(image) Punk artist and icon (and SG member) Zak Smith made a name for himself by visually interpreting Thomas Pynchon's Gravity's Rainbow and drawing pictures of girls in the "naked girl business." His artistic pedigree and acute observation landed him in high-profile shows from the... more

Punk artist and icon (and SG member) Zak Smith made a name for himself by visually interpreting Thomas Pynchon's Gravity's Rainbow and drawing pictures of girls in the "naked girl business." His artistic pedigree and acute observation landed him in high-profile shows from the Whitney to the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art. Somewhere along the line, Smith went from the observer to the observed, from the guy in the corner with a sketchpad to the guy on-screen doing the unnamable for anyone eighteen or older to see.

We Did Porn follows Zak Smith (or Zak Sabbath) from the New York art scene to Los Angeles's seedy, yet colorful, underbelly - the world of alt porn. Smith narrates his own foray into pornography and gives his readers a new understanding of the industry, its players, and its audience.

In this excerpt from his prose and panel memoir, which came out this month via Tin House Books, the author is answering questions at an international porn film festival in Berlin.



“What made you decide to do porn?”

In general, most of the questions the Germans ask are predictable and easy to answer because they are the same ones Americans ask, including that hot chestnut: "What made you decide to do porn?"- although this particular version of the question is thoughtfully appended with some Sensitive Intellectual multiple-choice options: "Was it just something you were always intrigued by? Or was it an impulse? Or for your personal development? Or... " (People never ask why I decided to be a painter - I guess wanting to stretch colored pools of liquid plastic until they look like a pretty girl who likes sex is easier to understand than wanting to put parts of your body in her.)

Thinking up new smart-ass answers to The World's Stupidest Question is one of my hobbies, but, to be honest, very few things make me feel as profoundly and self-righteously sealed off from any real sympathetic understanding of my fellow human beings than the fact that people all over the world keep asking this fucking question. Nothing else puts me in so much danger of reading the population as twelve billion red eyes in the night, all day just breeding and winning bread to no good end. People are so strange with the strange things they want more than sex, the things they will willingly have less of the most intense participation in the visceral world to get at, things like God or babies or heroin or quiet or large televisions or attention or pride or autographs or a bigger place or a feeling of accomplishment or a sense of identity or pricey shoes.

And-they are often lying. If you could see what they were thinking, if you could see what you can't see, you'd see pornography. Are you in the city? Have you seen the cars? The pornography industry is bigger than the car industry - in money - that is, people want porn more than cars and they have it more than cars.

So how much porn is there? To make the real-but-invisible visible, we have to imagine that, instead of a yellow Chevy Impala parked across the narrow side street covered in graying fall leaves, there's a little blonde cheerleader in soaking moist white cotton panties parked across the narrow side street covered in graying fall leaves and instead of crawling each morning into a bone-white Corolla, you crawl each morning into barely legal brats just dying to suck you off; that there are desperate, wet MILFs upon MILFs where once there were fleets of cop cars and cabs; that the freeway traffic jam that interrupts any attempt to feel a day in Los Angeles is vivid and continuous and urban is not a drab steel sea with passengers under glass but sixteen lanes of hand jobs, tit fucks, cream-guzzling teens, and oiled-up bubble butts glistening under a rush-hour sun and going off in both directions, quivering past all the exits and dust-caked, arrowed names of subcities and streets; that, indeed, all the rest of the city and planet is constantly crisscrossed by fantastic snatch moving at every speed, so much that we can barely breathe without inhaling a wet, pale tide of nocturnal emissions so vast it threatens to eat away the shell of stratospheric molecules that keeps us from being fried alive by our world's own nourishing sun. Then we can grasp the extent of what people refuse to discuss.

And then you don't think about it anymore, because if you did then it would be impossible to impersonate a professor, or pilot, or parent, or any of the men in collared shirts you see looking bored in public places and in private places. The point is, if you were going to build a psychological city to parallel the physical one (of which it is the engine), you'd need an ungodly delirious amount of pussy.

In this frame of mind, the girls who do all the porn seem like a division of field nurses, racing with their kit bags full of shoes to obscure warehouses to administer purely symptomatic relief to the secret pain of a secret empire.

Or, short answer-no, it's not the people staring at me naked, it's not the free doughnuts, it's the having sex with the attractive women. Next question…


Zak Smith's two previous books are Zak Smith: Pictures Of Girls and Pictures Showing What Happens on Each Page of Thomas Pynchon's Novel Gravity's Rainbow (Tin House Books). He is a frequent contributor to several independent comics and zines, including Paping and See How Pretty, See How Smart. His work has appeared in numerous publications worldwide and in many museums, including the Museum of Modern Art and the Whitney Museum. He lives in Los Angeles, where he works as an artist and performs in adult films.

Excerpt from We Did Porn courtesy of Tin House Books. Text copyright (c) Zak Smith 2009. Reprinted with the kind permission of Tin House Books and Zak Smith.

Holy crap, guys!! The San Diego Comic Con schedule is finally up. And man, it’s chock-full of awesome! So awesome that it sold out WAAAAAAAY before anybody was announced for anything. Even if you dorked out and didn’t get a pass, cruising Downtown San Diego’s Gaslamp District is worth... more

Holy crap, guys!! The San Diego Comic Con schedule is finally up. And man, it’s chock-full of awesome! So awesome that it sold out WAAAAAAAY before anybody was announced for anything.

Even if you dorked out and didn’t get a pass, cruising Downtown San Diego’s Gaslamp District is worth checking out on it’s own. Where else are you going to see The Flash hitting on Princess Lea at the local pub? How about Dr. Doom giving a homeless guitar player his spare pocket change? What about a drunken Jedi hurling insults at Seth Green from across the street? This is the bizzarro world you enter when you come to San Diego for Comic Con.

There’s even crazy vampire cheerleaders like this.



Moving along, I’ve already started piecing together my itinerary, steering wide and clear of the dreaded Hall H. Able to hold thousands, it’s by far the biggest room at SDCC. So big that there are giant-ass projection screens halfway down the room in case you can’t see the other giant-ass projection screens at each side of the stage. This is where all the stars go to promote their big budgeted sci-fi/fantasy/action movies. Most of the time, the movies look pretty cool and it’s interesting to hear the director or the cast give their scripted options about the film,

But over all, there are a number of reasons why I generally don’t give a glass of shit about Hall H.

