopters rub against villas filled with black velvet paintings, and a circus full of fluffy little bunnies, all marching to the slaughter.

That's a broad palette - and unlike Grim Fandango, it doesn't gel. The protagonist is Raz, a stock precocious boy who overshadows a smarter heroine and whose whole quest is basically about himself. He doesn't catch the imagination like Fandango's Manny, and the game's maturity level swings from nostalgically youthful, to flat-out juvenile. On the other hand, the peripheral stuff - the environments, the dialogue, and the secondary characters - shine with love and care. Stroll around the campgrounds and you'll have dozens of opportunities to talk to other kids, and to watch cutscenes just because they're so damn entertaining.

But what really marred Psychonauts is the game. It's a 3-D platformer, which has a niche appeal. The platforming has nothing to do with the game's core themes of psychoanalysis-made-physical however. See, our hero is not only a psychic, he's also a circus performer - which explains why he can monkey his way up all these tightwires and pillars, but has nothing to do with all the cool stuff about breaking into people's imaginations. Many levels end with a feeling, not of triumph, but relief. And when the difficulty spikes in the finale, even the game's biggest boosters admit it starts to curdle.



Which brings us to Brütal Legend. I won't try to judge Brütal before I've even laid my hands on a controller. But I've caught several minutes of gameplay footage, and I've already seen one reason to like it: it's an action-adventure, the burger-and-fries of the gaming world.

Enemies show up, and you mash a button and kill them. You upgrade your weapons and pick up new abilities, and you can mash buttons to use them. Your parents who conceived you to this heavy metal soundtrack will have a blast playing this with you. So far, we've seen no baroque puzzles, and no tricky four-story-high rope courses. You smack the buttons and the little guy on the screen kills people. And when you're done? You go back to a world of album cover skies and disfigured headbangers and leather-clad rock chicks and golden-throated pretty boys, and hours and hours of listening to people yap. It's the best reward of all: more content.


Images - Top: Jack Black in Brütal Legend / Second: Grim Fandango / Third: Psychonauts / Bottom: Ozzy in Brütal Legend.

Rachael Webster (a.ka.a SG member PixelVixen707) is SG's Hit Play games columnist. A game lover and game blogger living in New York City, she also writes at PixelVixen707.com and tweets as PixelVixen707.

Too embarrassed to talk to your friends about your foot fetish? Not sure when to tell your partner about those, um, nasty genital warts? Need some Gotha Stewart home-ec advice for your next soiree? Not sure how to get your foot in the door of that fab new career you want? I got you covered. Miss Truth... more

Too embarrassed to talk to your friends about your foot fetish? Not sure when to tell your partner about those, um, nasty genital warts? Need some Gotha Stewart home-ec advice for your next soiree? Not sure how to get your foot in the door of that fab new career you want? I got you covered. Miss Truth Hurts is here to answer all of your love, life, sex, career, and relationship questions. Ask anything. I've been there/done that (except for the warts) and I've dished out advice to readers just like you through the pages of my advice book/lifestyle guide, Cherry Bomb: The Ultimate Guide to Becoming a Better Flirt, a Tougher Chick, and a Hotter Girlfriend, and to Living Life Like a Rock Star.

Send your questions, dilemmas, and conundrums to misstruthhurts@suicidegirls.com.

Alternatively, SG members can send a message via the site to MissTruthHurts.

We won't use your name, just the city you're writing from.


Q: I've been with my boyfriend for just two years and things are slowing down. We don't have sex as much. We don't make-out that often. He doesn't get hard at the mere thought of me like he used to. We just don't seem to have that spark we used to. But, we don't fight. We get along and love each other, it's just that gotten dull and routine.

-Bored in Brooklyn

A: Here's your chemistry lesson for the day: When we embark on a new relationship our brains release endorphins that give us a feeling of being high on love. It's why, when we first hook-up with a new love interest, we want to have sex all the time, get hard or wet at the mere thought of our partners, and our hearts literally skip a beat every time he/she walks in the room. From a biological standpoint, that can't last forever. If you're lucky it'll last around a year, but for most this stage lasts just a few months. Just accept that as fact. The feelings we associate with the first stages of love are merely the result of an endorphin brain bath.

