(image) The case against David Beckham doesn't begin or end with the fact that that he now weighs less than his wife despite her handrail build thanks to the 85 silicone-laden pounds inserted inside her during chest-centric plastic surgery. His better half's tragic descent from lovely natural... more

The case against David Beckham doesn't begin or end with the fact that that he now weighs less than his wife despite her handrail build thanks to the 85 silicone-laden pounds inserted inside her during chest-centric plastic surgery. His better half's tragic descent from lovely natural woman to cosmetic enhancement addict/cautionary tale, may be cause for objection, but is utterly irrelevant in Sweaty Pursuits' sporting court. The issue for those that like to watch (sport that is) is that the soccerer may again invade America's shores to toil as a wholly overrated star who thrusts a sport we as a nation loathe in our collective faces.

We'd much prefer to exchange Beckham for more palatable British exports, such as a third series of Spaced or a few container loads of Cadbury Flake bars, but it doesn't seem likely that Becks will play ball on this one. If his second coming actually happens, we'll officially be even for inflicting Friends and Pepsi-Cola on the United Kingdom. To further complicate shit, there's another party involved in the Beckham stakes: Italy. The country, who's only contemporary cultural contribution is making some of the most over-priced handbags and stilettos on the planet, wants to keep him. And, for some reason I can't quite fathom, some Americans are trying to stop them.

Vote for Italy. The announcement that Victoria's spouse could be returning to Major League Soccer is a seriously upsetting prospect for those in the States who prefer their sports to be sporty and not chess-y. The return of Golden Balls to LA's Galaxy means SportsCenter will subsequently devote an unacceptable percentage of time on the tie-heavy sport. Enduring Beckhamwatch yet again while waiting for NBA scores and news on the condition of pitchers' rotator cuffs is a deplorable prospect for real fans of real sports.

It's bad enough that Beckham is soccer's Trojan horse, allowing the "sport" to mince into the mainstream, carried by his admittedly cute legs, but the problem is also his play. Quite simply, someone that handsome should score more often. He's amassed a grand total of, wait for it, drum roll here, five goals in his 30 games with the Galaxy, a total as underwhelming as the team's name is insipidly silly. His 12 assists don't quite justify his five-year, $437 billion contract, either, and even he'd admit he's not worth his economic bailout-sized checks if you got two or three cosmopolitans in him.

Even by soccer's woefully meager standards, he doesn't frequently propel balls to nets. And that's always been a problem with him: Posh's bit of designer rough is a fine passer, and he's quite proficient at free kicks, and that's about it. He's like a receptionist who makes good coffee but doesn't know how to answer the phone.

The didn't-appear-in-Bend It Like Beckham Beckham found fortune and fame by obeying the Hasselhoff Principle, which states that riding on others' successes is success itself, sort of. For example, his first team, Manchester United, was consistently victorious during his tenure there -- the striking word in this sentence being "team." While he was often a contributor, the fact remains that the Red Devils are a self-perpetuating juggernaut, much like how you, me, or anybody's two-legged momma could have played for the New York Yankees and still have won a selection of World Series rings back in the 90s.

Beckham has made a fortune in tips as a decent waiter working at a restaurant in a terrific location, and yet that's only a misdemeanor compared to his felonies against the "man" part of mankind. Namely, he was the initial and quintessential metrosexual. Thankfully for males who display an innate repulsion for "product," the trend has gone the way of the Atkins Diet. But we still get occasional dirty looks when we drink beer out of cans, don't shave on a particular day, or wear a non-ironic rock band T-shirt. Thanks, Handsome!

That legacy is part of his infuriating magnetism, but I'm veering offside here and should get back on point. Mr. Spice may be the most famous person in the world, never mind athlete, and yet he hasn't even been the best player on many of his teams. Who knows why his roster mates haven't also appeared on the cover of Details when they're not incessantly shilling for Disney? In their collective defense, not everyone can be born with boy band good looks.

His puddle shallowness is why he won't be the person who reverses 230-plus years of American evolution that's rendered the foot-heavy sort of football reflexively unappealing to the nation. Those already allergic to soccer are never going to be convinced to change by the Great Brit Hope.

Good 'ol American sport fans, who prefer collision-conducive athletics, find a game where humans are forbidden from using hands, despite being equipped with the useful appendages, rather primitive. And they're not likely to be converted by an Armani underpants model who moonlights as a kicker when they discover that there's no full-body tackling or checking, and almost the same amount of scoring.

The good news is that Spice Boy may not be back anyway. He's been bitching about how he wants to stay with his loaner squad, A.C. Milan, and despite the expiration of a Galaxy-imposed deadline to negotiate a deal for him, the Milanese are still trying to bribe his California team for his questionable services.

Those accessory-loving Italians would be doing the U.S. a favor: American fans want their sports to remain fiercely combative affairs where maintenance crews have to squeegee blood off the playing surface during television breaks. Ultimately however it won't matter whether Becks returns to LA -- if fucking Pelé couldn't make Americans permanently embrace soccer, a man who has his name on a fragrance certainly won't, either.


Anthony Bialy is SG's no-jocks-required Sweaty Pursuits sports columnist. He follows sports religiously even though he’s quite bad at them. He ran cross country and played rugby in college, and was horrid at both. He schedules his life around his favorite NHL team’s games, and sadly lists his alma mater winning the NCAA basketball championship as his happiest moment. He likes other things besides sports, too, and requests a minute to think of them.

Photo by Nicole Powers, who was having far to much fun with her zoom lens at the Home Depot Center.

Hello, Minions. It’s been an entire and brutal week since the last Asshole Fuckface Roundup, which means you have spent 6 days in a vacuous wasteland. Thankfully, I am here to remedy the situation. Once again, I have scoured the world’s news to find the worst humans and I will now present... more

Hello, Minions. It’s been an entire and brutal week since the last Asshole Fuckface Roundup, which means you have spent 6 days in a vacuous wasteland. Thankfully, I am here to remedy the situation. Once again, I have scoured the world’s news to find the worst humans and I will now present them to you for mocking and a bit of vomiting. So, put on your favorite leather apron because this is going to be ugly.

First up, some impressive Utahan Asshole Fuckfacery.

They really make some awesome specimens up in Utah. This week’s Asshole Fuckface is State Senator Chris Buttars. You’re not going to believe this, but the guy with “Butt” in his name is a Republican –– and he hates gays. Shocking, I know.

A local Utah TV station got their filthy little mitts on a portion of an upcoming documentary about California’s Proposition 8, in which Chrissie makes some bold and inspiring statements.

Nuts, I tell you! People almost act like Chrissie is saying something bad. It’s crazy!

Totally fucking nailed it. Gay people are like drunks. Gay drunks are like pedophiles. Gay drunk pedophiles are priests. This logic goes on and on, forever. I think you get the point.

Indeed. Gays are flying their gay planes into our straight buildings. Frankly, it needs to stop.

Word. I think we can all agree that if a man puts his penis into another man’s bottom, or takes another man’s cock into his sweet, wet mouth, our entire society will crumble. I don’t know how anyone can argue anything else. We need to especially keep on the look out for buddy-to-buddy cock rub parties. Once those take hold, you may as well fly this whole country into a building.

Next up, more crazy gay Asshole Fuckface fear in San Diego.

In 2007, four San Diego firefighters were “forced” to take part in a Gay Pride Parade. Apparently, it was a horrifying experience. So, firefighters Ghiotto, Allison, Kane and Hewitt sued the state for one million dollars each, claiming they were sexually harassed.

Aw, did the gay people think you were gay because you were wearing firefighter uniforms? Listen, gentlemen, you’re firemen. You don’t have to take part in a gay pride parade for me to think you’re gay.

Oh, noes! Did some gay guys blow kisses at you during a gay pride parade? How did you survive, you enormous fucking cowards?