1) You couldn’t get me to stand in line for two to three hours, most likely under the hateful eye of the July sun, for anything. Especially when what is arguably THE LARGEST POP CULTURE CONVENTION IN THE WORLD is going on in the next room over. If this is what you choose to do at SDCC, you sir or madam, are a star-fucker. Which brings me to my next point…

2) Star-fuckers! It seems like they ruin everything! (Except for the part about giving money to SDCC, that is.) Okay. Imagine you’re watching the red carpet at the Oscars and off to the side are all the screaming fans desperately taking cell phone pics with their high school friends. Now picture them after a Hot Topic make over turned up to 11. As a Terry Gilliam fan, I was really tempted to check out his Hall H panel for The Imanginarium of Dr Parnassus, but then I figured that I’ll have to put up with squees and swoons from fan girls hoping to catch a glimpse of Johnny Dep, Colin Farrell, Jude Law and, fuck it, the corpse of Heath Ledger from about 400 yards away. No thanks.

Although, admittedly, if that guy from Twilight pointed out to some random teenage girl near the back from the stage and said “You! Yes you. You will be my bride!” then proceeded to tear out her jugular with his teeth and drag her limp body out the main entrance while everybody gave a standing ovation, that’d be the raddest panel ever and I’d take back everything I’ve ever said about him.

Where was I? Oh yeah…

3) They sneak in previews for shitty movies. You’ll show up thinking you’re going to see an hour and fifteen minutes of James Cameron and company talk about the upcoming Avatar movie and show clips, but a lot of that time is eaten up by 20th Century Fox, Sony, Warner Brothers or whoever, slipping in previews for Van Wilder: Sophomore Year[/]i or Lost Boys 3: Corey Feldman’s Gotta Eat. LAME!!

4) The biggest no brainer out of all of this is that it’ll be up on the internet before the following panel even starts. I’m not kidding. There are dozens of nerd news sites out there that cover these things live. I can only imagine what Twitter is going to look like that weekend. The only time people probably won’t be tweeting during the panels will be when they’re using their cell phones to take grainy, yet adequate footage of trailer premieres. Not only that, but Kevin Smith and the Lost panel will certainly be podcasted. So… why do I need to be there again?

So yeah. Screw that noise.

Now that that’s out of the way, let’s get to the less known, less hyped and probably, in my humble opinion, more interesting panels.

THURSDAY:

12:30-1:30 – Richard Hatch: Battlestar Retrospective – Room 6A
I was watching early episodes with a friend who’s just recently discovered BSG. There are some stark differences between the first and last episode that I had not even noticed. Now that the whole frakking thing is over, it’d be nice to hear some words from behind the scenes. One thing I think this panel has going for it is that the actors the hard core fans drool over aren’t listed so it might not be so crowded. I’m sure there’ll be a couple surprise guests, but the only names mentioned are, of course, Richard Hatch (O.G. Apollo/Zareck), writer/producer Michael Taylor, science consultant Kevin Grazier and the show’s amazing musical composer Bear McCreary. (Did you know a majority of the members of Oingo Boingo back him up for his scores?) There’s a BSG panel on Friday, but good luck getting into that one.

3:00-4:00 — Bill Plympton: King of Indie Animation – Room 5AB
If you watched MTV at all in the late '80s to early '90s you definitely saw this man’s work. Specifically the gem, Your Face. He’ll be showing other shorts, including Santa: The Facist Years and his new installment of the Dog series, Horn Dog. While you’re going to get more free shit from SDCC than you’ll know what to do with, getting a free Plympton drawing just for showing up is not a bad deal at all.

5:45-6:45 Spotlight on John Kricfalusi—Room 6BCF
The creator of Ren & Stimpy, The Ripping Friends and the animator of one of my favorite music videos, John Kricfalsui. Like every other panel, he’ll be doing Q&A and showing clips of his stuff. I’m not sure what else I need to say because if that can’t convince you to go you’re either blind and can’t read this anyways, or you’re a total douchebag.


FRIDAY:

2:30-3:30 Building Tomorrow's Technology—Room 3
A futurist panel featuring sci-fi writers like Greg Bear (City at the End of Time), David Williams (Burning Skies), Dani & Eytan Kollin (The Unincorporated Man), and Kirsten Imani Kasai (Ice Song). They’ll speak about the impending war with China and then after that, the sentient nanobots that will rise up and infect our brainstems. Or something equally as cool.

6:00-7:00 Goon, This Is Your Life!— Room 8
The Goon is fucking awesome. There will be footage shown from the new all CGI movie produced by David Fincher, so I’d probably go to this anyways, but creator Eric Powell’s panels have a knack for ye olde shenanigans with a little help from Thomas Lenon and Ben Garant from Reno 911! The program says there are going to be surprise guests and I’m saying it’s probably going to be them. Either way, I can assure you there will be staged comedic violence afoot.

8:30-11:00 Darksiders Presents: The Will Eisner Comic Industry Awards—Indigo Ballroom / Hilton Bayfront
I haven’t seen the Indigo Ballrooom, but it feels a little sad that the Oscars of comics have been moved off site to the neighboring hotel. Then again, maybe it had it coming considering that NOBODY goes to these things. I have no idea why. They’re not boring. Comedians like Brian Posehn and Patton Oswalt are typical presenters and there’s typically drinks being served. When the show is over, most of the a-list comic book talent hangs around and continues to get sloshed. Just don’t be a dick and ask anybody to sign anything. Ya jerk.

If award shows just aren’t your thing, then maybe this is more up your alley…

10:00-12:00 Spike and Mike Double Feature—Room 6BCF
It’s Spike and Mike! The most notorious animation festival ever! Sneak in a flask of something strong and you’ll be good to go.


SATURDAY:

11:30-12:30 Marvel: Dark Reign—Room 6A
As I confessed before, I’m a hardcore Marvel geek who is loving Dark Reign, so maybe I’m a bit biased on this one. Sorry. But y’know, writers Matt Fraction and Jason Aaron will be there and they are funnier than a potato sack full of weasels. Plus, there’s just something entertaining about editor-in-chief Joe Quesada awkwardly answering questions from awkward fanboys.