Once the bath runs dry, and this initial stage is over, you'll need to put a little more work in to keep your love life afloat. Instead of wondering why you're not stimulated by the slightest touch or glance, you need to create stimulating situations. It's time to step it up. Maybe he was excited at the sight of you in a tank top and his boxer briefs, but 18 months on that's probably not going to cut it anymore. Try something sexier (lingerie), kinkier (a dominatrix outfit) or go the fantasy route (naughty school girl outfits always do the trick). Put some spontaneity into your bag of tricks. I'm sure he'll get hard if you go down on him while he's driving or offer him a little al fresco fun (though the police may not be so keen on either of these suggestions, a little risk goes a long way). Or try a make-out session in the closet of your home and pretend you're kids playing "7 Minutes in Heaven." Give him a message with a happy ending. Go for a quickie. Do anything new! Mix it up!



Q: My boyfriend cheated on me once early in our relationship. It was technically before we made it exclusive and before we told each other "I love you." I just found out about it now, a year into our relationship. I never mistrusted him before, but now that I found out it's all I can think about. How do I get past this?

-Scorned in San Francisco

A: Technically, you weren't exclusive so it's not cheating. It's as simple as that. Sure, it hurts, but get over it. If you can't forgive him and move on, then get out now. You're going to make yourself and him miserable if you hang onto this forever.



Q: My girlfriend looks like a SuicideGirl and I love her look. She gets dressed up in her sexy little outfits every time we go out and spends hours doing her hair and makeup. But, when it's just her and I, she often wears no makeup and doesn't dress up. It feels like she's putting on a show for everyone else, and doesn't care how she looks around me. Shouldn't she want to impress me too? WTF?

-Pissed in Pomona, Calif.

A: Yeah, I agree to an extent. She should try to look her best for you too. We should never let ourselves go just because we're comfortable in a relationship. That's when bad things happen. But, cut her some slack. Women also want our guys to love us for just us and be okay if we have a day when our hair is in a ponytail and we're in just jeans and a t-shirt. Don't be so superficial, dude! Even glamour girls deserve a day off.



Q: I go to Comic-Con in San Diego in July every year, and every year I dress up. I have a great Spock costume, but this is her first time going and she doesn't want me to dress up. She says she won't go if I dress up. She thinks it's embarrassing. What should I do?

-Cuckoo for Comic-Con in Los Angeles

A: Dump that bitch! How dare she try to take away your fun? It doesn't sound like this girl is a good match for you. Find a girl who will dress up with you and be proud to play Uhura to your Spock.



Carrie Borzillo-Vrenna is Suicide Girls' sex, love, and life advice columnist. She is an entertainment journalist, rock wife, and author of Cherry Bomb: The Ultimate Guide to Becoming a Better Flirt, a Tougher Chick, and a Hotter Girlfriend, and to Living Life Like a Rock Star and Eyewitness Nirvana: The Day-by-Day Chronicle.

www.myspace.com/carrieborzillovrenna
www.carriebv.com

It turns out that Americans and Iranians are not so different after all. The current protests in Iran show a yearning for democracy and a desire for self-determination. After what appears to have been a blatantly stolen election in Iran, supporters of opposition candidate Mir Hossein Mousavi have taken... more

It turns out that Americans and Iranians are not so different after all. The current protests in Iran show a yearning for democracy and a desire for self-determination. After what appears to have been a blatantly stolen election in Iran, supporters of opposition candidate Mir Hossein Mousavi have taken to the streets, defying a protest ban. Protesters are being beaten and shot at, but they remain because they believe a great injustice has occurred.

We here in America get it. We fully support your struggle, Iranians.

There is a time when one has to take a stand and fight. It's how we birthed our great nation and it's something we value and use when necessary.

There comes a time when enough is enough and men must stand up against tyranny. Like the man who stood in front of that tank in Tiananmen Square in 1989, this is your time. Did that man and his fellow protesters succeed? Not in the short term, but they laid the groundwork for a future revolution. They showed how powerful a mob can be, just as the Iranians in the streets of Tehran are today and Americans on the streets of Los Angeles did on Sunday night.

The parallel desires for justice are amazing..

Justice. Now. Every movement has a leader. Iran has the elequant Mousavi.

America has the bold Kobe Bryant.

We stand together.


FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday and Friday for more from FearTheReaper You may also enjoy his blog, Stop All Monsters.