Oh, dear. Obviously we can’t have “material” being delivered via the mail. Someone’s got to pay for this!

Cool, now we can officially call you queers. Sounds fair.

Next up, an Asshole Fuckface Hall of Famer returns!

Republican Representative Michele Bachmann is an example of what happens to people when they just read the one book. She can’t stop her mouth from spouting horrible words. This week was no different. Michele has apparently been doing quite a bit of thinking about the economic crisis we are facing and understands the problem.

Fuckin A. Somebody finally had the balls to say it. We are so short on rich people it is insane. It’s almost at the point where you don’t see a Lamborghini when you make a trip to the soup kitchen.

Was Michele done? Good God no. Her head is a cavern of endless dumb.

Like, they totally don’t like it. Only Republicans likey capitalism. And Jesus. He was a huge fan of capitalism.

Wow. It’s a super double secret federal indictment, because no one else has even heard of it. It is astounding that a group dedicated to community organization would get stimulus money when it should obviously go to rich people –– which we are totally lacking.

And he’s going to turn all the nation’s unicorns into ducks! Oh, and having been a community organizer is a bad thing. You know, like Jesus Christ.

Finally, we’re going to close with some awesome Chinese Asshole Fuckfacery.

The economy is not doing so well in China, either. People are losing their jobs, people are losing their fortunes and some poor bastards are being forced to cut back on their mistresses.

A Chinese businessman, who has only been identified as Fan, was forced to pair down his five mistresses to just one. As I said, the economy is a bitch. Fan decided, because he is an Asshole Fuckface, the best way to deal with the layoffs was to hold a contest. Winner gets to keep fucking for rent.

Obviously, Fan is quite the gentleman. The first mistress eliminated was a woman known as Yu.

Wow. That is really great. Warms the heart, doesn’t it? As a 29-year-old woman recently let go from her job as mistress, Yu was obviously upset, so she concocted a plan.

Oh, God, don’t let her drive…

First rule of Mistress Elimination Club –– don’t let eliminated women drive. Same goes for American Idol. And Tool Academy.

Well, I’m saddened to hear Fan did not die, but excited to learn who will win! Keep us posted, Fan!


FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday and Friday for more from FearTheReaper.

Catch him Friday and Saturday at Cobbs Comedy Club in San Francisco

The actor at the center of the six degrees of separation game, Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon, will touch the lives of many in a far more profound way when he is seen on screens in the HBO film Taking Chance this weekend. Based on a true story, Bacon plays Lt. Col. Michael Strobl, a marine who was charged... more

The actor at the center of the six degrees of separation game, Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon, will touch the lives of many in a far more profound way when he is seen on screens in the HBO film Taking Chance this weekend. Based on a true story, Bacon plays Lt. Col. Michael Strobl, a marine who was charged with the task of escorting Private First Class Chance Phelps' body home after he was killed in action by enemy fire in the Al Anbar Province of Iraq in April 2004. Taking Chance is based on the journal Strobl was compelled to write after making the emotional voyage from the mortuary at Dover Air Force Base to Dubois, Wyoming, Phelps' final resting place. The film show's how Phelps' last journey home, and Strobl's account of it, affected people across the country.

Bacon, of course, is best known for his seminal '80s movies like Footloose and She's Having a Baby, however, some of his most intense performances were in little seen dramas like The Woodsman and Where the Truth Lies. He's played a marine three times now, in A Few Good Men, Frost/Nixon and Taking Chance, the later role perhaps being his most powerful to date. As he ends his own journey portraying an officer bearing witness to just one of the thousands of similar tragic trips that have deliberately been kept from the public's eyes, Bacon talks about Taking Chance.


Question: Of the encounters Col. Strobl has on the road in the film, which of them really spoke to you?

Kevin Bacon: I suppose the baggage handlers, when they all take their hats off and he doesn't really expect it. He's really taken aback by that. I think even the people who were there watching the whole thing come down were moved by watching that experience.

Q: You are more of an observer than anything else really. How do you play that role?

KB: It's good. I like doing that. When you are a young man you tend to want to do a lot of big acting, put your acting out there, but I think as you get a little older you can trust being more of an observer. Holding things inside and letting your reactions and whatever you put in your gut come out through your eyes, and trusting that is going to play.

Q: You've played three Marines before. Do you have any sense of connection to that or is a Marine in the '60s different from a Marine in the '90s and today?

KB: I think the Marines are very specific. I think there is something that is specifically different about them. I'm not sure I could verbalize it. I hope that I've been able to internalize it in some way so that it looks like I'm a Marine. I'm not sure what it is but they are different than you and I.

Q: How do you approach a performance?

KB: What I try to do is start from the inside. I do a back-story and figure out the history of this guy. I figure out what he likes and dislikes. One of the things I did was get a play list from my tunes that he likes. I made myself a play list on my iPod of all the songs that he likes and I listened to that.

Q: What were some of the songs?

KB: A lot of classic rock, AC/DC and stuff like that, maybe a little Toby Keith. I work in that kind of way. Then eventually I start thinking about the external side of things, the hair, the make-up, the walk, gestures, uniform, voice, and accent. I start layering that stuff on later.

Q: How much of your decision to sign onto a project like this is to tell a story that affects where we are today?

KB: I think I make the decisions based on my political or social beliefs in the same way that I don't feel like there is nothing I won't do in a movie if I think it's true to the movie and true to the character. For instance, I'm not going to not smoke in a movie if I think the character smokes. I don't believe that is our responsibility personally. I think it is its own form of censorship.

That being said, if I'm in a movie I always take my work very, very seriously. I try to do the best I possibly can. I hope that every movie that comes out is going to be a great piece of entertainment. When you are doing something like Taking Chance there is something that is a little bit elevated about it. You do feel like you are doing something that is a little bit more important. It just has more weight based on the fact that it's a memory of this kid. It's a memory of millions of people who have been injured or died in wars. It's Mike's [Strobl] story. I definitely felt like I was doing something a little bit more important.

Q: Having seen your wife's success with a TV show [Kyra Sedgwick / The Closer] and working with HBO on this movie, has it given you the opportunity to think about maybe doing a television series at some point? Or even guesting on hers?

KB: I don't know if I'll guest on hers. You know, I like television as a producer and director. I'm working on this series The Booths now on Showtime that I'm producing and directing. From an acting standpoint I have a restless heart. To play the same guy, to sign on for the possibility of, god willing, seven years playing the same guy, I'm just not ready to do that.

Q: You've said in the past that some of your dark roles take a toll on you personally, like The Woodsman and Murder in the First. Where does Taking Chance fall in that realm?

KB: Yeah, it was hard. Obviously, I'm an actor but the family has to live with the loss of this kid every single day for the rest of their lives. I'm just a guy playing a part and I move on.

Q: Does that make you difficult to live with while you are shooting if it's intense?

KB: I don't think I'm a little difficult. It just gets into your heart, you can't help it, and if you are doing your work right it should.



Taking Chance premieres on HBO on Saturday, February 21 at 8pm.

You can read Lt. Col. Michael Strobl's original essay, Taking Chance, on which the film was based at the Chance Phelps Foundation website. The organization's mission is "to honor, pay tribute, and recognize the sacrifice of those that serve in the Unites States Military" and its aim is "to raise awareness of service member's sacrifice and to improve quality of life, and lessen the burden, for those that serve and their family members." Click HERE to make a donation.

President Obama will visit Ottawa on Thursday. On the agenda are talks regarding the tanking economy, Canada’s withdrawal from Afghanistan in 2011, energy securtiy and Alberta’s oilsands. You can bet Arctic sovereignty will receive at least passing mention, though how far either Obama or Prime... more

President Obama will visit Ottawa on Thursday. On the agenda are talks regarding the tanking economy, Canada’s withdrawal from Afghanistan in 2011, energy securtiy and Alberta’s oilsands. You can bet Arctic sovereignty will receive at least passing mention, though how far either Obama or Prime Minister Harper are willing to run with it is another question. No real news, there.