1:00-2:00 SteamPunk Meet-Up!— Room 24A
I’m not really a cosplay type person but there’s something about the steampunk scene that’s so damn alluring. I’m pretty sure you’re going to see some of the best costume designs at SDCC at this meet up. Caveman Robot and that overweight Green Lantern can go kick rocks.

8:30-12:15 Watchmen: Director's Cut—Live with Zack Snyder! —Room 6BCF
Y’know, whether or not you thought there should have been a Watchmen film adaptation, Zack Snyder busted his ass making this film. As the movie plays on, he’ll be discussing how he did this n’ that and take live questions from the audience and over the internet. Should be pretty interesting. Hell, just look at the regular Blu Ray director commentary.

6:00-7:15 Adult Swim Development: The Venture Bros. Panel—Room 6A
It’s the fucking Venture Bros!!

I just might break out the old speed suit.

SUNDAY:

NOTHING! Unless you’re bringing your kids to the many children’s cartoon panels or you’re really into the Christian comics movement, there isn’t anything going on, program-wise, that’s really worth your time. (Except perhaps the Doctor Who panel, 10:00-11:00 in Ballroom 20, which features David Tennant and writer/executive producer Russell T Davies, and the Torchwood/Being Human panel, 2.15-3:45 in the same room, with John Barrowman and executive producer Julie Gardner.) Besides, by this point, your feet and checking account are going to be grounded into powder. It’s probably a better idea to spend the early part of that day clearing out your hotel room, loading up your car and if you can afford it, possibly grabbing some last minute deals on the showroom floor from vendors that are also itching to get the hell out of Dodge.

Be sure to grab a bite at Pokez Mexican Restaurant before you leave town. I’m not kidding. That stuff is amazing and your vegan friends will thank you.

Oh, and hey! Lastly, I’m a little hesitant to bring this up for lack of solid internet evidence, but I want to say that SDCC’s nighttime programming is free. There’s nothing to back up that claim on the convention’s website, but I distinctly remember walking into an after hours Warren Ellis Q&A after grabbing some off-site dinner and there was literally nobody there at the door to make sure I had the badge labeled FRIDAY, even though my name was clearly not Sanjay Shah. (Thanks, Sanjay!) This was also the case when I came back for the Eisner Awards and the Mike Judge Animation Festival. Sure, there were guards patrolling the halls, giving me an acknowledging nod, but they were mostly just glad the halls were empty. So if you’re in the area and didn’t register in time, maybe you want to give it a shot.

That’s all I have to say about “The Con” for now. I’m sure I’ll have a story or two when I get back.

If there’s something I missed, for the love of Crom, speak now! The world is listening!!



OctEgon is pretty damn hungry right now. The time for a turkey bacon n' cheese bagel is nigh!


Want to get your geek on with us? SuicideGirls will be out in force at this year's Comic Con (July 23-26 @ San Diego Convention Center) with not one -- but two booths (#433 and #2635). We'll have 15 of our hottest girls on hand for you to meet in person. They'll also be happy to sign stuff and take snaps.

SuicideGirls will be the special guests at SD Comic Con's largest party, X-Sanguin V111, which takes place on Saturday July 25th at Spin Night Club (8.30 PM - 3.00 AM). Costumes are encouraged. Tickets cost $32 (or $150 for VIP) and are on sale now. Go to FreaksNightOut.com for more info and to purchase.

Happy Asshole Fuckface Friday. It’s time to make yourself feel better by taking a look at human filth. That’s what the baby Jesus said to do. “If you want to feel better, look at people who suck.” It’s in The Bible somewhere. Chapter 8, I think. So, let’s get our favorite... more

Happy Asshole Fuckface Friday. It’s time to make yourself feel better by taking a look at human filth. That’s what the baby Jesus said to do. “If you want to feel better, look at people who suck.” It’s in The Bible somewhere. Chapter 8, I think. So, let’s get our favorite plastic suit on, because this is going to be nasty.

First up, some soldier Asshole Fuckfacery.

Apparently, if you are a really stupid soldier, you can refuse to deploy because of myths. Meet US Army Major Stefan Frederick Cook. Today he is the dumbest Asshole Fuckface on the face of the Earth.

It’s a good point. Also, you shouldn’t have to serve if Obama is hobbit. Or a changeling. There really is no need to go into the Birther argument. If you believe Obama was not born in Hawaii because he was some secret baby spy sent by Muslims to be the first black president, then you aren’t worthy of a response. You’re clinically insane.

Oh, but this story doesn’t end there. Turns out Cook volunteered to go to Afghanistan, so he didn't have to sue. He could just ask to stay in the US and the Army would say, "okay."

Does the story end there? Oh, good God no. Turns out Cook worked for a private Department of Defense contactor named Simtech Inc. I say ‘worked’ because he was fired after he filed the lawsuit against the president. Yeah, it’s kind of dumb to file a frivolous lawsuit against the people you work for. See ya!

The Freepers are going batshit crazy over this one, by the way. Cook is the new Paula Jones.

Next up, an old favorite Asshole Fuckface returns.

Pat Buchanan has an interesting take on the whole “Sarah Palin quit and people are talking about it” thing. Palin's ex-son-in-law Levi Johnston’s has been yacking to the media, and Buchanan, in turn, in mouthing off about Levi.

Oh. Um. You do know you just said one person should murder another person on live television, right? Simply because he’s being critical? He’s a 19-year-old. You know, a young kid who was dragged into the national spotlight by Sarah Palin and now has some personal issues with Sarah and her family. But, yeah, he should be killed for saying things.

Nice work. You should be allowed to speak your horrible, racist mind as much as you want.

Next up, an Asshole Fuckface law.

You know what’s better than having parents who are horrible? Having to pay their bills.

Can't I just kill them instead?

Seems totally reasonable. Hey, why not sue the fucking neighbors! And the family dog, as well? Why is it being let off the hook?

Good work, America!

And finally, some media Asshole Fuckfacery.

This week, the Congressional Budget Office released an estimate for the House’s health care bill: One trillion dollars over 10 years. That’s about the same as an Iraq War, if you’re looking for comparisons.

Of course, the AP reported it quickly.

Oh, I’m sorry. Did we accidentally use a different, 33% larger number? Well, we are the AP and we’re basically Fox News at this point, so we went with that one. Oh, but we have a reason.