The answer to the question "who would Buddha fuck?" is that he wouldn’t. He left his wife to pursue the deeper Truth of the Universe. Later on she dropped whatever grudge she must have had and became a Buddhist nun. But as far as we know they did not get back together as husband and wife... more

The answer to the question "who would Buddha fuck?" is that he wouldn’t. He left his wife to pursue the deeper Truth of the Universe. Later on she dropped whatever grudge she must have had and became a Buddhist nun. But as far as we know they did not get back together as husband and wife again even after she joined the order.

But, y’see, before Buddha became Buddha he got more ass than a toilet seat. Compared to the founders of most major religions Buddha was the Gene Simmons of the spiritual scene. One of the randiest saviors this planet has ever produced!

Siddhartha Gautama, the Buddha-to-be, was born into a royal family and reportedly had quite a harem in his youth. His dad, the king, had a special “chamber of love” built for the boy where the raunchy little tyke spent his days partaking in all kinds of debauchery. According to Lust for Enlightenment by John Stevens, the ever horny prince availed himself of pleasure girls adept at such skills as “war of the tongues,” “kissing the stalk,” “sucking a mango,” “opening the blossom,” as well as sex positions known as "the union of cats," "the pressing of an elephant," "bee buzzing over honey" and, best of all, "the union of three." Sometimes the girls teamed up to perform the yogini chakra in which the salivating Siddhartha made love simultaneously with three, five, seven or nine partners.

Suffice it to say, by the time Buddha gave up sex he’d tried pretty much everything there was to try.

The first Buddhist monks attempted to emulate Buddha’s later life in terms of sex, meaning they usually became celibate.

Later on other Buddhists in the Tantric tradition took a completely different outlook, turning to Buddha's earlier life and trying to make sex into a meditative practice. According to the all-knowing Wikipedia*, “When enacted as enjoined by the tantras, the (sexual) ritual culminates in a sublime experience of infinite awareness, by both participants.” Uh huh. I’m sure it does. I have a couch right over here where we can try it out if you like…

In Zen practice we strive for the balanced state that Dogen called, “Dropping off both body and mind.” People come to this state of balance in a variety of ways. One of the reasons sex is so appealing is that for many people the only time they truly drop off body and mind and enter fully into the present moment is while fucking.

Yet, in spite of what the Tantrics say, I remain unconvinced that sex is a viable path to the Absolute. It’s just too easy to abuse and it’s too potentially emotionally charged of an activity for most people to maintain equilibrium while engaged in it

In medieval Japan a Zen monk named Ikkyu celebrated his own sexual escapades -- which, by the way, he never equated with his Zen practice -- in a series of poems dedicated to bar girls and prostitutes. My favorite goes like this,

He also said of fair Mori, “She is a master of love play. When my jade stalk wilts she can make it sprout.” Yay-yah!

There is clearly no single unified line of thinking when it comes to whether or not Buddhists should fuck. But Puritanism was never part of the Buddhist tradition. Even where celibacy is practiced it is only required of the clergy. There has never been a Buddhist-led movement to suppress sexuality among the general population.

As far as lay people were concerned, Buddha only said that a lay Buddhist man should, "avoid unlawful sexual intercourse. He (should have) no intercourse with girls who are still under the protection of father or mother, brother, sister, or relative; nor with married women, nor female convicts; nor lastly with betrothed girls." We can assume the same advice in modified form was expected to be adhered to by women.

We don’t live in ancient India or medieval Japan, and most of us are not Buddhist monks. But a lot of young people in the West these days are interested in Buddhism. And they’re interested in fucking.

And while ancient Buddhist texts may be able to tell us how the folks who composed them dealt with sex and marriage, they don’t really address the subject of dating at all, since it’s a very modern concept.

I joined one of the Buddhist dating services on the Internet recently, to see what might be going on in there. I’d seen the ads these guys placed in the Buddhist rags with an appealing young couple meditating back to back and thought they were hilarious. I didn’t get too far, though. The “free” site asked me to pay $15 if I wanted to send a message to any of its members. But what I found in my brief excursion was pretty dire.

For starters, it looks like most of the Southern California based women on the site identify their religion not as Buddhism, but as Scientology. I found that a little surprising. Scientologist or not, most of the folks there are looking for the elusive “soul mate.” It’s just such a sad place to visit. So many people wanting something so desperately that even if that something should cross their path they wouldn’t recognize it since they’re so blinded by wanting it. They get so into the mindset of looking for their ideal that the real world becomes a mere shadow.