State-side, Obama very recently signed off on an almost $800 billion dollar bailout package, while the Federal government here has been busy dolling out the money from our own $40 billion deficit spending spree.

Bruce Campbell, not the actor of B-movie fame but the director of Canadian Centre for Policy Alternatives, a left-wing think tank, recently released a report condemning the Harper government for “piggybacking” on the American stimulus package while failing to offer any genuine leadership or initiative to combat the failing economy at home. "Rather than talking about the virtues of free trade with the American president, the Conservative government should be implementing its own 'Buy Canada' policy in order to create jobs here in Canada," Campbell told the CBC.

Indeed, the NDP party was quick to champion a “buy Canadian” amendment to the federal budget, a suggestion that was dismissed with contempt by the Conservatives and, of course, not included in the final budget. Obama, for his part, told Canadians they “shouldn’t be too concerned” with Buy American provisions when he talked to CBC news on Tuesday, February 17, 2009.

In a conversation with Chris Hedges, political philosopher Sheldon S. Wolin spoke of the many troubles facing the Obama administration in the months to come:

As if the shitty economy wasn’t enough, the unraveling situation in Afghanistan refuses to go away too, and Canada is ready to get the hell out when our commitment ends in 2011. To date, over one hundred Canadian soldiers have died in Afghanistan, and with very little that any politician can show for it. For his part, Obama has angered many of those of the anti-war persuasion by committing to raise troop levels in Afghanistan by over 50% in the coming months, something that amounts to approximately 17,000 troops being sent to the area if the New York Times is to be believed.

With such doom and gloom on all major fronts, it is easy to see how Obama and Harper will be unwilling to talk in depth about the “dirty oil” problem facing North America’s energy security. It’s just too goddamn sticky.

However, the pesky issue that many would rather was swept under the carpet is being thrust into the limelight by affected Micisew Cree and Athabasca Chipewyan First Nations and the environmental group Forest Ethics, who placed a full page advertisement in USA Today urging the President to consider the implications of using “the diritiest oil on Earth.”

Alberta, for their part, denounced the whole ad as nothing but special interest groups raising disproportionately loud voices, citing their recent “20 Year Plan” for “Greening the Oilsands” as proof of their commitment to the “sustainability” of oil sands development. The 50-page document published by the provincial government, however, offers no insight into how this will be accomplished.

Like a true optimist, Obama told CBC’s The National that “technology” will solve the filthy problems created by stripping the oil out of Alberta’s bitumen deposits. The issue has long been on the people''s agenda for Obama's trip. As a president who made Change his trademark, pulling America from the teat of cheap oil has got to be among his top priorities. He is undoubtedly going to lean on Canada, in some way, to take one for the team, or so he would have Peter Mansbridge believe.

I have no illusions that the grip Canada or America has on the teat will lessen voluntary any time soon, but better we let up now and save ourselves the trauma of a violent separation later.

Speaking of violent separation, Harper has also said he would not even consider bringing up the case of Omar Khadr with the visiting president. All three opposition parties have publicly called upon the Prime Minister to appeal on behalf of Khadr, who was arrested as a minor in Afghanistan in 2002, and who has been held, since, in Guantanamo Bay. That’s shitty, hey?

So, when Obama and Harper are hanging out Thursday, enjoying Ottawa’s finest beef on the public’s tab, we can all rest assured they will be talking about “issues that matter.” Our respective media establishments have assured us that it is so, and thus we can go on with our dreary, doom filled day with no fear: America’s president and his semi-elected Canadian counterpart are on the case. Hell, Obama’s friends with Spider-Man, right? Shit, no problem! They got this shit on lock-down, right? Right?!?


Dean Jensen lives in Winnipeg, MB, where he writes for The Manitoban.

Years ago, I had a conversation with my son about my record collection, and he couldn’t believe that we used to put records in crates that were heavy and bulky, and actually took them with us to parties. I remember holding up my iPod – which was big and bulky by today’s standards –... more

Years ago, I had a conversation with my son about my record collection, and he couldn’t believe that we used to put records in crates that were heavy and bulky, and actually took them with us to parties. I remember holding up my iPod – which was big and bulky by today’s standards – and telling him that I could hold more music in this little thing than I could fit in my entire apartment on vinyl when I was in college. I may as well have told him how great it was that we didn’t have to worry about Indian attacks in our house, he was so unimpressed.

And why would he have been impressed? He’s grown up in The Future. My kids have never seen a floppy disc, heard the sound of a modem connecting, blown into a NES cartridge in the futile hope of making it work, or looked up an address in a Thomas Guide. I have experienced all of these things, and though I’m grateful that I don’t have to deal with them in any meaningful way now, unless I want to, it’s odd to me that, at just 36 years-old, I straddle this tremendous and significant technological rubicon, while my children can barely see it in on the distant horizon behind them, as they speed away on their jet packs and rocket bikes. I mean, they hardly remember cassettes, let alone cassingles, and occasionally I will consider this fact and quietly weep for them, alone, while they play Call of Duty against some stranger on the other side of the world in real time.

This memory came to me over the weekend, when I commented on Twitter that I loved side two of Abbey Road. Mentioning “side two” of a record made me realize that my kids have grown up in a world where records are as relevant to them as Kodak Disc cameras…or being afraid of the bubonic plague. If I close my eyes, I can see the apple on Abbey Road’s label spinning on my parents’ turntable, and know that side two begins with "Here Comes The Sun" from personal memory. The only apple my kids will see if they listen to the Beatles now is the one on the front of the computer, and if they didn’t have me holding up my Sansabelt slacks and filling their heads with musical trivia whenever they can’t outrun me, the only way they’d know where side two started was if they visited Wikipedia on a lark. You know, to examine ancient history, for fun.

But, ever mindful of what the world was like when I knew the pops and skips in my records as well as I knew the lyrics, and recalling a time when I listened to them through giant headphones connected to the turntable by a 20 foot long coiled black cord, I’m grateful that the album spins in my memory while a digital copy that will never degrade currently plays in iTunes, streaming wirelessly via Airtunes to a set of small speakers behind me in my office. While I don’t need to look up the track listing on Wikipedia to know how the record was originally heard, having access to the most extensive collection of liner notes in history just a few clicks away makes my inner music geek squeal with excitement, then quickly look around and make sure nobody saw him break his carefully-crafted facade of cool disinterest.

For example:

I’ve been listening to Abbey Road as long as I can remember, and I didn’t know any of that until just a few hours ago. Damn, living in the future is so cool!

Just don’t tell my kids, because they won’t believe you.


Wil Wheaton lives in the future, is from the future, and has come back from the future to warn you about

These are exciting times for America. A new leader is rising out of the ashes and he could be dumber and brasher than anyone we’ve seen in quite some time. I’m referring to Eric Cantor, Virginia Republican and the GOP House Whip. I would not be surprised to learn that he feeds off brains... more

These are exciting times for America. A new leader is rising out of the ashes and he could be dumber and brasher than anyone we’ve seen in quite some time. I’m referring to Eric Cantor, Virginia Republican and the GOP House Whip. I would not be surprised to learn that he feeds off brains of the mentally impaired to increase his special skills.

You may remember Cantor from last year, when he threw a tantrum because Nancy Pelosi was not nice to him and stuff during the bailout discussions.



What up, high school? I do love it when a Republican cries like a bitch about someone being partisan. It’s shockingly transparent, horribly ironic, only caters to the base and makes lawmakers like Cantor look like small, small children. This particular tantrum was a total failure, unless one wants to be mocked, in which case it was wildly successful.