OH, a house AIDE. That's what you're using to override the CBO? Right, good "reporting." Let’s fuck up one of the most important debates our country has ever had with lies. I mean, they did it with the Iraq War, so why not healthcare as well? The AP is still running with the number, which is totally unverified. And the number is starting to spread, like a virus.

It’s a lie, propagated by Ron Fournier, the AP Washington bureau chief, who is a right-wing nutjob. Basically, the AP is a shill for the right wing, a shell of its former self, an embarrassment to journalism and helping to ruin America.

The AP can no longer be trusted as a news source. Be sure to spread the word.

Image courtesy of Pixelmarx.

FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday and Friday for more from FearTheReaper You may also enjoy his blog, Stop All Monsters.

Hot swim wear to keep you looking cool by the beach and at the pool. Here's what Suicide Girls are putting on -- and taking off -- this summer. (image) (image) (image) (image) (image) (image) (image) (image) (image) (image) (image) (image) (image) (image) (image) (image) (image) (image) Fashion Notes... more

Hot swim wear to keep you looking cool by the beach and at the pool. Here's what Suicide Girls are putting on -- and taking off -- this summer.







































Fashion Notes
It can be hard to look punk rock in a bikini -- but it's not impossible -- and there's no better way to show off your ink when the temperature allows. If you do decide to show some skin, be sure to slather on the sunblock since tattoos fade in the sun (Rigel recommends Neutrogena Ultra Sheer SPF85 which is water, sweat and rub-off resistant).

If you're looking for some new fun in the sun wear, one of our first ports of call is always Zappos.com (they offer no-strings-attached fast and free shopping on all their products). We love this Lost Hurt jumbo stripe bikini with grommet detail. The top ($48) has adjustable neck and back ties and the bottom ($46) has side ties for the perfect fit. Available in black/white or raspberry/white stripe. * Since Johnny Depp last set sail on the Black Pearl pirates have been getting a bad rap. Help rehabilitate the profession with this black Bandana bikini with white skull detail. Available from Target.com the tops and bottoms cost $14.99 a piece. * Show you come in peace with Victoria Secret's metallic print bikini. It has a sexy wireless push-up top and a low rise bottom with a metallic peace sign detail on the hip. Available in white/copper and yellow/silver, the tops and bottoms are sold separately and cost just $10.99 and $6.99 respectively (from VictoriaSecret.com). * Top Shop have a red and purple not-quite-pin-stripe two-piece that's as close as a bikini gets to punk rock ($50 from TopShop.com). * If you like to hit the beach in something that's barely there, Billabong have the perfect minimal bikini with spaghetti ties. Tops and bottoms are sold separately ($19.99 each) and are available in neon yellow and black (from UrbanOutfitters.com). * Finally if you're on a budget (and even if you're not) you'll love these cute string bikinis with ruffle detail available in turquoise/green/white plaid and turquoise/white gingham (from OldNavy.com). The plaid tops and bottoms are just $10 each. The similarly styled gingham tops and bottoms are even more of a steal at just $8 each.


Did we miss your favorite Swim Suit shot? If so, upload it to our Remix Album (the girls are also name-checked at this link).

Check back for more Dirty Laundry and let SuicideGirls show you the best way to (un)dress.

Gwen Cooper traded her ho-hum career as a policewoman to work as a professional alien catcher at Torchwood, an organization which legend has it is "separate from the government, outside the police, and beyond the United Nations." Eve Myles, the Welsh actress who plays Gwen, in turn, has traded... more

Gwen Cooper traded her ho-hum career as a policewoman to work as a professional alien catcher at Torchwood, an organization which legend has it is "separate from the government, outside the police, and beyond the United Nations." Eve Myles, the Welsh actress who plays Gwen, in turn, has traded her life in very legitimate theater for one in the warped and sexy science fiction universe.

Torchwood is the adult-orientated spin-off from Doctor Who, the world's longest running sci-fi TV series. Created by Doctor Who writer/producer/guru Russell T. Davies, Torchwood debuted in the UK in 2006. Picked up by BBC America in 2007, it has since become one of the station's hottest properties to date.

In part that is due to the on-screen chemistry between Eve's character and that of her charismatic boss Captain Jack Harkness (played by John Barrowman). When the two aren't doing battle to save the planet, they're battling to resist their mutual compulsion to get it on.

At the end of season two Jack and Eve lost two of their colleagues. Season three picks up where two left off, and takes the form of an epic five-part mini series called, Children of Earth.

We called Eve up while she was on a promotional trip in New York to get the inside scoop on Torchwood's other worldly success.

Nicole Powers: Congratulations! I understand Torchwood is one of BBC America's most successful shows.

Eve Myles: Yeah, I'm shocked. It's always lovely to be received so positively over here. We're over the moon with the response.

NP: You have a proper thespian background. You went to drama school and did Shakespeare at the National Theater starring opposite Michael Gambon. Acting doesn't get more legitimate than that. So how does such training help you chase aliens?

EM: [laughs] I think there's more aliens working in theater than there are in Torchwood!

It just kind of teaches you a craft. It really prepares you. If you can get on stage in front of thirteen hundred people every night, you can do anything in life really, you can do anything you like. It's my first love and it's been a tremendous help to me in all areas, having a theatrical background.

NP: Some might say you're over qualified for the job, but I always think sci-fi works best when it's anchored by the gravitas of true thesps. For example Patrick Stewart, in my opinion, made the best Star Trek captain. He had an air of authority that an actor can only get when you know you're a master of your craft. As a viewer, you feel comfortable in his hands. Would you agree with that?

EM: I think that's a very astute observation. That's incredible. I think that whatever job you take, you have to do it with one hundred per cent commitment. Whether it be sci-fi, whether it be Shakespeare, you try and do it to the best of your ability...I'm kind of blessed that I've got that background, and I think that everyday it helps me in my job. So personally, I think I couldn't do it without it really.

NP: You got your break in Torchwood after playing a smaller role in the sister show Doctor Who in an episode called "The Unquiet Dead". How did that come about?

EM: Well I was actually booked on a different job actually, a theater job, and I just got a phone call to go in for the audition. On the sly, I knew the director, Euros Lyn. I hadn't met [writer/producer] Russell T. Davies then. But I went through the normal process of auditioning for the part, got the part, and that was kind of my biggest audition for Torchwood, so I was very happy.