As Mr. Spock said, “Sometimes having is not so pleasing a thing as wanting. It is not logical, but it is often true.”

A lot of the pain we face in life comes down to wanting what we don’t have. Maybe even all of it. Wanting is a function of thought. It’s disconnected from reality. It involves imagining a situation that would be better than the one you have right now and lamenting your current situation for not being like the thing you’ve imagined. Dating sucks**, generally, because we’ve been steeped in a culture that celebrates romantic love as the ultimate pleasure, yet in reality romantic love is an elusive thing that, even when actually experienced, has a lot of aspects that are not anything close to ultimate pleasure.

Zen teacher Shunryu Suzuki, author of Zen Mind Beginner’s Mind, only once gave dating advice. He said, “It’s all right to have as many sex partners as you like, as long as you can remember all of their names.” I think that’s an interesting piece of advice.

He said this at a talk in San Francisco in the late Sixties when free love was all the rage. He knew his audience were not going to turn to celibacy or even get married as Suzuki had three times. And anyhow, he didn’t think it was crucial that they did. But he did think it was crucial that they entered into each relationship with full conscious awareness.

I don’t like to use the word “mindfulness” to describe this kind of awareness because it has been driven into the ground through overuse by people who have no clue what mindfulness means. It does not mean, “thinking about stuff a whole lot.” It means paying full attention with body and mind. It has nothing at all to do with thought. Thought is only an infinitesimally tiny part of what we mean by the word “mind” in Buddhist philosophy.

Casual sex is not the Buddhist way. Which is not to say that sex has to always be a heavy activity fraught with meaning. But it does mean that sex ought to be handled with care. It has a deeper meaning, whether we’re aware of it or not.

A woman told me recently that when a man penetrates her physically she feels like she takes on his karma. That’s not exactly how I’d have stated it. But I believe what she said is true. And the same goes for a man, who also draws energy and karma from his partner. The identical sort of interaction happens between same-sex couples and in multi-partner situations as well, of course. This sort of thing should not be approached casually.

We’ve come too far culturally and historically to need to be very concerned with who the Buddha would fuck. Yet Buddhist philosophy and practice has a lot to tell us about how we can conduct our own sex lives in a conscious and careful manner.

By the way, uh, unicorns!

* This is sarcasm.
** This I know very well, right now.

Brad Warner is the author of Hardcore Zen and Sit Down and Shut Up! and the newest Zen Wrapped in Karma Dipped in Chocolate. He maintains a blog about Buddhist stuff and a MySpace page too. If you're in Southern California and you want to try some Zazen for yourself, he has a group that meets every Saturday in Santa Monica.

Buy the new CD by his band Zero Defex at CD Baby now!

Lately, whenever I stick my head out the window to see what's the haps, it comes back covered in layers of clammy fog. I know the goddamn devil sun is still lurking behind the clouds, though, because they're fluorescent grey and burn my eyeballs. It's June, and I'm wearing the sweater... more

Lately, whenever I stick my head out the window to see what's the haps, it comes back covered in layers of clammy fog. I know the goddamn devil sun is still lurking behind the clouds, though, because they're fluorescent grey and burn my eyeballs. It's June, and I'm wearing the sweater my mom got me for Jewish Christmas. What gives? I've had to come up with some indoor activities, like drinking tea and making lists of my faults and tasting new pills and listening to shoegaze. It's almost like being in Liverpool or Glasgow (I have never been to Liverpool or Glasgow). Is it mere happenstance that this moist mindfuck coincides with an explosion of excellent post punk, Brit pop, and other U.K. influenced creations? Or have these bands somehow combined forces to precipitate a climate change? Conspiracy or not, they're a lot of gloomy fun.

Blank Dogs

A shadowy figure until recently, Mike Sniper, a.k.a. Blank Dogs, makes post punk that's simultaneously spooky and infectious. His new EP, Under and Under, might be his most accessible affair yet; his hooks capture the heart-clutching loveliness of Joy Division and New Order, while lo-fi production and vocal tracks that sound as if they're coming from underwater keep things dirty. Spacey sound effects and dreamy lyrical imagery add a somewhat cinematic element.