Now Cantor is loving his role as the House Whip with the irrelevant party. He’s blowing his wad each and everyday, apparently. This weekend he made a kick ass You Tube video.



Congrats? I know it’s a spectacular achievement to not do anything, especially as a large group. Just the other day, some friends and I were going to go to dinner, then we decided not to. WIN! I quickly made a video using the song “We Are The Champions” by Queen.

This is the new Republican Party. They are seriously embracing the loserism. They have decided to brag, with music, about not doing anything. One of their new emerging leaders, Eric “Fuck No” Cantor, has decided the way to go over the next two years will be to do nothing. And do nothing hard fucking core.

Maybe Eric doesn’t remember 10 years ago, when Newt Gingrich shut the government down because he thought people were tired of the government working. Turned out people were not tired of the government working. Turned out when you just hang around with Republican blowhards, repeating the same points to each other over and over, you start to believe all America thinks that way. Then you try it out and, well, fail, because Americans don’t hate government. They just want it to work efficiently. When Newt shut down the government, he killed his career, so, why not emulate that?

The difference between Newt and Cantor is that Cantor appears to be far, far dumber. At least Newt was riding a Republican wave of success, as a GOP leader who helped take Congress back from Democrats. Cantor is just a shocking idiot who helped lead Republicans to epic losses and would very much like to dig a deeper hole. Americans just stated via their ballots that they are not as Conservative as Congressional Republicans. Cantor, naturally, thinks Republicans should now be more Conservative. Obama just kicked the living shit out of McCain, riding a wave of bipartisan hope. Cantor has decided to respond by being as uncooperative as possible. It’s actually quite stunning to witness, like watching the village idiot lick an electrical wire in slow motion.

Cantor has been open about the fact that he has decided to follow the Newt plan. Oh, and he’s been saying he is also going to follow the Winston Churchill plan.

Damn right. Winston fucking Churchill.

Oh. Oops. But, see, I’m a Republican and we just make shit up about history and go with it.

Expect to see more and more of this over the next two years.

Um. Yeah. Okay.

It’s cute. Too bad for guys like Cantor, the Internet exists. People will forever be reminded that he and his kind voted to add almost a trillion dollars of debt with the Bush tax cuts in 2001. Everyone knows Bush and the Republicans got us here.

I say, go Canter go. Do not do anything to give the American public the idea that Republicans understand the mistakes that have been made and can adapt accordingly. Nope. Just keep on this path and follow Little Newt. Cantor is the perfect man to lead today’s Republicans off a cliff, into a thresher, which will catch on fire, be hosed off, put into a dump truck, taken to land fill and buried.


FearTheReaper is a writer, actor and stand up comedian. Check back each Tuesday and Friday for more from FearTheReaper

Amanda Palmer is a rebel with a cause; she fights fiercely for her artistic freedom. When the musician and singer, who is currently on hiatus from the "Brechtian punk cabaret" band The Dresden Dolls, made a video to promote one of the songs from her debut solo album, Who Killed Amada Palmer,... more

Amanda Palmer is a rebel with a cause; she fights fiercely for her artistic freedom.

When the musician and singer, who is currently on hiatus from the "Brechtian punk cabaret" band The Dresden Dolls, made a video to promote one of the songs from her debut solo album, Who Killed Amada Palmer, it seems her belly didn't conform to the ideal expressed by a male executive at her label, who apparently explained: "I'm a guy, Amanda. I understand what people like." She fought the label's attempt to slim down her stomach's role in the clip for "Leeds United" (it was already pretty damn small). Her loyal fans also rose to her defense, and a grassroots ReBellyOn website was launched.

The incident was the final straw in Palmer's already fractured relationship with Roadrunner Records, a subsidiary of the Warner Music Group. The singer subsequently asked to be released from her contractual obligations. So far the label has declined her request.

Palmer consoled herself with the very loving and direct relationship she enjoys with her fans via MySpace and her own blog. So when she sparked even more outrage with the release of her follow-up video, for the song "Oasis", they were the first people she turned to for help.

Amanda's semi-autobiographical lyrics tell a story of rape and abortion as told from the perspective of a teenager, who gets through the traumatic experience thanks to her preoccupation with the Brit-pop band Oasis. The subject matter of the song, and the up-beat way it was portrayed in the video, proved to be too much for broadcasters to handle.

Palmer, who is currently touring Europe, received an email while she was in the U.K. from her label there explaining that "all"' of the TV outlets had refused to play the video due to it "making light of rape, religion and abortion." Palmer, in response, reached out to her fans via a lengthy missive on her blog, and by calling up SuicideGirls.

Nicole Powers: Hello.

Amanda Palmer: Bonsoir.

NP: So you're in France right now? Whereabouts?

AP: I'm in Toulouse. It's really quite beautiful.

NP: So are you enjoying the French experience, the fine wine and wonderful cheese?

AP: Yes, unfortunately. It makes performing seem secondary actually, to the cuisine and the wine, but one does what one can to shuffle.

NP: I think that would be the rule of thumb for the whole of France; Anything that anyone does in France is secondary to the food and the wine.

AP: Yeah. It's clearly a beautiful way to live life. I have noticed that as I grow older I am becoming more and more orientated towards the enjoyment of food and wine, and much less concerned about basically everything else.

NP: I'm guessing that being in France is probably a good place to be right now, because maybe it's putting the drama of the video situation in perspective.

AP: Yeah. Nobody in France gives a shit actually about how funny I am or am not about rape and abortion luckily.

NP: Does the humor even translate?

AP: The fans know, the fans know what the songs are about. One thing I have to say that's really nice about my fan base in general in France or Germany, or wherever, is that the vast majority of the people are highly educated and all speak English, so they pick up on the subtly of the lyrics, which is really important to me because the lyrics are obviously so critical to the music. None of them are really just throwaway who-gives-a-shit lyrics, they're really central.

NP: So you're touring in Germany too. That's almost like selling ice to Iceland, because the particular form of cabaret that you do was born in Germany and Berlin during the war.

AP: Yeah, well we certainly gave an early nod to Germany when we were first explaining to people what the band was like and about. But it's one of those chicken and egg things. I mean, I think, even if the band wasn't called the Dresden Dolls, and I hadn't tagged us with this Brechtian name, I think people in Germany would totally dig the style anyway.

NP: But I think it's important to underline, given what you're going through now, that the style of music you do was born out of a terrible situation and a terrible time in war-torn Germany and Berlin, where such humor was a coping mechanism.

AP: Absolutely. I think that you'll find that's true across the board in every way with so many things, that art is always a direct, sometimes desperate response to what is going on culturally and politically. I mean that story is as old as the hills.

NP: Getting on to the video ban and the subject matter of the song, my initial reaction as an adult was that it was inappropriate, but then as I listened to the lyrics and watched the video, I realized what a great characterization it was, and how accurately you depicted the voice of a teenager. Teenagers do trivialize the stuff that they're traumatized by the most. Again, it's a basic coping mechanism, and the people in charge of what gets broadcast clearly aren't understanding that.

AP: Well you know, I think it's worse than that. I think that the broadcasters do understand it, but they're not giving enough credit to their audience to be also able to pick up on the irony. I think the broadcasters are sitting around saying, "Well we understand the humor, but obviously the general public won't be able to pick up on the subtlety." And I think that that is incredibly dangerous and really insulting. Because what happens then when you wind up with a bunch of mainstream content that's completely shooting at the lowest common denominator? Then you wind up in a snowballing situation where, if the content isn't intelligent, then people will actually become stupider.

NP: I think it's also something more insidious than that. I found it very interesting that in your blog you said that someone at the BBC said the song might be palatable for broadcast if you sung it slowly and in a minor key. That's like saying rape and abortion is only OK to discuss publicly as long as we view the woman as a victim.