NP: And Russell was so impressed with your work on Doctor Who that he actually wrote the part of Gwen in Torchwood for you. And you're one of the reasons that the series is set in Wales -- that's very flattering!

EM: To say the least, yes. I get asked the question all the time, and I've never got an answer. It's beyond flattering. It's my own personal Oscar, that Davies wrote the part for me, and it's been incredibly successful.

NP: The character you play is a bit of a strumpet. She's married, has had a relationship with a co-worker, and lusts after her pan-sexual boss. Do you think she needs to go on a 'sexual practices in the work place' course?

EM: [laughs] Oh god, wouldn't it be boring if she did. I might ask Russell if I can do that in the next series -- that'd be quite funny. No, I think that the one affair in the first series was of a younger [Gewn]. As we say in Britain, she didn't know her arse from her elbow. She really didn't know what was coming at her and she wasn't allowed to share that experience with anyone, and she shared it with Owen. And I think if you were ever to meet a character like Captain Jack, I think the most monogamous woman in the world would probably go for him -- it'd be hard not to. And so, I try to play it as real as possible. Straight, gay, animal, whatever you may be, everybody tends to fancy Jack, so it's pretty fun to have that to play off.

NP: I have to say at times I do feel sorry for your on screen hubby. I mean he's such a brick, but he's never going to be Jack is he?

EM: He's not, and I think it's so fantastic to have those two characters because he highlights how extraordinary Jack is, and Jack highlights how ordinary Rhys is. She's very lucky to have both of them in her life. Certainly she wouldn't be the strong character that she is if she didn't have her ordinary life, which is Rhys.

NP: Ultimately the audience want you and Jack to get together. The tension between the two characters is one of the key dynamics of the show. How do we see their relationship progress in the new season?

EM: Well the new season is one epic story [told] over five nights. It's very clever, and there's more important things to be dealing with. "Children of Earth" is the title, and we have to protect what's rightfully ours, with devastating consequences. But in and amongst that there are definitely certain little moments knitted within that kind of play off of the horrendousness that happens in the story line. There's certain situations with Jack and Gwen, where it's always going to be there, it's always going to be will-they-won't-they? I think personally, if they ever did get them together it would kind of spoil it.

NP: I agree. It's like Moonlighting.

EM: Yeah! Yes.

NP: The moment Bruce Willis and Cybill Shepherd actually got together it spoilt it.

EM: Yes. I think the chase is more interesting than the actual catch.

NP: Absolutely, it's the same in life too.

EM: [laughs] Tell me about it. It's always proves rather disappointing after the catch.

NP: I guess the same goes with aliens. It's hunting them down that's more interesting than the catch. Once you get 'em you just shove 'em in one of your cells.

EM: We shove them in the old basement, and you just realize it's a guy in a mask.

NP: It's very unusual for a sci-fi show to be so focused on relationships -- and so sexually charged. In a way you've created a new hybrid genre. Do you see that?

EM: I think you've absolutely nailed it. I think one of the reasons it's so successful is that they've married a domestic drama with sci-fi, and the marriage is working really, really well. I think it's the first time that you actually get true-to-life characters. You get relationships, you get rows, you get love, you get lust, and you get ordinary situations in there as well. That highlights the extraordinary-ness of the monster, of the alien, or whatever the "other" is, and they balance each other out beautifully I think.

NP: It makes it more real with it being less emotionally sterile.

EM: It does, because you start caring about the characters...Everybody knows somebody like a Gwen, or a Rhys, or a Ianto. You try to make them as real as possible...because this sci-fi isn't about numbers and figures...

NP: ...And computers

EM: Yeah, and kind of the other. It's also about relationships, and love, and hate, and commitments, and people sitting down and having dinner and talking about catching aliens all day. It's bizarre, but it works.

NP: Even though it's not about the technology, you do have some killer gadgets. Out of all the stolen and found bits of alien technology, what would you like to take home and use?

EM: Oh, god!

NP: What'd be useful around the house?

EM: [laughs] Ooh, that's a really good question. I'm not sure. Do you want the honest truth?

NP: Yes.

EM: I wouldn't be able to take any of it home because I can just about work a microwave. To my own detriment, and I mean this with all my heart, I'm completely a technophobe. I don't like mobile phones, I can just about get on the internet, I can just about work the keys to my door. I'm pretty ridiculous with most things. If I was in charge of anything, or hanging around Torchwood, I'd be in deep trouble.

NP: You sound like my granny. We bought her a microwave and she used it as a cupboard.

EM: [laughs] That is brilliant. I might just do that...start stashing my books in there.

NP: And my sister uses her dishwasher to store her vases in.

EM: You're joking me.

NP: No.

EM: I really like your family. I should move in and get adopted. I'd blend in really well. I love that. No seriously, I have problems [about] where to store vases. I think that is such a good idea. Put them in the dishwasher. That's a cool idea. [laughs]

NP: So the third series of Torchwood is this five-part mini-series. Are there plans for any more episodes beyond that?

EM: I have absolutely no idea. It depends very much on how this one is received I suppose, and we'll take it from there.

NP: I'm concerned. I've grown to love these characters, and I care about what happens to them.

EM: So do I! My god! I think it's very likely that we'll go for a fourth, but it very much depends on how the third one is received because it's a very new format. But personally I think it's the best. I'm not just saying that because I'm out here promoting it. I'm very true to my word, and I truly believe that this is epic and devastating, and beautiful at the same time, and I'm the proudest person in the world to be promoting it. I truly think that if this doesn't get us another series, I have no idea how we've got this far.

NP: Well I hope we continue to follow the trials and tribulations of Torchwood, because apart from anything else, what's Doctor Who going to do without you? I mean, you hop into each other shows to save the day when things are at their most dicey.

EM: Yeah. We're his little helpers.

NP: And you've totally saved his ass several times now, so if Torchwood is not around, there's really no one else he can rely on.

EM: We adore it. And I will play Gwen until I fall out of love with her. I'm totally in love with the program, and long may it continue in my eyes. I adore it, and I get to do funky stuff like this, and talk about it, and get to talk to people who are equally as passionate and supportive as myself, so it doesn't get much better than that. It's super.