A solo artist who couldn't be bothered with press photos, he gathered an unintentional amount of buzz for keeping his face and identity hidden, until the mystique threatened to overtake the music and he moved to fix that by getting a band together, playing live and letting everyone know he's just a regular guy who goes to shows and runs a label, not some hooded phantasm. I had the good fortune of meeting him recently and found him to be quite personable, that is, until he vanished in a puff of smoke.



Little Boots

Equally hardworking but vastly different from Blank Dogs, U.K. popster Little Boots (a.k.a. Victoria Hesketh of Blackpool, England) explores two conflicting poles of dance music: on the one hand, she's necessarily glam and performs to hip-shaking crowds wearing tight and glittery little numbers; on the other, the magic of the Internet has allowed us a peek into her daily life as she revels in the inherent geekiness of spending hours alone in one's room with electronics. There's something more than a little thrilling about going along for the ride as she builds up a club hit from a few simple elements, tests it out in her pajamas, then performs it on late night television a few months later. I'm still not sure exactly how a Stylophone works, but she makes it look and sound just as good as Bowie did on his early hit, "Space Oddity."



Her recently single, "New in Town," brings me back to the spring of 2002, when I went to Reading ostensibly for a debate tournament but mainly to drink alcopops and dance in packed house parties while wondering if my debate partner wanted to kiss me. Are you out there, James Tabor? I hope you've made something of yourself, you egotistical British bastard.



She's currently touring everywhere and then some in support of her debut album, Hands. Go experience her adorability firsthand.

The Slits Return

-Ari Upp to Impose.tv, March 2008

Bless their hearts. The Slits participated in the first wave of punk when they were just teenagers, bringing a much needed dose of wry feminism to the movement when they toured with The Clash and the Buzzcocks in the late 1970's. They quickly progressed beyond the parameters of the genre, using primal, disembodied female sounds and reggae beats to create something uniquely subversive. By the time they recorded their first album in 1979, they'd grown into a style some call post punk and others consider a category all on its own.

In a development that should warm the hearts of all you tough/sexy woman enthusiasts, founding member Ari Upp reformed the Slits with a mixture of old and new members in 2006 after a 25-year hiatus and recorded a three-song EP of new material. That's not nearly enough Slits for me, so I was psyched to find out they've got a full-length due out in October. I haven't gotten my dirty hands on it yet (and would hate to see what Ari would do to anyone who leaked it) but I'm betting it'll be a combination of their signature "punky reggae" and some new sounds we're not expecting.



She and Him and Moz

I'm still trying to wrap my head around the meta-awesomeness that is She and Him. You see, in the quirky indie film that I anticipate someone will make about my life, yours truly will doubtlessly be played by Zooey Deschanel. But Zooey also made one of my favorite albums of last year, so to prepare for this role she'll need to listen to...her own music. And now I hear tell that She and Him have covered a song by my platonic husband Morrissey for the film 500 Days of Summer. How incestuous.

The soundtrack looks so good, I'll probably see it for that alone, even though the trailer reveals that it will inevitably make me cry (he loves her! she's a free spirit who doesn't do relationships!). The Smiths, Regina Skektor, The Black Lips, Carla Bruni, and Wolfmother all appear on the tracklist. I appreciate the thought director Marc Webb seems to have put into the film's music; there's a great, spoiler-free breakdown of it here.

He even responds graciously to The Playlist's prediction that the movie will suck more precious, sugary, cock and ruin more good songs than Garden State (which, for the record, also made me cry):

You tell em, Webb! Here's hoping this film will be good enough so I don't feel all self-loathing and manipulated for turning on the waterworks (fuck you, Zach Braff).

Love and Rockets Tribute Album

It doesn't get much more English than this: a slew of bands influenced by Love and Rockets are releasing a tribute album to the legendary Northampton alternative rock band. It will include tracks from the likes of The Flaming Lips, Black Francis, War Tapes, a Place to Bury Strangers, and not one but three friends of SG: the Dandy Warhols, Chantal Claret of Morningwood, and Maynard James Keenan's Puscifer. I've already ranted for far too long, so I'll let the album's MySpace page speak for itself. Until next time, kids, keep warm and dry, and remember to wear your Wellies...I don't want you catching cold.




Hunter is a Brooklyn-based writer currently contributing to Vice, The New York Press, Impose, and The L Magazine. If you email her at hunter.suicide AT gmail DOT com, chances are she'd love to add your publication to that list. Seriously, she's got some time on her hands.