AP: Yes, and the situation as sad and tragic. That's why this conversation gets really dicey. It's why, in my blog, I drew the comparison to that incredible Holocaust movie, Life Is Beautiful. There's nothing about the song or that film that says don't take this thing seriously, but it's a commentary about life that says people, especially teenagers, don't always take things seriously, and that's a subtle differentiation but such an important one in art. Because you're reflecting what's out there, and what's out there isn't necessarily good, you know?

NP: It goes without saying, obviously the teenager in your song was not happy about being raped, but is society saying that if a woman is raped it's only palatable if she sits around moping and is in tears for the next six months?

AP: Yeah. I think you basically just hit the nail on the head. It really makes people uncomfortable, especially with subjects like this, when you tell it how it might be...I think the most important thing, to bring it back to the artist's position, is that you have to have the freedom to reflect on everything. You have to have the freedom to reflect on a fucked up teenager's fucked up reaction to a fucked up situation, even though there are a lot of elements of that whole landscape that people might find uncomfortable. If you can't reflect on the realities of what's going on out there because people don't like those realities, then you're sort of forced to sweep those realities under the rug, which is when you get into trouble.

NP: In your blog you talk about how the song isn't really about rape and abortion, it's about the girl's denial. But what the song's actually bringing out is society's own tendency towards denial.

AP: Yeah. Absolutely, absolutely. It's very complicated, I mean there's so many issues that are stirring around in there that you could dredge out, like how people feel about abortion, and how women often are blamed. The same is true with rape and date-rape, and all of these really touchy subjects can come up. But, none of those subjects were in my mind when I wrote this song. It's just funny how that winds up happening because none of that was on the agenda at all.

NP: You talk about how women are blamed for abortion, in America abortion is a terrifying prospect, not only because of the procedure, but because of the traumatic experience a women has to go through at the hands of the anti-abortion brigade.

AP: Absolutely.

NP: Why are these people so focused on being anti-abortion? Wouldn't their energy be better used if they were anti-rape? They should focus their anger on the fact that kids can't always get the correct 'family planning', I hate that euphemism, information, or access to birth control. Why do women focus their anger on other women in terrible situations?

AP: Yeah. Absolutely. To me it's such a terrible irony. The most obviously example was some years ago when those pro-lifers busted into an abortion clinic and shot a bunch of people. How exactly are you defining pro-life?

But you know, I didn't deal with it in my blog, but that was my experience. I would have to say the worst part about getting an abortion wasn't the surgery itself, it was having to deal with people screaming at me outside of the clinic, and literally shoving up against me, and shoving pictures of mutilated fetuses in my face. I think, if anything else, when it comes down to it, writing that song was my way of processing that kind of assault, and just making it into a joke, which is how I process it, and that's got to be fair.

NP: How old were you when that happened?

AP: I was seventeen.

NP: So you were essentially that girl in the song?

AP: Pretty much. I mean obviously I exaggerated it, and I turned it into a really hyperbolic joke. Certainly, I was taking it much more seriously than the character in the song. But to be able to characterize those things, and to be able to laugh at them, it's an effective -- and it has to be a valid -- coping mechanism.

NP: I love the way you talk about how humor is a weapon in your blog. It is a weapon that can raise us up out of victimhood. You yourself, are not a victim. You've used humor to transcend that.

AP: Absolutely. But I think more importantly, it's not that you have to choose humor, it's just like a woman's right to choose between having a kid and getting an abortion, your experience is your experience, and you should be able to process and deal the way that you need to without other people demanding that you feel and experience anything a certain way. That includes everything, absolutely everything.

I think that's where art and artists are really essential in culture period, because they often break that ground that helps people come to terms with, and cope with, their own emotions about things. Because artists do always take it one step further, and push the edge and open up strange possibilities and pry through the darkest cracks of consciousness that you don't usually do just like sitting in your kitchen, brewing tea.

That's why people love music so much, and it's why people tend to embrace art and get really personal about it, because the best artists and songwriters, at least in my life in my experience, are those who put those experiences into a perspective that we're not able to, and laugh about them, or cry about them, or make them completely surreal. It's so necessary for life that we not only allow it but it should be encouraged -- we should be encouraging artists to do that.

NP: What helped you at the time? You were seventeen and must have felt very alone and very shocked.What music were you listening to to help you cope?

AP: Seventeen, it probably would have been The Cure and Depeche Mode. Seriously...I was a singer in high school, I think right around then my favorite band was The Legendary Pink Dots, and I was probably still listening to Violator and Disintegration, and Robyn Hitchcock who has a fantastic, bizarre sense of humor and shaped me a lot...Also Morrissey, who also has this great way of pushing the lines between what is and isn't appropriate to sing and talk about.

When I look at those songwriters who I really worshipped...When you hear people singing about the unsingable or talking about the unspeakable, but they're artists, I just assumed growing up that all artists had a special status in which they were immune to any kind of rules and regulations about what they were or weren't allowed to talk about, and that anything that was imaginable was allowed to be put into creation. But you know, it's not up to anyone to do that but the artist themselves. It's the artist who has to sit there and get the wild idea and manifest it and stand on trail

NP: Instead of it getting easier for artists to express unpopular or uncomfortable ideas (as it did in the first three-quarters of the 20th century), it seems now to be getting harder. Obviously the Dixie Chicks is the example to throw out there.

AP: Oh that was ridiculous.

NP: And this kind of censorship goes on all the time, behind closed doors in the offices of broadcasters on a daily basis. There's so much censorship going on that we don't even know about or question.

AP: I think there's two things that come to mind when you talk about that. One is the fact that mainstream music in order to survive has had to become increasingly more commercial, but that is due directly to the fact that music now can exist pretty much entirely on the internet and spread via word of mouth and not rely on mainstream promotional channels at all. So things are getting pushed in both directions. MTV is getting more and more terrified, and your mainstream radio outlets, who are losing business by the boatload, are making even more conservative decisions than usual because they can't afford to lose a single advertiser.

But in the meantime, an artist like me who has never really relied on those mainstream outlets, is getting all of her attention via MySpace and YouTube and by word of mouth by email. I think people underestimate the degree to which that is right on the brink of permanently changing. That sort of control is just going to be a thing of the past as everything become totally democratized on the internet.

The thing we need to worry about now is the outlets like YouTube starting to edit content at the hands of the advertisers, which is very slowly starting to happen. I mean, I don't know if you also picked this up on my blog, but YouTube just took down a whole bunch of my videos because they're involved in a lawsuit with Warner Music -- about money. It's just such an interesting time because we've got a lot to talk about and there's obviously this whole new paradigm that is taking shape, and the artists are sitting within it trying to figure out where exactly they fit.

NP: So your videos all just got caught up in the lawsuit?

AP: Yeah. They've since been put back up, but not with the original play counts. So a video that had a couple of hundred thousand hits now is just starting from scratch, which is obviously a pain in the ass.

It's scary, we're all used to everything on the internet being free, but there is going to come this breaking point at which things become, once again commercialized. It's something I really worry about, because I hear young rock bands talking about this nowadays, and they're actually talking about getting endorsed by products, sneakers and sunglasses, as if this is something cool. They never got the memo that that's actually completely ridiculous, and that they need to be so much more careful with their image and their art.

NP: But to be fair on these new bands, that's because people don't value music and they don't consider it something that should be paid for, so these bands have no expectation of being able to make money from music sales.

AP: Yeah. But that's fucked up. We actually can't survive that way. That is not any way for real artists to function.

NP: People need to start valuing music again.

AP: Well it comes down to the artist/fan relationship. Ignoring the middle-man for a second, and ignoring all the other people who want to make money, can the fans and the artists make a pact with each other that they will take care of each other, without interference. That's what I'm trying very hard specifically to do with my fan base, and they're coming along for the ride, which is fantastic. I would encourage all other artists and fans to do the same thing.