Torchwood: Children of Earth premieres on BBC America on July 20. A new episode premieres each night from Monday July 20 through Friday July 24. An encore of the previous night's episode will air directly before each new installment.

The most horrifying news of the year for me, so for, was Oprah’s decision to give Jenny McCarthy her own television show. McCarthy is the voice of the anti-vaccination movement. It’s a movement based on lies and rumor, bereft of scientific evidence and extremely dangerous. Giving McCarthy... more

The most horrifying news of the year for me, so for, was Oprah’s decision to give Jenny McCarthy her own television show. McCarthy is the voice of the anti-vaccination movement. It’s a movement based on lies and rumor, bereft of scientific evidence and extremely dangerous. Giving McCarthy a daily platform to spew her unrelenting nonsense will eventually lead to the deaths of many children. They are already dying, just not yet in numbers large enough to call for McCarthy’s head. But that day is coming. As of now, the the body count stands at one hundred and ninety one children.

The anti-vaccine stupidity began back in February 1998, when Andrew Wakefield published the results of a research study in The Lancet medical journal. He concluded that vaccinations caused autism. The massive study consisted of 12 kids. Oh, and it turned out to be a lie.

Thankfully, this information was not revealed until 2009, so the McCarthy’s of the world had 11 years to blame vaccinations for autism because of a study that wasn’t true. The true cause of autism is still not known. Some studies have found genetic and environmental links, but nothing certain. To date, it is a medical mystery and that’s just not something that can be. In today’s world, there must be a reason and the anti-vaccination kids have got some fantastic evidence. It’s called “something happens when something else happens."

Causation and correlation are two different things. The McCarthy’s of the world believe they are the same thing. An action or occurrence can cause another (such as smoking causes lung cancer), or it can correlate with another (such as smoking is correlated with alcoholism). If an action causes another, they are probably correlated, but just because two things occur at the same time, it does not mean one caused the other. That is what Jenny wants the world to believe.

In her world, where she is a former Playmate and failed actor taking on scientists, autism is caused by vaccinations because the number of vaccination shots have increased at the same time the number of autism cases increased. Can you find any holes in that brilliant theory? Have more toxins been introduced to our environment? Have our children been exposed to more plastic? What about pesticides? There are millions of possibilities, but we shall focus on vaccinations. Just because. Oh, and in a related causation theory, highway fatalities are directly related to how many lemons we import. Crazy, right? It’s true. Look, here’s a graph!



There is no proven causation between vaccines and autism. You know what is proven causation? Getting polio and not being able to walk.

Some people seem to believe it’s a personal choice. They are not vaccinating their kid and that has nothing to do with your kid. Er, no. Vaccines work only if the entire herd is vaccinated. That’s why it’s called "Herd immunity."

The more unvaccinated children there are, the more likely vaccinations become ineffective and EVERYONE in the herd become susceptible. No vaccine is 100% effective. Herd immunity requires that approximately 90% of the population be vaccinated, the specific percentage depending upon the disease and the vaccine. We are currently dropping below those levels in many areas of the US. California and Colorado are areas where the percentages have dropped way below 90%.

Upper middle class idiots are the usual suspects because they have Google. Google is the new doctor. Because of vaccinations, people have forgotten how horrible a disease like pertussis can be. My pediatrician just treated a 9-week-old infant for pertussis. He spent 11 days in the hospital near death because a neighborhood kid wasn’t vaccinated. Nice parenting, your child is Typhoid Mary.

Before vaccinations, thousands of children died or got sick every year from measles, mumps and rubella. Why not go back to those good old days? How about a preventable death in Minnesota?

Hey, at least that dead kid doesn’t have autism from the vaccine that doesn’t give people autism.

I live in the epicenter of the anti-vaccination stupidity: Los Angeles.

The parents are actually searching out schools that have the highest numbers of un-vaccinated children. Hay + Match = Fire. Should work out well. And Northern California is not better.

Can these people be dumber? Oh, shit yes. They are now going medieval.

Wow, that’s the best idea I’ve ever heard. Measles is like the cold, except that it can cause severe pneumonia or encephalitis and brain damage. Oh, and now that an anti-biotic resistant strain of A streptococcus is rampant, you might was well give your child the gift of itchy, open sores.

Hey, better than autism.

Imagine being the child.

The anti-vaccine movement has been criticized quite a bit from sensible humans and these crazy people called “scientists.” Amanda Peete took McCarthy on with facts, but the media turned it into an episode of “Cat Fight.” Sadly, people like Larry King and Oprah have Jenny McCarthy on because she is more fun than Mr. Boring Armed With Facts Scientist. Usually, the scientist is not as nice looking either. Plus, who wouldn’t want to take their medical advice from ex-playmates and failed sitcom stars? It just seems reasonable. Later I'm getting a cancer screening from a former mime.

Because of the criticism and the revelation that the original study was a complete lie, McCarthy and her henchmen have become more evasive and re-branded themselves as "pro-safe vaccine, not anti-vaccine." They are using the slogans, "Green Our Vaccines" and "Too Many Too Soon." Suddenly, they are no longer against vaccines, just for "safe vaccines." You know, not like the ones they falsely correlate as unsafe. Got it? It’s a no win battle against idiots. But, when questioned, McCarthy goes right back to the old stand by – it's the vaccines.

Wait. Hold on. She wants safe vaccines. Vaccines without mercury and aluminum and other toxins. BUT, IT COULD ALSO BE THE VACCINES THEMSELVES. Seriously, fuck off. She does not care if other people’s children die. Is that a crazy accusation? Not after you read her words.

Wow. So, to prevent the mythical connection to autism, you want a bunch of children to perish horribly, or be paralyzed, or suffer brain damage. Quite the Mother Theresa, you are.

You are a fantastic spokeswoman. Thoughtful, logical and batshit crazy. But why should we expect anything less from the Indigo Mother of a Crystal Child.

Hell, yeah. Take medical advice from her. That wonderful comment came out of McCarthy on the Larry King Show. She had many other delightful things to say.

No, it isn’t ironic. It’s coincidental. Those are different things.

I believe rabbits shit chocolate. An older kid told me that when I was five. It's science.

Lemons. Highway accidents. Look it up, you’ll be frightened.

The anti-vaccination crowd will continue to make unproven claims and before those claims are scientifically proven to be false, they will have created more. First it was mercury in the vaccines, which was proven to be false.