It's like a real relationship. It's a commitment. The fan has to be able to commit to the artist and say, "Wow, you rely on me to survive. I'm going to have to give you some money." And the artists have to be able to turn round to the fan and say, "You are literally supporting me, and I need to treat you with respect, and not over-price my fucking tickets. And not screw you in any way, not take advantage of you, not push products in your faces." Like any other relationship, it's got to be based on a real trust and mutual respect. Those are the relationships that will stand the test of time, and those are the bands that will survive, the ones that really get that that is fundamentally where we're headed.

NP: How do you explain to your fans about this trust and two-way support?

AP: I literally explain it to them through the blog and through the mailing list. I just constantly reiterate and point out that I'm relying on them to survive -- especially since things have gone awry with my relationship with the label that I'm on. That I really need their support, that I need them to actually buy the record, I need them to sign up for the mailing list, I need them to tell people about the shows.

In exchange I give myself completely when I play live. I refuse to phone-in a gig, and I will meet every single person who is standing in line for an autograph every night, even if it takes me four hours sometimes. So it's an ongoing dialog. That's what I fucking love about the internet. The questions are different every day, and the audience can actually ask me, and I can sit there at my Mac backstage and type in, "This is what we should do...this is how we can support the system."



Here are the "offending" videos. Let us know what you think in the comments section below.


"Oasis" - Making light of rape, religion and abortion?



'Leeds United" - Not what people like?


Amanda Palmer is currently on tour. Check her MySpace page for further info.

The biggest story at New York Comic Con turned out not to be. I didn't hear a single fan whining that the headlining guest, J. Michael Straczynski, had pulled out of the convention. JMS recently scored a BAFTA nomination for his work on Changeling, and the award ceremony in London turned out to be... more

The biggest story at New York Comic Con turned out not to be. I didn't hear a single fan whining that the headlining guest, J. Michael Straczynski, had pulled out of the convention. JMS recently scored a BAFTA nomination for his work on Changeling, and the award ceremony in London turned out to be the same weekend as the New York con. Looking through the program at all the signings and panels they had scheduled him for, I expected it to be a bigger deal. I guess comics fans were more concerned with the creators who were actually there.

Bryan Lee O'Malley, for example. The 29 year-old artist and writer of the Scott Pilgrim series of graphic novels has finally achieved rockstar status, if the lines around the Oni Press booth for his signings were any indication. The New York Times apparently thinks so, too: their Comic Con write-up gave more space to Scott Pilgrim than everything else put together. I picked up the freshly-released fifth volume of the series, and I can tell you that Mal deserves all the praise he's getting. The buzz wasn't just about the book, though: Scott Pilgrim is also soon to be a movie starring Michael Cera and directed by Edgar Wright (Hot Fuzz, Shaun of the Dead).

For indie creators, getting booth space was a main concern. I heard artists talking about the challenge of landing a spot in Artist Alley, which seemed to have a handful of empty spaces despite rumors of a waiting list to get in. It's easy to feel snubbed when you see empty tables for the taking, and your only option is to shell out a lot of money for a spot in the small press area that you probably won't recoup before the weekend is over.

Some people took to the con floor as nomads, spreading the word about their books on foot. One of them was Brendan McGinley, the dapper, tuxedo-sporting writer of the Image Shadowline webcomic Hannibal Goes to Rome. Although he didn't have a table, Brendan sold a bunch of copies of his humor anthology, DOSE. It's hard to say no to a gregarious, smartly-dressed guy with a money-back guarantee, especially when what he's selling is really freaking funny. By the end of the weekend, no one had asked for their money back.

Everyone at the con also seemed to be watching the Watchmen. I saw maybe a dozen Rorschach cosplayers, and free reprints of the first issue were lying everywhere. All the vendors at the con were pushing the Watchmen graphic novel and various movie companion books. The only book I saw more of was that ubiquitous Obama/Spider-Man crossover. If you don't have it, don't bother. It's not good, but it was selling at anywhere from 4 bucks to 20.

Webcomics were also huge at NYCC. DC's web imprint, ZudaComics, set up shop in a corner of the huge DC booth. Past winners of the Zuda competition, who all have graphic novels coming out soon, rotated through the booth all weekend and drew a good-sized crowd. Dumbrella, home of original webcomics like R. Stevens' Diesel Sweeties and Meredith Gran's Octopus Pie, also had a hobo-themed booth, complete with flaming trashcan. Despite their recession-inspired styling, the Dumbrella guys did seem to be moving a lot of books and tees. Forget the JMS no-show, this is the real biggest story of NYCC '09: keep an eye on web-based comic distribution this year. I have a feeling that the shift to reading even mainstream books online starts now.

As we celebrate the 200th birthday of the godfather of evolution, Charles Darwin, mankind still looks to religion for answers that his theories have tangibly brought fourth. Statistically speaking however, womankind is even more likely to believe and pass on religious dogma, which presents a logical dichotomy... more

As we celebrate the 200th birthday of the godfather of evolution, Charles Darwin, mankind still looks to religion for answers that his theories have tangibly brought fourth. Statistically speaking however, womankind is even more likely to believe and pass on religious dogma, which presents a logical dichotomy given that they're the gender most oppressed by their faith.

Following on from her previous article on The Evolution of Religion, R. Elisabeth Cornwell explores the evolutionary reasons why women endure and pass on the bondage of belief.



Why Women Are Bound to Religion: An Evolutionary Perspective

R. Elisabeth Cornwell, PhD

Religion has both revered and reviled women, exalting their fertility and fearing their sexuality. While religions throughout history have mutated, gone extinct, and propagated -- the position of women within their ever expanding reach has usually fared poorly. Yet, women are far more likely to be religious, attend religious services, and inculcate their children with their beliefs*. Why are women so willing to give in to religious dogma and subject themselves to the degradations often inflicted upon them? This is a fascinating question, and is especially perplexing when you consider the great strides toward equality women have gained in the West. Yet, without women passing on faith, belief, and dogma, religion could not survive through the generations.

The answers we seek shall neither come easily nor be all-encompassing. As with all things psychological, we must account for individual differences, culture, family, friends, media and politics. However, we can begin to unravel the mystery of why women willingly submit to male domination through religious hierarchies by examining our most evolved psychological adaptations. While it is not possible to cover all the details necessary to treat such a vast and complicated subject, I hope to tease you into considering ideas that challenge long-held assumptions.

Sexual Selection: Why Men and Women Differ

In case it has escaped your notice (or fallen foul of your political sensibilities), men and women differ. In terms of our physical differences, women on average are smaller, weaker, more gracile, and distribute fat differently. There are a number of physical secondary sexual characteristics, that is, characteristics that are not necessary for reproduction but differ between the sexes, some of which are obvious such as more muscular development in men and exaggerated breast development in women**. Other characteristics are more subtle; For example, women have fuller lips, larger eyes, and smaller chins on average than men. These characteristics are mediated by hormones, largely testosterone, estrogen, and progesterone.

But the physical characteristics we can see are not the only differences that come about because of hormones. Our brains are awash in hormones throughout our fetal development, during our childhood, and then the familiar (some might say ominous) surge during adolescence. As adults, our hormones still continue to affect us and as we age, the waning of hormones affects us as well.

It is because of hormones that male and female brains differ. While there is no evidence for differences in intelligence (as was believed in the nineteenth century and on into the twentieth - women were not even allowed to vote until 1920!), to deny that differences exist is simply wishful thinking. Evolution cares nothing for either misogyny or feminism; it cares not for what is moral or immoral, just or unjust: without caring at all, it builds survival machines to carry genes into the next generation.

But what has this to do with religious beliefs among women? Quite a bit actually. When we look at some of the behavioral and psychological differences between women and men, we can glimpse some of the adaptations necessary for our ancestors' survival. What makes humans human is our large brains, and in order for our brains to develop, evolution had to 'intervene'; Ancestral women had to develop a wider pelvis to allow the large head of a newborn through the birth canal. Another way to facilitate and accommodate big brains was to give birth to premature infants. This is why human neonates are so helpless compared to all other primates.

As hominid brains grew in size and complexity, so too did the need for extended childhood, late-onset reproduction, and extended life-span. The vulnerability of infants and children would have led our ancestral females to select mates who were more likely to stay around, as well as to rely heavily on support from the group. Women would have relied on close female relatives to provide both emotional and practical support. Males within the group would have provided protein and defense against invading males. It was not only a woman's individual survival that was dependent on the group, but more importantly it was essential to the survival of her offspring. In other words, the future of her genes.

With this in mind, we can begin to understand why it is so essential for women to fit into their social group. Exclusion would have meant extinction since those women who could not live in accord with the other members of their group would have had fewer or no descendants. Thus, the evolutionary pressures that shaped the need to live in harmony with the group pressed more strongly on women than on men. This is not to suggest that there were not strong evolutionary pressure for males, too, to conform, indeed there were. However, males who risked upsetting the status quo and did so successfully would have gained an advantage in their own reproductive success. Females who tried the same would not.

Before going on, I need to go touch on a rather obvious but extremely important element of male/female differences: unequal reproductive success. This simply means that men are capable of producing a far greater range of offspring than women. Reproductive success of the average male equals that of the average female. But the most successful male is far more successful than the least successful male, and than any female. Males can hold harems (which means that some males never reproduce at all). Females cannot hold harems - or at least there would be no point in their doing so. Sperm is cheap, wombs are costly and gestation time consuming. Women are limited in the number of offspring they can produce, while men, feasibly, could sire thousands of infants if only they could find willing partners. Thus, where women tend to range between 0 and 5 offspring, men can range from 0 to double digits (and beyond!). This very simple fact makes it far more advantageous for men to risk everything, including social exclusion and death, if there is a chance they can gain sexual access to a substantial number of women. However, women gain very little by risking it all, since they cannot increase their ability to have more offspring by increasing their number of sexual partners. Women therefore would have been under much stronger evolutionary pressures to 'play it safe' and remain with the status quo. Let the man take the risks, and if he succeeds choose him as a sexual partner.

Religion and Cultural Norms

It is not my purpose here to discuss the relationship between religion and culture, but I will suggest that, for as long as written history has existed, cities, states, and empires have enlisted the help of religious leaders, and religious leaders have relied on the protection of the state. This is true of all the major religions of today, with no exception.

Religion is a human invention, the gods and goddesses that have come and gone during our short history have all displayed the best and (more often) worst human traits. They fell in love, jealousy was common, revenge, anger and trickery prevailed, the struggle for power was universal, and all could be brought to folly and woe due to excessive hubris, greed, and lust. Soap operas pale in comparison! What concerns me, though, is that religion reflected the culture of the times - and, for better or worse, the religions most prominent today are all rather ancient beasts that grew out of a time when women were subservient to men, and often considered as property to be bartered, battered, and controlled.

So we are back to our original question: Why do women today continue to fall victim to an archaic system of beliefs that foster misogynistic behavior? Why are women even more likely to be religious than men? The simple answer is that it is safe. Please don't take this as a slight against women -- it isn't. Male/female differences exist, but I'm certainly not suggesting that risk taking is a better option than playing it safe. After all, women are less likely than men to die doing incredibly stupid things (check out the Darwin Awards it is nearly exclusively male 'winners'). But the fact that women are less likely to push the status quo for fear of social exclusion and even retribution makes a lot of evolutionary sense.

I acknowledge that some women have in fact taken extraordinary risks and have paid the ultimate price. And I am not saying that the majority of men will risk everything in order to achieve a particular goal. But we are looking at general trends, and men overall take more risks.

Religion and Kinship

Religion creates the illusion of kinship, and kinship is crucial to a woman's reproductive success. Even today, single mothers (and fathers) who receive support from family often avoid many of the pitfalls that single parents without support endure. Family support reduces stress through emotional support as well as practical support, and throughout the last 100,000 years would have been a critical factor in raising an infant to reach reproductive age.

The instant support group that religious institutions offer remains today. Churches, synagogues, temples, mosques offer immediate female fictive kin (assumed family). Raising a child, with or without a partner, is a difficult and daunting task. Women, especially new mothers, seek out other women for advice, encouragement, and support. Certainly, women who were raised with a religious upbringing would be more likely to become dependent on these intimate social relationships with other women. This inter-dependency taps into deep psychological needs, and being excluded from it would trigger a very primal fear response.

In order for women to abandon religion and its securities, there needs to be something tangible to replace the support that it offers. This is especially true in small and/or insular communities where one could face being shunned by family and friends. And in some parts of the world, abandonment of belief would bring a death sentence to be carried out by family members. Women traditionally have had the strongest ties to family compared to men: thus breaking those ties will be more difficult and more psychologically painful. While nobody has done a specific study of atheism and women, it is easy to guess that those women who have been raised in more traditional religious homes, with family and religion closely tied together, are most likely to fear of rejection and isolation if they announce their lack of faith. Some manage to break through, but not without significant loss. Ayaan Hirsi Ali's book, Infidel, shows the strength and courage it takes to leave one's faith and family. The psychologist Jill Myton also reveals not only her own struggles against religious indoctrination, but also documents the struggles of others who left one of the most secretive and exclusive religious cults in the West (see interview).

Humans have the capacity to show great strength, courage and integrity. Sometimes we need just a little push, to encourage us to question those ideas and long-held beliefs we hold most dearly. It is threatening to question not only our own beliefs, but those of our family and friends. We feel safe, even in falsehoods, as long as others believe the same. In order for women to move on from the archaic falsehoods of religion, dialogs need to be opened and our most intimate fears revealed. Women can abandon the tyranny of religion, but it will take courage - the same sort of courage that won women the right to vote, the right to work, and the right to steer their own destiny.


*Sources:

1. The Harris Poll: The Religious and Other Beliefs of Americans 2003.
2. Argyle & Beit-Hallahmi (1975). The social psychology of religion. London: Routledge and Kegan Paul.
3. Francis & Wilcox (1996) Religion and Gender Orientation. Personality and Individual Differences, 20, 119-121.

**Other mammals do not display exaggerated breast development, and it is not necessary for lactation.


Special thanks to Andy Thomson for sharing ideas about this topic.

R. Elisabeth Cornwell is an Assistant Professor of Research at the University of Colorado at Colorado Springs. Her research includes work in the area of hormones, pheromones, and sexual selection in humans. Her most recent paper can be found in Animal Behavior, regarding evidence in support of various theories of mate selection in humans. Most recently her work has involved differences between theist and atheists on a variety of psychological profiles.

Miss Truth Hurts is taking a mini break from the usual sex, relationship, and bitchy girl dilemmas that have been rolling in since this column started just a wee four months ago. In this month's posts, we're looking the recession beast in the eyes and saying, "Fuck you!" In the first... more

Miss Truth Hurts is taking a mini break from the usual sex, relationship, and bitchy girl dilemmas that have been rolling in since this column started just a wee four months ago. In this month's posts, we're looking the recession beast in the eyes and saying, "Fuck you!"

In the first installment of this two part recession special, I offered tips on how to make Valentine's Day a cheap date, how to cut down expenses without downsizing your life, and how to not get fired. Additionally my buddy wiL Francis told bands how to tour on the cheap. In part two, we rock out (and work out) a champagne party on a beer budget. Next month, we'll resume to our regularly scheduled programming of love, lust, relationships, and life enigmas.