They have since moved on to “toxins.” They also think they won a court case proving vaccinations cause autism.

It’s the Hannah Poling case. The government awarded compensation to Hannah’s family for vaccine injury through the Vaccine Injury Compensation Program. It was heralded as their proof. But it was later determined that Hannah suffers from a highly unusual mitochondrial disorder, which rendered her susceptible to neurological injury from high fevers. High fevers can result from vaccinations. So, was it the result of her vaccination? Sort of. It was a combination of genetic factors and a fever brought on by the vaccination. She also probably would have had a high fever at some point in her life. The case has nothing to do with autism.

But they keep on chugging along. Oprah’s gift to the world will be death via the daily ramblings of Jenny McCarthy.

Yeah, I totally believe a doctor swore at you. By the way, tremendous parenting. If a doctor swears at me, I will always let him do whatever he wants to my kid – because he’s obviously very professional.

Um, yeah. That’s not science. Do you actually call him “Science” around the house? “Your science” is actually being provided to you by scientists. It’s the stuff you are ignoring.

Indeed. Check out this baby that died from "Mommy instinct."



Get your kid vaccinated or be prepared to be called a murderer.

Autism's False Prophets: Bad Science, Risky Medicine, and the Search for a Cure

FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday and Friday for more from FearTheReaper You may also enjoy his blog, Stop All Monsters.

What is it about July that makes me so lazy? Well--not SO lazy--I'm working on music--but I'm supposed to be writing a book. It's kinda terrifying. But I have a map in mind of what I'm writing, so I'm not freaking out.

I went and got hugged by Amma, India’s world-famous hugging saint, when she was in Los Angeles last month. She shoved my head into her fluffy right boob and whispered something that sounded like “Magilla, Magilla, Magilla, Magilla,” into my ear. Or maybe it was “Medula, Medula,... more

I went and got hugged by Amma, India’s world-famous hugging saint, when she was in Los Angeles last month. She shoved my head into her fluffy right boob and whispered something that sounded like “Magilla, Magilla, Magilla, Magilla,” into my ear. Or maybe it was “Medula, Medula, Medula, Medula.” It was hard to tell.

Her hot breath was kind of a turn-on. I didn’t expect that. But I have kind of a weakness for women whispering in my ear. Then she mashed a Hershey’s Kiss into my hand, after which two of her people grabbed me from behind, kind of spun me around and sent me off into the crowd.

It took me a while to get the whole “hug and kiss” pun.

I felt a little dizzy as they shoved me out of the way to make room for the next customer. Was that the shaktipat everybody was getting so excited about? Shaktipat is supposed to be a direct transference of spiritual energy from an enlightened being. It felt to me more like that druggy, disorientated sensation you have when you get off a rollercoaster or when you take a hardy toke of some very good weed.

In case you don’t know, Amma is a cute, short, chubby Indian lady who a lot of people believe is an Enlightened Being. She was born in 1953 in a tiny fishing village in South India. During her childhood, they say, she spent much of her time absorbed in a deep meditative state of Samadhi. By the time she was 21 she’d begun to attract followers. In the early '80s she consolidated this following into an ashram and began traveling the world offering darshan, a Sanskrit word meaning “encounter with a saintly person,” to spiritual seekers around the world.

There’s a lot to like about Amma. So I’m going to start by saying some of that, because I know that no matter what I do people are gonna say this article trashes poor sweet Amma. But she seems like a genuinely decent person and I’m sure her charitable work does a lot of people a lot of good. She’s not a hate monger. She doesn’t put down anyone regardless of race, creed or religion. She seems to be a very nice lady who wants to do some good in the world. Her charities run educational programs, distribute free food, run hospitals and hospices, build free homes for the poor and provide lifetime stipends for mentally and physically challenged adults. It is all wonderful stuff.

What worried me was what surrounded all of this niceness and how some of it wasn't really all that nice.

The set up has been psychologically and theatrically designed for the maximum build-up just before you get the big pay off. When you arrive at the Radisson Hotel near LAX you take a number. Or in my case, you arrive really late after taking your friend to the airport and you get a little pink card. After Amma gets through hugging all the people with numbers, if she’s still up to hugging some more, they allow the folks with the pink cards to get a number.

The second floor of the hotel has been re-imagined as a spiritual wonderland, sort of a Hindu themed fairground complete with uniformed Mousekateers to guide you through. After you get your number you stand in a long line, drawing slowly ever nearer to the saint herself. “Have your ticket visible,” I was told several times. Can’t have any line jumpers! And you’d be amazed how many of these “spiritual seekers” will elbow the next guy out of the way to get their shaktipat first.

As you get closer you see that Amma is surrounded by concentric circles of ever more devoted disciples. There are three or four guys right next to her watching her the way a dog watches its master as she speaks what I assume are beautiful spiritual messages to them, to which they dare not reply or in any way engage in conversation with someone so divine. After that are rings of worshippers swooning just to be in the Amma’s presence. When they remove Amma’s chair many of these will run up to lay prostrate and kiss the ground upon which it had sat.

As you move closer to Amma you gradually surrender more and more of your own will. First your shoes come off. Then you’re directed in a line by authoritative people who instruct you to move from chair to chair. Then you are pushed into a kneeling position such that you are crawling for the last ten feet or so. Then they remove your jewelry and glasses and wipe off your face like you’re a three year old child. Finally you are pushed powerlessly into Amma’s -- they call her “Mother” -- waiting embrace.

The stage is set up with Hollywood style lighting full of vibrant orange, pink and gold. On the wall is a ten-foot high photo of Amma with a half dozen spotlights trained upon her face to make it glow even more ethereally, just in case you forgot what she looks like. Backlit streamers and flags hang all around the Radisson Hotel’s conference room to create the image of a blissful Hindu heaven. The color scheme seems intended to generate a feeling of womblike security. The scent of incense and perfume hangs heavy in the air.