Q: I can't afford my gym membership anymore. What are some good options other than running around my neighborhood, which is not very safe?

-Working it out in Wisconsin

A: Cancel that gym membership, for sure! There are so many cheaper and more fun ways to work out than sweating next to some muscle-heads in a meat market. Use the great outdoors for your exercise: hike, use parks that have jungle gyms or stairs to run around on, go to donation-only yoga classes, and, my favorite, buy a small $50 mini trampoline and bounce your way to a tighter ass. You can pick up yoga and workout DVDs and small free weights for under $10 at Target as well.


Q: I can't afford to shop for new clothes, so how can I reinvent my wardrobe and keep up with the trends without buying new stuff?

-Style Starved in Seattle

A: You might not need to cut out shopping entirely. The 99 Cent stores have colored and black tights, which are very fashionable right now. You can make an old dress look fresh by wearing a cool pair of tights with them. Stores like Forever 21 and Target have great deals, especially their sales racks, as do yard sales and Good Will or Salvation Army stores.

But, if you really want to keep away from the stores, do a clothes swap party with your friends. This is how it works: whoever shows up to the party first, gets to choose first. So make a list of the order once everyone arrives. You hang up or spread out all of the clothes, shoes, accessories that people brought and if the first person brought five of her own garments, then she is allowed to choose five garments from the selection. If the second person only brought one item, then she is allowed to take only one item, and so on. It's a great way to recycle your old stuff and get new stuff for free!

You can also revamp your existing wardrobe by dying some clothes a different color with Rit Dye. I do it all the time. I take my dingy white tank tops and dye them the hot new hue of purple. I also took my dated boot-leg jeans and cut them into cute shorts, which, of course, are so en vogue.


Q: I have no extra money for entertainment these days. What are some cheap ways to have fun?

-Partying in Pasadena, Calif.

A: Have more parties at your apartment or house and make everyone bring something to eat or drink. You can do a girlie at-home spa day where everyone does each other's nails or if you need your hair dyed, you get a great bottle of L'Oreal's Feria color at the store (my fave brand) and have a "Dye and Drink" party. It saves big time on going to a salon for a mani/pedi or dye job, and it's fun. And, did you know that you can borrow movies for free from the library? Or check out, documentary-film.net, which has a ton of amazing -- and enlightening -- films for free. If you don't need to go that cheap, then invest in NetFlix. It's worth the admission.

But, my favorite cheap thrills are games. Screw Pictionary and Trivia Pursuit. Get saucy with it and play games like "What the F#*k," which asks naughty questions like, "Would you rather suck face with the person to the right of you or the person to the left of you?" Or rock it old school with games like Truth or Dare, 7 Minutes in Heaven, or 20 Questions. Wanna have fun out of the house? Some museums are free at certain times, such as LACMA in L.A., which has a Pay What You Wish (which can be gratis) program after 5 p.m.



Carrie Borzillo-Vrenna is Suicide Girls' sex, love, and life advice columnist. She is an entertainment journalist, rock wife, and author of Cherry Bomb: The Ultimate Guide to Becoming a Better Flirt, a Tougher Chick, and a Hotter Girlfriend, and to Living Life Like a Rock Star and Eyewitness Nirvana: The Day-by-Day Chronicle.

Send your questions, dilemmas, and conundrums to misstruthhurts@suicidegirls.com. Alternatively, SG members can send a message via the site to MissTruthHurts.

(image) Did they bother to play the Pro Bowl Sunday? Even SuicideGirls devotees who drool over the sweltering, muddy hunks of manhood that pervade football rosters feel repulsion concerning this true Who the Fuck Cares? sporting event. NFL players selected as the league's best get a free Hawaii trip... more

Did they bother to play the Pro Bowl Sunday? Even SuicideGirls devotees who drool over the sweltering, muddy hunks of manhood that pervade football rosters feel repulsion concerning this true Who the Fuck Cares? sporting event. NFL players selected as the league's best get a free Hawaii trip after the season's end to play an exhibition amongst themselves, and they do the same thing you'd do if you were sent to a Honolulu-based job conference, namely slack and lounge for a week before pretending to work for three hours.

That's certainly not to hold a grudge against the sport itself. It may shock those who were turned off by the game on account of having to cope with mindless pricks at high school pep rallies, but football contains surprisingly graceful elements. It's not merely guys smashing into each other, although that's fun on its own: every single player is supposed to head a certain way and do a certain thing upon every snap.

Football is nothing more than energetically aggressive dance steps with collisions at the end, and many anti-jocks could be converted to fans if they focused on the planned ferocity. If it's any incentive, prospective adherents may continue to hate 90 percent of the people in their high school yearbook even upon growing fond of the on-field clash.

But nobody should attempt to embark upon a football love affair by starting with the all-star Pro Bowl. The players can leave the island without showering, since most of the teases never get unkempt. It's why the payoff-free game is utterly skippable: nobody wants to observe a huge assemblage of highly paid superstars loafing.

At the same time, those rare entrants who take the exposition too seriously are guilty of first degree douchebaggery, reminiscent of the small-balled guys who provoke fights in crowded taverns after some poor soul accidentally nudges them. Not picking superfluous battles separates us from horses' asses; similarly, it's also why the only thing worse than not trying hard enough is trying too hard.

In fairness, those players who do hustle excessively may have a legitimate excuse: they might be releasing pent-up sensations caused by getting trapped within the limitations of a thoroughly emasculated brawl. By rule, the defenders aren't even permitted to blitz, which is the equivalent of seeing the Misfits perform an acoustic set. Watching the NFL unplugged is not the way to experience the competition.

It's the same way in every league. Pro all-star games serve as the equivalent of the Miss America pageant -- they are spectacles that have outlived their usefulness. In the case of beauty pageant, in pre-internet ages, enduring empty-skulled contestants with plastic chassis parading across stages was the only access most had to T and/or A. If you wanted to see anything more than a bare calf, you were stuck tuning in and viewing whatever they fed you, which was restricted to sash-and-one-piece-bathing-suit-wearing vapid bores. But today, skin enthusiasts can see what they want when they want, including, ahem, lovely tattooed and pieced women.

Sports fans who double as admirers of hot ladies/genuine personality-laden human beings presently enjoy unlimited options for both: they are no longer programmers' bitches. For football zealots, it used to be the only chance to see some of the league's more skilled athletic brutes came when networks decided to bring a certain market the particular games featuring said gladiators. But content is not chosen at some faceless executive's leisure anymore.

Now, anyone with a television attached to coaxial cable can essentially pay a couple bucks and see any player they fancy on any Sunday. Information traveling through wires has improved everyone's lives, as we look at the photos we want while setting our own broadcasting schedules. Best, nobody must tolerate phony football anymore, as everybody who wants to see the players involved has already experienced the chance to during real action.

The barely-a-game game has therefore seen its basic nature mercifully exposed: it's a sham of a popularity contest where only those participating benefit, specifically with free trips to a state not United with the other States. The sole virtue of the Pro Bowl is that it means the 2009 season is a week closer, as it's now less than seven months until some of our lives are imbued with meaning again.

As for last Sunday, even we hardcore football losers can't stomach an inauthentic insult of a fixture. Football is a sport played by roughnecks who put the old in school, and yet the season's final match may as well be played in grass skirts, leis, and coconut bikinis. Actually, that would be amusing enough to entice me to watch. NFL, are you listening?



Anthony Bialy is SG's no-jocks-required Sweaty Pursuits sports columnist. He follows sports religiously even though he’s quite bad at them. He ran cross country and played rugby in college, and was horrid at both. He schedules his life around his favorite NHL team’s games, and sadly lists his alma mater winning the NCAA basketball championship as his happiest moment. He likes other things besides sports, too, and requests a minute to think of them.