Beyond the inner circle is the marketplace. Here you can buy Amma jewelry, Amma T-shirts, Amma bumper stickers, Amma dolls, Amma coffee mugs, Amma iPods pre-filled with MP3’s of Amma singing and a whole range of other such goodies and trinkets. On the walls are advertisements for other spiritual healers personally endorsed by Amma, such as Dr. Weng’s acupuncture, Effective Vedic Astrology, Banyan Botanicals and much, much more. If that’s not enough for you, you can buy all sorts of items personally used by Amma including discarded clothing, chairs, rugs, and even Amma’s Lexus. The poster for this last item helpfully includes the car’s current Blue Book value ($8000) and its starting bid ($12,000). And don’t forget the food! Delicious vegetarian cuisine at reasonable prices. This last, I did not pass up.

Amma is a registered trademark. None of the licensed items on offer fail to put that little circled “R” next to her name, lest she lose her claim. I know how this works. I used to be in charge of this kind of stuff for a Japanese company that made a superhero show and we did exactly the same thing. She’s got a cute little logo too, just like we did. Branding is everything! I’ll bet you dollars to donuts she goes after bootleg Amma merch just like we went after bootleg Ultraman merch.

Later on, after my hug, I got to witness some of Amma’s teaching. She’s not bad. In fact she and her opening act, a bearded swami whose name I’ve forgotten, are fairly accomplished stand-up comics. That was something I didn’t expect. The jokes were pretty corny, but not too worn out. There was one about a guy who walks into a bar and throws his drink at the bartender. Before the bartender can get mad, the guy starts weeping. He tells the bartender he can’t help himself, it’s a compulsion. The bartender recommends a shrink. The guy goes and then returns six months later whereupon he again throws his drink at the bartender. The bartender says that the shrink doesn’t seem to have helped. The guy says, “No. He helped a lot. I still have the compulsion but now I don’t feel guilty about it!” The crowd laughs, the spiritual significance of the joke is explained and everybody sighs deeply in unison at the beauty of the great teacher’s great teaching.

And just what is Amma’s message to the world? Here are a few quotes from the free pamphlet (chock full of advertisements) given out to all comers; “God-realization is nothing but the ability and expansiveness of the heart to love everything equally,” and “Love is what fills life constantly with newness,” “Try to cultivate a heart that never harms any being in thought, word or deed.” That sort of thing.

We are also told in the pamphlet, “To love is Mother’s (Amma’s) nature, to serve is her nature,” and assured that, “As far as Mother is concerned, everyone is her child.” “There is nothing preplanned about Amma’s mission,” the pamphlet tells us, “All her projects have been spontaneously compassionate responses to the sorrow and suffering she sees around her.”

And yet, and yet, and yet… for all the charitable work and messages of kindness and generosity there is something deeply disturbing about the whole circus that surrounds all of this admittedly admirable work.

Maybe it’s because it is such a circus. Why do we need to driven nearly to a frenzy with spiritual madness before we can be coerced into contributing to a good cause?

What’s wrong with worshipping Amma, after all? She seems nice enough. So what’s the problem?

The scariest part of the whole thing to me was the men standing around her transfixed just like dogs ready to obey their master. The expressions on their faces were just like the expressions you see on a Doberman waiting for its master to say “fetch” or “kill.” A dog is only as good as its master. If the master tells the dog to fetch the paper, it fetches the paper. If the master tells the dog to maul the black man who just moved in next door, it mauls the black man. The dog’s only criteria is pleasing its master. It has no will or moral center of its own. Blind obedience is never a good thing, even when it’s directed at a supposedly “good” person.

What happens when these folks who’ve learned only obedience get tired of Amma? They have learned only obedience. Who will they obey next?

We need personal responsibility. This is truer now than it ever has been in history. We now have access as individuals to unprecedented power. This was brought home clearly by the events of September 11, 2001. A handful of people were able to cause a level of destruction and havoc that had previously taken the efforts of an entire nation. And things have only become more dangerous since then.

It’s never a good thing to give up your personal power. You need your personal power in order to take personal responsibility.

Maybe Amma delivers pure love. That’s what her press agent says, anyway. Still, I’m not sure pure love is what we need either. I think what’s truly needed is a balance of love and hate. By “hate” I’m not talking about the kind of hate that manifests as crimes against people of other races and that kind of thing. Hate is something much deeper and more profound.

There are two sides to the Universe. Spiritual people always talk about oneness, about dissolving into the embrace of Universal love. But that’s only one side of reality. The other side is hate, separation, aloneness. Both are real. When love and hate are balanced there is compassion and wisdom. Love alone is beautiful but powerless. Hate alone is powerful, but too dangerous.

It’s as bad to deny hate is as it is to deny love. When we acknowledge our separation we can act in unity with each other. When we lose our sense of separation we lose our effectiveness as individuals.

The two sides of our being are not mutually exclusive. It’s not that we have to give up our existence as individuals to merge into the warm embrace of all-encompassing Oneness. Our essential Oneness and our essential separation are manifestations of the same thing, which is neither oneness nor separation.

There are no words for this because the function of words is to divide and categorize. But reality as it is defies all categories. Even something as obvious as saying love is better than hate is an attempt to pin down and define that which is beyond definition.

We must act with compassion if we want to create a peaceful world. That’s true. But compassion is also beyond love and hate. Compassion is a spontaneous response to what needs to be done right here and right now.

I don’t detest Amma any more than I detest Phish or The Grateful Dead or anyone else who offers an evening of escapist entertainment based upon that heady feeling of warmth and community that can be created in an environment specifically designed to amplify those feelings while pushing all the other stuff to one side. I had fun and I would go again. The food was delicious too. I am overwhelmed by my own good fortune to have friends as wonderful as Aspen, Sawa and Tenaya who accompanied me and tolerated my annoyance at much of what went on at the event. I am overjoyed to live in a world enough at-peace that something like the Amma experience is allowed to happen.

What I question is when such experiences are offered up as if they provide some kind of Ultimate Answer to the world’s woes. If we don’t acknowledge and understand our own hate we can’t effectively deal with the problems that hate creates in our world. Warm smiles and hugs don’t fix everything and, sadly, they never will.

Brad Warner is the author of Hardcore Zen and Sit Down and Shut Up! and the newest Zen Wrapped in Karma Dipped in Chocolate. He maintains a blog about Buddhist stuff and a MySpace page too. If you're in Southern California and you want to try some Zazen for yourself, he has a group that meets every Saturday in Santa Monica.

Buy the new CD by his band Zero Defex at CD Baby now!

Brad Warner's endless tour continues soon and he may even be in your area! To see where Brad will be speaking next take a look here!